


Pineapple and strawberry smoothie.

by Yolo0312



Category: Bleach
Genre: Alcohol, Canon-Typical Violence, Fuck I didn't think about a title, M/M, Or a summary, Tattooed Ichigo, platonic GrimmIchi, trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2017-10-26
Packaged: 2019-01-15 15:18:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 95,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12323613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yolo0312/pseuds/Yolo0312
Summary: Ichigo gets injured in a fight with a hollow, setting off a chain of events that will bring things to light. Good things, bad things, funny things, embarrasing things and things that would have been better to have stayed in the dark forever. But after everything was said and done, there was nothin else to do but to deal with and continue to move forward, no matter what shit he had to deal with. Basically his entire life in a nutshell.





	1. Attack.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer ;; I don't own bleach, just so you know. Only this story is mine :)

The clang of steel against steel was loud above the streets of Karakura town, disrupting the silence of the early morning for everyone with even the slightest spiritual pressure. Sparks of fire lit up the sky left and right, as if small fireworks were being lit up. Only those with high spiritual powers might consider it to be a fight. Almost like multiple people were crossing blades, invisible for the naked eye and unbeknown to the people asleep in their beds. 

Ichigo landed on a steep rooftop, the tiles cracking under his feet as he braced himself on the ball of his waraji clad feet. A grunt left his lips without his permission as he felt the cut on his thigh pop open where it had been closed by the blood that had dried up. A less than desirable way to stop the bleeding, but a temporary one in the midst of battle. His other wounds had yet to dry up so they were still bleeding freely, the blood splattering on the tiles underneath his feet in an ungodly amount, forming a puddle of dark red that dripped down the rooftop. The same red liquid that coated his hands on Zangetsu's hilt, warm as it flowed from his wounds before cooling down in the open air. 

Yet his grip never faltered. Not on his swords and not on his foothold. 

Ichigo was painfully aware of what would happen if he lost on either of them. The hollow in front of him was not your regular hollow, that much was sure. It was out for Ichigo’s soul, there was no doubt about that. But it wasn’t following the ginger when he tried to relocate away from Karakura. Away from town to somewhere he could at least use a bit more of his powers. The shinigami knew he had no choice but to take down the hollow before him, but that proved to be more difficult than he had initially thought. Ichigo knew he was strong, his strength cultivated by the battles he had fought. But the wounds he had gotten were proof that the hollow he was facing was strong as well. 

The thing was large, yet it’s size didn’t make its movements clumsy in the least. It was stupid in the sense that it was unable to voice anything besides ‘delicious soul’ and ‘eat’. Yet whenever Ichigo tried to move to look for a place that had no people or spirits that could be crushed by his reiatsu, the hollow would cut off his path in a way that made it impossible for him to pass. It was smart enough to keep the shinigami in Karakura, as if it was aware that it was a place Ichigo was unable to use more of his power. Forget about requesting his limiter to be removed, he wasn’t even able to draw out enough power to activate his bankai. Though at this point, Ichigo wasn’t too sure if using bankai was such a good idea. 

The reason he had so much troubles with the hollow in the first place was the fact that everything it did was copied from something or someone else. Its arms had shaped itself into double blades, much like Ichigo’s zanpakutos, and moved them as if they were swords as well. Whenever the ginger managed to land a hit on the hollow, the thing would retaliate either with the same move or with another he likely copied from a shinigami it must have faced before. Ichigo was beyond confused, to say the least, wondering how it was possible for a hollow to take over a shinigami’s powers or techniques without losing part of their mask and turning into an arrancar.   
The ginger had a few theories, but couldn’t be sure about them. Besides, he wasn’t smart enough to figure out the reason behind it. The best he could do at that moment was gather as much information as he could and bring it to Urahara in Seireitei. That guy would know what to do, if he didn’t know about it already. Ichigo wouldn’t put it past the man, especially not when he had taken a sudden ‘vacation’ to Seireitei for whatever reason he hadn’t mentioned. It seemed very convenient at this point, but Ichigo had already gotten used to this part of the man. 

Deciding to take a risk, the young Shinigami tightened his grip on his zanpakutos in his hands. He hoped he would be able to contain he wild horse that was Zangetsu, but that was hard to do even on a good day. However, if he wanted to end this quickly, he would have to try. The ginger pushed off, the tile under his foot shattering with the force behind the action. As he advanced towards the hollow, he crossed his arms in front of him, bending them at the elbow so his wrists were resting on his opposite shoulder. His foot barely touched the foothold he created in the empty air with his reiatsu as he moved towards the hollow’s mask above his head. He swung his right sword down, feeling the impact with the hollow’s sword-arm revibrate through his own arm, down to his injured shoulder. 

The move was exactly what Ichigo expected, giving him the opening to swipe his shorter zanpakuto upwards, coated with his reiatsu. The hollow howled in pain as its arm fell to the ground with a dull thud before dissolving into dark spirit particles. The blade of pure reiatsu cut into the hollow’s chest, but its skin was too thick to penetrate any further than a simple cut. Yet it did what it had to do. The pressure fell away from Ichigo’s sword as a black cloud swallowed up the hollow. Once again, an action within the ginger’s predictions. It hadn’t been the first time the hollow had retreated after being gravely injured. And as predicted, the hollow appeared behind the shinigami almost instantly, its arm recovered as if it as its twin instead of the same hollow Ichigo had been facing off against. 

But because the action was something the young shinigami had experienced before, which had gotten him the cut on his abdomen which he hadn’t been able to dodge entirely, he had been prepared for it. He swung his zanpakuto back charging it with a getsuga tenshou at the same time a reiatsu-charged sword-arm hit him diagonally in the shoulder-blade, sliding off his back as he twisted his torso, grazing the skin off his shoulder-blade, earning a pained hiss. 

Inwardly, Ichigo cursed as he watched the red-rimmed black reiatsu blade tear through the hollow’s mask and fly beyond it as if it had been just a ladybug in front of a monster truck, trembling the air itself as it grew to the size of a battleship. He hadn’t meant to make it that big and had half a mind to complain to Zangetsu about it. However, the fact that the hollow was disposed of halved that desire. And then that was once again halved by the fact that his head was woozy and he couldn’t be bothered with wasting precious energy on it. 

His wounds throbbed in tandem with his heart pumping the blood from the cuts, yet the endorphins his body released into his head were making it near impossible to sense the extent of his injuries. He guessed it was quite a lot, considering his socks made a mucky wet sound with every step he took. He swore he could feel his bowels threaten to spill through the cut in his abdomen as he reached into his shihakusho for his soul-phone, the one he had gotten from Kyoraku. As he held the device against his ear, he moved his other arm to wrap around his middle to keep everything inside his body where it needed to be. It didn’t take long before the line went over, yet to Ichigo, it felt like hours.

“Hello, hello, Kurosaki-san? We’ve send a jigokucho to your location. You can open a senkaimon whenever you’re ready. Kyoraku sou-taichou and Urahara-san are waiting for your arrival in the first division meeting-room” the Shinigami of the communication squad said on the other side of the line. Ichigo could guess they had detected traces of reiatsu and that Urahara had somehow guessed what had happened. At any other time, Ichigo would have been ticked off about this. If they had known, they could have send back-up, or at least released his limiter. But at this moment, Ichigo just wanted to sleep and let his wounds heal.

“Got it” he answered curtly before flipping the phone shut and putting it back into his shihakusho, putting Zangetsu back onto his back while thrusting the old man forward into thin air, feeling as if it slid into a lock. As he twisted it, he felt a little bit of resistance before steam poured from a split in the air in front of him, two shoji doors wavering into view as they slid open. A small black butterfly hovered behind the second pair of doors as they parted to allow Ichigo entrance. 

As the ginger took a step forward with the upcoming sun on his back, he felt as if he would fall straight on his face. Only with pure willpower, he was able to place one foot in front of the other as the butterfly stuck to him like an annoying fly he resisted to swat at. It would be a waste of energy he needed to reach the end of the dangai. And after that, he still needed to get to the first division barracks and report. He wondered if he still had enough blood in his body to do so, or if it would have been smarter to have stopped by Inoue’s first. But he would have needed to wake her, if she hadn’t been awake because of his reiatsu yet. However, Ichigo shook the thought off, not wanting to interrupt whatever went on in that little apartment. The last time he had, the blush had remained on his face from dusk to dawn. 

When his red-coloured foot landed on hardened stone instead of whatever substance was the floor of the dangai, Ichigo had to take half a second to steady himself, letting his arm fall off the wall he had used as support. It was sunrise in Seireitei as well, but Ichigo wished it had been a little darker. No, not darker, but earlier. Before someone he knew was up and about like he could sense as he walked towards the first barracks. Stumble was more like it. Obviously, the two reiatsu signatures had noticed his and were making their way to him, probably curious as to why he was in Seireitei.

Ichigo forced himself to stand straighter, closing his eyes to count to five before opening them again, hoping he looked a little more awake, a little stronger. He wondered slightly what he must look like in the eyes of the two Shinigami approaching him, his shihakusho all torn up and soaked with his blood. It didn’t show as much on the black fabric as it did on the white cloak around his waist, but there was little Ichigo could do about it. Besides, he was very aware that the tabi were supposed to be white and not red. But at this point, he couldn’t care less about what his uniform looked like. He didn’t want to seem weak and helpless in front of other shinigami. Especially not the ones who had counted on him before.

“Good morning, Kuro-” the blonde shinigami said as he approached the ginger, cutting himself off as his visible blue eye widened at the sight of the young shinigami that stood half-turned to them. Kira’s companion was just as shocked, his narrow dark eyes widened while the corners of his lips were pulled down. Ichigo forced his up, managing a crooked half-smile he usually wore.

“Yo, Kira, Hisagi. You two ’re up early” the ginger said as the two lieutenants let their eyes glide up and down the young shinigami’s form.

“You’ve been busy, I see” Kira said, sounding worried as his eye had yet to shrink back to their regular size, watching blood drip from the hem of Ichigo’s hakama and fingertips. The ginger was quite sure the two of them could actually smell his blood with the amount he was losing.

“Let’s get you to the fourth” Hisagi said as he stepped forward. Ichigo managed to lift his hand in a halting gesture, not that it was listened to.

“I’ve got to get to the first. Kyoraku-san and Urahara-san are waiting for my report. I’ll stop by there afterwards” he said but both Kira and Hisagi already knew him to be too stubborn to pass by the healing division like he said he would.

“I’m sure Kyoraku sou-taichou and Urahara-san won’t mind coming to the fourth division to hear your report” the tattooed raven said as he laid a hand on Ichigo’s shoulder, partly to support him and partly to coax him.

“I’m sure that if they don’t want to hear your report while they’re giving you first aid, it’s not as important as they make it out to be” Kira said, though he was a little more hesitant to touch the ginger in case he touched one of the cuts underneath the destroyed shihakusho. And although he did make a valid point with his reasoning, it was an important report Ichigo needed to make.

“Also, I’m sure they’d prefer to hear your report when you’re lucid and not about to topple over from blood-loss” Hisagi added as if he saw straight through Ichigo when the ginger was trying to find ways to protest. It seems like they were used to dealing with bull-headed people. Must have been spending a lot of time with the 11th squad lately.

“Alright” the young shinigami gave in, his eyelids falling a little lower again as he felt his knees tremble slightly to keep him upright. Kira and Hisagi let their shoulders relax in relief as they gave him an encouraging nod to tell him that was the right choice.

“I’ll go get the sou-taichou and Urahara-san” Kira said and Hisagi gave him a nod.

“We’ll go straight to the fourth. You think you can make it or do we need to get someone here?” he asked, turning to the ginger still holding his abdomen. 

“I’ll get there” Ichigo assured them and with a nod, Kira was off to the first barracks while the two left behind turned into the direction of the fourth barracks. Hisagi looked sideways at the ginger every so often, as if he was ready to catch the younger shinigami when he indeed did topple over. It was pure stubbornness that kept Ichigo on his feet and moving forward, reaching the fourth division barracks where there was already activity, but on a carefree level. That changed as soon as they stepped inside, though.

“Can we get a hand here?!” Hisagi called out as Ichigo blinked his vision back into focus. Several shinigami stopped what they were doing to look up, somewhat shocked to find the famous substitute shinigami on the verge of fainting due to anaemia.

“Ichigo-san?!” a familiar voice spoke up and Ichigo looked up, forcing a loose smile.

“Yo, Hanatarou” he greeted the third seat of the fourth division. The sullen-looking raven sputtered at the ginger before moved up to him like a low-key raging bull. That somehow scared Ichigo because he still hadn’t figured out how exactly the raven did it.

“This is hardly the time to say ‘yo’, Ichigo-san. You’ve got some serious injuries that shouldn’t even have you walking around” he said as he moved away the blood-soaked shihakusho in several places, just enough to gauge the wounds with a glance.

“Come on. I’ll heal you up” he said, almost sounding exasperated as he jerked his head, leading the two shinigami to the closest empty room. Once inside the room, Ichigo started removing his zanpakuto without prompting, feeling Hisagi’s worried gaze on where his shihakusho fell open when the shoulder-guards came off, revealing the skinned flesh underneath. Clearly, he still looked like he was about to topple over and Ichigo hated being seen in a weakened state. Yet he didn’t complain as he continued to undress, knowing it was only because the older shinigami was worried about one of their strongest forces, wondering what had happened for him to get this beaten up. Hanatarou looked more worried about his wounds however, more obvious with every wound that was revealed as Ichigo shed his top layers, draping them on the table next to the bed and hoping there wasn’t a problem with getting blood on it. He doubted there was considering this was a medical ward, but well, you never know.

“Can you move your arm? It looks like that one’s the worst” Hanatarou requested as Ichigo laid down on the bed, leaving his hakama on for now, knowing he’d have to take it off to show the cut in his thigh later. The ginger did as told, mentally giving the raven props for not showing anything on his face once he saw the gash in the pale, faintly scarred abdomen.

“I’ll have to sew it up first before I can do any healing. It’ll speed up the process” Hanatarou said and Ichigo gave a hum, allowing the raven to do what he needed to do. He knew that if he was going to keep complaining or resisting at this point, it would only cost more time and energy he didn’t have to spare. However, it was still hard to remain still when all he wanted to do was look at the spirit thread sewing his abdomen together again, getting scolded for tensing his abs when he tried to.

“Looks like they got you quite good, Kurosaki-san” Urahara’s voice came as he walked into the room, followed by Kyoraku and Kira.

“You’d think so, right” Ichigo answered sarcastically as he turned his head towards the captain commander and the former captain, seeing the two lieutenants take their leave with a bow and a smile at the ginger.

“How many were there?” Kyoraku asked as he glanced at Hanatarou who continued to hold his blue-glowing hands over the ginger’s well-muscled form. 

“One” Ichigo answered and Urahara blinked in surprise.

“Only one?” he asked and Ichigo confirmed with a nod, his sarcasm gone now that they had gotten straight to the point.

“Yeah, but he was unlike any other hollow I’ve faced” Ichigo said and was forced to stop as the muscle in his cheek twitched when he felt one of the ribs perforating his lung pop back into place, the second one following right after, creating a tandem until the fifth and last one was back in place, allowing him to breath freely again. He turned his attention back to the older duo who had been patiently waiting for the ginger’s pain-pinched expression to lighten up somewhat, though the furrow in his brows remained.

“This one could change the shape and material of its two arms. It was close to a zanpakuto, only without soul in it and created from its own body. It wasn’t exactly smart what considered communication skills, but it was smart enough to keep me in Karakura as if it sensed I couldn’t go all out there” he explained and Urahara placed a crooked finger against his chin.

“A zanpakuto, you say? Arrancar have those as well” he pointed out and Ichigo closed his eyes.

“Aa, I know. But even theirs separated from their body. With this hollow, its very own arms were swords and they came back instantly after I cut one of its arms off. It just retreated back to Hueco Mundo, only to appear behind me within the next second with its limb reattached as if it had never happened” he said and scoffed.  
“If only that was all. On top of that instant regeneration, there was also the fact that it almost perfectly copied everything I did. It must have fought other shinigami before because it had those skills as well. It even fired a cero similar to a kido spell and you know I’m shit with those. I only managed to get it by drawing it into a trap and taking a risk with firing a getsuga. And then that little shit had to go overboard again” Ichigo said and rolled with his eyes as Zangetsu rattled violently where it leaned against the side-table.

“Don’t get so worked up. It took out the hollow, so I’m saying nothing more of it” he said as he reached out to touch the hilt, feeling the sword give a last rattle before settling again. He could hear Zangetsu grumble in his inner world and just knew the old man was rolling his eyes at the hollow spirit without even needing to take a look inside. He ignored them in favour of turning back to the two older shinigami.

“Anyway, its intelligence wasn’t much further developed than expressing his desire to eat my soul in three words. But he wasn’t trying to eat me, he was trying to cut me down. As if his instincts had changed” Ichigo said and Urahara hummed in thought.

“That’s troubling” he said and the ginger couldn’t resist the urge to scoff.

“You’re telling me. For a second there, I thought its sword was going to scrape my spine like nails on a chalk-board if I had been any slower” he said, making Hanatarou grimace. It had been put a bit bluntly, but that didn’t make it any less true. That shitty hollow had gotten a few good hits on the young shinigami, otherwise the ginger wouldn’t be in the fourth division. Honestly, how Renji would laugh at him and Rukia would scold him with more than a healthy amount of smugness. Maybe he could run and avoid them? Especially Renji.

The redhead was one of the very few people who Ichigo felt comfortable enough around to be seen injured. If it weren’t injuries he had gotten from fighting a hollow he shouldn’t have had any issues with. It wasn’t like it was embarrassing. Not entirely, at east. It was the confusing mix of knowing he could be weak around Renji, but not wanting the redhead to think of him as weak. It was stubborn pride, Ichigo realized, but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t name one person who wanted his crush to think of him as weak.

Ichigo swore he could feel his cheeks heat up as the last thought passed his mind. Renji, his best friend in Seireitei, had gone from being his enemy years ago, to being the face the ginger thought about on lonely nights. Not only on lonely nights, really. Every night and every minute he wasn’t thinking of school or fighting hollows was closer to the truth. And even then, the latter was like a direct connection to the red-head whose reiatsu he felt approach the fourth barracks with Rukia in tow.

They were later than Ichigo had expected them to pass by, but they might have been busy. Maybe with their work, maybe with each other, the young shinigami wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know either. Of course, if they told him they had started dating, Ichigo would be happy for them, regardless of where that would leave him. It wasn’t like he expected much from his feelings in the first place, and not just because he was male.

He had known he was different from others concerning his sexuality, though he had never bothered to label himself as straight, or bi, or gay. He never cared for which gender he fell for, because that was the only thing certain with him. The only thing he was sure about with his sexuality was that he couldn’t sleep with someone without having an emotional connection with them. Not for lack of trying, mind you. He had been presented with opportunities to share a bed with someone several times, yet it had never felt right.

Three times he had ended up staying with the one who had invited him, talking throughout the night over a cup of coffee or ice-cream, depending on the subject that had been at hand. Two other times, he had gathered his clothes and walked out without doing anything. He hadn’t been able to do it, especially not once he started to become aware of the feelings that he was harbouring. Feelings for someone he was pretty sure was straighter than the horizon.  
But then again, the earth was round, so could the horizon really be considered straight?

“Ichigo!” a familiar mix of two vastly different voices called as they turned around the corner from the hallways into the room where the ginger was pulling his cleaned shihakusho on way sooner than he was allowed to. The young shinigami drew his shoulders up as he felt Rukia’s sharp gaze on his back, yet he didn’t turn around as he continued to dress himself, tucking the hem of his white and black keikogi into his hakama. The gaze drilling holes in his back would be so much worse if she actually saw the bandages wrapped around his shoulder, torso and abdomen.

“Yo, Rukia, Renji. How’s it going?” Ichigo asked, pretending he wasn’t noticing the impending scolding hanging over his head like the sword of Damocles.

“Too busy with paperwork ‘n too little action. Same ol’, same ol’, really” Renji answered as he walked up to the ginger, though even he didn’t seem willing to ignore the elephant in the room.

“Unlike with ya, so it seems” the redhead said as he leaned against the bed Ichigo had laid on not even five minutes ago, looking at the bandages peeking out from underneath black reverse of the shihakusho. Ichigo glanced at him as he picked up his shoulders-guards, preferring to focus on that instead of self-consciously attempting to adjust his gi so it covered the white bandages.

“So? Gonna tell us what managed ta get ya hurt so badly? Izuru was tellin’ me yer guts were spillin’ from yer body” Renji said less than subtle, just like Ichigo was used to it from him. It was something he had expected and had even prepared an answer for.

“Kyoraku-san will soon call a meeting where you’ll both be informed” he said, looking over his shoulder at Rukia while tying the white cloth around his waist. The petite raven didn’t seem to take enough with that, opposite to the redhead who pushed off from the bed.

“If ye’re gonna yell at him, we might wanna take it somewhere else, where they can’t stop this idiot from leavin’ and stop ya from yellin’ at him ‘cause he’s a ‘patient’” Renji said, cutting off the raven who looked like she was about to start yelling at them both right then and there. She would have probably done so if Ichigo hadn’t already put his zanpakuto in place on his back and hip. Besides, she knew him better than to try and stop him when he had made up his mind. They both did. Ichigo was stubborn like a mule once he had gotten something in his head, and this time, it was getting out of the healing division before Hanatarou could get his hands on the ginger to prevent him from leaving before he was released.

The young shinigami lead his two closest friends to a meadow on the edge of Seireitei, knowing that it would take a while before the fourth squad would come looking for him there. If they even did. It was hard to keep someone in a place they didn’t want to be and everyone was aware that when it came to first aid, Ichigo was no hair better than the eleventh squad. Not that he was ungrateful for the help he received. He just couldn’t sit still in a room knowing he was recovering from an injury when he could be doing something better. This time, he was getting yelled it. And while it might not be better, he didn’t want to disturb the other patients that might be in the barracks.

Ichigo sat down in the grass, his head spinning slightly as his wounds still throbbed but not enough to worry him. Renji sat down next to him, their hair and shihakushos rustling in the wind as Rukia stood next to them, her hands placed in her hips. She was probably liking the fact that she was taller than them in this position, looking down on them. On Ichigo, specifically. The perfect way to berate him until his ears were bleeding.

“So, who attacked you?” Rukia asked to open the conversation and Ichigo glance up at her. He was somewhat surprised she wasn’t yelling yet, but had a feeling it would come soon enough.

“A hollow” he said and saw two pairs of eyes widened.

“A hollow?!” Renji and Rukia parroted at the same time and Ichigo sighed. There it was.

“I know. But it wasn’t a usual hollow. There was something strange about it” he said and Renji frowned.

“An arrancar or adjuchas?” he asked and Ichigo shook his head.

“No, I don’t believe it was either of those. It was too dumb to be an adjuchas and it didn’t have a zanpakuto like an arrancar. It fought like a shinigami, though. Exactly like them, like me. It copied me, every move I made. Those from other shinigami as well. Fired a kido-like cero that hit me in the shoulder” the ginger said as he touched his bandaged shoulder, drawing Renji and Rukia’s attention to it.

“Every time I did something it hadn’t expected and managed to wound it, it went back to Hueco Mundo and returned instantly without any scratches. It was too dumb to say more than three words but it was smart enough to keep me in Karakura as if it knew I couldn’t go all out there. And it wasn’t exactly weak either” Ichigo said and Rukia huffed.

“And why exactly didn’t you call us? Ask for assistance?” she asked and the ginger looked up at her.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Next time a hollow is trying to get to my bowels to use them like a jumping rope, I’ll ask him to wait so I can make a quick call” he said dryly and inwardly flinched at the cold glare in dark blue eyes as they looked down on him.

“If you’re not too injured to sass me, you’re not too injured to get hit” she warned and Ichigo looked away with a grimace. The silence remained for a little while as the wind rustled their clothes and hair softly. It was only when he glanced sideways that the ginger noticed brown eyes already looking at him, making him do a double take. Renji’s gaze made him self-conscious, yet unable to look away. If he did, he would somehow make clear that the older shinigami’s attention flustered him and then everything would be ten times more awkward. Someone shouldn’t be flustered because a friend had been staring at him. Yet as soon as Renji noticed that he had been staring, he averted his eyes.

Before either of them could say anything, they noticed a small dot of black in the distance, slowly but surely making its way over to them. Rukia lifted her hand, giving the jigokucho a place to land as she stretched out her finger. The two males looked up at her as she received the message before looking down to meet their gazes with a composed, somewhat stony expression that reminded both Renji and Ichigo of Byakuya.

“Kyoraku sou-taichou is calling a meeting and he ordered you to be present, Ichigo” she said and the ginger gave a hum as he placed his hands on his knees.

“Aa, my statement, huh” he said and Renji gave him a sour look, watching the younger shinigami get to his feet.

“Do ya haf’ta make it sound as if ye’re goin’ ta court?” he asked as he too stood up, towering over the ginger not so much with height, but with the width of his shoulders at the very least. Ichigo knew he was muscled, but he was lean, unlike Renji, who could be described as buff. And Ichigo really needed to keep appreciating Renji’s body for when he was alone and not in front of the redhead.

“Then, my version of the facts. A court sitting or a meeting with captains with a stick stuck up their ass, what’s the difference?” Ichigo asked sarcastic as if he hadn’t just looked at his friend for a second too long to be considered a glance. Or maybe he was just too aware of the redhead and the way he acted around him? Ichigo flinched when he felt fingers slap against his unharmed upper-arm, no doubt leaving fingerprints.

“You’re talking to one of those captains with a stick up their ass. Mind your words, fool” Rukia reminded him with a sharp tone that was slightly insulted yet in a way fond. Ichigo rubbed his arm with a grimace, wondering not for the first time how it was possible for such a petite thing to hurt him that much with a single slap. A hand landed on his shoulder, making him look up at the redhead who shook his head in dismissal.

“It’s no use. I’ve been wonderin’ the same damned thing fer decades ‘n I still don’ have an answer” Renji said as if he had been reading the ginger’s mind. Rukia looked back over her shoulder with a little mysterious laugh behind her hand that was entirely too smug, making a vein pop on Ichigo’s forehead.

“And then she wonders why she’s still single” he muttered, barely loud enough for her to hear, earning him a kick against the shin while Renji laughed.

“That’s rude! I’ll have you know that there have been many suitors asking me out on a date” Rukia said as they started making their way back to Seireitei.

“I wonder for how long they stayed after seeing your oversized teddy-bear collection, if they even had enough guts to make it that far” the ginger said and Renji’s lips twitched.

“If they’re still conscious, ya mean?” he asked, making Ichigo look up out of the corner of his eyes to exchange a humoured smile. Rukia looked put off as she sent them a pouty glare. A comeback was made rather quickly, making them bicker all the way to the first barracks. The closer they got to the meeting room, the quieter they turned and the more serious the mood around them became. The serious, somewhat grim mood remained all the time throughout the meeting where the captains listened patiently as Ichigo went over the entire fight in detail, from start to finish. It even after until after the meeting was closed and Ichigo was ordered to wait for further instructions - something everyone knew he wasn’t going to do, let’s be real here.

“Just don’ overdo it. Kyoraku sou-taichou ‘lready sees a lot through tha fingers when it comes ta ya, but if ya start doin’ too much, even he won’ be able to keep those geezers from central 46 off yer back” Renji warned as he walked the ginger to the senkaimon, one arm resting in the fold of his shihakusho. Ichigo glanced up at him before looking back in front of him.

“I know. I don’t plan on pickin’ a fight. Gotta recover first, remember” he said and Renji scoffed. He didn’t believe a single word of it and for good reason so, because neither did Ichigo. The ginger sighed soft before turning his head to face the redhead.

“I won’t pick any fight, but that doesn’t mean I’ll sit still” he said and Renji met his gaze head on, strong and unwavering, telling the ginger he would be backed up whatever he chose to do with just that look alone.

“Inno. Ain’t tellin’ ya ta sit still either, ‘cause it’d be like talkin’ to a wall. Just don’ get in ‘nough trouble to piss the central off” he said and Ichigo smiled despite himself, feeling something tingle in his lower abdomen at the crooked but heartfelt smile he gained in return. They stopped in front of the large gates of the senkaimon, surrounded by the kido-corpse and a subtly awkward atmosphere they both choose not to acknowledge, pretending it wasn’t there.

“Don’ force yerself too much. We’re here as well, so yer not alone” the redhead said and Ichigo hummed as he turned to the slowly opening gates, the lights behind it almost blinding despite that the dangai was incredibly dark.

“I know. Tell Hisagi and Kira I’ll treat them to a drink next time I come report” he said and Renji hummed as Ichigo stepped forward, pretending the deep sound hadn’t send a chill down his spine. Once he had stepped into the door-opening of the senkaimon, the ginger turned back to look over his shoulder. He had expected he would need to call up, but found that not needed when Renji was still staring at him.

“Thanks, Renji” the young shinigami said, earning another crooked smile from the redhead. Ichigo honestly suspected himself to be addicted to those smiles, longing for them like a god-damned junky.


	2. Bond.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grimmjow and Ichigo :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer ;; I don't own anything but the story, the OC's and its grammar mistakes :)

Ichigo wasn’t particularly fond of sand, but the sands in Hueco Mundo really were the worst. Too white, too dense, too unnatural. His feet didn’t sink away in it and neither did it get stuck in unwanted places, so he guessed that was at least something good about it. If only that damned sand didn’t seem to stretch out to infinity. It was a real pain in the ass to navigate the desert of Hueco Mundo.

Ichigo was starting to understand how to make his way to where he wanted, but that didn’t mean he could make sense of hat little landmarks there were. He had asked help from the locals he knew lived there, but they weren’t exactly much of a help either. But the ginger had a trick that worked 8 out of 10 times. The other two times, he was either stuck roaming the desert for god knows how long, or fighting off the wrong hollows that had been attracted by his fluctuating reiatsu. This time, it was one of those eight times. Thank fuck for that.

Ichigo perked up at the shock of light turquoise blue contrasting the white of the sand as it approached him on a fast speed. In true Grimmjow style, the young shinigami was greeted with a feral grin and a blade swung at his throat. It was such a standard occurrence that Ichigo couldn’t help but smile, Zangetsu trembling in his grip as he parried pantera automatically. No words were exchanged as they pushed each other back, only to clash again. It wasn’t like words were needed either. It was unnecessary when their swords did all the talking. They had done this so often, it would have been weird if Grimmjow had greeted him any other way.

The ginger could easily admit that he enjoyed sparring with Grimmjow. He hadn’t in the beginning, for obvious reasons, but eventually, he had gotten used to the arrancar’s blood thirst. Hell, after a little while, Ichigo found himself answering it with his own. Grimmjow had been over the moon with joy when the ginger had done so. That particular fight had lasted for an entire day before neither of them was able to stand anymore, let alone hold a blade. The recovery after that had taken even longer, but damn, it had felt so good to go all out.

After that, Grimmjow had become one of the very few people Ichigo could go all-out against and the only one who could take him on in full-vizard mode. Luckily for the arrancar, today was not one of those days. Still, Ichigo could guess their fight took more than a few hours before they separated, not entirely exhausted, but tired none the less. Ichigo laid down on his back with his arms and legs spread wide, the sand strangely hard underneath him. Grimmjow sat next to him, his head hanging down between his raised knees and his hands closed together in front of him, wrapped around his pulled-up legs.

“Fuck, Ichi, you either need to come here more often or find another way to blow off some steam. You’re seriously killing me here” Grimmjow said and Ichigo scoffed with his eyes closed and his face directed at the sky.

“Who’re you trying to kid, Grimm? We weren’t even going all out. I honestly thought you had more stamina than this” he said and the bluenette barked a laugh, raising his head to look back at the ginger.

“Is that an invitation to test my stamina, little berry?” he asked with a suggestive smirk, making Ichigo open his eyes to send him a grimly amused look.

“It’ll be an invitation to get Zangetsu up your ass if you call me that again” he said and the arrancar merely smiled, though it still retained a feral glint that was own to Grimmjow. With a groan, the arrancar let himself fall back, making the ginger huff out a grunt as his head landed on the shinigami’s barely healed abdomen. Ichigo gave him a half-hearted stink-eye as the bluenette made himself comfortable, using the ginger’s lean abs as pillow.

“So? What’s bugging you now? You’re frustrated and your hand isn’t enough anymore?” Grimmjow guessed bluntly and Ichigo whacked the back of his head, the light turquoise locks standing out against the backdrop of black from his shihakusho.

“I wouldn’t come to you for that, idiot” Ichigo said before laying his head back down as Grimmjow scoffed.

“Nah, you’d turn to a pineapple for that” he said and Ichigo this time used his fist to smack him on the forehead.

“That ain’t the point, asshole” he hissed as Grimmjow rubbed his forehead where Ichigo’s fist had landed. The hit hadn’t been too hard, since the ginger wasn’t stupid enough to think it wouldn't hurt him as well.

“Then, what’re you here for?” the hollow asked and Ichigo moved both of his hands up to use them as a make-shift pillow to rest his head on.

“Can’t I come by to blow of some steam?” he asked lightly and Grimmjow glanced sideways up at his face.

“Sure you can, but you didn’t. Not this time. How many times do you think we’ve fought now? You’d think I’d notice it when you’re not entirely with your head into it” he said and raised a pointed eyebrow when Ichigo met his gaze.

“Was it that shinigami of yours again? If it was, you need to get laid and fast” he said and Ichigo felt his cheeks heat, hating the fact that he blushed easily, not to mention bright.

“It wasn’t him” he said somewhat snappy and Grimmjow smirked.

“Sure, it wasn’t. Just like it wasn’t that time I walked in on you wan-” he started but was cut off by the ginger speaking over him, his voice raised.

“That’s was your own fault! If my curtains are drawn, at least have the decency to knock” he said and Grimmjow scoffed.

“Please, you have nothing to be ashamed about. And it also confirmed that the carpet matches the drapes. I’ve been curious about that for a long time, you know” he said and Ichigo grimaced.

“But you didn’t have to show yours to prove it as well. I had no interest in that” he said and the bluenette send him a vulgar smirk.

“Then why were you staring at it for a full five seconds? Oh, but the pineapple’s interests you more, doesn’t it?” he asked and Ichigo grimaced as he once again let his hand fly against the bluenette’s head.

“Oi! Stop smacking me already, dick” the arrancar growled as he slapped the back of his hand against the ginger’s chest, not hard enough to hurt, but enough to make the young shinigami flinch.

“Then stop saying such vulgar things” Ichigo said and Grimmjow rolled with his eyes.

“When I say it, it’s vulgar, but I bet when he says it, you’d be creaming your pants” he pointed out and Ichigo felt the blood return to his cheeks right after it had finally flowed away from them. What was he supposed to say to that?

“Fuck off. He’s got a nice voice” he grumbled and Grimmjow scoffed.

“Yeah, sure. A nice voice, if that’s what you’re going to call it” he said amused and Ichigo grimaced slightly. He was pretty sure that even if Renji would read him the entire bible, he would still grow hot from listening to it. There was just something about the redhead’s voice that got to him. But that wasn’t the point here.

“I didn’t come here to talk about him, Grimm” he said and the bluenette hummed, turning his head to the ginger.

“Then, if you didn’t come her to fight and not to talk about your lover-boy, there can only be two other reasons. You’re either here to see my pretty face or something happened. Considering you look like you want to punch me in the face, I’d say it’s the latter of the two” he said and Ichigo gave a hum as he let his head fall backwards again, landing in the basket his entwined fingers formed.

“I was attacked by a hollow” he said and Grimmjow frowned while raising an eyebrow. An art in and of its own to accomplish.

“Nothing new there, right?” he asked and Ichigo’s brows furrowed.

“The hollow was new. Or at least his skills were” he said and Grimmjow turned his head slightly.

“What? Eating souls? Did he use knife and fork or something?” he asked, earning another whack to the head, this one deserved for his smart-assery.

“How about swords?” Ichigo asked before the bluenette could either slap him back or complain, his words making Grimmjow frown.

“Swords? As in zanpakutos?” he asked and Ichigo shook his head.

“No, his arms were transformed into swords. Exact copies of Zangetsu. Even fired a cero like it was kido” he said and Grimmjow turned his head towards the ginger.

“And he wasn’t an arrancar?” he asked and Ichigo lifted his head to look at the bluenette.

“Do you know an arrancar with swords for arms? Which only formed after seeing mine? Or one that can fire a cero like kido?” he asked and Grimmjow’s lips curled down. He regarded the sky as if in thought, letting a silence fall. Ichigo closed his eyes, waiting patiently as the arrancar sunk away in his own world as he always thought when he was thinking deeply. The ginger had no idea how long they were just lying there until the bluenette opened his mouth.

“Ichi, take a walk with me” Grimmjow said, slightly startling the ginger as the silence was suddenly broken. Ichigo hummed curiously as he peeked open one eye to look at the hollow that slowly but surely hoisted himself off the ginger’s stomach and into a sitting position.

“Where to?” Ichigo asked as Grimmjow got to his feet, dusting off the back of his black pants, removing any of the alien sand that was stuck to his ass and back.

“Just stand up, you lazy-ass fuck. You think I can just call a street and you’ll understand where we’re going?” the arrancar said somewhat snappy and Ichigo held out his hand. Teal eyes glanced back before a pale, larger hand slipped into his with a roll of his eyes.

“It would be a lot easier to find my way through this shitty sand if there were street-names” Ichigo said and Grimmjow scoffed.

“To name a street, there would first need to be a street” he pointed out and turned into a direction.

“Maybe some landmarks would be awesome. Better ones than a dried branch of a tree that had never been there in the first place, that looks like the birthmark Starrk had next to his dick. I don’t even want to fucking know how you knew what that thing looked like in the first place” the ginger said as he fell in step next to the arrancar. He wasn’t sure he would be able to trust Grimmjow to navigate the desert either, since even he had gotten them lost for hours, but at this point, what else could he do but follow. Ichigo remembered how hard he had laughed when Grimmjow had admitted to getting lost in his own homeland.

“Lilynette was too talkative when she was drunk. It’s not like I wanted to know what it looked like either” Grimmjow said, sounding more like a grumble as his shoulders slumped forward slightly, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

“You’re the last person who should be allowed to complain about other people when they’re drunk. I remember the last time you got drunk and someone squeezed your ass and you yelled at them not to touch what they can’t afford” Ichigo reminded the arrancar who merely smirked at him.

“If I remember correctly, you were the one who made the most money that night” he said and Ichigo grimaced, having smashed his own windows. That didn’t mean his fist didn’t connect with the bluenette’s arm, which earned him a shove in return. Honestly, if Grimmjow could be considered the worst drunk, Ichigo was a step above that. He could hold his liquor, they both could. But once they got drunk, they were unstoppable. It was always a source of amusement and cringe material. Not to mention blackmail-ammunition the next day when they’re desperately trying to remember the blank gaps in their memory. 

Ichigo didn’t know for how long they walked and he wondered how far they had gone. He no longer saw the destruction they had caused by their previous fight, but then again, in this dessert, that wasn’t saying much. His gaze turned from over his shoulder to the space in front of him, a tingle of strange reiatsu tickling his senses. His brows pinched together in confusion as he tried to get a better feel. He had a suspicion, but couldn’t be too sure.

“Oi, isn’t that?” Ichigo started and Grimmjow’s grim expression was enough of an answer.

“Aa, they’re traces of the hogyuko left behind by Aizen. They’re everywhere in Hueco Mundo” the bluenette confirmed the ginger’s suspicions with a bitter expression on his face. The entire Aizen fiasco still wasn’t sitting right with either of them, but they weren’t holding grudges. It just weren’t pleasant memories to remember and the traces of the hogyuko weren’t helping either.

“We’ve been tracking them down to seal them up, but it’s spread far and wide. It seems like there’s no end to it” the arrancar said and Ichigo grimaced slightly.

“So you’re saying that these traces are still strong enough to infect hollows and make them evolve or something?” he guessed and received a grunt in answer.

“Probably. Some traces aren’t strong enough to do anything but irritate the hollows that get too close. But others are strong enough to influence the hollows that approach it. It’s a pain in the ass for us too. The traces seem endless” Grimmjow said and Ichigo crossed his arms in front of his chest as they stopped close to the source of the traces, remaining on a safe distance.

“Somehow, that doesn’t surprise me. Aizen is smart as fuck, but the hogyuko was uncontrollable at best. Same as with Ywach’s reiatsu traces. Find them all over the place as well and it’s irritating the fuck out of me to seal them up. I get the feeling we’ll be deal both the traces for a couple of decades before we’ve gotten rid of them all” he said and Grimmjow scoffed.

“If that’s even possible” he said and Ichigo couldn’t help but agree. There was only so much they could do, after all. They might be the keepers of balance, but that’s pretty hard to do when traces of this and that keep popping up everywhere and the balance is never stable. Ichigo wondered if it had ever been stable to begin with and doubted it would ever be. But there was a bonus in there as well. As long as the balance didn’t settle, shinigami would continue to have work. Ichigo knew that even after death, he would have a job and be paid. His life after death was pretty much settled. 

Well, if that wasn’t a grim thought fit for a workaholic. But at the very least it would keep him busy. He used to fear death, but after knowing what came after it, that fear gradually weakened until it had disappeared. Don’t get him wrong, dying was still pretty terrifying, but he knew that if his human body died, there would be people waiting for him in a place that would become his home. A place where he was already accepted before he had even died. Forget about the central 46, they never accepted anyone. But then again, that was sort of their job. There were other people who did accept him and would welcome him with open arms.  
One of them with a raised sword, but hey, he would take on Kenpachi any day. Besides, if he really died, how long could Kenpachi chase after his ass until he grew bored? 

“Are you thinking about him again?” Grimmmjow asked as they made their way to the crumbled castle in the middle of Hueco Mundo. Ichigo gave a confused hum as he looked up at the bluenette, letting the words sink in before looking away again.

“Ah, nah, not really. Just thinking about death” the ginger said and Grimmjow scoffed.

“I’d say that’s a pretty grim thought, but that’d be pretty stupid to say to a soul-reaper” he said and Ichigo looked up at the quiet sky above him, seeing a few clouds hang in it without moving a single inch. In a way, even the sky in Hueco Mundo was creepy, yet so very fitting.

“Was just wondering about what lifestyle fits me best. A few years ago, I knew nothing about shinigami or hollows. And now, the idea of my zanpakuto being taken from me scares the fuck out of me. It scares me even more than I fear death” he said and felt his swords heat up, seeping through his shihakusho with a pleasant heat. They had been taken away from him once before and it had been a torture worse than any enemy could ever make him go through. The idea of it happening again chilled him to the very narrow of his bones and he would prefer death over going through that again.

“If I die, I become an official shinigami of the gotei 13, there’s no doubt about that. But the idea that I might not have had any of what I had now, makes me feel weird. Sometimes, I wonder in which life I’m more comfortable. As a human, or as a shinigami” he said and Grimmjow looked at him.

“You want me to bring out the sake? That’s hardly a conversation to have sober” he said and Ichigo scoffed as he sent the bluenette an amused look. Trust Grimmjow to ruin a heart-felt moment.

“If it’s like the last time you looked too deep in the cup, then all the amount of sake in the world still won’t be enough to have any of the conversations you want to have” he said and Grimmjow rolled with his eyes. The bluenette had several moods when he got drunk. A moody drunk, a violent drunk, a cuddly drunk, a laughing drunk, the I-have-the-best-idea-ever drunk, the I-have-the-worst-idea-ever drunk, the philosophical drunk, the perverted drunk and a I-have-feelings drunk. It was always like a spin the wheel game when the bluenette got drunk and most of the time, Ichigo ended up getting dragged into it. 

Mostly with the I-have-the-best-idea-ever drunk mood, I-have-the-worst-idea-ever drunken mood. Ichigo had several different moods as well, he was aware. One of them drunk was already bad enough, but both of them drunk and their moods mixing together was a sure recipe for trouble. However, if they were drunk and matching in moods, the trouble they got into was of epic proportions. The kind that neither of them wanted to remember while the ones who knew about it didn’t allow them to forget.

Last time they had gotten drunk on the Arrancar’s birthday had been in a I-have-feelings mood while Ichigo had been in a laughing mood. One of the worst combinations ever. Apparently, Ichigo had hurt Grimmjow’s feelings when he had laughed about the fact that hollows had birthdays and had asked whether or not they put candles in a soul instead of in a cake. Grimmjow had then started to spin an entire tear-jerking backstory, but the only tears he had gotten were the ones that were caused by Ichigo’s laughter attack where he couldn’t stop giggling about the slurred lies leaving the arrancar’s lips.

Ichigo didn’t need to know Grimmjow’s past to know he had not been chosen by god to carry his child, even if it had been possible for a male to carry an offspring. But it was the claimed immaculate conception that had really done the ginger in. The last person Ichigo expected to be a virgin was Grimmjow. That had been the only truth the arrancar had spoken in his entire hour-long attempt at a sob-story. Then again, Ichigo wasn’t in any position to judge Grimmjow and had suggested to start a virgin club, in between his wheezing laughter.

That particular situation had happened right there in Las Noches, though it had been in Grimmjow’s quarters and not the common room they entered. The two occupying the room looked up at their entrance as if they hadn’t sensed their approach from miles away. Ichigo had barely placed his zanpakutos next to the door as one of the two jumped up, flying towards him with a huge grin.

“Ichigoooo!” the viridian haired arrancar cried as slim but strong arms curled around the ginger’s neck. The speed behind the tackle caused the duo to spin around on the heel of the shinigami’s foot. Ichigo’s hand came to rest upon the viridian haired arrancar’s waist to steady her to prevent her from falling, despite that he knew she wouldn’t lose her grip. It was just a habit he was unable to get rid of.

“Nel” Ichigo exclaimed, as it had even been a question of who would ever greet him that excitedly. The shinigami placed Neliel back on her own feet, his hand leaving her waist to fall next to his side.

“You took too long to pass by, idiot” Neliel scolded and Ichigo huffed as he walked up one of the white sofas to make himself comfortable like usual, giving the blonde vasto lorde a nod of his head in greeting which was returned in similar fashion.

“I had exams, you know. I can’t just come when I’m studying my brain to mush” he reminded her as she flopped down in the sofa next to him.

“Poor Grimm was sulking, you know” she said, earning herself a deathly glare. Regrettably for Grimmjow, Neliel remained unimpressed as Ichigo scoffed.

“I doubt it’s because I didn’t pass by” he said with an amused look at the bluenette who rolled with his eyes.

“He didn’t come for a surprise visit either” Grimmjow said, getting both Neliel and Halibel’s attention.

“Huh? What did you come here for then?” Neliel asked as Ichigo reached out to the kettle on the table to pour himself a cup of tea.

“Some hollows acting up and getting influenced by the Hogyoku, apparently” the ginger said before proceeding to retell his entire story about his encounter with the evolved hollow. Neliel and Grimmjow remained silent as Halibel hummed thoughtfully.

“It must be from Skulls peak” she said, mentioning the area east of Las Noches, named after the rock formations all shaped like skulls. Ichigo had been there a few times during his sparring with Grimmjow and could honestly say that thought it was eerie, it was still better than Widow’s weep. Even the thought of that place, howling in the wind even though there was not a single breeze, was enough to run a shiver down the shinigami’s spine.

“There’s a large concentration of traces left behind by the Hogyoku. Too large for us to seal in one go” she continued and Ichigo sipped from his tea, instantly knowing the tanned blonde had been the one to brew it. Grimmjow and Neliel would sooner poison him with their attempts. It was always a game of Russian roulette to drink tea that hadn’t been brewed in front of him when he passed by Las Noches. The relief was there for visible in his eyes, making Grimmjow click with his tongue.

“Last time I was at Skulls peak, there were a good ten hollows before they were chased away by Grimm and my reiatsu. I think two of them were crushed” Ichigo said and the bluenette gave a nod.

“Yeah, but when we went to check it out, there were a couple that had returned” he said and Ichigo frowned at him where he sat in the couch on the opposite side of the rectangular coffee table.

“How much is a couple?” he asked and Grimmjow looked away pointedly. That couldn’t be a good answer.

“We can’t say for sure, since Skulls peak is a place where hollows pass through to travel through the desert” Halibel said and Ichigo grimaced. That alone made him feel weary of the answer he was going to get. But it was necessary to know, or at least have an estimate guess.

“So, in a rough guess?” Ichigo asked, dreading the answer as Neliel gave him a serious look.

“Between 5 and 90, probably more” she admitted and Ichigo closed his eyes with a groan.

“But it’s not likely that all of them will have successfully evolved” Halibell reminded him and Ichigo opened his eyes again.

“No, but one of them was a pain in the ass. If even half of them have evolved, it’ll be troublesome. They’ll go to the places where there is a lot of reiatsu and I can already think of one area they’ll target” he said and Grimmjow scoffed amused.

“You really can’t catch a break, can you” he said and Ichigo grimaced in agreement to that statement. But then again, it wasn’t like he wanted a break. It was welcome, but not for too long. Things tended to get boring fast and Zangetsu was even more of a pain in the ass after a calm period. Ichigo himself didn’t like the idea of going rusty either, but he had more self-control and was less destructive. 

“Don’t forget that Ul is in Karakura as well” Neliel reminded the ginger, trying to help but doing more damage. It had been a shock when Ulquiorra had shown up in Karakura in all his glory, revived and well. But as weary Ichigo had been of the raven, the male vasto lorde had been just as weary of him. When they had come to the understanding that they were no longer enemies, the two of them had declared that they didn’t hold a grudge. However, that didn’t mean that they were comfortable around each other. Ichigo could handle being in the same room as Ulquiorra and he could even hold a conversation with the arrancar. But they had agreed that sparring or anything involved with it would be too traumatic for both of them.

“Yeah, because a hollow of his strength isn’t a beacon for lower hollows to gather around like moths to a flame. At least I’m restrained by a limiter” Ichigo said as he resisted the urge to roll with his eyes.

“Then there are also your friends with high spiritual powers, like Ulquiorra’s woman” Grimmjow said and Ichigo waved off his words.

“I’m not really that worried about them. If the hollows take over the strength level and skills of the person they’re going after, I’m pretty sure they’ll be able to handle themselves. Especially Ishida, Orihime and Chad” he said and narrowed his eyes at the cup in his hands.

“I’m worried about Karin and Yuzu, but Karin has gotten a bit of training with Urahara-san and dad, so she should be able to defend herself and protect Yuzu from someone of the same skill-level as her” he said and pulled up his shoulders.

“Even so, dad gave both Karin and Yuzu a protection charm Urahara-san created that should alert both dad and I on our soul-phones if their reiatsu fluctuates” he said and Grimmjow frowned in confusion.

“You’d trust something that suspicious fuck made?” he asked and Ichigo raised an eyebrow at him.

“I don’t hear you or Ulquiorra complain about something he had created” he pointed out and the bluenette pulled up his shoulders.

“That doesn’t mean I trust him” he said and Ichigo couldn’t respond to that. But in his opinion, after everything the man had done to help him, there was no reason for Ichigo to mistrust him. Despite that, Ichigo couldn’t deny that the hat ‘n clogs shop owner was suspicious as fuck. Then again, Grimmjow really shouldn’t be the one to judge. Ichigo had seen him make a child cry with just a glance before getting slapped by the mother for doing absolutely nothing but breathing. Ichigo could safely say the bluenette was suspicious as well. 

The main difference was that Urahara went mostly unnoticed while Ichigo was always the one pacifying the other party and talking them out of calling the police to arrest the blue-haired thug. The ginger had lost count on how many times that had happened. But at the very least, Ichigo hadn’t actually had to bail him out of jail yet. ‘Yet’ being the key-word. Ichigo suspected it to be a matter of time. But then again, there was a possibility he might end up in prison with the arrancar. 

That would mean he would have seen the police holding cell from the inside and the outside. The outside thanks to Renji, who had gotten arrested for possession of fire-arms and lack of identification except the toy sheriff badge. The redhead had figured he’d try to prank Ichigo after the 1000-year blood war and call him out of his house as a fake-cop, for old time’s sake. But it had been the police phone call that had really called him out, dragging him to the police office to identify the thug claiming to know him. The idea of leaving Renji in the cell had been tempting but Ichigo hadn’t done it. He did have Renji buy him a large Starbucks coffee for dragging him out of bed after he had only fallen asleep for forty minutes thanks to an overload of hollows that had shown up and kept him awake.

It had been amusing to see the redhead’s face when he found out coffee wasn’t just bitter but had other flavours as well. For however long it took for them to empty their cups, Ichigo had forgotten his exhaustion in favour of laughing at the older shinigami getting his first taste of a frappula frap. If Renji had been put off or annoyed at him for laughing, he had been bad at showing it. But because of work and school, they had separated as soon as Ichigo had given Renji his reports on the swarm of hollows the night before.

They didn’t spend too much time together, and Ichigo understood why. He had school and Renji had his work as lieutenant of the 6th division. That was why he tried to enjoy every second they spend together. Not that it was hard to do. Ichigo automatically relaxed in the redhead’s presence. After everything they had gone through, there was no room for Ichigo to even think of disliking the older shinigami. They had gone through too much and Renji had done too much for him to hold even an ounce of dislike for him.

However, Ichigo had no idea when his feelings towards Renji shifted from platonic to something more. He had noticed it too late, when there were already tingles in his stomach he had no way of ignoring or pushing away. He had tried to kill them off, the butterflies he got in his stomach whenever he was around the redhead, but all his attempts had failed when the older shinigami would be around him. Even the thought of the man’s voice or crooked smile was enough to hatch a new batch of butterflies to mess up his insides. The ginger did wonder since when a chrysalis hatched into hornets instead of butterflies, 

Ichigo was aware that his feelings were unrequited and would earn him nothing but pain. But if it really had an on-and-off button, he would have found it a long time ago, as soon as he had recognized his affections for the redhead. He had tried, attempted to maybe shift his feelings towards someone else instead of the older shinigami, but all to no avail. Ichigo was used to struggling, but that was just a fight he couldn’t win. At this moment, he wasn’t too bitter about losing that struggle. He knew there would likely be a time that he would come to regret to not trying harder, but he would cross that bridge when he got there. There was no point in trying to cross a bridge he didn’t even know what it looked like.

Surely, he was not the only person in history to harbour fruitless feelings and he wouldn’t die from it. It didn’t interfere with his work as shinigami substitute and it didn’t prevent him from living his life or going to school. For now, his feelings were still harmless and nobody needed to know about them. Grimmjow was an exception because… circumstances had led to him finding out. But as far as Ichigo knew, besides the arrancar, no-one else knew about what he felt for the redheaded lieutenant. He suspected Yuzu to know something, but that couldn’t be helped since she was incredibly perceptive when it concerned those things.

In a few years, when Renji had gotten himself a partner or when Ichigo had gotten over these useless feelings, he’d be able to laugh about it. But for now, they would remain locked up in silence, never spoken about unless with Grimmjow. Ichigo was good in keeping secrets and surprisingly, Grimmjow was as well. Though that might have something to do with the fact that Ichigo was aware of the arrancar’s affections as well. 

“Ne, Ichigo” the bluenette spoke up as they walked through the spiritual pathway between the human world and Hueco Mundo, a thick and even lane of reishi under their feet, courtesy of Grimmjow. Ichigo was able to do it as well, but his was still rather jagged on the edges. The ginger hummed, looking at the hollow walking next to him.

“What about that woman?” Grimmjow asked and Ichigo regarded him before looking back in front of them, suppressing the curl of his lips.

“She’s good, last I heard. Still in Korea for the competitions, but she should be back next week” he responded and glanced sideways at the arrancar.

“‘S that so” he said, his tone somewhat lazy and distance. But while his voice said one thing, his body language said something else entirely. Ichigo bit on the inside of his cheek to prevent his grin from breaking through as he saw the arrancar straighten his shoulder, walking a little straighter as he inhaled deeply, nodding to himself as he failed to hide his excitement to the news. Sometimes, reading Grimmjow was just too easy.

“If you’re staying at Urahara’s shop for the rest of the week, I’ll pass by for another spar” Ichigo said as the garganta opened up above Karakura, allowing them to step out onto an invisible foothold of reishi.

“Pass by as many times as you like” the bluenette said and Ichigo scoffed.

“But then I’d be keeping you from your work” he pointed out in sadistic amusement, making the arrancar grimace. Ichigo knew Grimmjow was working for Urahara to pay of a debt and couldn’t help but jab at it in the same way the bluenette jabbed at him about Renji. As partners in crime, it was practically their duty to give each other shit about their crushes as much as possible. They had barely split up when Ichigo felt arms curl around his shoulders from the back, dragging him into his inner world.

|I agree with Pussy-cat. All this calm and quiet ‘s gettin’ on mah nerves. I can feel mah bones creak with eve’y move I make ‘cause I ain’t gettin’ a work-out.

“Really? I can’t hear anything though” Ichigo responded lazily as he leaned back into the hollow spirit’s chest to keep his balance. Since Zangetsu was practically his twin, they were of the same height. But with the zanpakuto spirit’s arms around his shoulders, he was forcing the ginger to bend backwards. The albino version of the young soul-reaper clicked with his tongue, the sound loud in Ichigo’s ear.

|Shuddap. Yanno what I fuckin’ mean. Don’t be a smartass.

“Don’t get your panties in a twist. I was planning on going all-out next time we sparred” Ichigo said and instantly regretted doing so when the hollow released him, making him stumble back. The ginger looked on in regret as the hyperactive spirit started to jump around, swinging his sword around in a way that didn’t seem possible, let alone sane. The young shinigami looked over to his other zanpakuto spirit for help, his face falling at the sight of the gruff looking spirit.

|Do not involve me, Ichigo. This is your fault.

Ichigo grimaced at the wavy-haired old man who didn’t even look up from the round table he was sitting at, reading some kind of newspaper while sipping a cup of steaming tea. The young shinigami wasn’t even going to ask how exactly he acquired both the table and the china set he was using, let alone question what exactly he could be reading. He was too busy fighting with his hollow to calm him down. It was either that or a restless night. Ichigo’s choice was quickly made, because if Zangetsu wasn’t calming down soon, the old man would start to complain as well and the ginger could really do without both the nagging and the hyperactive chatter keeping him up through the night.


	3. Closet.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renji POV :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer ;; I don't own anything besides the story, the OCs and he grammar mistakes ;)

Renji speed-walked through the hallways of the 1st division barracks, on his way to the lieutenant room where they were supposed to gather for a meeting. Not for the first time in his career as a full-time shinigami, he had overslept. He would have liked to blame it on the Eat-Sleep-Fight-Repeat lifestyle he had gotten in his early years in the 11th division, but after years of working in the 6th under stern rules, oversleeping was all him. Usually, he was a very light sleeper, but he had some of those days nothing short of a captain’s bankai could wake him up. Clearly, he was having one of those days.

“You’re late, Renji” Kira said as Renji snuck as silent as possible into the room, hoping to go unnoticed. How he ever thought it would be possible for him to be able to do that with a height like his, not to mention his hair, was proof of how tired he still was. His narrow eyes slid over to the blonde, his hand going up to his moth to hide a yawn behind it when he accepted he wouldn’t be able to stifle it by clenching his jaw as hard as he could.

“I overslept. Woke up, like, five minutes ago, ‘r somethin’” he said and Kira gave him an understanding, if not slightly pitying, look.

“One of those days?” he guessed and Renji gave a hum, failing to hide his grimace as he accepted the blonde’s pity. Despite that Renji still had somehow made it on time wouldn’t matter to his captain. He’d still get scolded for not being there before the other lieutenants and showing how punctual and structured the 6th division was. As if no-one knew that already. The division under captain Byakuya as known to be stiff and organized. Some liked it that way while others dreaded the day they would be send to the division.

Renji had been a mix between the two in his former days. Having been ‘raised’ in the 11th division, Renji had been nothing but a brawler. His main strengths had been in the physical of things. The more draining a fight was, the better. He was still like that, but back in the days, it had been even worse. He had dreaded going from fighting every day to the uptight 6th division. But he had had a goal, ever since then, and that had been Kuchiki Byakuya.

Back in those days, when he had first been appointed as 6th division lieutenant, Renji had been stiff with nerves, and not entirely the god kind. Going from one extreme to the other was stressful in a normal situation. Add to that the fact that he was under constant supervision of the person he saw as what he needed to surpass in order to get Rukia back. To say that the first years as lieutenant had been hard was an understatement. In fact, if Ichigo hadn’t come to soul society, swinging his big-ass sword around with his big-ass attitude, doing what he believed was right and what Renji wanted to do, the redhead would have still been living that stressful life.

Ichigo, in all his brash glory, had quite literally shaken Renji awake when he had cut him down. In fact, it wouldn’t be entirely far-fetched to say that Ichigo had cut down Renji’s cowardice. A bit of a melodramatic way to describe it, but not far-fetched. Renji had been afraid of doing many things because he believed it would only prevent him from surpassing the person he had set as his goal. It was only when he woke up after Ichigo had cut him down that he accepted what his heart had been telling him from the very second he had seen the ginger in a shihakusho, protecting Rukia with his cocky words. The only thing that had prevented Renji from surpassing Byakuya was the fact that he believed he could only surpass him by trying to become like him. 

When he thought back at it, he almost couldn’t stop himself from laughing at how ridiculous it was. The idea of Renji becoming like Byakuya, as if that would ever happen. A stray dog couldn’t become a saluki, no matter how much he tried. But he hadn’t needed to. The only way he would surpass Byakuya would be to do it in his own way and to never lose sight of himself. Never again. Once he started thinking like that, Byakuya had started seeing him as an equal. But despite that, Renji didn’t think he’d ever surpass the man. In the opinion of others, maybe. But in his own, he would never be good enough.

Maybe the perfectionistic nature of the 6th captain had rubbed off on him too much. Oh well, it wasn’t a bad personality trait to have, so he didn’t mind. 

“So? Does anyone know the reason for the meeting this time?” Hisagi asked as he joined the two other lieutenants, earning their attention. Kira shook his head as the corners of Renji’s mouth pulled down as his should drew up in a shrug.

“Dunno. I just woke up” he answered and Omaeda looked over at them from where he was leaning against the all, his hand stuffed in a bag of chips.

“Apparently something with Kurosaki back in the human world” he said and Renji’s head shot up in his direction so fast he could feel a pinch of heat spread through his neck.

“With Ichigo? Wha’ happened ta him? Did’e get hurt again?” the redhead asked, his volume a little too loud and drawing the attention of the other lieutenants. However, the 6th division lieutenant didn’t have any attention for it, preferring to approach the heavy-weight second-in-command.

“Calm down. I don’t know any more than that. I picked up on it when eavesdropping on my captain before she beat me up for it” Omaeda said somewhat snappy and Renji clicked with his tongue as he looked away. Any sleepiness that might have lingered disappeared with that news as his hands balled into fists. That idiot! Always thinking he could handle everything on his own and too goddamned bull-headed to ask for help. Couldn’t he just have asked for back-up? Did he plan on getting back to Seireitei with his guts spilling out again? Were they really so untrustworthy to turn to for help? Or had Ichigo already forgotten Renji’s words as he had told him he’d support the ginger no matter what he did, until his final breath?

“Calm down, Renji” a soft voice spoke up, contrary to the gently but firm on his forearm, drawing his attention away from his thoughts to the short-haired raven that had reached out to him.

“It’s not sure yet if he’s injured. Getting worked up like this won’t help him and it won’t speed up the meeting” Hinamori said and Renji gritted his teeth and looked away. He knew she was right, but he knew Ichigo as well. He knew the young shinigami better than anyone else in Seireitei, save maybe Rukia. But he knew that Ichigo went far when it came to fights, especially when he was protecting something or someone. Most of the time, he went too far. He discarded his own safety and went beyond his limits to make sure he did what he set out to do.

It worried Renji more than anything. Someone had to be worried for that idiot’s safety, because Ichigo sure wasn’t. At times, it pissed Renji the hell off, but then again, he was used to it to the point it’d suspicious if Ichigo would be worried for his own safety. That didn’t make it any better, though. There was only so much idiocy the redhead could put up with. He already put up with a lot when it came to Ichigo, but Renji really disliked the way the ginger would constantly gamble with his life. They were all warriors and Ichigo was one as well, but there was a limit to recklessness. 

He remembered the speech he had given the ginger some time ago about worrying about a soldier on the battlefield, but in reality, he was no hair better. He just couldn’t help it. Renji wondered slightly why that was. Why he worried more about Ichigo than he did about Rukia. They were both warriors and Renji was painfully aware of how strong they both were. Yet he worried more about Ichigo’s safety than he did for Rukia’s.

He felt somewhat bad for it. After all, he had known Rukia longer and they had more history together. But maybe that was it? At least that was what he initially had thought. The second option for his worries was because Ichigo was human. Because they were much more fragile and the ginger was also much younger than he and Rukia were. A human’s lifespan was much shorter than that of a shinigami. But even that way of thinking was not the reason for his worry considering if Ichigo died in his human body, his soul would come to soul-society.

No, it was only after the blood-war, when everything was starting to settle and Renji had the time and the freedom to reflect on what had happened and how he felt about it, that he had seen some of his feelings in a different perspective. He hadn’t recognized it at first, not because he was stupid, but because he never though it to be possible. At least not for him. But then again, denial had never done anyone any good. Not for long.  
He believed humans called it being stuck in the closet.

In all his years of life, Renji would have never guessed himself to be gay. He wasn’t, unless it came to Ichigo. Then he was probably the gayest fuck around. Save for Yumichika, but then again no, because that guy was bad-ass as fuck. Don’t get him wrong, it wasn’t like he had something against gays. He knew of a couple of shinigami that swung that way and they were his friends. He had just never though himself to be one of them or to even think for one second about another man in that way.

Not until a shock of orange and a big-ass sword appeared in his life. Back then, when he first met Ichigo, he had only thought of the ginger as an annoyance, one he needed to get rid of. But then they had become friends and had continued to grow closer. Close enough for Renji to notice how the young shinigami had grown from a lanky, scrawny brawler to a battle-hardened warrior. How muscles, lean from street-fights, had bulked up into hard muscles speaking of restrained power, gained through sword-fights with his life on the line.

His shoulders, once bony, had widened into a platform broad enough to carry the world. They once had, too. Shouldered all the weight and expectations of the world. Not only the world, but also Seireitei and Hueco Mundo. His slender hands with long fingers were marked with callouses, proof of how he had held on to the bonds he had created. How desperately he had worked to live up to the expectations of the people who believed in him. How hard he had gripped the handle of his sword to protect a fuck-ton of people.

Renji had seen a lot of sides of the young shinigami. He had seen the ginger cocky and he had seen him weary. He had seen the young man stand up when his opponent had brought him down to his knees, stubbornly defying what everyone expected him to do. He had seen the ginger fall apart and unravel at the seams. But he had seen him stand up more, refusing to bow down to anyone or anything. And when the ginger had really though that it had been the end, Renji had been there to drag him to his feet. And through it all, the redhead started looking at the young shinigami in a different way. 

But that was only something he realized when he took the time to think about it.

“Geez, do they have to call a meeting this early? As if our taichou wasn’t in a bad mood to begin with” a gruff voice spoke up as the door of the lieutenant meeting room opened and closed. Seems like Renji wasn’t last, after all. Though the 11th squad didn’t have a sense of direction and usually spend the first twenty minutes of the meeting running around to try and find the location of the meeting. Not that it ever changed. Renji had a small suspicion it was just a trick to skip out on as much stiff bullshit as possible. He wouldn’t put it past the 11th squad captain and his two highest ranked officers.

“Yumichika’s not with you today?” Hisagi asked as he noticed the missing 3rd officer. Usually, Ikkaku and Yumichika were joined at the hip. Where one went, the other followed. Renji didn’t think he’d ever seen them apart, unless they were fighting.

“Nah. Said he needed his beauty-sleep” the bald shinigami said as he hid a wide yawn behind his hands, much like Renji had done upon entering the room. But the redhead didn’t have any time to take notice of that.

“Did’ya hear somethin’?” he asked and Ikkaku hummed inquiring as he looked up at the redhead with small eyes, a clear lack of sleep.

“Hm? Nothing besides the fact that Ichigo managed to get his hands on more information a little while ago. Kyoraku sou-taichou is planning to send shinigami there to help with the hollows. But because Ichigo and that arrancar are having issues with dealing with all of them at the same time, they can’t just send anyone” he said and Renji looked at the door leading to the meeting room.

“But you know how Ichigo gets with back-up” the bald lieutenant pointed out as if he wasn’t the exact same and Renji’s words came out of his mouth without much thought.

“I’ll go” he said and nobody was surprised by his announcement. In fact, it appeared to be extremely expected.

“We figured you’d say that” a voice spoke up as the door opened once more, drawing their attention to the head of the Kuchiki clan.

“Taichou” Renji spoke up under the raven’s gaze that was sharp despite the seemingly disinterested, detached expression on his face. Byakuya turned away, expected Renji to follow. Of course, the redhead did. Not only because Byakuya was his captain, but also because he wanted more information.

“Because we suspected you to volunteer and because Kurosaki has the least issues with you, we decided to send you as back-up. You should be enough to help those on earth and if you aren’t, you will send a message with a request for more manpower” Byakuya said and gave his lieutenant a sideway look.

“You’ll leave tomorrow. The senkaimon will be prepared and ready for your arrival at noon. Questions?” he asked and Renji kept his gaze sharply in front of him.

“None, sir” he answered almost immediately, his shoulder stiff.

“I’ll finish my paperwork of tha day by t’night and take alon’ that what I plann’d ta do tomorrow. Any other paperwork ya wish me ta do can be send ta me through Urahara-san’s fax” Renji said and Byakuya gave a hum, allowing the redhead to separate from him with a bow, setting course for the barracks to finish his assigned paperwork before going home to prepare.

Renji could barely wait to leave, believing that noon the following day was too late. But orders were orders and so Renji was stuck biting his nails and going through a few hours of basic training before he was able to make his way to the senkaimon. Even when he walked on a snail pace, he was still too early. But at the very least, he wasn’t there first, considering Rukia was there before the kido corps was.

“You’re here pretty early” the short raven said, her captain haori rustling in the wind, her words earning a scoff from the redhead.

“Says the one ‘hose ‘lready here” he pointed out and Rukia huffed as she looked towards the closed senkaimon.

“That’s the biggest annoyance of being a captain. I can’t slap Ichigo for his idiocy anymore because I don’t get sent to earth” she said and Renji stopped next to her, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“I can slap ‘im fer ya” he said and Rukia looked up at him, tempted by the suggestion, before shaking her head.

“No. I’d be more satisfied if I do it myself” she said and her face pinched up into something that could be called a pout. However, the one who called it that to her face would be meeting the sole of her foot.

“Honestly, when will it get through that thick skull of his that he can just tell us when he needs support. We need to hear it from Urahara-san that there are too much hollows for Ichigo and Grimmjow to handle” she said and Renji pulled one of his shoulders up.

“Yanno how he is and I’ve heard tha’ arrancar ‘s even worse. He prob’bly doesn’ even kno Urahara-san called in fer back-up” he pointed out and Rukia only rolled with her eyes.

“Knowing that only pisses me off even more. Why can’t he just put his stubbornness aside for one second and call either of us personally?” she said and the redhead looked at her.

“’Cause he kno’s that if he calls ya, the whole of Seireitei will kno’ ‘cause he kno’s ya’d come immediately. But to do that in yer new rank, ya’d haf’ta report to the so-taichou” he said, earning a frown for his weird explanation. But then again, it was incredibly hard to explain what Ichigo was thinking. Not that anyone knew what that ginger was thinking, not even Renji. But the redhead had a few good guesses. It probably didn’t have much to do with not wanting to ask them for help, but troubling Seireitei with something they were counting on him for. The difference between the two seemed insignificant to all but Ichigo.

While Renji could understand the way Ichigo worked, that didn’t mean he agreed with it. Besides, it wasn’t like he could predict what the young shinigami would do or how he would react to certain things. But that was what made the ginger interesting to Renji. Ichigo was wild and brash who lived by his own set of rules. But at the drop of a hat, he could go from reckless to rational, yet always influenced by his emotions. Renji too was someone who was strengthened by his emotions, but it was different with Ichigo because their view on certain things differed as well. And that was exactly what interested the redhead. The way they saw things was similar, yet different, and Renji was always curious to see how Ichigo would react compared to himself.

If only it didn’t make Ichigo stubborn enough for Renji to get pissed.

“Warn him that once I see his face, it’s going to get slapped” Rukia said as the senkaimon opened and Renji prepared to walk through, the jigokucho fluttering about his head.

“I’ll be sure ta remind ‘im” he said with a crooked smile before crossing the border between Seireitei and earth. Instead of the hats’n’clogs shop he had expected to land, the senkaimon opened close to the source of Ichigo’s reiatsu. Landing on the sidewalk, Renji didn’t even glance around to see if he had been noticed before making the short walk to where he could sense Ichigo’s huge reiatsu, obnoxious even with his limiter. The redhead was pretty sure Ichigo would be able to sense him as well, so he felt comfortable to stop at the gates of the university closest to Karakura town. As his denreishinki vibrated in his shihakusho, the redhead knew Ichigo as aware of his presence.

\- It’s almost lunch. Wait five minutes. - 

The text-message confirmed what Renji had suspected and the shinigami leaned back against the gate, waiting until a loud bell rang from the building. If he hadn’t passed by Karakura’s high school, Renji would have likely thought it was some kind of alarm, especially with the way students were leaving the building. Ichigo was one of the first ones, flanked by two girls. On his right side was another ginger, one Renji knew well. On his left side was a raven who was familiar to Renji, though not as much as Orihime. Tatsuki, if he remembered correctly. Both girls noticed the shinigami at the gate, though not before Ichigo had. 

“Yo, Renji. What’re you doing here?” the ginger asked once he was within hearing distance, uncaring for the fact that except for the three of them, no-one else could see the shinigami. Renji cared little for it as well, his attention more focussed on the dark lines he could see below light brown eyes. It looked like Ichigo didn’t get much sleep in the past days. Not exactly unsurprising considering he was combining university with fighting hollows.

“Urahara-san called in fer back-up. Ya got nuthin’ ta complain ‘bout and if ya wanna do it anyway, yer gonna haf’ta get past Rukia, who’s pretty damn pissed” Renji said as he pushed off from the wall, sending the ginger a half-smile despite the sharp look in his eyes.

“She told me ta warn ya that tha next time she sees yer face, it’s gonna get slapped” he added and Ichigo still had the energy to grimace.

“Thank god she’s a captain and can’t just come down here” he said and Renji couldn’t agree more, barking a little laugh.

“She’d have been here ‘lready, regardless ‘f the rules” he said and the raven next to him clapped him on the shoulder.

“Ichigo, we’re off to have lunch. If you see him, tell him I said hi” the raven, Tatsuki, said as she clapped the tallest ginger on the shoulder. Ichigo turned to look at her with a hum, returning Orihime’s smile as they girls separated from the two shinigami.

“Let’s stop at a sandwich bar on our way to the shop. I’m freaking starving” Ichigo said as he turned back to the redhead. Renji gave a hum, turning away to fall in step next to the ginger as they walked away from the university building to the bus-stop. After getting off the bus in Karakura, they made a short stop at Ichigo’s frequented sandwich bar before setting course to Urahara’s shop.

“Ar’ya sure it’s okay fer ya ta skip classes?” Renji asked and Ichigo hummed.

“Yeah, somewhat. I don’t have any important afternoon-classes today. But don’t expect me to do it tomorrow, ‘cause I’m completely stuck with courses that I can’t miss” he warned and the redhead raised an eyebrow at him.

“Then, how’d’ya usually do it when a hollow appears durin’ those courses?” he asked, a question he had been wanting to ask for a long time now. Renji never went to school like Ichigo did, but he could remember the ginger rushing out of his classrooms whenever there was a hollow and disappearing from school entirely whenever there was something going on in Seireitei. He knew that Kon took over Ichigo’s human body at that moment, but high school hardly seemed as difficult as medical studies.

“Usually, Grimm takes care of them and if he can’t handle it alone, I let Kon take over and have him record the entire lecture so I can listen to it when I’m done. Not exactly a perfect way to do things, but it’s successful enough” the ginger answered and Renji gave a hum, not really wanting to continue about the subject even though he was the one who had brought it up. If he had to be honest, he just didn’t want to talk or think about it because it was proof of how different they were even when they were both shinigami. Ichigo had a life in the human world while working as a shinigami, unlike Renji who was a lieutenant. Ichigo had a foot in both worlds while Renji know nothing but one of them. It created a distance between them the redhead didn’t like to think about even when it was always in the back of his mind.

It didn’t take long for them to reach the hat’n’clogs shop, nobody waiting for them, but the door standing up. Because no sane robber would try to steal from a run-down shop like that and any person with even the least bit of spiritual power could sense the erratic reiatsu before they could even enter, the sight disturbed neither Ichigo nor Renji, the former entering the store first without fearing for a burglar. Only an idiot would dare to enter the store when Grimmjow was there.

“Sorry to disturb” Ichigo called out lazily as he entered the living-area attached to the back of the store. Renji followed him as he went straight for the room they could sense the arrancar occupying. It was obvious that the evolved hollow wasn’t in a good mood. Not even close.

“Perfect fucking timing, Ichigo. Sit your ass down and lend me your lap or I swear I will kill someone” the blue-haired arrancar all but growled as soon as Ichigo’s foot had entered the room.

“Nice to see you too, Grimm. Nah, classes weren’t too difficult and I slept wonderfully, thanks for asking. Oh, and I also brought you lunch, in case you were hungry” the ginger said in a flat, monotone voice, a dead-pan expression on his face to match his tone. It was almost funny, if his tiredness wouldn’t have shone through in his words.

“Put it in the fridge. I need sleep more than I need grub at this moment and I can’t even find a fucking position to sleep in” Grimmjow grumbled and Ichigo regarded him before turning around. He rolled with his eyes at Renji before leaving the room to go to the kitchen next doors. The redhead sat down at the table that stood in the middle of the table, glancing wearily at the arrancar. While he had nothing against them anymore, he wasn’t as friendly with them as Ichigo was. But then again, it didn’t seem like Grimmjow was in any mood to be play host either. Not that he ever was. This gave the redhead the time to get in his gigai before returning to the quiet room before the ginger had gotten back. To say Renji was glad when Ichigo entered the room again would not be a lie, but he certainly wasn’t the only one.

“Fucking finally” Grimmjow grumbled as Ichigo sat down across from the redhead. The bluenette plopped down next to the ginger before laying down. Renji’s eyes widened as Ichigo merely glanced down as the arrancar rested his head on his lap. From the way Ichigo didn’t tense up or react in any way other than that one glance, Renji could safely conclude that this didn’t happen for the first time. He wasn’t quite sure what to think about that. He didn’t feel too comfortable about it, but voiced nothing.

“Renji, sandwich” Ichigo said, drawing the redhead’s attention away from where he could see a hint of blue over the edge of the table. With a hum, the older shinigami accepted the packaged baguette sandwich held out to him, followed by a glass filled with ice-cubes. He opened the can of diet coke before pouring half of it into the glass, hearing the paper wrapping of Ichigo’s sandwich crinkle as he unpacked it. He had barely taken his first bite when a soft snore resounded from his lap, drawing both shinigami’s attention down to the source of the sound. Ichigo’s focus turned to his bottle of peach iced tea while Renji’s gaze lingered longer.

“Ya seem used ta that” the redhead said, despite his earlier decision not to voice anything. The words had passed his lips, bubbling up from the lowest pit of his stomach before he could stop them. His tone was entirely too put off to sound as a normal question, instead coming out as a sharp statement that earned a frown from the ginger. But then again, it wasn’t exactly a strange occurrence for Ichigo to be frowning.

“Maah, you could say that. This guy gets grumpy as fuck when he’s tired and I’d rather deal with this than him snapping at a fly because it was thinking of flying in his direction” the ginger said and Renji hummed, biting down in his sandwich before he could say anything else that could be taken the wrong way. Or maybe a little correct, but that was not something Renji hoped Ichigo would pick up on. The young shinigami could be incredibly dense sometimes and the last thing the redhead wanted him to know about was the feeling of jealousy stirring in the pit of his stomach. Hell, he himself didn’t even want to acknowledge it.

Acknowledging it made it more real than Renji would like to admit. Don’t get him wrong, the redhead wasn’t stupid enough to believe he didn’t feel attracted to the ginger. Anyone could see Ichigo was attractive and incredibly easy on the eyes. Renji had heard girls talk about the young shinigami over cups of sake, giggling behind their hand as they discussed the ginger’s appearance. Renji could never disagree with them, but that didn’t mean he didn’t try his hardest to ignore their conversation. Or at least pretend to while listening with half an ear. Even before he had realized his attraction towards the ginger, he had found himself listening to the discussions between his female co-workers when it was about Ichigo, adding some things they forgot about in the privacy of his own head. 

But being attracted to someone didn’t necessarily mean having romantic feelings for that person. Renji knew having romantic feelings for Ichigo would be weird considering the fact that Ichigo was alive and young and Renji was a spirit and old. He’d say he was older than the ginger’s dad, if the man hadn’t been the long lost ex-captain Shiba Isshin. But besides it being weird considering their difference in species, for lack of other word, it felt wrong. As if he was betraying the friendship they had built through battles fought side by side, protecting each other’s backs. There was nothing wrong with finding a friend attractive. There were plenty of people in his friend-group Renji found attractive, like Byakuya and Hisagi for example. But feelings complicated everything. And that was the last thing Renji wanted to happen between him and Ichigo. Their friendship was too important for Renji to lose, so denial it was.

“Ah, fuck!” Ichigo hissed, drawing Renji from his inner contemplation on the feelings he didn’t have. The redhead blinked as he saw the ginger scramble to remove the piece of lettuce coated with mayo from the blue mop of hair, a stain of white remaining on the strands. Okay, so Renji had been totally staring. But it wasn’t as if he had seen much when he had been lost in thought and he hadn’t even been fully aware of where his eyes had rested.

“He’s gonna kill me if he finds out, so if you tell him, I’ll string you up by your balls” Ichigo warned with a sharp look as he put his half-eaten sandwich down on the spread-open wrapper to clean the arrancar’s hair with the napkin that had been packed with the sandwich.

“I won’ tell ‘im” Renji said, taking his long-awaited third bite of his sandwich. Ichigo crumpled up the napkin before dropping it back on the table, looking up at the redhead as if nothing had happened. Renji blamed the skip of his heart when their eyes met on the crazy turn his thoughts had taken not a minute before.

“So, how pissed is Rukia?” he asked and Renji shrugged, chewing his mouth empty before answering.

“I wouldn’ call it pissed, but more disappointed an’ angry. She’ll slap ya once she sees ya, that’s fer sure tho” he said and Ichigo grimaced. It wasn’t like he was expecting anything else.

“I guess I’ll go see if I can get Yuzu to make her a one of those chocolate rabbits as peace-offer” he said and Renji raised an eyebrow at the table.

“Or ya could just ask’er fer help when ya need it” he said nonchalant, raising his eyes once more to meet Ichigo’s. It took all of three counts before they cracked, their laughs filling the room as they were unable to remain serious when that suggestion as thrown on the table. As if Ichigo would ever do that. But then again, not even Renji would do that. Ichigo’s laughter build down into a soft chuckle when the arrancar on his lap frowned and slapped his thigh, a little too close to the ginger’s groin for comfort.

“So, back-up. I’m guessing you’re going to need a bit more information than what you already have” Ichigo said, his free hand coming down to stroke back the already slicked back blue locks, as if to pacify the arrancar. Renji tore his eyes away from the gesture, forcing them back up to meet a light brown gaze.

“That’d be handy, yeah” he said and Ichigo gave a nod, lapsing into a report that was a lot more detailed than what the redhead had heard from his captain. No wonder the two stationed in Karakura were dead on their feet when there was a threat of possibly more than 90 evolved hollows looming over their heads. Even half of that was too much for the two of them to handle, no matter how strong they were. But it didn’t take long before Renji got a real-life meeting with these evolved hollows, the floor shaking slightly at the reiatsu that suddenly cloaked not only the store, but then entire area. The two shinigami tensed as Grimmjow’s soft purr turned into an annoyed snarl, his brows furrowing dangerously.

“Stay here and sleep. I’ll take it” Ichigo said as he removed the arrancar’s head from his lap to stand up, Renji rising with him.

“That seemed like four o’ them. Yer gonna need help” he said and Ichigo looked at him before a tired smile curled the corner of his lips.

“That were two, max three, but help would be welcome” he said, a testament of how tired he actually was. If he had had any more energy, he would have made at least one joke about Renji’s sensing skills and then the redhead would have made a comeback about how it was the first time he had ever sensed something like the hollows that were currently plaguing Karakura. They would have bickered while getting out of their bodies and all the way until they caught sight of the hollows. But with Ichigo’s current level of energy, there was no bickering. He was saving all his energy to fight the hollows threatening his beloved town.

“Watch out. They’ll retreat after your first-” Ichigo started but Renji had already shunpo-ed over to the first hollow he caught sight of, holding Zabimaru over his head, swinging it down and letting the segments stretch out. Almost immediately, the blades of the segments cut into the hollow’s shoulder, hooking into the flesh as Renji pulling his arm down, tearing through the hollow’s skin. When the last segment had clicked back in place, dripping with thick blood, the hollow seemed to fade into a cloud of black.

“Well, that didn’ seem too hard” he commented and looked toward Ichigo, seeing the ginger glare at him somewhat half-heartedly even when he physically kicked back the second hollow’s arm before it could reach the redhead.

“Idiot! Behind you!” the younger shinigami called out in a hard voice and a tingle ran down Renji’s spine as he twisted Zabimaru to cover his back, feeling a sword shaped exactly like his shikai connect with his zanpakuto. He trailed up the black blade to find it seamlessly changing into an arm, trailing it further up to the hollow’s mask.

“Oh, so that’s wha’cha meant with sword-arm” Renji said even when his feet dragged across the sky on his reishi-created foothold. Ichigo looked like he was going to ‘accidentally’ slash Renji while he was at it, his fingers closing around the hilts of his zanpakutos to draw them out, instantly sending a getsuga at the two other hollows. One hollow was too slow to retreat, the blade of dark, red-rimmed reiatsu slashing through his mask, chipping off enough to destroy it. It had been a close one, but that was one down. This allowed both Renji and Ichigo to focus better on the ones that had taken the shapes of their zanpakutos. 

Renji wasn’t going to lie. Watching Ichigo fight was distracting as hell. But once his arm was nicked because his eyes strayed when Ichigo quite literally flipped backwards into the corner of his field of vision, Renji mentally kicked himself, turning his full attention to the hollow in front of him. He couldn’t let Ichigo show him up. The ginger would never let him live it down, teasing him with it whenever he saw the opening. Not that Renji never did the exact same. That was how they pushed each other to get stronger, by passive aggressively jabbing at each other. All in good humour, of course, but effective none the less. 

If only the ‘I warned you’ smirk the ginger was giving him after the fights was over, wasn’t as infuriating as it was. All Renji wanted to do when he saw that smirk was wipe it off with a well-placed right hook. But then again, he too had an arsenal of those looks, so it was fair-play, no matter how much it ticked him off. If only the ginger didn’t look as good as he did when giving Renji that smirk, the redhead would be able to hold onto his irritation for longer.


	4. Denial.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grimmjow is being a little bitch and Renji takes it so personal, he ends up going on what could only be called a date with Ichigo. But not really, because he doesn't do dates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer ;; I don't own anything but the story, its OCs and its grammar mistakes :)

Glaring at the wall in front of him, Renji’s eyebrow twitched. He couldn’t understand. He couldn’t even begin to understand where Grimmjow got the energy from to be up at 6 in the morning. How did he look like that and be a morning person? Like, seriously? There was just no way. Not even a few hours later, and he had yet to lose any energy. Renji was hoping the bluenette’s dip would come soon, because there was only so much taunting he could take before he snapped and punched the hollow’s jaw-mask off his soul through the gigai.

“Oi, pineapple, are you just going to sit there and do nothing? If you’ve got nothing to do, make me a fucking sandwich or something. I’m fucking hungry and I need food” Grimmjow said and Renji gave him a sidelong glance. Maybe starving him would work? If a person didn’t eat often enough, their bodies couldn’t get any energy. While it didn’t work like that for their souls, the gigais they were stuffed in worked the exact same way. He was sure that if he told Urahara it was an experiment to see just how similar human bodies and gigais were, he could get away with starving an employee.

“How the hell did’ya get roped inta workin’ fer Urahara-san anywa’” Renji asked, his question halting Grimmjow from searching around in the box in between his legs. The arrancar looked over his shoulder at the redhead sitting at the table behind him, clearly doubting whether he should answer or not.

“I bought this gigai from him and instead of paying with money, I’m paying with my body” he said and smirked.

“Aren’t you the same?” he pointed out and Renji grimaced, unable to deny it even though he wouldn’t have put it the same way. At least not using such a line that could be taken the wrong way. But that was something Renji had figured out already. The arrancar had no shortage of insinuations and found new ones every day. It was so different compared to the Grimmjow Renji had seen during the Aizen incident. The shinigami couldn’t help but wonder. Had Aizen done something to him, or had it been Urahara? Put something in the gigai that had splayed with his brain and changed his personality or something?

No, that was wrong. It wasn’t like his personality had changed. Grimmjow was still the embodiment of destruction and chaos, but there was something different. Something had changed within him, seemingly putting him in a good mood, 5 days out of 7. He was still blood-thirsty with a temper that was volcanic at best and a smile that could be called nothing but psychotic. But there was something mellow about him, and then Renji wasn’t talking about the way he would use Ichigo’s lap to sleep on and even purr when the ginger stroked his hair. The redhead didn’t want to know how that came to be, but he did. He really did.

“What? What’re you looking at me like that for?” Grimmjow asked sharply as his eyes narrowed at the suspicious look he was receiving from the shinigami.

“How the hell did’ya go from Ichigo bein’ yer worst enemy to sleepin’ on ‘is lap?” Renji asked before he could stop himself and Grimmjow gave a hum with the corners of his lips pulled down.

“Mah, a lot happened. Let’s just say it started with alcohol. We pissed together in an alleyway while holding hands. Kinda creates a bond that can never be broken, don’t you think?” he said and the corners of his lips curled up into a smirk again.

“Of course, I’m leaving out everything that happened after that” he said and Renji’s reiatsu spiked at that implication before he could stop himself, reigning it back in almost instantly. Too slow for Grimmjow not to notice, however. The widening smirk on his face was proof of that, though Renji had no attention for it, too busy trying to think about the possibilities behind the arrancar’s words.

What did he mean with leaving out everything that had happened after that? Did they get in some kind of trouble or a fight? Or was it something else entirely? Something that wasn’t entirely platonic? People did things when they were drunk and Renji himself had experience with waking up in an unfamiliar bed, hungover and next to a shinigami who had looked much prettier through the bottom of several glasses too much. Was that what happened between Ichigo and Grimmjow as well? Was Ichigo that kind of person, who slept with men? Or was Grimmjow an exception?

Jealousy coiled darkly in the pit of his stomach and Renji disliked where his thoughts were going. He knew better than to think of Ichigo as someone who would be that loose. Besides, he really shouldn’t be the one to judge the ginger on who he slept with in what state. His own list of bedpartners counted almost an entire barrack, regardless of the fact that he had lived for far longer than Ichigo had. Renji knew he was a person with a high libido and limited chances to release his pent-up energy. Ichigo was still young and he was getting to know the world. There was nothing wrong with sleeping around a little to get to know himself in bed with another.

The only problem Renji had was who the other person was. Opposite to the redhead, Ichigo didn’t seem like a person to sleep around. He looked like someone who would be devoted to one person and one person only. If he was together with someone, Ichigo would be loyal to a fault and would do literally anything for them, without question. Looking at Grimmjow, he seemed to be the same type as Renji. Someone who would sleep around without really caring who their partner was as long as it felt good. But maybe Renji was too fast to judge the arrancar. Maybe Grimmjow would settle down if it was Ichigo.

Hell, Renji knew he might.

“Didn’t peg ya fer someone who swung that way” the redhead said, his voice surprisingly levelled despite his suspicious glance at the bluenette’s back that was directed towards him. Grimmjow scoffed, not once pausing his riffling through the box to look at the shinigami.

“With a sword in my hand, I swing every way if it means cutting someone down” he answered and Renji clicked with is tongue as he narrowed his eyes. That little shit knew all too well what the redhead was getting at.

“Yanno that ain’t what I meant” the shinigami said and Grimmjow turned his head just enough to look over his shoulder, his smirk visible in his eye.

“You meant to ask if I’m gay and aiming for the little berry’s ass?” he asked, and Renji wanted to punch the arrancar so badly just for the tone he used.

“Don’t worry. I’m not after Ichigo’s ass. But have you seen his legs? I wouldn’t mind having those wrapped around me, if you get what I mean” the bluenette continued, turning his head further to flash the lieutenant a feral grin.

“Pretty sure you do, though” he added and Renji moved to stand up, his temper getting the better of him before he could reign in his anger at the implications. Now, don’t get him wrong, he had totally imagined having Ichigo’s legs wrapped around his waist. But waking up from that dream with a soiled yukata had been a one-way ticket to the brothels in the Rukongai. While that first time had been a while ago, having someone remind him of those dreams was enough to make him want to punch whoever had brought it up.

Grimmjow looked just as prepared to receive the punch, his muscles strung tightly as he was readying to instantly answer with his own punch. However, it never came to that. Both the arrancar and the shinigami were brought to a complete stop when they sensed a familiar reiatsu approach. Two pairs of eyes looking into the direction of the signature, having no doubt that the owner was still a distance away despite the ridiculously huge reiatsu that already tickled their senses. While the approach of the devil allowed Renji to remove his weight from his knee, back to his ass to sit down again, Grimmjow didn’t seem to lose even a hint of the sadistic amusement in his expression. It only increased up until the moment Ichigo entered the store as if he was right at home.

“Yo” the ginger greeted them both as he stepped into the room. Renji barely had the time to hum in answer as Grimmjow leaned back on his hands, looking up at the ginger with that same feral smirk.

“If you’re here for pineapple juice, I’m afraid you’ll have to wait a little longer. It’s not squeezed out yet” the arrancar said and to Renji’s confusion, Ichigo instantly send a kick towards the bluenette’s head. Not that Renji wasn’t pleased to see the action, somewhat disappointed that the arrancar had dodged it, he did feel as if he was missing something. But then again, it seemed like he was missing a lot of what had happened between those two.

“Motherfucking asshole” Ichigo growled as he moved to pin Grimmjow underneath him against the tatami mat. The ginger was straddling the bluenette’s hips, hands struggling to lock the arrancar’s wrists down as well. He was forced to give up that struggle when Grimmjow bucked his hips up, placing his hand above the arrancar’s head to prevent himself from being thrown off. 

“Don’t pretend you’re not thirsting for a little pineapple juice, berry-berry-kun” Grimmjow sneered in amusement, using his free grip to smack the ginger’s ass with a loud, resounding slap that hurt to even hear, jolting the young shinigami forward. Before Renji could ever register the feeling coiling in his chest as anger, Ichigo’s hand connected with the arrancar’s cheeks, clipping his head to the side with the force. Both Grimmjow and Ichigo’s palms turned a bright red, no doubt complimented by the throbbing slap-marks on their skin as they stared at each other.

“That hurt!” Ichigo complained but there was a certain hint of amusement in his eyes, one that only got stronger as their roughhousing escalated when Grimmjow toppled him over. They continued to roll around the room, pretty much trashing it as they fought for dominance. Renji clearly saw the matching grins they sported as their cheeks flushed from exertion, grappling techniques messing up their hair and clothes. Small, breathless chuckles left both males as they continued to horse around, pulling on everything they could get their hands on and flipping the other over to pin them down.

The irritation and anger Renji felt swirling around in his gut as he watched them was nothing compared to the jealousy he felt when Grimmjow finally managed to get the upper-hand on the smaller male. Ichigo was on his back, his hands pinned down against the tatami next to his hips. His feet were held off the ground, knees draped over the crook of Grimmjow’s elbows as the arrancar was kneeling in between the ginger’s legs.

The visual was too much like the comment the hollow had made before and it took all Renji had not to punch the arrancar in the face. The fact that Ichigo was chuckling   
breathily with a smile on his face stopped the redhead as well, though it only added to his jealousy. Especially when he considered how relaxed the ginger was despite being pinned down the way he was. Part of him wondered if Ichigo would be like that with him as well, if Renji would have been in Grimmjow’s position. But the other part just wanted to yell at himself for thinking it. What right did he have to be jealous when there were so little people who could make Ichigo smile the way he currently was doing.

As a friend, Renji should be laughing with this. He should be amused by the antics of the former enemies turned friends. He was, at least part of him. The other part, the part that wasn’t glad to see Ichigo laugh regardless of who had drawn it out, was too busy questioning whether they were just friends or more. Renji really shouldn’t be this jealous. Being attracted to someone didn’t equal having a claim on them. 

“Let’s take this somewhere else” Grimmjow said, his words making the red-head suck in a breath. Forget about not being jealous. 

“Isn’t this good enough of a fight?” Ichigo asked, cutting off Renji’s reiatsu that had been rising in anger. Grimmjow scoffed, seemingly having forgotten all about the shinigami in the room with them. That only served to piss Renji off even more, his hands balled into tight fists.

“Fuck that, Ichigo. You promised me an all-out fight” Grimmjow snarled and Ichigo smirked, readying a comeback he wasn’t able to say when the redhead cut in, reminding them both of his presence.

“Do it after we went patrollin’” Renji said, his voice cold and levelled despite his anger, narrowing his eyes at the duo. Grimmjow grimaced as he released Ichigo’s wrists to sit back on his ankles.

“But I need to watch the fucking shop” he reminded the red-head, apparently not having forgotten about him. Renji felt a vein throb in his arm thanks to the force he was folding his fist with, not sure if he was angrier at being forgotten or at being ignored. Ichigo’s gaze connected with his before the gingers averted his eyes as he moved away from the arrancar smoothly.

“He’s right, Grimm. If we go all-out, this place won’t be left standing, regardless of how strong the barrier on the training-ground is. We’ll need to go to Hueco Mundo if you don’t want to increase your debt to Urahara-san” Ichigo said and looked at Grimmjow.

“We’ll have to wait until one of those guys comes back to watch the store anyway, so it might be better to go patrol before we leave. We’ll be gone for more than a couple hours and I don’t want to leave the town unprotected” the ginger reasoned and the arrancar grimaced.

“Fine. Go patrol with the pineapple. But after that, your ass is mine and we’re going to Hueco. You owe me an all-out battle” the hollow said and Ichigo hummed as he stood up, straightening out his clothes.

“I promised last time, didn’t I?” the ginger said before turning his gaze at the older shinigami again.

“You ready to go?” he asked and with a grunt, Renji stood up, making sure his soul-pill was in his pocket before stepping away from the table.

“Have fun cleaning” he said to Grimmjow as a parting shot before getting out of the room with Ichigo, feeling somewhat pacified as he heard the arrancar curse violently. The shinigami duo stopped at the front-door of the living-area of the store to pull on their shoes and jackets, stepping outside through the store. Every step Renji took away from the store and then hollow’s erratic reiatsu, the older shinigami felt himself grown calmer.

“Fucking asshole. My ass still hurts from that freaking hit” Ichigo muttered as he rubbed his ass with a grimace, making Renji glance at him.

“Pretty sure ‘is cheek still hurts too” the redhead said and Ichigo looked back in front of him, pushing his hands into his pockets.

“It better” he huffed before seemingly shaking it off, his shoulders lowering slightly as he looked up at the older shinigami.

“So, which way do we go or are we splitting up?” he asked and Renji shrugged.

“We gotta do the whole town, but we got time. Ya pick the route and I’ll do it next time” he suggested and Ichigo hummed.

“If we got time, do you mind going to the mall?” he asked and Renji shook his head, looking sideways at the younger shinigami.

“Nah, I dun mind. Ya need somethin’ from there?” he asked and Ichigo gave another confirming hum, looking up at the sky.

“It’s almost Inoue’s birthday and I still don’t have a present” he said and Renji’s eyebrows raised in surprise.

“Inoue’s? I didn’ kno” he said and Ichigo raised an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, you do. Or did you forget that she checked to see if you and Rukia could take a day off to celebrate with us?” he asked, though there was a hint of suspicion in his voice, as if he already knew the answer to his own question. Renji frowned as he thought back at when that might have been mentioned. It took a little while before his coin dropped.

“Ah, right! Rukia pleaded with Taichou ta give me that day off and then he swamped me with paperwork. ’S ta a club ‘r somethin’, right?” he asked and Ichigo gave a nod in confirmation.

“We’re gathering at Inoue’s at seven thirty, in case you forgot that as well” the ginger said with a sideway glance as Renji grimaced. He had indeed forgotten about it, but it wasn’t like he could help it. Byakuya had really overloaded him with paperwork right after Rukia had informed him about the birthday party. Anyone in his position would forget about what was said to him in a fleeting manner when all his attention was on the stacks of paper forming a fort around him on his desk. Either way, he was there now and it wasn’t like he was going to be called back to Soul Society any time soon, unless those hollows suddenly vanished into thin air. It didn’t seem like that would happen any time soon, so Renji was stuck in Karakura.

Not that he minded that when it meant he could spend time with his friend, walking around the shopping street of town. It wasn’t a large street and there were certainly more popular places to shop just outside the city, but there were quite some people walking around. Renji and Ichigo were just lucky to be tall and broad enough to make people move aside for them. He suspected their unusual bright hair-colours had something to do with it as well. But because he knew Ichigo to be self-conscious about it deep down, he wasn’t going to mention it. Really, no matter how much the ginger tried to hide it, it wasn’t hard for Renji to pick up on the way his eyes would avert shortly when he noticed someone staring a tad bit too long at his hair.

While Renji could understand why that would make one self-conscious, he didn’t really see the need for Ichigo to be like that. His hair always looked incredibly soft, no matter if it was short or on the longer side like it currently was, the strands curling over the junction of his shoulder and neck. His bangs looked like they were maintained carelessly with a pair of kitchen scissors or maybe even a zanpakuto. Renji wouldn’t put it past the ginger to do something like that because his bangs annoyed the fuck out of him during a spar, but that didn’t make him want to ruffle the orange locks less.

|Wow, that was gay, even for you, Renji.

Startled and embarrassed Renji tore his eyes away from the ginger walking next to him, turning to his zanpakuto in his inner world. Both the baboon and the snake were looking at him in a way that almost made it seem as if they were raising their eyebrow at the shinigami, making the redhead turn away with a grimace, unable to talk back to them because they were right.

“Shuddap. There’s nuthin’ wrong with wantin’ ta… do that” Renji said with a vague hand-gesture, not even able to say it out loud without sounding like he was confirming what his zanpakuto spirit was saying.

“Rukia wants ta braid my hair all the time” the redhead tried again, hoping he sounded less defensive but only making it worse as the snake scoffed.

|She’s a woman, idiot.

“That has nuthin’ ta do with it” Renji said, but wasn’t entirely sure himself. Did it have something to do with it? To be honest, he didn’t want to run his hands through Byakuya or Yumichika’s hair. Not only because they’d cut off his entire arm if he even so much asked, but it just didn’t interest him. Yet when it came to Ichigo, Renji always wondered what it would feel like to feel the orange locks slide between his fingers.

|Ugh, here we go again.

|Would’ya get yer head outa the gutter, Renji! If ya wanna do it, just do it! Ichigo’ll prob’bly cut yer arm off as well, tho.

“Like hell I’m gonna do somethin’ like that!” Renji cried embarrassed, making the snake turn away in disinterest, maybe annoyance. But before he could make it even worse by trying to explain himself, a voice at the edge of his awareness called out for his attention. Instantly, Renji decided to go with that distraction rather than to try to defend himself against someone who knew everything about him and didn’t take his shit anyway.

“Hmm? What?” the redhead asked as he turned to the ginger next to him, finally noticing that he was on the receiving end of a raised eyebrow. The young shinigami looked as if he wanted to say something but then opted against, looking at the store they were approaching, jerking his chin at it.

“Let’s start with that one” he suggested and Renji couldn’t do much else than go along. It wasn’t like he was a professional at picking out a birthday gift. While they had birthdays in Seireitei, they weren’t exactly celebrated. People remembered them and wished you a happy one, but they didn’t exchange gifts. Unless you counted giving a drink a gift, because if so, the 11th squad was extremely generous. They took every excuse they could get to drink, even when they didn’t have a reason to other than the fact that they wanted to drink. Renji had once heard them give ‘someone taking a shit’ as an excuse for one of their boisterous parties when Sui-Feng taichou had complained to Zaraki about the noise.

However, on earth, it seemed like birthdays were a big thing, considering the fuss that was made around it. Maybe that wasn’t that much of a surprise considering the short life-span humans had. Shinigami lived for much longer, so living another year wasn’t a spectacular thing. Besides, humans liked to make a lot of drama about pretty much everything. Still, because it seemed important to Ichigo, Renji would keep his opinion to himself, following the ginger through the store until he went to the next one.

“Hey, what do you think about this?” Ichigo suddenly asked, his attention clearly entirely focussed on buying the best gift for Orihime he could find. Renji looked at the garment in his hands as he held up a light green cable knit sweater, something simple but nice.

“’S good enoug’, no?” the redhead asked unsure and Ichigo looked back at him before turning his attention back at the sweater in his hands.

“I’ll add a pair of jeans as well. She doesn’t have much of those and they’re warning it’s going to be a harsh winter” he said and Renji raised an eyebrow at him.

“Yanno her sizes, then?” he asked and Ichigo snorted as he lowered the sweater to turn towards the direction of where the bottom garments were displayed.

“It’s a long story, but to give the nutshell version of it, women have accidents and when you have a friend around that you can contact in emergencies, women tend to send him to the store to buy a change of clothes and lady-stuff” he said and the redhead followed after him, his hands deep in his pockets and a furrow drawing his tattooed eyebrows together.

“Lady-stuff?” he parroted confused and Ichigo send a glance back, one that looked grimly amused.

“You know, sanitary pads and tampons and the likes? For when they’re having the week of the month” he said and snorted as Renji grimaced.

“I had to do it for both my sisters, Tatsuki and Orihime. I’ve already grown so used to it that it no longer embarrasses me to go to the store to buy whatever they need” he said and chuckled.

“I even remember what all of them prefer, their style and their sizes. When they text me the message Papaya, it’s codeword for ‘Get me the usual right this instant’. It doesn’t even freak me out when I get that message anymore” the ginger said amused, though Renji couldn’t understand his amusement.

“Better ya than me” he said put off and Ichigo scoffed as he glanced over his shoulder.

“Oya? Did I just find something you’re uncomfortable with?” the young shinigami asked and Renji looked away, silently confirming the ginger’s suspicion. Usually, the redhead would snap at the younger male, but he currently didn’t feel the need to. Not when the teasing proved that the substitute shinigami was in a good mood. The furrow that was usually between his brows had seemed to be ironed out while the tension that was always found in his shoulders seemed to have lightened. Reality would crash down on them when they went back to patrolling, but for now, Renji was glad that the ginger was relaxing.

He was still relieved the young man didn’t continue on the subject of periods, though.

“Let’s get something to eat” Ichigo suggested as they stepped out of the store, the smaller one of the duo carrying a bag. His statement was enforced by the grumble of his stomach that made Renji smirk at the ginger in the same way the younger man had smirked at him over the previous subject. Ichigo rolled with his eyes, looking unapologetic though slightly embarrassed as he set course to the coffee shop across the street with Renji on his heels.

They entered the store, waiting in line until it was their turn. As they waited for their order to be served, they found a topic of conversation in what the people around them wore, judging their style in both clothing and jewellery. It didn’t take long before Renji had gotten his chocolate cookie crumble Frappuccino with white chocolate pudding and his matcha scone. Ichigo left the store with something that sounded like diabetes waiting to happen with a cinnamon bun hot chocolate and an apple fritter.

“Oh” Renji exhaled when his attention was drawn by something in a store they passed. He heard Ichigo called out to him in confusion as he entered the store. The young shinigami followed after him as the redhead made his way to the stand holding different sunglasses. He could hear Ichigo sigh before snorting as he reached out for a pair. He placed the round sunglasses with mirrored glasses on top of his nose, moving the light purple tag aside before checking out the result in the small square mirror perched onto the stand.

“God, no” Ichigo said resolutely behind him and Renji scowled at him through the reflection of the mirror.

“Would’ya stop hatin’ on my sunglasses?” he demanded and Ichigo shook his head.

“I’m not hating on your sunglasses. I’m hating on those sunglasses. They look ridiculous” he pointed out and Renji looked over his shoulder at him. He looked back at the mirror before feeling compelled to agree with the ginger.

“Why not try that one?” he suggested, jerking his chin at the one he meant, drawing Renji’s attention towards it. The redhead’s face fell when he saw what the ginger pointed out. He put back the sunglasses that had been perched on his nose in exchange for the ones Ichigo pointed out. But instead of putting them on himself, he turned around. Renji doubted he would have done it if Ichigo hadn’t had his hands full, but considering the ginger’s hands weren’t free, the redhead had the freedom to put the sunglasses on the young shinigami’s nose despite his protests that involved arching his spine backwards.

Renji straightened up with a smirk as he regarded the smaller male with a healthy amount of smugness at his accomplishment. Ichigo was glaring at him, but it only had the opposite effect when it was through brown, heart-shaped lenses with the top decorated with pastel coloured roses in pink, yellow and purple. The glare intensified when Renji pressed his lips together while raising his denreishinki to take a picture. It was only after the sound of the shutter had gone off that Renji could no longer hold it, bursting out in boisterous laughed.

“Asshole! Delete that picture!” Ichigo demanded as he took a threatening step forward, Renji reacting with taking a step back.

“No way! I’mma send this to Rukia! She’s gotta see this!” he said as he held his phone out of reach when he saw Ichigo move to put down the bag in his hand, his other occupied with his beverage. The ginger narrowed his eyes, his gaze locked with Renji’s as he weighed his option.

“Put it on” he said and Renji regarded him before he understood, his shoulders relaxing somewhat.

“Which one?” he asked and Ichigo pointed at a specific pair of sunglasses. Renji grimaced, but if it would allow him to keep the memorable, possible tease-material photograph, it was a small effort. He put on the pink, heart-shaped sunglasses and turned around to ask if the ginger was satisfied, only to look straight into the camera of Ichigo’s own denreishinki.

“Oh. Surprisingly, it suits you” the ginger said, his amusement badly hidden in his voice and Renji wanted to slap himself.

“I completely forgot ya had one as well!” he said and Ichigo scoffed.

“How can you forget that when I use it to text you with? Are you an idiot?” he asked and Renji huffed.

“Shuddap, flower-boy” he said, but there was no denying the tingles in his lower abdomen as Ichigo’s attention was draw by something else, seemingly no longer caring about the sunglasses on his nose. In the end, when they left the store, Ichigo had a small purple bag, hidden within the clothing bag. Renji had almost walked out, still wearing the sunglasses, if the alarm hadn’t gone off. Ichigo had laughed at him, which had earned him a shove. Renji was about to suggest buying a waffle from the tiny store in between two bigger stores, feeling lighter than he had in days, when duty called. Quite literally considering the denreishinki vibrating in his pocket a second after Ichigo and Renji both sensed the hollow appear in a nearby park.

It was only one hollow, but they still both went, in case a second one wasn’t far off. They hid their bodies in a nearby bush at the entrance of the park before continuing towards the playground in their soul-form. The entire good mood that had been between them before changed into something serious, yet no less comfortable. Renji trusted Ichigo to watch his back and preform the konso while the redhead engaged in a fight with the evolved hollow. Like expected, the second hollow followed rather fast, attracted by the fight that was going on.

Renji didn’t even have to look over his shoulder to know Ichigo would be there to parry the second hollow’s attack. After fighting the hollows for a while, they had started to show patterns and weaknesses. Renji had been the first one to notice one of the weaknesses while Grimmjow had pointed out a pattern. One of the weaknesses was the fact that they were predictable. Even if they were able to perfectly copy their moves and their weapon, they were unable to perform attacks that were out of their range of capability. For example, if they fired a getsuga, it was nowhere near as powerful or accurate as Ichigo’s. The ginger himself had been the one to confirm it when they had been able to draw the hollow to a remote location that allowed Ichigo to fire a getsuga tenshou that skimmed the limit of his limiter.

However, that had no real use in a place where they couldn’t go near that limit in fear of destroying their surroundings. But that was where the pattern came in handy. It was a very simple pattern, so simple the shinigami hadn’t even thought about until Grimmjow had noticed it when he had observed a fight. The evolved hollows, for how much trouble they were giving the shinigami, had a time-limit. They were forced to go back to Hueco Mundo within a certain set of time, regardless if they had received injuries or not. They returned instantly, just like they did when they had received damage, which made it less obvious during a fight, but clear when observing from a distance.

With a timing that was nearly perfect, but entirely coincidental, the two shinigami sliced their zanpakuto down, cutting through the hollow’s masks as they prepared to retreat when they had hit their time-limit. As they turned to each other, on guard for a possible third hollow, Renji did a quick observation of the wounds they had received. Ichigo was bleeding from a cut on his thigh while the redhead himself had been unable to dodge the slice to his left bicep. An improvement from the first time they had fought the evolved hollows and proof that they were getting used to the hollow’s way of fighting.

“That’s two down, and at least 58 more to go” Ichigo said, his tone a mix between detached boredom and annoyance. While Renji understood the complicated combination of the two, he did feel that they had cleaned up quite a lot of them as well. To go from 90 to 58, he’d say they were doing something right, at the very least. It might not be going as fast as they wanted, but then again, since when did things go the way they wanted?

“We’re almost half-way” Renji said as he looked around, trying to see if a third hollow might come as well. Judging by Ichigo turning away to return to their bodies, it wasn’t likely.

“Half-way of the amount that was presumed to have evolved. Halibel and Nel still haven’t had much success with sealing away the hogyoku traces. At least not last time Grimm and I went there and passed by Las Noches” he said and Renji frowned at him.

“That waza while ago when ya went for a spar, right?” the redhead asked and Ichigo nodded in confirmation.

“Isn’t it possible that they’ve made progress now?” the older shinigami asked, knowing Ichigo was better informed about Hueco Mundo than he was.

“Possible, but Skulls peak is large and the traces were too big to be sealed away in one go. It’s possible that there’s still more traces they will only be able to deal with once that largest problem is sealed away” the ginger said, earning a confused frown from the redhead.

“Skulls peak? Does’at desert have areas?” he asked surprised and Ichigo looked over his shoulder as he stopped next to his body. He smiled in amusement as he touched the shoulder of the life-less shell, getting sucked back into it before the eyes of the body blinked open.

“Of course there are areas. Skulls-peak is rather popular for Hollows to hang out, meaning that there are quite a few around, all the time. If all of them evolve, it’ll be more than 150 possible hollows” he said and looked up at the sky in thought as Renji stepped into his gigai, cracking his neck within the cramped yet somewhat comfortable contains.

“I believe Halibel and Nel closed off the area, but I doubt it did much. Grimm and me fighting there had chased away hollows for only a few days. With the traces of the hogyoku compelling them, I doubt it will even take days before a hollow breaks through the restriction” Ichigo said and Renji rubbed his shoulder.

“I’m still confus’d with the whole area-in-a-desert thing’” he admitted and Ichigo snorted before turning away. Renji was tempted to ask the ginger to draw him a map, but when he asked, it was clear that not even Grimmjow would be able to draw one.


	5. Entertainment.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang goes to the club for Orihime's birthday =)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer ;; I don't own anything but the story, its OCs and the grammar mistakes :)

Ichigo was not just someone who only saw dead people. Apparently, he could foresee the future as well. Here was a prediction: this night was going to bring more trouble than it was worth. However, even when he knew this, could feel it in his gut, he had no intention of not going. It was Inoue’s birthday party and he deserved a little break from both school and hollow hunting. He would hunt, but instead of hollows it were clothes, riffling through his closet to find the garments that would complete the image he had in his head.

It wasn’t as if Ichigo was super conscious about what he wore on a daily basis as long as it was clean and somewhat matching. But since it was an actually occasion, he figured he’d try a little harder. Not too much, considering he didn’t exactly have super formal or stylish clothes. He made do with what he had and what he had was a pair of beige chinos with multiple pockets, reminiscent of a cargo pants. On top of it, he pulled on a beige Henley shirt, rolling up the sleeves to his elbows and leaving the top buttons open. He added a black belt to it before partially tucking in the hem of his shirt. 

Walking over to his desk, he ruffled up his hair, knowing there was little else he could do about it, especially when he needed to cut it with something other than his zanpakuto. But that would be for later, after the winter, most likely. The added warmth of his hair in his neck was a welcome barrier against cold outside air. Besides, he didn’t mind having long hair as long as it didn’t get in his eyes. That would be problematic during a fight. Renji and some of the other shinigami might not have any issues with it, but Ichigo couldn’t stand it when his hair came into his eyes. Then again, the others with long hair probably got used to it and to be honest, he couldn’t imagine any of them with short hair.

The image of Renji with an undercut made the ginger snort as he sat down on his desk-chair to pull open his middle drawer to reveal his jewellery organizer. The two drawers below that were the same, though each with different jewellery. While he didn’t have as much as Yuzu or Karin, Ichigo had a couple of watches, a series of rings and necklaces and bracelets. A couple of things he had stolen from his mother’s jewellery box before it had gone to his sisters. Ichigo barely dared to wear them, in fear of breaking it, today was no different.

Choosing the black digital watch over the light-grey and rose-gold watch with white marble dial and the watch with rose-gold mesh bands and a black dial with lace detail that had belonged to his mother, Ichigo closed the drawer for the next one. With the black watch on his left wrist, the ginger picked out several black leather string bracelets that were decorated with gold tubes and a single coin, each bracelet having a different one without ever mismatching with the other, tingling softly when they went around his right wrist.

Finally, he opened the last drawer to pick out a few rings, stacking them on different fingers. A flat gold polished 8 mm ring went on his right index finger, fitting snugly but still allowing movement. On his other hand was an oval gold and black signet ring placed on his little finger, paired with a flat gold 2 mm ring on his pointer. After glancing at ring supporting a slice of toast lathered with peanut butter, Ichigo closed the drawer again, not sure whether to smile or grimace at the memories the childish ring brought. 

Moving away from his desk as he secured a black choker around his throat, Ichigo checked the time, figuring he could start making his way to Inoue’s. Walking down the stairs, he bade his sisters a good night before pulling on his black and white sneakers. Yuzu and Karin peeked into the hallway to see him off as he stepped outside after pulling on his coat. Pushing his hands into the pockets of his coat, he set course to Inoue’s apartment.

As he approached the building, he could sense several different reiatsu’s, making it obvious he wasn’t the first one to arrive. Obviously, there was Orihime’s signature and her boyfriend’s, one whose reiatsu still send a shiver down Ichigo’s spine. But besides those two, he could also sense Tatsuki and Keigo. When he spread out his senses, the ginger noticed Mizuiro making his way to the apartment as well. Deciding the raven was close enough, Ichigo waited at the bottom of the stairs leading up to Orihime’s apartment complex.

“Looks like I’m not the first” Mizuiro said with a pleasant smile as he approached the tall ginger, his hands deep in the pockets of his pea coat and his nose buried in his dark-green scarf.

“Tatsuki and Keigo are here too” Ichigo informed as he turned towards the stairs as Mizuiro chuckled.

“I wish I had the same ability as you. Maybe then I would be able to sense which one of my dates was approaching before they saw me with someone else” he said and Ichigo raised an eyebrow at him, yet was unsurprised.

“The main girl found out about the side-bitch?” he guessed and Mizuiro glanced up.

“Other way around” he admitted but the ginger felt no mercy for his friend as he shrugged.

“I told you from the beginning it wasn’t a good idea to be two-timing” he said as he stopped in front of the needed door, not even knocking because he knew both Orihime and Ulquiorra could sense him as well.

“Come in! Kurosaki-kun! It’s open!” the female ginger called from the inside, confirming Ichigo’s suspicion. Trusting his friend’s word, he reached out for the door-handle, pushing it down to let himself and Mizuiro inside.

“I know, but I didn’t want to hurt either of them and I was unable to choose” Mizuiro said, answering to Ichigo’s previous statement as they stepped into the entrance-hall to pull off their shoes. Ichigo could easily point out the fact that the raven’s indecisiveness had hurt both of the women he had been seeing, but he kept his opinion to himself. He wasn’t the one who was supposed to judge Mizuiro on what he should and shouldn’t do. Besides, when it came to indecisiveness, Ichigo really wasn’t one to talk. There was only so much denial one person could go through before he became a coward hiding behind terrified excuses.

But that was not something the ginger wanted to think about at that moment. He wanted to forget about everything weighing him down and enjoy his youth like any other college student who wasn’t a shinigami besides being a med-student. That shinigami part was extremely hard to forget, especially when one of his former enemies stood in the apartment’s kitchenette, holding a bottle of vodka. To be honest, Ichigo had no idea how it was possible for Ulquiorra to be alive after he had destroyed the arrancar. But then again, he didn’t want to question it. While Ichigo had no regret over killing the raven once, as long as he made Orihime happy, the ginger would put up with him, giving him a civilized nod in greeting.

“Oh, oh! Look at who got all fancied up” an amused voice came from the make-shift living-room, drawing Ichigo further inside. His blank expression made lace for a warm smirk as he looked down at the raven looking up at him with a half-smile.

“Pot calling kettle black, Tatsuki” the ginger said as he looked at the friend he had known for the longest time, a self-conscious blush landing on her cheeks as she averted her eyes with a soft grumble. Tatsuki hadn’t changed much since high school, but after meeting Grimmjow, Ichigo had noticed how the raven had become a little more aware of how people looked at her. Correction, about how guys like Grimmjow looked at her. Don’t get it wrong, she was still very much a tomboy, but she was just more aware of how she dressed or how she acted.

Wearing a pair of pale distressed boyfriend jeans with a red and black flannel shirt on top of a black bralette top, Ichigo was of the opinion that if she wanted a look to get the arrancar’s attention, she had nailed it. Not that Grimmjow had attention for any other woman with Tatsuki around. Ichigo found it amusing, if only for the sole reason that he could bully Grimmjow as much with his crush as the arrancar could tease Ichigo with his. It was only a matter of time before either Tatsuki or Grimmjow made their move and then Ichigo would win the bet their friend-group had made as to when Tatsuki would get her first boyfriend.

It might not be all that nice to have a bet about something like that, but it had been Tatsuki’s best friend herself who had started it. One not-so-careless comment from Orihime had spurred them all in the bet. Ichigo was pretty sure the female ginger was trying to get her friend hooked up now that she had someone as well. She wanted her friend to be happy, just like she was. The ginger was radiating where she sat at the “head” of the table, wearing a mint green mini jumpsuit with a white blazer, no doubt wanting to match a little with the mint button-up her boyfriend was wearing on top of black slacks.

Keigo had opted for a look he felt confident in, pairing a pair of jeans with a simple white shirt. The timberlands in the genkan were no doubt his, left in a disarray that would have never been allowed under Ichigo’s roof. Mizuiro had dressed to impress, clad in a matching navy-blue chinos and casual blazer, worn with a blue and white horizontally striped T-shirt. Smart but casual, effortlessly pulled off. 

Ishida and Chad, who arrived a little after Ichigo, seemed to have coordinated, going for semi-casual as well. Chad had doused out in light grey chinos with a white shirt with a low-cut collar, topped by a black blazer. Ishida had dressed in black slacks, paired with a white button up with a black button placket. If he had to be honest, he had expected Ishida to show up in a suit. But then again, it was unsurprising considering his fellow med-student wanted to wind down as well.

Last to arrive was the trio from Urahara’s shop, led by Rukia. The short shinigami as clad in a love poem blush lace dress, bottomed by black tights. Behind her, Grimmjow walked inside, doused out in black slacks with an oversized black button down tucked in behind the waistband, the top buttons standing open invitingly. Closing the line as final guest was Renji, dressed in a grey button up with lilac flower pattern on top of a black jeans, completely different from the 80’s attire Ichigo had expected. It startled the ginger so much that he didn’t even have the time to defend himself from the bottom of Rukia’s feet slamming into his cheek before she lapsed into a scolding that went in one ear and out the other. It was only when Grimmjow brought up the presents that Rukia stopped with talking to the wall named Ichigo.

Renji sat down next to Ichigo, nudging his arm with his elbow to raise an eyebrow at the ginger as if to say ‘I told you so’, which only earned a roll of the younger man’s eyes. The duo looked up at the glasses with vodka orange held out to them by Ulquiorra, which they accepted easily while Orihime received her birthday gifts. It was a little while later that they decided to go to the club, the entire group flooding from the apartment like clowns from a tiny car in a circus cartoon.

“I’m guessin’ this isn’t all there is ta it” Renji said after half an hour in the queue, waiting for entrance. Ichigo gave the red-head next to him a glance before looking in front of him again, seeing how short the queue was in front of their group.

“We’ve got to get inside first and then it’s not taking long. We’ve stood in line for over two hours before” the ginger answered and Renji grimaced.

“Why would’ya stand in line, in the cold, fer two hours?” he asked, looking at the ginger as if he was touched in the head. Ichigo shrugged as he regarded the redhead.

“For the same reason as everyone else standing here. To get inside and to have fun and get drunk” he said and glanced back at the crowd lined up behind them.

“Though half of the people standing here is drunk already” he added and Renji looked back as well, seeing some people sway is if to prove Ichigo’s statement.

“That’s stupid” Renji said and the ginger scoffed.

“The prices for the alcohol inside are stupid. It’s so expensive that people start drinking before they even leave the house. We’ve done the same, remember. The only difference is that we didn’t drink enough to get buzzed, but enough to start us up” he said and Renji frowned somewhat confused.

“You’ll understand once we’re inside” the ginger assured as he looked away, pretending the comment about how cute Renji was when he was confused had never popped up in his head. With the way the redhead looked, cute was hardly the word to be linked with him. Ichigo had a hard time keeping his eyes to himself, making sure his gaze didn’t stay on the redhead’s form for longer than three seconds. But with the way his button up was stretched over his buff torso, that was just as hard as defeating Aizen had been.

Thankfully, the queue moved forward before Ichigo could give in to the temptation to continue those thoughts. Once inside, he hoped there would be enough distraction for his attention not to return to Renji the entire time. With the music blasting loudly through speakers, a sweaty crowd swaying on the dancefloor and alcohol, Ichigo doubted he would be unable to find something to avert his attention. Despite the way he appeared to other people, the ginger liked going to parties and clubs. He liked the music, the mood, the crowd, the opportunity to leave everything outside the door and to just not care, even if it was only for a few hours.

It also helped that Ichigo could hold his alcohol and that he was a surprisingly good dancer. A great one, if he was to believe the compliments he received from the random clubbers who paired up with him. He always one of the first ones on the dancefloor, together with Grimmjow, Keigo and Orihime, and that day was no different. They knew one of their group was always remain with their stuff, which was usually Chad or Ulquiorra, sometimes Ishida. But compared to the latter, Chad and Ulquiorra were much better as creep-repellents. Those two watching over their table instantly changed the minds of whoever had thoughts of spiking their drinks.

It had happened to Ichigo before and that hadn’t ended well. The first time, he had accidentally consumed GHB but he had been lucky Grimmjow had been with him and had taken him home. The second time, he had seen someone drop a pill in Orihime’s drink. That guy would have landed in the hospital if Ulquiorra hadn’t held him back. Any anger that Ichigo might have felt at the idea that the arrancar would be okay with someone drugging his girlfriend disappeared when the raven had poured the entire drink down the man’s throat in one go. That was one of the things that had caused Ichigo to accept the raven.

But not even those experiences could prevent the ginger from having a good time, staying on the dance-floor until his throat was screaming at him for something to smooth it out. Excusing himself from the young woman he had been dancing with and with a hop in his step, the young shinigami moved back to their table. Renji and Rukia noticed him first, Grimmjow too busy with looking at the bottom of his glass. It seemed that Orihime had gotten Ulquiorra onto the dancefloor while both Keigo and Mizuiro were talking to women a bit further from the table. Tatsuki was sitting next to Grimmjow, but Ichigo couldn’t find it in him to tease them both. Not yet at least, considering his throat was too dry to talk.

“Looking good out there, berry-berry-kun!” Grimmjow called as he finally put his glass down right as the ginger lifted his own. Ichigo caught the teasing glint in teal eyes as they glanced shortly at the redhead that seemed to be sulking somewhat. The young shinigami didn’t understand what the arrancar meant with the look, but he didn’t want to figure it out either.

“We’ve been to better” the ginger answered as he waved with his hand at Renji, signalling him to scoot over and make some space so he could sit down as well. The redhead shuffled aside on the red bench just enough for the younger man to sit down, their thighs pressed together.

“Talking about Tomorrowland?” Grimmjow guessed, raising his voice to remain audible though the only answer he got was a crooked grin. Before they could continue about the subject, Ishida joined their table again with a new round of drinks which they gratefully accepted. After taking a drink from the tall glass filled with a mixture of several alcohols that went by the name “XXL”, Ichigo turned to the redhead next to him.

“Are you bored?” the ginger asked and Renji looked over at him before shaking his head.

“Nah, that ain’t it” he answered and Ichigo raised an eyebrow, pulling the straw from between his lips again.

“Don’t like the music, or maybe the alcohol is shitty? If it is, it means you’re not drinking enough” he said, finally cracking a smile from the older shinigami as he glanced at the raven, his shoulders seemingly relaxing as he leaned his arms onto the table they were sitting at.

“I’ve been drinkin’ fer longer than ya, Ichigo. I think I kno a bit more ‘bout it than ya do” he said and the ginger frowned in confusion.

“Is there more alcohol than sake in Seireitei then?” he asked, honestly curious about that fact now that Renji had implied there was. The redhead snorted as he shook his head.

“’F course there is, idiot. Ya just never stay long ‘nough ta find out” he pointed out and Ichigo couldn’t deny that. He always refused when the guys up there invited him for a drink. It was either the fact that he was dead on his feet, or studying for something.

“Then buy me a drink next time I pass by” he said and Renji raised an eyebrow at him, looking like he was going to point out Ichigo’s use of excuses. But instead of doing so, the corner of the redhead’s lips curled up.

“Sure, why not. If ya stay long ‘nough” he agreed, his mood seemingly having turned. Ichigo didn’t know what had gotten into him to be sulking at a club, but he was glad it seemed to have passed.

“You better not let him drink too much. This guy’s got moods when he gets drunk” Grimmjow cut into the conversation, drawing the attention of both shinigami.

“As if you don’t have them” Ichigo said in the hope to get Grimmjow to drop the subject, but with how interested Renji looked, the ginger doubted it would work.

“What kinda moods?” the redhead asked and the bluenette smirked. Ichigo rolled with his eyes but gave up on trying to stop the arrancar from gossiping.

“Last time he got drunk, he couldn’t stop laughing. He was literally laughing right in the face of a bar-tender for no reason at all” he said and Renji looked over at Ichigo in amusement as the ginger raised an eyebrow at his partner in crime.

“Last time we got drunk, you honestly believed yourself to be the virgin Maria, or did you conveniently forget that part?” the young shinigami reminded the arrancar, but it was Tatsuki who spoke up next.

“Say the one who got up on stage to join the gogo dancers and slayed” she said and Ichigo felt his cheeks heat up at the reminder of that night. The colour on his face that was but barely visible piqued Renji’s interest, looking at the raven for an explanation which the human was all too happy to give as she leaned forward.  
“We were in a club in the Roppongi when he got drunk enough to get on a stage like the one there. He danced for an entire half hour” she said, mentioning the two stages on each side of the DJ’s stage as Grimmjow smirked.

“You forgot to mention that he was shirtless and got offered a job right when he left the stage” he added and Ichigo groaned as Renji’s attention was stuck on the dancers, no doubt imagining the ginger up there. The younger shinigami wondered what exactly the redhead was imagining, his lower abdomen heating up at the possible thoughts the older man might have, making him reach out for his cocktail to distract him, deciding to change the subject. However, before he could even open his mouth to make an attempt, Ulquiorra was the one to cut into the conversation.

“You really shouldn’t be talking when you were the one who yelled at someone who accidentally brushed your ass” he pointed out and Tatsuki reacted instantly.

“Don’t touch what you can’t afford, sunshine!” she mimicked and Grimmjow licked his lips as he thought of a comeback. Pretty much unnecessary as well, considering everyone was able to come up with a story about their drunk shenanigans. Grimmjow’s as well as Ichigo’s. The ginger suspected them to be able to fill an entire night with those kind of stories, but it did relax the entire mood, making everyone looser.

“Or that time when the cops were called on our asses when we were having that house-party and Ichigo was the only one who was able to appear sober and talk to them” Keigo said, having returned from flirting with girls with Mizuiro when they noticed the ambiance at their table. The memory his words called up did earn a roll from Ichigo’s eyes while Grimmjow barked a laugh.

“That was nothing! When we went to America, this guy got piss-drunk, even more so than at that house-party. Even then, he appeared crazy normal and sober as fuck. Not even the tattoo-artist noticed anything” the arrancar said and Renji and Rukia raised an eyebrow at the ginger.

“Ya gotta tat?” Renji asked surprised and Ichigo shrugged.

“Pretty big one at that. Right on his-” Grimmjow started to reveal but was cut off by the girls crying out as the song changed. Ichigo had no choice but to follow them when Rukia grabbed his wrist and pulled him off the bench, away from Renji who he had been pressed up against because she had forced him to scoot over to sit down herself. The ginger could be annoyed because of the sudden man-handling, if he wouldn’t have gotten up to go dance himself.

When Queen B came up, not even their tomboy could sit still, though when it came to twerking, she was no match for Ichigo. Orihime was close, standing in front of her fellow ginger as they bend low through their knees. The four of them continued to dance, regardless of the people looking at them. As the song changed, Ichigo noticed someone approach him. Looking over his shoulder when it was tapped, he accepted the silent request of the young man that had approached him almost shyly, turning around to dance with him. He wasn’t a bad dancer and he didn’t look too bad either, but Ichigo was overly aware of the reiatsu that had spiked back at the table of their group.

He could feel Renji’s eyes on him, feeling it roam his body as he moved it to the beat of the music. Bend slightly through his knees, one leg placed in between his partner’s he swayed his hips smoothly from left to right on the compelling tones of mi gente even when he didn’t understand a word of what they sang. The human he was dancing with made a bold move to put his hand on Ichigo’s hips, unaware of how the gaze turned a bit more intense, prickling the back of the ginger’s neck. Yet Ichigo didn’t stop, switching over to body-rolls when the music asked for it. His partner was having a little trouble keeping up, but the young shinigami commended him for not tapping out and completing the song without screwing up.

Almost as soon as the song changed, a confident young woman stepped up next to them, taking over from the male. Ichigo adjusted effortlessly, both to the music and his new partner. His body rolled backwards from his shoulders down to his hips, following the movement of his dance-partner’s body-roll as her back was almost touching his chest. Her hand found his nape as she leaned back against him, her fingertips brushing the clasp of his choker while she swayed her hips with his. While Ichigo wasn’t against a bit of close physical contact when dancing, he did draw the line when she started running her hand up his thigh, refusing her by grabbing her wrist and joining it in his neck. It seemed she understood the line Ichigo had put up, but she didn’t seem to intent to abide it.

Luckily, the ginger was saved when the song ended and the hands were removed from his neck. Not voluntarily, but one look at the person who had detangled her fingers from the young shinigami’s nape had her accept it and move away to find someone else. Ichigo didn’t even need to look over his shoulder to know who was standing behind him, feeling his tightly reigned in reiatsu brush his own, sending shivers down his spine. As the ginger saw it, he had two options. One, he could turn around and thank Renji for stepping in before returning to the table. Or two, he could just lean back and sway, feigning drunkenness as excuse. The choice was pretty much made for him when Renji stepped closer to him, leaning down slightly to reach the ginger’s ear.

“Did’ya wanna go home with her?” the redhead asked, his voice raised to be heard above the deep base of the music. Ichigo shook his head, starting to sway softly again, testing to see if the redhead would respond or not.

“No, she was getting a bit handsy” the ginger said as he turned his head slightly towards the older male, feeling a jolt shoot down his spine as Renji started following his movement. Ichigo viciously stomped down the nervously excited tingles in his lower abdomen, telling himself it was likely unconscious. He too started dancing unconsciously when he heard music, so it wasn’t a far stretch. Yet part of him couldn’t help but hope that Renji had even the least bit of interest in him.

“Good. Ya mind?” the redhead asked, his hand landing almost softly on the ginger’s hip in question. Ichigo shook with his head, leaning his weight back toward the older shinigami as he started moving his body a bit more deliberately. Renji was somewhat stiff, but loosened up the longer they danced, starting to follow Ichigo’s backwards body-roll that switched direction from left to right in tune with the music, his grip on the slim hip growing stronger as his confidence grew. The movement of their bodies together was sinfully hot and Ichigo finally understood why people though grinding to be indecent. Of course, he had done it before, but he had never reacted to it. His body had never heated up and his lust never had grown. But then again, it was already clear to him that no-one other than Renji was currently able to draw out his carnal desires.

When the song changed to something slower, Renji seemed reluctant to let go, so Ichigo turned around, moving one leg in between the redhead’s. The older shinigami’s eyes connected with his, his pupils blown but his gaze questioning. Ichigo merely averted his eyes, raising his arm to rest his wrist on the redhead’s shoulder, his relaxed fingertips brushing the top of the muscled shoulder-blade. Bruno Mars’s voice singing smoothly about a designer dress filled the building and had Ichigo mouthing along to the lyrics. He raised a hand to brush his damp bangs back as Renji’s hand seemed to burn through his shirt on his lower back, swaying with him while keeping rhythm.

Ichigo wondered how it was possible he wasn’t losing rhythm either, his body aflame with the body heat radiating from the older shinigami, his heartbeat almost drowning out the music. He didn’t want to be this aware, but he couldn’t not be. For once, he just wanted to be okay with having feelings for his best friend. He wanted to be honest with himself and admit that while it might not be a full-out hug like he imagined right before his eyes closed, the way the redhead’s thick arm was currently wrapped around his waist could be considered a half-hug, giving him a hint of what could be. His imagination wasn’t far off, but he couldn’t be too sure considering wasn’t much different than when an enemy had got him to his knees and Renji had been there to pick him up.

Who was he kidding? This was entirely different and he knew it. He was too aware of it, of how close they currently were. Of how his body moved together with his, against his. Ichigo’s head felt like it was floating even when he was pretty sure he wasn’t drunk yet. Tipsy, maybe, but not drunk enough to feel as lightheaded as he currently did. The blame laid entirely with Renji and their current position. But then again, when it was this kind of light-headedness, Renji was usually to blame. And while Ichigo ignored it most of the time, pretended it wasn’t there and certainly not because of someone that was supposed to be his best friend, he just didn’t want to do it now. He just wanted to carve the feeling of Renji’s hands on his body into the depths of his brain so he could ignore them later but remember them when he was alone with his thoughts and not in a busy nightclub with their friends sitting at a table, getting drunk.

Because they all still had classes the next day -or a couple hours later- they decided to call it a night. They hadn’t remained sober, except for Chad, who had a fight the next day. He wasn’t completely sober, but he wasn’t as drunk as Rukia and Grimmjow were. The raven was draped over Renji’s shoulders who was forced to carry her sleeping ass through the streets while Grimmjow arm was swung over the ginger’s shoulder, having dragged him to the front to the group. The bluenette was stumbling slightly and Ichigo’s intoxicated state wasn’t helping them walk any straighter either. It was obvious that Grimmjow was currently in a vocal mood, sucking a song out of his thumb on the spot until the lyrics shifted to something everyone knew.

“1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3, drink. 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3, drink. 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3, drink” the bluenette sang, meeting Ichigo’s gaze with a meaning-full look as he nudged the ginger who shook his head.

“Throw ‘em bac, ‘till lose count” Grimmjow said in a low sing-song voice and the ginger closed his eyes, knowing what was going to come.

“I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier. I’m gonna live like tomorrow doesn’t exist, like it doesn’t exist” Grimmjow sang powerful, Ichigo having joined in despite knowing he would regret it. His voice mingling with the bluenette’s gave a strangely mesmerizing harmony, one that had Grimmjow act dramatic, shaking his clenched fist as he leaned forward as Ichigo raised his face toward the dark sky with his eyes still closed.

“I’m gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry. I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier” they sang unison, flinching when someone yelled at them to shut up, making the others laugh at them.

“Go suck a cock!” Grimmjow yelled back even louder as he looked back at the apartment-building where a man was hanging from his window, making Ichigo snort as he had completely expected this to happen. The stumble the bluenette made on the other hand, came out of nowhere, almost dragging them both to the ground.

“Pay attention, idiot!” Ichigo demanded as he could barely hold them both up. Grimmjow barked a laugh, smirking at the ginger in a way that confused the young shinigami, earning a frown.

“What?” Ichigo asked suspicious and Grimmjow leaned closed to the ginger’s ear.

“Just like you wanted Pineapple to pay attention to you, to the way your body moved?” he asked, his alcohol-infused breath brushing the shell of the smaller male’s ear. Ichigo turned his gaze towards the bluenette, the flush on his cheeks hidden by the pink that had already been there from the alcohol.

“I didn’t do it on purpose” the ginger answered and that wasn’t a lie. He really hadn’t done it on purpose, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t feel like a small victory.

“I know, you kept it rather calm today. But that didn’t make him any less jealous” Grimmjow said and Ichigo turned his head to the arrancar with a frown.

“What do you mean, jealous?” he asked and the bluenette raised an eyebrow.

“Come on now, Ichi. You don’t really believe he’d have come dance with you like that if he wasn’t jealous?” he asked amused and Ichigo looked away, not wanting to believe what the hollow said. If he believed it, he would begin to hope, and that was as dangerous as it was uncontrollable, a twinge of it already planting a seed in his chest.

“It was just a curiosity. An interest” the ginger said, more to himself, before giving the bluenette a sideway glance.

“You should know what that’s like, right? You had it yourself” Ichigo reminded the drunk arrancar, earning a thoughtful hum.

“You’re sexier than you think and I’m a healthy man with healthy interests” he said smartly, yet it only made Ichigo snort.

“Wise advice from the virgin” he said and Grimmjow shoved him away with a grimace.

“Like you were any different. Didn’t see you go down so easily either” he reminded the ginger who rolled with his eyes at the comment.

“Finding someone attractive doesn’t mean you want to sleep with them. Physiological reactions have nothing to do with sexuality or emotions. You are straight, yet you had a hard-on” Ichigo pointed out and Grimmjow raised an eyebrow at him.

“Do you have any idea what you sounded and looked like? Any guy would get- Oh. Point taken” the arrancar said before pinning the ginger down with a sharp look. Or as sharp as he could with the amount of alcohol he had consumed.

“But a mere interest wouldn’t have him break his glass when he saw you get frisky with someone else” he said, throwing in an argument in the hope he would continue to be in control of the teasing.

“He broke 4 glasses just because he was clenching it too hard, unable to take his eyes away from you” he added and Ichigo rolled with his eyes as he looked away. Part of him hoped the bluenette was right, but the other part quickly tried to cut it down. There was no use in harbouring any hope. Renji was straight and even Ichigo had heard about the rumours of the redhead’s nightly activities. There was no way Ichigo would pop up on the older shinigami’s radar, even when today’s dance had seemed that way. It was likely just Ichigo’s naive, hopeful mind that wanted to believe the arrancar’s words. His common sense however, was not above pointing out the facts of his feelings being unrequited.

“Ichi” Grimmjow said serious, drawing the ginger from his grim thoughts with an inquiring hum.

“I need to take a piss” the bluenette said meaningful, giving the younger male a look that needed no words for Ichigo to understand the request.

“Hell no! I’m not going to hold your cock for you” the young shinigami hissed and Grimmjow grimaced.

“That’s not what I’m asking. I just need you to make sure I don’t piss on my foot or fall into it” the arrancar said and Ichigo regarded him as if he was dealing with an idiot, which he was. With a sigh, the ginger gave the hollow’s shoulder a shove in the direction of the dark alley they passed.

“Why don’t you ask Tatsuki next time” he suggested and Grimmjow looked over his shoulder at him.

“Are you crazy? Do you know how difficult it is to piss in front of someone?” he asked, earning a deadpan look as the raven in question spoke up, asking them where they were going. As Grimmjow answered that he was going for a piss, Ichigo’s gaze connected with Renji’s before he averted his eyes again, squashing the warm feeling blooming in his chest as his traitorous mind recalled Grimmjow’s words.


	6. Fighting-dog.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ichigo in Seireitei.  
> I hope you enjoy ^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer ;; I don't own anything but the story, the OCs and its grammar mistakes ;)

In the aftermath of Orihime’s party, Ichigo had become overly aware of Renji. Don’t get him wrong, he had always been conscious of the redhead. It was impossible not to when the older man was this imposing. He walked with a gait that made it seem as if he owned whatever street he walked on, his arms crossed in front of his chest and his chin lifted into the air in a relaxed manner that held a hint of cockiness. One that wasn’t ungrounded, considering the older shinigami’s fighting-skills and battle-experiences. Ichigo hated how entranced he was by the redhead’s confidence that he excluded.

Yet confidence wasn’t the only thing Renji excluded. The thing that had Ichigo stare as well, was the older shinigami’s wildness that seemed to be restrained below layers of discipline. Ichigo knew Renji had grown up in the rukongai and had been a seated officer in the 11th squad before he became lieutenant of the sixth. But even with all the discipline Byakuya demanded from his squad, it was impossible for Renji to lose the wild, feral edge he had to him. Once a stray dog, always a stray dog, the redhead would say. But Ichigo wouldn’t use the word stray dog to describe Renji. If anything, he was a proud fighting dog that had survived the countless rings he had been dumped in.

Renji excluded raw power. Maybe not in the way Kenpachi was the embodiment of overwhelming power, or the way Byakuya excluded gracefully lethal power, but power none the less. Every inch of his body existed out of trained, bulging muscles below a light sun-tanned skin that was etched with black lines that spoke of his accomplishments. His bright red hair reaching past his collarbones even when it was tied up high on his head, was just as untameable as his soul, even when he tried to do so by braiding it.

|I like’t better wi’out tha braid. Looks fiercer.

Ichigo looked up at his monochrome mirror image next to him as he was dragged into his inner world, feeling the weight of a white arm resting on his shoulder as the hollow zanpakuto spirit used it as a support for his arm.

|I have to agree with the uncouth idiot on this one. Hair has to flow freely to be healthy.

Slowly, with a frozen expression of put off confusion, the twins looked over at the second zanpakuto spirit. The old man’s wavy dark hair swayed in the wind like some kind of statement, his gaze aimed towards nothing as if he had just said something incredibly meaningful.

|Yanno, tha momen’ I think I got us’d ta ‘is weird-ass crazy comments, t’is happ’ns. I think ‘is doin’ ‘t on purpose.

Ichigo was inclined to agree with him for once, remembering the time where had had been showering, minding his own business, when the old man had suggested him to use a different shampoo, like the one they had been seeing ads about on the TV. He had continued to talk about it until he had bought a bottle and tried it.

“But that one shampoo was indeed better” Ichigo said and the hollow looked at him with a raised eyebrow despite the corners of his lips that were pulled down.

“Anyway, any reason in particular you dragged me here?” the ginger asked as he looked from the old man to his monochrome twin, the latter one who shrugged almost bored.

|Since ya were starin’ so ‘ard, I figur’d I’d pu’in mah two cents.

“Unnecessary!” Ichigo hissed at his zanpakuto spirit as the old man looked over to them.

|Come now, Ichigo. If you’re going to be this loud with your thoughts about him, you are asking us for our opinion.

“Why the hell would I do that?” the ginger said shocked as he stared at the old man.

|No, s’riously, King. Ya really need ta fuck ‘im or do a’least sum’thin’. We’re goin’ mental ‘ere listen’ng ta ev’ry one ‘f yer thoughts.

Ichigo could feel his cheeks heat up in embarrassment as the hollow didn’t fail to point out the fact that they shared more than just an inner-world. Usually, when Ichigo wanted to have some alone time, they left him alone, but that didn’t change the fact that they were part of his soul. But no matter how much he would like to blame the crude hollow spirit for his completely inappropriate thoughts about his best friend, Ichigo knew that that was all him. Oh and how the hollow liked to remind him of that fact.

“Would you stop it. It’s not like I can control my thoughts. Believe me, if I could, I would” Ichigo said a little snappy and the pale spirit huffed.

|I’kno. Tha way ya suppress yerself is ev’n worse than tha way ya suppress me. Tha’ must really drive ya insane, ta hol’ back tha way yer doin’. Thirstin’ ta touch ‘im and   
be touch’d by ‘im, but pretendin’ ya don’t. Ta hol’ back ever’thin’ ya wanna do, even if ya can do ‘t wit’ others like Pussy-cat. Things like layin’ with ‘im and brushin’ ‘is hair.

Ichigo’s gaze was directedly firmly at the sky-scraper in front of him even when he felt his chest tighten at the hollow’s words, white long fingers combing through the hair on the back of his head in a manner to both give an example of what he wanted to do and to comfort him. The ginger wasn’t sure if it succeeded in comforting or did the exact opposite. He guessed a combination of both. And even though both zanpakuto spirits could feel it, the hollow continued.

|’M pretty sure ‘e wouldn’t ev’n reject ya if ya tried ta do’it. Might ev’n purr fer ya like Pussy-cat does. But ya won’t do’it ‘cause yer scared of losin’ wha’cha have wit’im.   
I woul’ hate ta lose ‘im ‘s well. He’s a good sparrin’ partner. But if I gotta choose between ya hurtin’ less or losin’ a sparrin’ partner, mah choice ‘s made quick.

Ichigo looked over at the spirit, swallowing once, twice and still not succeeding in forcing down the lump in his throat. His spirits really knew how to hit where it hurts, but usually, it was the old man to do so. The hollow would just be ready to fight him to get him over it. But it seemed as if the roles had reversed. The ginger couldn’t help but give a wry smile at the spirit.

“You get lonely fast, don’t you?” he asked, correctly guessing that the hollow was being affect by the ginger’s feelings and hating the uncomfortable tightness in his chest caused by feeling lonely. His white mirror image grimaced as he looked away, letting his arm drape around the ginger’s shoulders in a half-hug. His comment earned a soft snort from the old man, which the hollow skilfully ignored.

|’M stuck with tha’ crazy-ass bastard as mah only companion, can ya blame me?

“And he’s stuck with you, so I’d say it’s pretty even” Ichigo said, amused at the hollow’s wry tone as he didn’t even make a move to deny the fact that he got lonely easy.

|What he’s trying to say, Ichigo, is that it’s going to rain soon if you don’t do anything about it. And looking at the clouds, I don’t believe it is going to stop soon once it   
starts.

Ichigo followed the old man’s line of gaze at the sky high above their heads, ominous clouds darkening and threatening with a thunderstorm. Usually, the ginger liked thunderstorms, but he didn’t think he was going to like this one, letting out a wistful sigh as he unconsciously leaned into the hollow’s side.

“I know. I’ll try not to let the rain fall” he said and the hollow gave a half-smirk.

|Tha best way ta do that’s ta fuck ‘im. Ya imagin’d ‘nough positions ta suggest.

“You-!”

“Ichigo!” Renji’s loud voice jarred him from his inner-world forcefully, making the ginger jump in surprise. Blinking, he recognized the object in front of him as one of Seireitei’s maze walls, separated from his nose by only a few inches. Looking back at the hand on his shoulder, Ichigo followed the limb up to Renji’s concerned face, frowning at him in question.

“Ah, sorry” Ichigo said distracted as he stepped back from the wall, away from his friend.

“I got distracted” he said, as if it wasn’t obvious. Renji gave him a troubled look but didn’t continue about it, leaving the subject for what it was. It wasn’t like he could ask much either, considering they were almost at the first division barracks to report back about the situation to Kyoraku sou-taichou in person. Usually, they did so through a denreishinki and the reports Renji wrote. But because a certain amount of time had passed, Kyoraku had requested them to come in person in order to have a more direct way of communicating. 

Nanao was waiting for them at the front gates, pushing up her glasses once she saw them. With a formal bow of her head, she greeted the two shinigami before turning to lead them inside. As expected, they found the sou-taichou in the gardens, away from the stiff meeting-room that was supposed to be used in these cases. Not surprising, the wavy-haired brunet was sitting relaxed on the engawa, a jug of sake next to him, one he held up when Ichigo and Renji stopped on an appropriate distance behind him.

“Sit down, boys. A drink?” he asked and Renji’s answer was instantly.

“I respectfully decline” he said while the ginger stepped forward to join the older man.

“Why not” he said as he moved to sit down next to the long-haired shinigami. Renji’s stare on his back was surprised, somewhat shocked, but he said nothing as Kyoraku smiled while holding out a cup at the youngest shinigami as he crossed his legs while sitting down.

“I promise it’ll be better than whatever you can get your hands on” Kyoraku said as Ichigo held out his cup to be filled, not looking up at the redhead as he sat down next to him.

“I’m sure it is. The old man’s pretty vocal about how he misses Seiretei’s sake” the ginger said amused and Kyoraku chuckled. Renji looked somewhat stiff and uncomfortable as Ichigo sipped from his cup, enjoying the near silence while listening to the bird’s songs. The youngest shinigami could guess Renji was uneasy because of the position they were in, drinking with a superior. But for all Ichigo was a shinigami, Kyoraku was not really his superior. Not yet, at least. One day, he would be, no doubt. But for now, Ichigo was still somewhat independent from soul-society. He listened to them when they needed his help, but he didn’t listen to their orders, hadn’t joined their ranks. He was one of them, yet he was an outsider.

It was a pretty painful position to be in, yet it was one he had accepted. He was part of two world yet home in neither. He liked sword-fights too much to function as a decent human-being, but he was still alive. Or half-alive, possibly. He wasn’t too sure either. After Byakuya had cut him down the first time when he had come to retrieve Rukia on false orders, his chain of faith had been severed during his training with Urahara, so technically, he had died. Then there was also in Hueco Mundo where he had fought with Ulquiorra and had actually been killed. He still had no idea how he had revived and how Zangetsu had taken him over to save his life, but he was grateful and didn’t want to think about it. He was smart, not a rocket scientist or a philosopher who had unravelled the secrets of life and death.

Besides, he didn’t want to think about what might possibly happen if he died. As he saw it, there were three options. One, he would become a shinigami and live in Seireitei, joining the gotei 13. That was hands down the best-case scenario with a large possibility of happening. Another speculation of what could happen was because of the amount of hollow he had in his blood, he would become a full hollow upon dying and go to Hueco Mundo. Maybe not the best-case scenario, but not the worst either. He was pretty sure he would be cut down and send to Soul Society before he could hurt anyone. None of his friends would ever let him hurt someone, no matter who it was. The last option Ichigo saw happening, was that he just ceased to exist, like any other shinigami when they died.

Ginjo had been a substitute shinigami as well and upon dying, his soul had gone to Soul Society. But Ichigo wasn’t Ginjo. The former substitute shinigami hadn’t had the same lineage as the ginger. He didn’t have the same connection to Soul Society as Ichigo did. He didn’t have a shinigami royal for a father or a hollow infected full-blooded quincy as a mother. He didn’t receive shinigami powers from the most important members in Seireitei, traces he could still feel to this day when he focussed on them, faintly buzzing through his body, drowned out by his own reiatsu. The traces were disappearing, even when Ichigo treasured them for they were proof of the bonds he had in Seireitei. One bond in particular he wasn’t inclined to let go.

One he might be forced to let go if he died. 

“A penny for your thoughts?” Kyoraku asked, his deep grainy voice coaxing Ichigo away from his thoughts. The ginger blinked at the garden in front of him to get his vision to focus, noticing the two shinigami looking at him with veiled but genuine curiosity while a few birds had chosen to use him as a perch to land. One even found it a good idea to attempt to take a nap on top of his head, making the ginger wonder just how long he had sat immovable like a rock as the birds flew away when the ginger let out a wistful sigh.

“If I had a penny for every thought I had, I would be sitting on my yacht, on my way to my mansion on the tropical island I bought” Ichigo said but gave the sou-taichou a grateful smile.

“Maybe another time, if you would still be willing to hear me out. But for now, I believe we have more important things to talk about” the ginger said, getting to the subject that was at hand as Kyoraku gave a nod in agreement.

“So, how is the situation?” he asked and Renji took the word as Ichigo sipped from his cup.

“The count’s at 46 ‘f the presumed amount a’this moment. There’s a possibility of there being more than 150, but we ain’t sure ‘bout that. The hollows ‘re getting’ stronger and their evolutions ‘re getting’ more on point. But we’re getting’ used ta them. We’re seein’ patterns and they ‘ave habits that all ’f them share that can be us’d as weaknesses” the redhead said and Ichigo grimaced slightly, choosing to participate in the report in order to keep his mind from wandering back to his earlier thoughts.

“The fact that their cero-kido attacks are getting more precise and powerful are a problem” he added as he reached down to his side where he had been hit by one of those attacks, having Renji force him to go see Orihime to heal it.

“And you have no knowledge about kido, which is a liability as well” Kyoraku said and Ichigo’s eyebrow jerked up as the obvious was pointed out.

“No kidding” he said and Kyoraku looked at the garden.

“Maybe you should consider finding a Kido tutor. The Shiba clan has always been strong in Kido, especially the explosive kind” the older shinigami said and Ichigo grimaced at the memory of being shot from a fire-work cannon.

“Besides, I don’t think it’s bad to know at least a few techniques” the long-haired brunet said and the ginger could see his point, agreeing with it as well. He wasn’t going to ask Urahara because, while the man was incredibly skilled in kido, Ichigo had a feeling that he would be gaining a trauma or three. It was a very effective method of training that had proven to be successful in the past. But Ichigo’s had another plan in his head that just wouldn’t budge.

“Ya think he’ll send more back-up?” Renji asked as they walked away from the first division after rounding up the meeting. Ichigo glanced up at the redhead before giving a one-shoulder shrug.

“I don’t think so. At least not yet. For now, we have the situation under control and we’re working together with Halibel and Nel in Hueco Mundo. But if he plans on sending back-up, Rukia’ll be the first to volunteer” he said and Renji snorted as he smirked.

“You betcha. She might even get ‘im to agree” he said and looked down at the ginger.

“What’cha gonna do ‘bout the kido-situation?” he asked and Ichigo pushed his hands into the folds of his hakama, resting his wrists in the V of the fabric in a way he had copied from Grimmjow.

“I was going to ask you” he said and glanced sideways at the surprised look on the redhead’s face. Inside his inner-world, both spirits perked up from the tea-party they were having. Assholes.

“You’re not the best, but you’re closest by and we spend the most time together. We can just incorporate training into it, if you’re okay with it” the young shinigami said and Renji blinked at him.

“Y-yeah, ‘kay. I’m cool wit’ it if yer sure” he said and Ichigo gave a hum as he nodded his head once, turning his gaze back to the road in front of them. Zangetsu was actually applauding him while the old man was nodding his head in approval with his eyes closed. Ichigo was tempted to snap at them but was distracted by Renji’s hand raising to scratch the back of his neck in a nervous gesture.

“So, uhm, the guys’re goin’ out fer a drink ‘cause they heard we were back” he said somewhat shy and unsure as his eyes were averted to the road next to it. Ichigo felt his stomach tighten at the unexpectedly cute gesture, not wanting to look away from the extremely rare display.

“I promised we’d go for a drink next time we were here, right” Ichigo said, correctly guessing the redhead was asking him to join them in a way that wouldn’t make it sound like a date. Gosh, he could feel his own cheeks heat up and cursed the fact that he was a ginger, who were prone to blushing a tomato red in record time. Luckily, it wasn’t embarrassing enough for that level of a blush, but his cheeks were flushed none the less.

“Good. They said they’d be waitin’ fer us at the regular bar” the redhead said and Ichigo raised an eyebrow at him.

“Uhu, yeah, because I know where that is” he said and Renji rolled with his eyes but said nothing as he started leading the way, the uneasiness disappearing but the shyness taking a little bit longer. It didn’t take long before Renji stopped in front of an old building in one of them better parts of the Rukongai. As they stepped inside, Ichigo subtly looked around to judge it. It looked better than he had expected, bigger as well, but that was likely because they weren’t in the low-class parts like the one Renji grew up in. The bar looked just like Ichigo imagined a bar in the feudal era to be, noise but not too busy. Most of the costumers were shinigami, under who the group Renji had spoken about.

Kira waved them over to the table they were occupying in the back, Hisagi sitting next to him. Both of them were in off-duty kimono’s, sombre in colour with beige for Kira and dark blue for Hisagi. Ikkaku and Yumichika were sitting at the low table across from them, also wearing kimono’s thought in a different style. Ikkaku had gone for a simple brown, letting the front hang half-open, while Yumichika had clad himself in lavender with a butterfly pattern, looking too pretty to be one of the 11th squad ruffians. But Ichigo wasn’t going to say that out loud, lest it got to the 3rd seat’s head. Renji and the ginger himself were the only ones still clad in uniform, placing their blades on the tatami as they sat down at the table across from each other, Renji next to Ikkaku and Ichigo next to Hisagi.

“Finally, the kid comes for a drink” Ikkaku exclaimed while Kira and Yumichika smiled at the ginger as he rolled his shoulder while holding it, tilting his head to the side.

“Someone better be paying me something. I’ll pay one or two rounds, but I’m not sponsoring the entire night if that was what you were hoping” Ichigo said as he lowered his arm onto the table, his shoulders almost instantly relaxing as he smirked at the bald shinigami.

“No matter how many hollows I cut down, it’ll never be enough to pay for everything you can drink, and then I’m not even including the rest and myself into the calculations” he said and Ikkaku barked a laugh.

“You talk big, Ichigo. Almost as if you’re challenging me to a drinking competition” he said and the ginger waved it off with a hand-gesture as he leaned back onto his other.

“No way. I’m not getting drunk here. Whatever happens here will literally follow me after the death” he said and Yumichika raised an eyebrow at the youngest shinigami.

“Will you even be able to keep up with us then?” he asked and Ichigo shrugged.

“I’m a heavy weight when it comes to alcohol on earth, but it’s not the same as here, so I’ll just have to see how much I can take” he said and glanced up as the first round came, two cups getting added to the table as a waitress passed by with three jugs of warm sake. 

“You don’t need to worry if you do get drunk. We’ll take responsibility for you if you do” Hisagi said and Ichigo looked at the raven with a troubled smile.

“That’s not the problem. The streets here are cleaner than the few I have crashed in before” he said and glanced at Renji as the redhead poured his cup.

“He’s afraid we’ll see one’a his moods if he gets drunk” the 6th lieutenant said, instantly getting the full attention as Ichigo grimaced.

“Moods?” the four other shinigami parroted interested and the ginger shook his head.

“Did you have to mention that, Renji? See what you did? They won’t stop until I’m waisted” he said but one look at the redhead’s face told him that the redhead was just as curious. Shithead.

“’Pparently, when Ichigo gets drunk, he has sever’l moods, dependin’ on how he feels” Renji explained as he turned to the group who gave the ginger a glance as he sipped from his cup, the liquid burning as it went down his throat, warming him up from the inside. Thank god he had eaten before they had left.

“What kind of moods?” Yumichika asked before anyone else could and Renji shrugged.

“I dunno either. Grimmjow goes drinkin’ with’im tons ‘f times and he was tha one who told me” he said and Ichigo groaned as he let his head fall back, wishing he hadn’t seen the glint in Ikkaku and Yumichika’s eyes as they looked at him. He wasn’t walking out of there sober, that was for sure.

“’Pparently, he even gotta tattoo when he ‘as drunk” the redhead added and Ichigo lifted his head again.

“That was during an I-have-the-best-idea-ever mood, if you want an example” he said, giving up on trying to get the older shinigami to stop about talking his drunk moods. If he just went along with it, they would lose their interest much sooner. The only problem was that he really didn’t know which mood he would have and he absolutely didn’t want Ikkaku and Yumichika to know about his moods because they would tease him relentlessly, no matter what happened.

“What kind of tattoo?” Hisagi asked and Yumichika cut him off.

“More importantly, where?” he asked almost eagerly and Ichigo gave him a look that told clearly about how little he wanted to reveal the location.

“It’s a henna styled lower-back piece” he said and Renji frowned at him in confusion while the others didn’t seem to be able to call up an image of what Ichigo curtly described.

“Grimmjow call’d it somethin’ else” the redhead pointed out and the ginger grimaced.

“He called it a tramp-stamp” he admitted before tipping back the last of his cup. He was going to need more alcohol if they were going to talk about this. It wouldn’t surprise him if they asked him to show the ink.

“Why call it that?” Ikkaku asked and Ichigo looked at him.

“Because a tramp stamp is located right above the ass-crack so when a girl with a low waistband bends over and her shirt rides up, the guys looking for a good time have a target to shoot at” he explained unenthusiastically, flinching slightly when Ikkaku burst out in laughter.

“Damn, this is some good sake! Don’t you think so, Hisagi?” Ichigo asked loudly as he reached for the jug in between him and Renji to pour the raven’s cup in an attempt to change the subject. Thank god Renji seemed to figure it out, going along with the change of subject as he moved to pour Ikkaku a drink as well, switching over to another subject like fighting to keep the 11th lieutenant busy. To keep the loudest one of them all busy was the fastest way to distract them.

Despite himself, Ichigo could feel the alcohol working on his head after a couple of hours, already well into their fourth round of jugs. The warm liquid was flowing easily into his stomach, together with the snacks that were placed on the table whenever they brought the jugs around. Judging by the spinning of his head, he was a little passed buzzed and he should stop soon. But while it wasn’t as good as Kyoraku’s from before, the alcohol still tasted much better than the one he was able to get his hands on back on earth. Even so, it didn’t seem like the others would be allowing him to stop any time soon. He changed his mind about resisting a little more when Ikkaku once again brought up the tramp-stamp.

“Oi, Renji, do you have one of those tramp stamps?” the bald lieutenant asked with his arm wrapped around Renji’s shoulders while dramatizing the derogatory term.

“Or are you past being a tramp with your track-record in bedpartners?” he added and Renji glanced his fellow lieutenant with a huff. Ichigo kept his eyes down on his cup as he poured it, acting as if it needed all his attention to do so. The ginger wasn’t deaf, he had heard the rumours about Renji’s infamous nightly excursions. But just because he had rumours about it, didn’t mean he wanted to hear about it from this close. Don’t get him wrong, he wasn’t stupid either. Renji had lived much longer, so it was only logic that he would have much more experience than Ichigo. But that didn’t stop his chest from tightening. It certainly didn’t help when Ikkaku turned to him.

“Hey, Ichigo. Have you heard about this guy?” he asked and Ichigo threw back his cup, almost instantly reaching out to pour himself another one despite that he knew it was a very bad idea.

“About the thousands of women he bedded and how he got them addicted after only one night? I’m taking it with a grain of salt. One night can’t make someone addicted” the ginger said and Ikkaku barked a laugh.

“That’s what I said as well, but that doesn’t change the fact that this slut seems to have a magic cock every woman goes gaga over” he said and Yumichika grimace slightly.

“You’re so vulgar, Ikkaku. At least watch what kind of words you use” he said but the bald man brushed it off as Renji lowered his cup from his lips at the same time Ichigo raised his.

“What can I say? I’m a stray-dog. I must have something wild that just turns them on” the redhead said with a confident smirk and the ginger regarded him as Ikkaku nudged the long-haired shinigami in a display of what could be described as brotherly pride. Ichigo lowered his cup as Yumichika rolled with his eyes in mild disgust while Hisagi smiled troubled, Kira leaning heavily onto his raised palm with a brightly flushed face.

“Renji” the youngest shinigami called out for the redhead’s attention, holding out his hand. Renji glanced down at the outstretched, long slender hand in confusion, raising his own hand in an automatic response. The group watched in confusion as the redhead’s loose fist landed in Ichigo’s palm before raising his eyes up to meet a light brown, slightly half-lidded gaze across the table.

“Huh, would you look at that. Not a stray-dog. A stray-dog would never know how to give a paw on command” the ginger said dryly, a second before the group burst out in laughter. As Renji’s coin dropped, he reached across the table for Ichigo’s head.

“Why ya lil’” he grumbled with a grin as he ruffled up the semi-long neon orange locks. Ichigo chuckled as he leaned back, grabbing Renji’s wrist to fend him off. They settled down soon enough, returning to drinking their alcohol. Ichigo leaned back on his hand, his filled cup in his other as he smiled sullen at the table, unable to supress the thought that flashed through his mind about how he wouldn’t have minded it if the redhead had continued to ruffle up his hair. At least it would ease the tight feeling in his chest as he could hear Ikkaku and Renji talk about the redhead’s reputation in bed with Yumichika and Hisagi’s comments cutting through it every once in a while, Kira as good as passed out against Hisagi’s side. Ichigo swayed under the influence of the alcohol he consumed, falling into the raven’s other side.

“Ah, sorry” the ginger said but as he moved to straighten up, only to feel a gentle touch to his back.

“No, it’s fine. You look quite drunk” the older shinigami said, though he himself looked anything but sober. 

“Besides, it balances it out” the raven said with an amused smile, mentioning Kira who was leaning against his other side, sipping from one cup too many as he talked with Yumichika who had given up on Ikkaku. Inwardly shrugging, Ichigo rested his weight against the raven’s other side, feeling Hisagi’s hand land behind him in a make-shift back-rest, the other’s body-heat seeping through his shihakusho.

“You know there’s no need to feel forced to keep up with us, right?” Hisagi asked as Ichigo emptied one of the jugs in his cup.

“I know. But it’s not like they’ll let me walk out of here sober” he said and smiled crooked as he looked up at the raven he was leaning against.

“Besides, I can’t get any sake like this down there, so I’m enjoying every drop of it” he said, raising his cup to his lips as the older shinigami chuckled in agreement. As Ichigo sipped from his cup, he could feel a gaze rest upon him, prickling his skin with its intensity. He didn’t have to look far for the source of the gaze, finding it across the table in Renji’s narrowed eyes. Ichigo felt trapped, yet he didn’t resist it, looking at the redhead with half-lidded eyes over the rim of his cup as it rested against his lips. He must really be incredibly drunk because he swore he could see anger and irritation in the older shinigami’s gaze, reminiscent of jealousy, maybe envy. The corners of the redhead’s lips were pulled down in displeasure while Ichigo tipped his head back slightly, enough to feel the sake fill his mouth without breaking the eye-contact.

“I still don’t get how this guy gets all the women and I don’t!” Ikkaku cried as he smacked his hand on the table, cutting off the staring competition between Renji and Ichigo while startling Kira from his mumbling, earning a roll of Yumichika’s eyes.

“He’s still going on about that?” Hisagi asked rhetorical, eying the bald lieutenant with wry amusement as Ichigo chose to answer, his brain-mouth filter turned off. 

“That’d be the voice, probably” the ginger, earning the attention of the shinigami at the table while Renji blinked in surprise. Ichigo smirked as he raised his hand holding his cup to point at the obviously drunk man.

“Your voice tends to go higher than a woman’s as if someone’s squeezing your balls while Renji’s voice is sexy as fuck” he said, stunning the redhead in question as the ginger lowered his hand, closing his eyes.

“If it’s him, he can read me the damned denreishinki manual and I’d still get off” he admitted, his statement making the three other shinigami move their head in agreement.

“You guys agree with him?!” Ikkaku exclaimed, his voice shooting up at the end as if to confirm Ichigo’s theory. The ginger opened his heavy eyes to see Kira blush, not entirely from the alcohol alone, while Yumichika shrugged, the only one whose opinion really seemed to matter to the bald shinigami focusing all his attention on him. Renji on the other hand, decided it was time to call it a night, standing up.

“We should prob’bly go b’fore ya pass out, Ichigo. Ya can sleep ‘t off in my room in tha 6th” the redhead said, his eyes not raising to meet the ginger’s gaze as Ichigo regarded him. With a hum, the youngest shinigami agreed, emptying the contents of his last cup into his mouth before moving to stand up as well. As he swayed slightly, two hands shot out to stabilize him. Renji’s fingers were tight around his bicep while Hisagi had placed his hand on the ginger’s hip like he was some kind of tourist taking a picture of himself trying to support the tower of Pisa. Oh great, now he felt like eating pizza.

“Can’ya walk?” Renji asked, though he wasn’t exactly sober either. Ichigo looked up at him as he found his balance, waving off the redhead’s concern. However, Renji wasn’t satisfied with that, remaining worried even after they had say goodbye to the group who decided to call it a night as well and were on their way to the sixth barracks. The trip was silent, filled with a tension that seemed to go over Ichigo’s head as Renji prepared a spare futon for the ginger to use, spreading it closest to the bathroom. Of course Renji expected a hangover to hit the ginger, but for some reason, the young shinigami seemed to be exempt from something like throwing up after a night of drinking. Headaches on the other hand weren’t included in that, unfortunately.

“Here ya go” Renji said as he stepped away from the guest futon, allowing Ichigo to crawl on top of it, lowering himself with a groan as he laid face-down. Renji’s gaze lingered on the ginger for a few seconds longer before he turned to his own futon moving to pull off his shihakusho. Through sleep-heavy eyes, Ichigo watched a muscled being revealed, painted with lines of black ink. Forcing himself to turn his head away before Renji could notice he was being stared at, Ichigo realized that this might be a mistake, one he would surely regret come morning when he remembered the entire night with a clear mind. But for now, sleep was much more important. He didn’t even bother with taking off anything but the white ripped cloth around his waist before sliding under the covers, ready to settle in for what remained of the night. He was almost asleep when Renji cleared his throat, his voice coming almost nervously.

“Ne, Ichigo, were ya serious ‘bout wha’cha said? ‘Bout my voice, I mean” the redhead asked soft and Ichigo yawning, wanting to look over his shoulder to see if the older shinigami behind him was looking at him, but not finding the energy to.

“Yea, I did. ‘S that bad?” he asked, his voice clearly showing how close he was to falling in a dead-sleep. Renji remained silent, but Ichigo could hear him shift.

“No, it ain’t” the redhead answered, his voice a strange mix between tense, confused and something else Ichigo couldn’t be bothered with to decipher. At least not at this point, as his mind finally gave in to the dark nothingness of sleep.


	7. Grey.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ichigo learns Kido and Renji comes over for movie-night :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer ;; I don't own anything but the story, the OCs and its grammar mistakes.

Renji loathed to admit it, but Ichigo was a fast learner. Of course, Renji had expected this, knowing that from experience. But it still grated on him to see how Ichigo seemed to be better at kido than him, despite the fact that Renji had trained for decades and Ichigo for a few weeks. He was a bit jealous at the speed the ginger seemed to pick up on it, yet there was a strange feeling of pride too as he looked at the young shinigami holding one hand in front of him while supporting his wrist with the other. 

“O Lord, mask of blood and flesh, all creation, flutter wings, you who bears the name of Man, Inferno and Pandemonium, the sea barrier surged, March on to the south. Hadou #31; shakkaho” Ichigo chanted, his hand glowing red before it fired off a shot at the mountain, blasting a clean round hole into it, going back to front. When Kyoraku had mentioned that the Shiba clan was skilled in hado, he hadn’t been kidding. Even if Isshin had only been the head of a side-branch, he had clearly passed down at least something of the Shiba bloodline onto his son. Ichigo seemed to have a knack for the offensive spells, even when his bakudo sucked as much as Renji’s did.

“Try’a bakudo again” Renji said and Ichigo looked over at him with a deadpan expression. He could see right through Renji’s plot to make something blow up in Ichigo’s face to feel a bit better about himself. But, seeing as how Ichigo had asked the redhead himself as a teacher, he couldn’t just refuse. Instead, he rolled with his eyes and turned to the older shinigami, preparing to attempt a bakudo. He clearly had learned a long time ago how to put up with asshole teachers. Ichigo raised his two fingers up before swiping them from left to right in the air in front of him.

“Sai” he chanted curt as he moved and Renji felt his arms being pulled behind his back uncomfortably. It was the only bakudo both of them were able to perform without problem. Renji knew a few more, but this one was one Ichigo had gotten straight away, just like sho.

“Not that one, idiot” the redhead grumbled as he easily broke through the restraint. He didn’t utter a single complaint, considering he was being an asshole to mend his own bruised pride. Ichigo rolled with his eyes to gather his bearings. Renji tensed up out of habit as soon as he heard the incantation, bracing himself out of pure muscle memory as Ichigo raised his hand again.

“Bakudo #4; Hainawa” he chanted a bright white rope curling around his hand. Up until that point, he never failed, but it was the throwing out of the rope that caused him to fuck up. Once, he even wrapped himself up. That had also been the last time Grimmjow had been allowed to watch a training, though the redhead didn’t blame the bluenette for laughing. Renji looked slightly surprised as Ichigo threw out the spell, the yellow sting flying out like a whip towards him, brushing his hakama before dissipating into nothingness.

“Nicely done” Renji complimented but Ichigo didn’t look even the slightest bit satisfied as he looked away.

“How so, nicely done? I still can’t do it” he pointed out as Renji walked up to him.

“At least it didn’t blow up in your face or bind you” the redhead said and Ichigo grimaced at the reminder of both things. The older shinigami sighed as he stopped in front of the ginger, doubting that anything would lift Ichigo’s spirits at this moment, no matter what he said. The young man was a perfectionist to the bone, even if he pretended to be laid back or uncaring. If it didn’t go the way he had hoped it to or if his progress wasn’t fast enough, Ichigo would be annoyed at himself. Renji had seem him beat himself up over lack of progress often enough and no matter how much Renji would like to remind the ginger that there was no need to rush, he knew that that was the last thing Ichigo wanted to hear.

“Look, ya can ‘lready do three kidos, which’s more than most shinigami can do aft’r a few weeks. Hinamori was tha top student in tha academy when it came ta kido, but not even she could fire a shakkaho with tha’ much precision aft’r’a few weeks” Renji said and Ichigo regarded him before shaking his head.

“If you’re trying to comfort me, don’t. I’m not that upset” he said and took a step away from the redhead. Renji resisted the irrational urge to step forward again, rooting himself in place as Ichigo turned away to the stairs connecting the basement with the store.

“The girls should be waiting for us to start movie night” he reminded the redhead and Renji looked at his back before stepping forward to follow him with a sigh. He knew Ichigo was stubborn and if it was just because he wasn’t satisfied with his progress, Renji would let it go. God knew he was the exact same way, so really, he was in no position to get annoyed it about it. So instead, he chose to shut up and deal with it. He was sure that by the end of the week, Ichigo would be able to do it. He just hoped that that would satisfy the ginger enough to get him out of his sulking. At least for a little while before he tackled a more difficult kido.

Ichigo was like sponge, in a way. He thirsted, not for power, but for growth. He always wanted to improve, to be the best he could be because he knew anything less than that would bring the people around him in danger. The stronger he was, the better he could protect the people he wanted to protect. Yet as he grew more powerful, stronger enemies were attracted to him. Not only enemies, to be honest. Some people shrank back when he passed, afraid of the reputation he had built, both in the human world as a kick-ass delinquent and in Soul Society as the substitute shinigami that had had a hand in saving the world.

But for every person that shrank back from him, four others were drawn to him. Half of them were around the ginger in a platonic, friendship kind of way. But the other half was attracted to the young shinigami physically. Renji suspected half of the friends Ichigo had in both worlds would admit to being attracted to him as well. Unsurprising, really. The redhead himself was part of those friends that was sexually attracted to the ginger and from the top of his head, he could name four others who were the same. The thought filled him an anger that made his stomach coil up, remembering how close Grimmjow was with the ginger and the way the young shinigami had been leaning into Shuuhei when they had gone drinking.

Granted, Ichigo had been drunk back then, so it was understandable that he would seek support somewhere in an attempt to steady his spinning mind. Shuuhei had lend the young shinigami a shoulder in a friendly gesture, yet that didn’t change the fact that Renji had heard the raven admit that Ichigo was good-looking. And then the redhead wasn’t even talking about Grimmjow, who kept implying things Renji wasn’t sure he wanted to know. Correction, he wanted to know, but he wasn’t sure he would be able to remain calm. Hell, he wasn’t even able to remain calm when they were just horsing around. 

That was also the reason why Renji had never suggested him being a spectator during their spars. If they were already close enough for the arrancar to smack the ginger’s ass when they were playing around, he didn’t want to know how heated things could get between them when they sparred for real. Renji knew it got heated between himself and Ichigo as well and he was fully aware of how close the hollow and the young shinigami were, much to his displeasure. He had no foot to stand on to be this annoyed with Ichigo and Grimmjow’s friendship, but that didn’t change the fact that Renji was envious of how freely the arrancar was able to touch the ginger. Of how much the bluenette knew about the young shinigami that Renji didn’t.

It only got worse when teal eyes met his own in a smug, knowing way before Grimmjow curled his arms around the ginger’s waist from behind, as if to rub salt in the wounds Renji didn’t even know he had until they were poked at.

The redhead sucked in a breath as his hands clenched into fists as Ichigo hummed curious while turning his head to look at the bluenette behind him. Grimmjow rested his chin on the ginger’s shoulder, turning his head slightly to say something in the ginger’s head that had the younger male blush. Renji’s nails dug deeper into the palms of his hands, drawing blood from his gigai. Gah, now the asshole was just doing it on purpose, Renji was sure of it. Yet it didn’t stop him from feeling like a volcano seconds away from erupting.

“Ready ta go?” Renji asked, his voice normal despite the anger boiling under his skin. Ichigo turned to him, meeting his gaze before averting his, disappointing the redhead.

“Yeah, let’s go” the ginger said as he stepped out of Grimmjow’s embrace, picking up the school-bag he had taken along when he had come straight to the shop after his classes. There were two stickers stuck to it, one in the shape of a pumpkin and the other a witch. A clear sign the students had been pumped for Halloween. Ichigo could have easily gone to a party like his other friends seemed to have planned, yet the big brother was putting his sisters first by promising them a night at home, watching horror movies with them.

Renji had been absolutely surprised when the ginger had invited him to join them. He had hesitated to agree, knowing that for Ichigo, his sisters always came before anything else. Yet the young shinigami had invited the redhead to something so important and personal. Renji didn’t want to intrude on their family moment, but the ginger had assured him that he wasn’t intruding on anything if he was invited. In the end, Renji had agreed, but he was still strangely nervous as he followed the smaller male into the house attached to the Kurosaki clinic. 

“Sorry ta disturb” Renji called in a small voice, earning an amused look from the ginger as they removed their shoes, a dirty-blonde head peeking into the hallway with a disarming smile.

“Ichi-nii, Abarai-san, welcome back” Yuzu said and Abarai instantly felt uncomfortable with the young girl addressing him like that.

“I’m home” Ichigo said as he stepped forward after pulling off his coat, Renji following after him with his shoulders slumped to seem less imposing.

“Ya can just call me Renji, yanno” the redhead said and the young girl looked at him before realizing she had made him uncomfortable.

“Okay, Renji-san. I hope you like horror movies” Yuzu said before turning back to towards the kitchen as Ichigo looked over his shoulder at the redhead.

“Just make yourself at home in the living-room. I’m going to pull on something more comfortable” he said and Renji gave a nod, walking further into the house to find the second sister, Karin, seated comfortably in the sofa in front of the TV, a stack of movies on the table in front of her. She glanced up at him with a suspicious yet knowing look in her eyes. Renji was aware that Karin’s spiritual energy was stronger than Yuzu’s and that the raven was aware of what both her brother and his friends were. Ichigo always got a troubled expression on his face whenever his sister and hollows were mentioned in the same sentence.

“I hope you didn’t eat too much before coming here. Yuzu made snacks for an entire army when she heard you were coming” the young raven said as Renji settled into the sofa, making himself comfortable as well despite his nerves.

“Ichigo warn’d me fer that ‘s well” the redhead said and looked at the raven as she turned back to the stacks of DVDs.

“I hope ‘m not disturbin’ somethin’ here” he decided to say, earning the raven’s attention again.

“Don’t mind it. Ichi-nii invited you himself” she said, leaving the implication in the air that the ginger wouldn’t do that without a reason. The look in her eyes told the older shinigami that she had an idea of what the reason could be while Renji was left completely in the dark. She was judging him and Renji didn’t know what for.

“So, what’re we seeing this year?” Ichigo asked as soon as he walked into the living-room, wearing a black, long-sleeved sweatshirt that fitted his frame loosely, the neck cut so widely Renji was able to see the prominent collarbones as it practically slipped off his shoulders. The hem of his sweatpants fell somewhat big, stepping onto it with the heel of his foot as he walked toward the sofa.

“I want to start with this one” Karin said as she held up one of the DVD cases as Ichigo sat down in the sofa next to the red-head, looking at the hard-plastic between his sister’s fingers. Renji licked his lips as he found it difficult to tear his eyes away from the pale neckline on display in front of him. The somewhat animalistic urge to bite down and leave his mark was mercilessly cut down inside his mind as soon as it had popped up. It wasn’t the first time Renji had had that thought and usually it involved so much skin that it would send him straight between the sheets of whoever could satisfy him after the sight his mind had conjured up. But this wasn’t his imagination, this was reality and part of Renji was firmly demanding that sweater to be declared illegal.

The other part was too busy staring at the prominent collarbones, imagining which way he could mark them in and how they would feel against his tongue. He could see part of a scar disappearing underneath the fabric on the end of his collarbone, tempting him to bare the entire area to see the size of it. He couldn’t decide whether the lose-fitting garment was flattering or insulting the lean muscle the redhead knew to be underneath the fabric. But before he could decide, a bowl filled with caramel popcorn balls was pushed into his hands, passed through by Ichigo as the movie started. On the ginger’s lap was a plate with white chocolate and macadamia nut cookies. Karin was holding a plate with cookies and cream rice crispy treats while Yuzu had a bowl of peanut butter banana bites, yet apparently, they were still missing something.

“Ah! I forgot the hot cocoa!” Yuzu cried as she jumped up to storm back into the kitchen after pushing the bowl in her brother’s hands. Karin paused the movie while Renji looked at the two Kurosakis in confusion.

“More chocolate?” he asked and Ichigo turned to him, amusement in his eyes.

“It’s one of the two only days nobody is going to say something about Yuzu’s obsession with chocolate, so she’s going all out” he said and Karin hummed as she emptied her mouth from the bite of rice crispy treats she had taken.

“You might get diabetes from the hot cocoa she’s preparing” she said and then looked up at the paused screen.

“Wait, can you even get diabetes?” she asked and Renji looked at her, not entirely sure whether he should answer that or not. He gave Ichigo a glance in order to ask silent permission on divulging something he knew the ginger wanted to keep a secret for his two sisters, but the ginger gave a small nod. It was barely even visible, but all the answer Renji needed.

“Spirits ‘re unchangin’ in death, ev’n those with high reiatsu. If ya were sick b’fore ya died, ya keep the disease, but ya don’ gain any new ones” he said, trying to explain it as good as he possibly could.

“So, someone who has cancer, still has cancer in Soul Society?” she asked and Renji nodded.

“But it doesn’ spread anymo’. They c’n die, but if their reiatsu is below what’s needed ta b’come a shinigami, they get reincarnated up’n their death in Soul Society” he confirmed and Karin hummed as she turned back to the TV despite that nothing was changing. It didn’t take long for Yuzu to return, carrying a tray with four mugs filled with steaming milk, two small bowls and two tubes of sauce.

“Here you go, take whatever you want to make it perfect to your taste” she said with a friendly smile at the redhead as she placed the tray on the table. Renji wasn’t sure how he was supposed to go about making it, so he watched first, seeing Ichigo drop two spoons of cocoa powder into a red mug. As he stirred, the white liquid turned a pale brown colour before a hand full of tiny marshmallows were dropped into it, drizzled over with caramel sauce, chocolate sauce and a little more cocoa powder.  
Yuzu’s mug on the other hand was turned dark brown, topped with the same things as Ichigo’s before it was covered with whipped cream. Looking at Karin’s, it seemed to be a perfect blend between the two others, not too dark and not too full. Deciding to follow their example, Renji reached out to put three spoons of cocoa powder into the last mug before topping it with whipped cream and a few marshmallows, leaving out the caramel and chocolate sauce. Settling back into the back-leaning of the sofa with his steaming mug in hand, Karin started the movie again.

In Renji’s opinion, the comfort the hot cocoa brought didn’t exactly fit in with the whole horror movie theme, not to mention that the paranormal movies were laughable and maybe slightly insulting as well. Yet, he couldn’t say he was bored or not having a good time. Yuzu was entirely going up in the movies, clinging to Ichigo’s arm while Karin was leaning against the ginger’s knee, sitting in between the two shinigami’s legs as she leaned back against the seat of the sofa. The raven was the type of person to spoil the plot of the movies, pointing out that the killer was behind the door right before it was confirmed.

“Honestly, I don’t get why those dumbasses keep yelling ‘hello?’. What do they expect? For the killer to answer ‘Yeah, I’m in the kitchen, you want a sandwich’? Oh wait, you would be that kind of killer” she said as she turned to her sister, earning a nudge of Ichigo’s knee against her shoulder despite the smile on the ginger’s lip and the snort coming from the redhead. Yuzu on the other hand was not amused, whining her sister’s name. The young blonde startled when the bell rang before she chuckled at her own jumpy-ness.

“I’ll go” she said, standing up from the sofa to go to the door to give candy to the kids going from door to door for trick or treat. As if it was timed, the three remaining in the living-room tensed up as a heavy reiatsu washed over them, followed by a loud cry that couldn’t be mistaken for anything but a hollow. Instantly, the raven turned her head to her brother, her eyes wide in unease.

“Ichi-nii” she said, not needing to say any more as her brother’s hand landed on top of her head with a reassuring smile.

“It’s okay. Grimm and Ulquiorra will take care of it” he said and Karin regarded him for a few seconds longer. But true to his word, a few moments later, Grimmjow and Ulquiorra’s familiar reitasu spiked near the hollow’s reiatsu, a clear sign that they had engaged in combat. Yuzu returned to the living-room, none the wiser about the situation that had the three others remain tense. At least until the reiatsu disappeared and Ichigo received a message from Grimmjow to tell him three hollows could be taken off the count, though they were getting close to the estimated number of evolved hollows they had suspected there to be. It was pretty clear that there were more than they had first thought and while Neliel and Halibel had succeeded in sealing away part of the Hogyoku traces, part still remained. There was still no sure number of hollows that had evolved, so all they could do was keep their guards up and dispose of any threat coming to them.

Renji found his eyes trailing back to Ichigo, seeing the furrow pulling his brows together that had nothing to do with the confusing turn the movie took. Clearly, the ginger was thinking the same thing he was, wondering how much more hollows they would need to face before the town was safe again. At least for a while. Danger was never far from Karakura town and Ichigo knew this painfully well. He worked hard to keep the town as safe as could be, without ever being rewarded for it. But then again, the only reward the ginger needed was seeing his sisters protected and safe enough to fall asleep during the fourth movie of the night.

“Hey, Renji, can you help” Ichigo asked, his voice lower than the volume of the TV but loud enough for the redhead to hear. Renji looked past him to see Yuzu curled up into his side, clutching at his arm, while Karin was passed out against his knee. With a nod, the redhead carefully moved to get up as Ichigo jerked his chin at the raven as he started to carefully dislodge Yuzu’s grip on his arm.

“You take Karin, I’ll take Yuzu” he said, earning another nod. Renji knew Karin needed to be moved first before the ginger could stand up as well, touching the raven’s shoulder as soft as he could. The girl was taller than Rukia, but Renji didn’t know how much of his grip she could take compared to his childhood friend. Apparently, not too much as her eyes blinked open sleepily from the first gentle shake he gave her.

“Uh, I’m awake, I’m awake” she mumbled, though she clearly wasn’t.

“You can sleep in your bed, Karin” Ichigo said as the raven reached up to rub her eyes, moving away from where she had slumped against her brother’s leg. The ginger moved to stand up at the same time Karin did. Renji sucked in a breath, his reflexes being the only thing preventing the raven from crashing through the table as she toppled over, threatening to crack her skull on the ground. Renji met Ichigo’s eyes as they both stared at the raven who mumbled. Releasing the air he had collected into his lungs, Renji picked the young Kurosaki off the ground easily while Ichigo did the same, unsurprised as the blonde clung to him like a koala.

Renji followed Ichigo up the stairs, not hesitating to step inside the girls’ room to put Karin down on the appointed bed. Ichigo laid Yuzu down on the second bed in the room before pulling the blanket over her while Karin managed to do it herself despite that she was asleep. The ginger had a fond look in his eyes that smoothed out the furrow of his brown, the look remaining in his eyes as the two shinigami moved back down stairs to the living-room where they resumed the movie.

“They’re stressing over what they should choose to do after high school” Ichigo said as they settled in the sofa again, as if he felt the need to explain the reason for his sisters to fall asleep. Renji looked at the ginger, feeling his chest swell a little at the smile on the ginger’s face.

“They’re in their final year and there’s a lot of pressure on them from their teachers to get them to choose a career path. Yuzu’s is pretty much locked in place with   
culinary school, but Karin doesn’t know what she wants to do yet and it’s affecting Yuzu” Ichigo said and Renji slouched in the sofa, spreading his knees as well as his arms, letting them rest on the back-leaning comfortably.

“Ain’t that fine?” he asked even though he didn’t know much about the whole career thing. All he could remember was going from a thief to a shinigami. But his answer didn’t cause the smile on Ichigo’s face to disappear, so he must have said something right.

“That’s what I keep telling her. Hell, I’m in my third year of medical school and I’m still not sure whether or not I want to become a doctor” he said and shook his head;

“I suggest her to just pick a path she was interested in and go with it. If she likes it, she can just continue. If she doesn’t, there are tons of other things she can try” he said and Renji looked at him.

“Maybe tha’s tha problem and there’re too much choices tha she gets ‘er confus’d” he said and Ichigo looked at him.

“That’s a possibility as well. She seems to be interested in becoming a PE teacher, but then she’s also interested in police officer. She just feels pressured because Yuzu is so certain about what she wants to do and Karin’s scared to be left behind” he said and Renji couldn’t help but grimace.

“If she decides ta b’come a police officer, do tell ‘er notta walk around with’a fake-badge and a shotgun” he said and though Ichigo tried to, he was unable to muffle his laugh at they both remembered how Renji had posed as a cop and had shot at Isshin. The shinigami had been on his way to the Kurosaki clinic when he had passed by a TV store and had seen a detective series. He had been so excited about it that he had decided to copy it. The kick the gun had given when he had pulled the trigger had shocked him more than he had shown.

“Don’t worry. She’s smarter than that” Ichigo said and Renji hummed before figuring out the ginger had just called him stupid.  
“Hey!” he hissed as he gave the ginger’s shoulder a shove, hard enough to knock him down sideways onto the couch. Ichigo merely chuckled as he straightened up again. It might be Renji’s imagination, but it seemed as if he had gotten closer. Not that the redhead minded! It just made him a little more aware of the younger man, feeling the ginger’s body-heat seep through the place where the back of his shoulders brushed the redhead’s arm resting on the back-leaning. The older shinigami had more trouble watching the movie than he would like to admit, overly conscious of every move Ichigo made even when his eyes were on the screen.

“His hands are big, compared to the rest of his body” Ichigo spoke up a little while later, noticing something in the images that didn’t register in Renji’s mind. The redhead hummed in confusion as he turned to the ginger, his response coming maybe a tad bit too fast, betraying he hadn’t been paying any attention to the movie. But if Ichigo noticed, he didn’t say anything.

“That actor. His hands are out of proportion compared to the rest of his body” Ichigo explained and the redhead turned to the TV screen to see what he meant.

“They’re fine, no? I mean, compar’d ta Zarakii-taichou’s hands or Kyoraku-sou-taichou’s” he said and Ichigo scoffed.

“Their builds are huge too, so their hands are in proportion to their bodies” he said and Renji looked at his own hand, never once having given a single thought about whether or not his hands were big.

“Does’it matter if their hands ‘re bigger ‘r not?” he asked and Ichigo shook his head.

“Of course not. I just noticed it because I like the ring he’s wearing” he said and Renji raised an eyebrow at him as he dropped his hand onto his thigh, already feeling his arm grown colder without Ichigo’s body-heat seeping through the fabric covering the limb.

“Ya like ‘is ring?” Renji asked somewhat amused, receiving a half-hearted stink-eye from the corner of Ichigo’s eyes.

“I like jewellery, you got a problem with that?” he asked and the redhead raised his hands in surrender as he closed his eyes.

“Not’a’problem” he said because really, what did he know about it? He had noticed Ichigo wore rings a lot, but he had always thought it was some kind of fashion trend he didn’t get. The older shinigami startled, his eyes flying open when he felt something touch the palm of his hand, pushing his fingers open until they were stretched   
out.

“Your hands are pretty big too” Ichigo said as he looked at their hands, sitting sideways on the sofa to face the redhead. Renji looked at his face before his gaze went back to their hands, feeling his palms grown somewhat sweaty as his heart fluttered strangely in his chest. Ichigo’s hand was a little smaller than Renji’s, a little flatter as well. The limb was slender, with long fingers that were somewhat bony yet strangely nice to look at. Renji noticed how Ichigo’s little finger seemed to remain bend, even when all his other fingers were resting flat against the redhead’s.

“What happen’d ta yer pinky?” he asked and Ichigo looked at the mentioned digit before shrugging.

“Tatsuki broke my finger once during a sparring when we were children and it didn’t straighten out anymore” he said Renji reached up his other hand to press on the digit, straightening it out against his own. However, as soon as he released the pressure on it, it jumped back to the same bend state as before, making him snort. Ichigo clicked with his tongue as he moved to withdraw his hand back, only to have Renji press further into it, not wanting to lose the connection yet.

“Sorry, sorry” Renji said, pushing the corners of his mouth down, or at least he attempted to as he looked up to meet the ginger’s gaze.

“I just neva notic’d” he said and Ichigo regarded him.

“You’ve got a writer’s bump” he said and Renji frowned confused.

“A what?” he asked and Ichigo looked at their hands.

“It’s a callus you get from writing. Right here” the ginger said, his finger sliding against the callus on Renji’s digit. Automatically, the redhead responded to the action by adjusting the angel of his hand a tiny bit, enough to bend his fingers in between Ichigo’s. The ginger startled and Renji regarded him as he waited, wondering if he would pull away or not. It took a total of two heartbeats before Ichigo’s fingers curled as well, landing against the back of Renji’s hand. In silence, they looked at their hands, the movie playing in the background as white noise that neither of them paid attention to. The only thing Renji could think about was how warm it was, goose-bumps travelling up his arms as the limb seemed to be warmed up from his fingertips to his elbow.

Renji couldn’t remember the last time he had held hands with someone, just to hold hand and feel connected. He had never even held the hands of his bed-partners, or at least not out of his own movement. If they grabbed his hand, it couldn’t be helped. But holding Ichigo’s hand was different. Not only had he done it out of his own movement, the tingles in that spread through his arm made him wonder if it was warm or cold. It had been a long while since someone had prompted that reaction from him and that had been Rukia, back when he had thought he had feelings for her that went beyond platonic. He had been in love with her back then, but those feelings had shifted to something familial. Yet the feelings he felt when he looked at Ichigo were anything but familial or platonic.

He was had fallen for the ginger and he still wasn’t getting any closer to the bottom.

|Fuckin’ finally!

|Somebody give this boy a round of applause, he finally admitted it!

Renji was startled by the exclamation of his zanpakuto inside his inner-world, his fingers twitching against the back of Ichigo’s hand. A twitch that was responded by the ginger’s own, yet their hands didn’t part. Part of the redhead wanted to turn to his zanpakuto spirit to tell them off. To tell them they were wrong and that he wasn’t romantically interested in Ichigo. But that would be a lie. Not even he could remain in denial when his heart was beating this much over just some innocent hand holding. Denial had never really done much for him to begin with, but he had kept holding onto it like it was his small rowing-boat in the middle of a wild sea. It might not have done much, but it had kept his head above water.

But the silly little boat had finally given up the battle against the waves, tipping over and leaving him to sink deeper into the water he wasn’t sure was warm enough to just keep floating in or so freezing cold he was desperate to swim out off. It was a strange feeling that had been so long since he had last experienced it, that it had become almost foreign. The only thing that was familiar was anger, though in this case, it was born from jealousy. Renji wasn’t aware of how jealous he could get until he saw Grimmjow interact with Ichigo, or until he saw how the ginger danced with other people. He knew he could be possessive, but he had even startled himself that day in the nightclub when he had gotten up to make stop another person from rubbing their bodies against the young shinigami’s.

That was why it was easier for Renji to blame it on lust and leave it at that. A physical attraction and nothing more. The anger was somewhat unexplainable, but it had been much better than having to admit that he was jealous, even to himself. However, it had become impossible to hide behind his excuses. He had no other choice but to accept the fact that he had fallen for his best friend and that he would have to deal with the clusterfuck of problems that would come with it. It could very well break his very soul, but that was just something he wouldn’t be able to avoid. Not when he was this deep in. 

The sound of a door opening startled them both from their staring and their thoughts, their hands pulling apart as if they had burned themselves before their eyes shot over at the hallways. There were a few stumbles as a they recognized the reiatsu signature, yet they were unable to relax, their expressions remaining similar to a deer looking into the headlights of the car that was about to hit them, too close to be avoided. Isshin stumbled into the door-opening of the living-room, seemingly surprised at the lights that were still turned on. It wasn’t hard to tell that the former captain had been enjoying him with some sake. Likely at Urahara’s or even in Seireitei with Kyoraku-sou-taichou.

“Ah, Ichigo. You’re still awake? Renji’s here too” he said, showing an impressive example of his ability to state the obvious. Yet he didn’t seem to notice the blush that coloured his son’s cheeks all the way to the tips of his ears. Or he just decided not to mention anything. 

“Yeah, we were watching movies with Karin and Yuzu. They fell asleep a while ago” Ichigo said, reaching out for one of the pillows to pull against his stomach, clutching his fists into it in a nervous gesture. One Renji couldn’t help but find cute, which earned him a gag from Zabimaru to which he responded with an inward roll of his eyes.

“I guess it’s time fer me ta return ta tha shop” Renji said as he moved to stand up, deciding it was better for him to leave. Ichigo looked at him before nodded and standing up, almost forgetting to leave the pillow in the sofa. Renji gave the drunk former captain a nod of his head while Ichigo just plain ducked his head as he passed his father into the hallway.

“I’mma go to my bed” Isshin said and Ichigo called a good-night after him without looking up. As Renji pulled on his coat and shoes, the ginger’s cheeks were still flustered while his gaze was directed at the wall, his fingers holding onto the rim of his sleeves as if he was trying to hide his hands.

“We’ll continue with training tomorrow afternoon, right?” Ichigo asked as Renji pulled open the door. The redhead paused to look at the ginger once he had stepped outside in the cold air.

“Yea. Just come ta tha shop aft’r yer finished with school” he said and Ichigo gave a nod, holding onto the door-knob. There was a little awkwardness but Renji didn’t think it would continue to last past that evening. At least he hoped it wouldn’t.

“Hey, Ichigo” the redhead said, getting the ginger’s attention with a hum.

“I had fun. Thanks fer invitin’ me” the older shinigami said, rewarded with a smile that warmed him all the way back to the hats’n’clogs shop.


	8. Howl.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter, I hope you like it ^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer ;; I don't own anything but the story, the OCs and the grammar mistakes :)

They were up in shit creek without a paddle, Renji was pretty sure of it. He should have known better than to think that because it had been quiet and because they were getting close to the estimated count of 90 evolved hollows, that things would get easier. It had been the calm before the storm and Renji, to be honest, had slacked off. Partly because he had been lazing about and partly because his thoughts just were just pre-occupied with the ginger currently fighting a small distance away. However, compared to the calm there had been before, Renji currently had no opening to let his thoughts wander. Not when they were surrounded by six hollows, Grimmjow and Ulquiorra having separated from them with two in tow each.

Chad and Inoue had paired up to take one for their account, but Renji could see how Ichigo worried for them even from this distance away. Not without reason, the redhead acknowledged, feeling the hollow’s sword-arm connect with Zabimaru, sending tingles up his arm with the force behind it. The hollows they were currently facing, were smarter than the ones before them. They had stayed in Hueco Mundo to devour other hollows, growing strong enough to the point they were on the same level as an adjuchas. Facing six of them at the same time with only two of them, suppressed by a limiter and the location, was not a good situation. Yet there was no time or opening to complain. If they would have had that kind of freedom, they would spend it on finding an opening to cut the damn mask.

The quick gathering of reiatsu to Renji’s left startled him, his eyes shooting over to the source to see a ball of purple energy being charged in the palm of one of the hollows. A grimace pulled the corners of the redhead’s lips down, jumping back to try and dodge what he knew was to come. He clicked with his tongue as he acknowledged that no, throwing out Zabimaru would not be fast enough to prevent the cero for being shot and that damn, he might not have jumped back enough to avoid the entire blast if the hollow kept charging.

In a flash of black and orange, the hollow cried out in pain as a fountain of blood sprayed from his arm right before it slid away from the rest of his body from the elbow down. Ichigo jumped back, his largest blade coated in blood as he watched the lower arm fall down, the heaviest part first as it aimed the cero towards the sky before firing. One of the hollows was hit by the blast that tore of his leg and arm while the edge of the blast nicked the ginger’s foot. It was only when Renji saw the black fabric of his shihakusho dissolve inside the energy that he realized the outside of his arm his been hit as well, the skin torn and burned at the edges. It wasn’t so painful that it would interfere with his fighting, but the throbbing was still registered in the back of his mind.

Time to acknowledge the injury, Renji didn’t get as his eyes connected with Ichigo’s gaze, both their faces a careful mask of pure concentration. Ichigo’s lips moved, forming words Renji wasn’t able to hear. But didn’t have the time to decipher it either, pulling his arm back to throw out his zanpakuto at the same time Ichigo raised his hand holding the smaller blade. The red energy ball gathering in front of his fist made it clear what the ginger had been mumbling, firing a shakkaho that ripped off the arm from the hollow behind Renji at the same time the hooked segments of Zabimaru cut into the hollow’s chest who had tried to catch Ichigo in the back. Their eyes connected again before their focus returned to the hollows around them.

To be honest, Renji was starting to feel tired, the wrappings on the hilt of his sword growing wet with the blood that flowed down his arm. His grip on his zanpakuto remained a firm as ever and his steps were precise as he moved, yet he could feel himself start to wear out slightly. They had been fighting for quite some time already, but the continuously recovering hollows didn’t show it as much as the shinigami did. Their movements were slowing down the tiniest bit every time they were forced to return to Hueco Mundo whenever they were gravely injured, ignoring the smaller cuts they received.

Adrenaline and a high pain tolerance allowed Renji to do the same, even when none of his injuries, small or big, were recovering. Hell, they weren’t even stopping with bleeding, the dried blood covering the wounds always popping back open every time he moved. He was starting to get annoyed, to be honest. Neither he nor Ichigo was weak, not in the slightest. Yet facing off with three adjuchas ranked evolved hollows at the same time while wearing a limiter was making it seem as if they were just rookies. And damned if it didn’t get on the redhead’s nerves, reaching for his denreishinki inside his shihakusho. Blindly, he pressed the quick dial, jumping back to avoid the hollow’s attacks as he held the phone against his ear. It would be so much easier if he didn’t have to call in for permission.

[Abarai-fuku-taichou]

“Requesting permission to undo spiritual limit for myself and substitute Shinigami, Kurosaki Ichigo” Renji said as soon as he was connected. He was pretty sure the shinigami on the other side of the line could hear the wing whipping past him as he dodged swords as good as he could, feel one of the blades nick his thigh.

[Permission granted.]

As soon as the words were spoken, the limiter on Renji’s chest lit up, allowing him to close his phone and drop it back into his shihakusho before jabbing his thumb against the symbol of his division.

“Limiter release” he announced while pushing reiatsu into the symbol, feeling the seal undo like a lock popping open, a fresh amount of reiatsu filled his system and reenergizing him. He spared a glance at Ichigo whose badge lit up at his hip, dangling from the scabbard of his smallest blade before his reiatsu seemed to erupt from him. His eyes sparked an icy-blue before he swung his taller sword out in an arch, the force of the swing enough to cut into the chest of one of the hollows. The air around them seemed to vibrate, trembling under the pressure of their reiatsu. Renji was quite sure that without the barrier Urahara had put up, a lot of souls would have blacked out or even perished because of it. But even with the barrier in place, Renji and Ichigo silently agreed to relocate or take higher ground if the hollows weren’t cooperating.

Luckily, as soon as they turned away and pushed off, the hollows were right on their heels, unlike before. The redhead suspected it to be because their unsuppressed reiatsu was too much for them to ignore, their instincts to devour taking over. Unlike the hollows before who weren’t sure whether to cut down or eat, the older shinigami was sure that the hollows following them decided to do both. To cut them up first, before starting to dine on their soul before it dissolved into spirit particles. He didn’t know which ones were easier to deal with. The ones who were unsure of what to do, thus leaving openings, or the ones knowing exactly what they wanted and not settling for less. But then again, it wasn’t like Renji would just lower his sword and tell them to go ahead and dig in. 

Stopping in a small forest next to the cemetery just outside of time wasn’t the most ideal location, but it would have to do. Gathering his reiatsu, the redhead prepared to activate his bankai, only to feel something hard slam into his back. His first instinct was to turn his sword on whatever it was, until it instantly switched to a wave of protectiveness once he recognized the flash of orange he could see over his shoulder. They tumbled over the ground before coming to a stop, Renji’s hand firmly on Ichigo’s arm to prevent him from busting his head on a tree even when his own ankle banged into it.

His attention was instantly on the ginger, seeing a rather large cut above his eyebrow, blood dripping down his chin. Their eyes met and Renji could see something in the young shinigami’s eyes, something he didn’t have the time to decipher as he felt another gathering of energy. Both gazes shot up at the four ceros that were aimed at them, getting charged fast. Without any conscious thoughts, the two shinigami picked up the sword closest to them as they jumped to an opposite side to move away from the blast that took out the forest behind them. However, Renji wasn’t distracted by the damage. His confusion and the feeling of thousand tiny needles stabbing repeatedly into his arm all the way up to his shoulder was demanding all his attention.

The weight of the sword he was holding was wrong, larger yet a little lighter than what he was used to, not to mention slimmer yet rougher in his hand. Instead of the familiar hinerimaki wrapped ito pressing into his palm, the only thing he could feel was the cold steel of the blade separated from his skin by merely a thin layer of bandage wrapped around it. As Renji looked down in confusion, he found his hands empty, placed flat against a cold surface he was sitting on. He seemed to be sitting on a square platformed that was slightly lowered and split in two equal rectangular shapes that looked suspiciously like a window, a light drizzle hitting his face.

Okay, now Renji was officially going mad.

|I must say, I’m impressed.

|Meh, I’ll be impress’d once ‘e gets’a scratch on me.

Renji startled at the voices, one slow and filled with a dramatic pause while the other was somewhat graining, as if it had a second timbre to it. He was sure he had heard this voice before, when Ichigo wore his mask. Instantly, Renji’s head shot sideways so he could look over his shoulder, seeing two figures standing upon an iron rod that protruded from the same surface the shinigami was sitting on, but on a distance away from him. The man in front wore a black cloak that covered him from neck to ankles, waving in the wind in the same way his dark-brown curly hair was whipped around his face. His eyes were covered by sunglasses Renji could appreciate, but he wasn’t too sure how he felt about goatee.

The person behind him shocked him probably the most, appearing to be an exact copy of Ichigo, but white. Just… white. A white shihakusho, white skin, white hair. His eyes were a mix of black and golden while his lips were pulled in a vicious grin with a hint of deranged amusement. He was crouched on the pole like a delinquent, squatting with his elbows leaning on his spread knees as both men looked down on the redhead. Renji was confused, wondering how the hell those two were able to remain standing in that position.

“Who da fuck’r ya?” Renji asked despite that he had a pretty solid guess of who they were.

|Shouldn’t you be more concerned about how you’re remaining in place?

At the question that was shot back in an almost lazy tone, drawing Renji’s attention to his surroundings. So he was right and this was an inner world. Judging by the copy of Ichigo he saw, he didn’t need to think much about whose it was. As he looked around, he recognized skyscrapers. They were blue, differing in shades ever so slightly, and tall, reaching up to the darkened skies above him and so deep down below his feet, he was unable to make out the ground. Wait, what?

Renji swallowed a scream he was sure would have been incredibly unflattering when he felt himself come loose from the surface he had been sitting on. As he fell, Renji looked up at the two spirits with an expression he was sure resembled a frightened little girl’s, realizing that their position hadn’t been the weird one, but his. The redhead attempted to gain a foothold, be it on the side of the building or with reishi. As he struggled to find one, the pale zanpakuto spirit rolled with his eyes before falling forward.

|Da’fuq r’ya doin’, idiot.

Renji had never once wanted to scream at someone more than he did in that moment, glaring at the spirits that was flying towards him like a bullet, his arms pressed against his side as if he wasn’t going fast enough already.

“Just do sum’thin’, asshole” Renji hissed as the felt of his foot brush one of the windowsills before a white hand curled into the front of his shihakusho, pulling him closer. A shiver ran down Renji’s spine at the glare on the zanpakuto’s spirit’s face.

|Ya should count yerself lucky, cherry-pie. Use me well.

Before Renji could figure out what the spirit’s words meant, he was thrown down to the ground that was suddenly suspiciously close. Gasping for air, the redhead prepared for the impact that would no doubt break his spine, only for it never to come. Instead, he felt a gust of cold air as a sword-arm flew over his head, barely on time to duck underneath it. Instinctually, Renji swung his arm upwards, the corners of the hilt digging uncomfortably into his palm. Yet there was no resistance it the blade cut through the hollow’s arm.

Realization downed on the older shinigami, looking stunned at the zanpakuto in his hand that was definitely not Zabimaru. Zangetsu was Ichigo’s sword, it was his soul, part of him materialized into a blade. And here Renji was, holding it, swinging it around. How could something that belonged to someone who had carried things way beyond what he could lift, feel so light? Was it purposely this light so Ichigo could continue raising it no matter what? Suddenly, the blade felt incredibly heavy to the redhead. Not physical, but mental.

|So, ya gonna use me ‘r not, Cherry-pie?

Renji wasn’t sure what to answer to that. Part of him wanted nothing more than to give the zanpakuto back to its rightful owner and apologize profusely for laying his dirty, dirty hands on something so intimate. Yet the other part of him was exited on a primal level. He was literally holding Ichigo in his hand, allowed to touch him so close, closer than any other person had ever been. And he had gotten permission to wield it, from the zanpakuto itself. This realisation brought up something wild inside the redhead, something he had been able to cultivate during his time in the 11th but had to tame in the 6th.

Holy fuck, he wanted to fight.

|That’s wha’I need’d ta hear! What’r ya waitin’ fer, idiot!

Zangetsu seemed to vibrate in his hand, the stings running up his arm speaking loudly about the eagerness with which the zanpakuto wanted to be wielded with. Renji couldn’t help but respond to it, pushing forward with renewed energy. His injuries were shoved to the back of his head, overpowered by his urge to fight. It had been a long time since he had fought so freely, yet his body flowed into the familiar movements easily. In a way, it could be described as a dance. A very old, violent one, but smooth none the less. Renji was going up in every movement, his heartbeat supplying the rhythm, when something orange flashed into his vision, startling him.

Ichigo jumped backwards with a backflip, his arms loosely next to his side as he moved away from the hollow that swiped its swords-arm at the young shinigami. Zabimaru was in his hand as it was brought up in front of him even before his feet had touched the ground, his eyes remaining on the hollow in front of him. Renji’s heart stuttered a beat as he saw Ichigo lay his hand flat on the blade near the hilt. It was a move his body knew better than his mind did, one he had done for over a thousand times. A strange sort of anticipation coiled in his gut as he unconsciously held his breath.

“Howl, Zabimaru” Ichigo said, sending a jolt down Renji’s spine as he watched the blade change. He had known what was to come, but he hadn’t been prepared to see the ginger bring the blade back before throwing it out. He hadn’t expected the view to be arousing enough to have him harden in his hakama almost instantly. God, he really shouldn’t be this turned on during a fight. But it was Ichigo’s fault, in a way. The young shinigami had no right to look that hot with Renji’s zanpakuto in hand, swinging it around as if he had been doing nothing else for the past years.

Despite the slight traces of awkwardness that Renji noticed to be well-hidden, the redhead was more than impressed. He was pretty sure he could stare at Ichigo handling Zabimaru for hours on end without losing an ounce of the awe he felt as he distractedly watched the young shinigami move about. Through it all, he started wondering. If Ichigo could active his shikai, would he be able to fire one of the ginger’s signature attacks?

|Why don’t’cha give’et a try? Gather reiatsu inta da blade and fire’et. I’ll go easy on ya.

Part of the older shinigami told him not to trust the pale spirit’s words, but the other, larger part of him was already gathering his reiatsu and pushing it into the zanpakuto that easily accepted it. He wondered how much he should put in and decided to stop when he saw the edge of the blade light up red with his reiatsu. He could feel eyes on him as he turned to the hollow that tried to attack him from the left, thinking his guard was down.

“Getsuga Tenshou” the redhead said as he swung the sword in his hand diagonally upward, feeling the reiatsu fire from the blade. As he watched, the red sickle shaped blade of reiatsu cut through the hollow’s mask like it was melting butter, only to take out half of the forest behind it. Well, that wasn’t how much damage he had intended to do.

“I thought ya said ya were gonna go easy on me?” Renji hissed at the pale zanpakuto spirit inside the inner world of the blade. The spirit had a sadistic, crooked grin on his face as he pulled up his shoulders.

|Tha’ was me goin’ easy on’ya.

Ichigo had told him often how much of a wild-horse Zangetsu could be, but Renji had always though it was because Ichigo sucked at reiatsu control. However, after experiencing it himself, he couldn’t help but agree with Ichigo, even going as far as to believe the ginger had down-played it. Renji knew Zabimaru could be over-eager to fight at times, but Zangetsu was just nuts, his thoughts earning a barked, high-pitched laugh.

|If’ya think I’m nuts, ya shoul’ see da King fight wi’out holdin’ back!

Renji wanted to. If it was anything like seeing him fight with Zabimaru, god how he wanted to. But before that, they would first need to deal with the hollows around them. Hollows that had been cut down even without Renji consciously noticing it. Before they had accidentally swapped zanpakutos, they had been in a pinch, going up against six adjuchas-level hollows. Yet now, none of them remained. As soon as Renji had gotten Zangetsu in hand, he had moved on pure instinct. Mindlessly, he had cut the hollows around him down. His objective had shifted from taking down the hollows to letting himself enjoy the novelty of wielding Ichigo’s zanpakuto.

Judging by the equally as shocked expression on the ginger’s face, Renji could safely say the young shinigami had felt the same. They stared at each other, not sure of what to say to explain what had happened. Never before had there been two shinigami who had been able to switch zanpakutos and succeed fighting with them, using their respective abilities. At least not that was recorded or that Renji knew off. Maybe nobody had actually tried, but then again, who would be trusting enough to let someone else wield part of their soul. The fact that both Zangetsu and Zabimaru had allowed the switch was proof that they had accepted the other, at least on a certain level. Enough for Ichigo to handle Zabimaru and for Renji to use Zangetsu.

|Fer da record, mah King likes yer hair better wi’out da braid. We share ‘is opinion.

Zangetsu’s voice startled Renji out of his daze, jolting him forward. Ichigo blinked as the redhead moved, he too shuffling towards the older shinigami as he kept his eyes down.

“Here, I’m sorry” the ginger said as he twisted Zabimaru around in his palm, holding the hilt out to the rightful owner of the sword. Renji bit on his lip as he shifted his grip to hold Zangetsu out as well.

“Yea, uhm, don’ mind. I took, uhm, Zangetsu ‘s well, so” the redhead said, trailing off as he was unable to find his words. They exchanged blades again without looking at each other. While the Zabimaru’s familiar heat travelled up his arm, the limb felt numb after the prickling sensation Zangetsu left. Holding his own zanpakuto instantly calmed the redhead down, comforting the strange feeling in his chest he was unable to describe. Instantly, he was pulled into his inner world, feeling the snake coil around his leg. The jungle around him was so familiar it was almost painful, though there seemed to be something new. The greenery was decorated by splashed of bright red and bright orange, large exotic flowers standing in full bloom.

|He’s good, you know. I like him. He has a soft hand.

|An’ he was respectful. Strong ‘s well.

“I know he is” Renji said, still out of whack after what had happened.

|How was Zangetsu?

“Insane” the redhead replied almost instantly, earning a chuckle from the baboon as well as the snake.

|He mention’d tha’ too. Tha’ we were calm’r.

“He said Ichigo prefers my hair when it ain’t inna braid” Renji said and the snake and the baboon shared a smirk, conveying it through their eyes only. The ginger clearing his throat brought Renji out of his inner world, looking at the ginger who was sporting a small flush, his eyes still averted. Renji felt the weight of his braid rest against his collarbone, overly conscious about it in the same way he was constantly over-aware of what Ichigo had admitted about what he thought about his voice.

“We should probably go” the ginger said and Renji looked away, fisting his hands before relaxing them again. Honestly, he used to be so smooth, yet around the ginger, he felt so inexperienced. It was incredibly annoying and somewhat foreign.

“Yea, le’s go. ’M gettin’ hungry” the redhead said and turned away, too busy feeling self-conscious to realize the adrenaline coursing through his body was preventing him from feeling his wounds. As they walked away from the area, it took a little while before Renji noticed Ichigo wasn’t following him anymore. The redhead turned around to search for the shock of orange, finding the young shinigami standing some distance away. With a frown, Renji walked up to the ginger, the frown deepening the closer he got, wondering why the smaller man was looking so lost.

“What’s wrong?” the redhead asked when he was close enough, receiving his answer when he glanced upon the grave the young shinigami was standing in front of. The name Kurosaki was engraved in it, the letters clean and void of any sign of age, clearly well-cared for. Instantly, Renji felt bad, his expression falling.

“Ah, fuck. ‘M sorry, Ichigo. If I’d known yer mother laid here, I would’ve pick’d a diff’rent location” the redhead said and Ichigo shook his head.

“No, it’s fine. It was the place that was closest by where we would have enough space to fight without upsetting any of the spirits in the city. Besides, you couldn’t have known” he said and the older shinigami really disliked the distance in the ginger’s voice even when he understood the reason for it. He wanted to reach out to the young man, to just do something to show that he was there and that Ichigo wasn’t alone, but he wasn’t sure whether or not the ginger would appreciate the comfort Renji wanted to offer. Still, his hand rose to touch the ginger’s elbow to give it a soft squeeze before his thumb rubbed up and down once.

It was a somewhat awkward move that drew Ichigo’s attention down to the redhead’s hand before his gaze lifted to meet Renji’s. The older shinigami felt something melt inside his chest at the smile that was send his way, partly hurt, partly grateful. Renji swallowed any useless words his mind suggested him to say as Ichigo turned back at the gravestone.

“Isn’t it ridiculous? To feel so sentimental towards a stone?” the ginger asked, his voice so quiet Renji barely even caught it.

“It’s just a stone. I can never see it as my mother, yet it feels important to me. As if I’m trying to hold on to something while I lose more memories of my mother with each passing year” the young man said, his voice a little stronger, clearly full of regret about forgetting certain things about his mother. Renji doubted Ichigo would ever forget someone who he had loved even before he had known what love was. But he couldn’t deny that time robbed people of certain memories they never expected to lose. It was only when they looked back and tried to remember something specifically when they noticed how much of their good memories they had lost in growing up. Things they had thought to be insignificant were only important once they realized they had lost them. It was always like that, and Ichigo was painfully aware of this as much as Renji was.

The grumble of Renji’s stomach broke up the moment, destroying it entirely. Mortified, the older shinigami grimaced as he looked down at his stomach as Ichigo did the same. The ginger averted his face, but Renji caught the way he had been biting on his lip. No doubt in an attempt to hold his laugh. The redhead clicked with his tongue as he gave the smaller man a light shove, prompting the laugh from his lips. The sound made Renji scoff in amusement, relieved that the ginger was smiling even if it was his expenses.

“Ah, that reminds me about that little shrimp that was at our house a little while ago” Ichigo said as he turned away from the grave, his moods seemingly lifted. Renji noticed that it was still a little forced, but went along with the change of subject as he fell in step next to the ginger.

“Little shrimp?” he asked and Ichigo hummed.

“Yuzu brought a boyfriend home for dinner” he said and Renji sucked in a breath through his teeth at the image he could already conjure up.

“Exactly” the ginger said as he looked at the expression on the redhead’s face before continuing.

“I had no idea about it until I got home. Yuzu was in the kitchen while Karin was sitting at the dinner table with him across from her. The first thing I noticed was the shovel that was leaning against the side of the table next to her before I noticed this wanabe punk sitting across from her. I swear, Renji!” Ichigo said, getting worked up by only thinking about it. The redhead didn’t even have the time to question the shovel but also accepted the fact that maybe that was for the best as he continued to listen to the ginger rant.

“He had eleven piercings in total. His ears were full, there was even one in his nose like he was a freaking bull or at least trying to be. He had his hair dyed in some kind of Pinterest rainbow-shit as if a unicorn had shat all over it and he couldn’t get it out. And then he was just sitting there, slouching so deep his ass was off the chair, with this smug-ass smirk on his mug” he said and Renji had already pretty much lost it at the bull-thing, yet the ginger continued, ignoring the snorts coming from the redhead.

“At first I thought he was just some kind of punk who had gotten in a street-fight and was waiting for his friend who the old man was patching up. But then Karin was so kind as to tell me he was Yuzu’s boyfriend” he said and shook his head in exasperation.

“Honestly, that kid had the gall to want to give me a hand, saying ‘hey dude, I’m yer sister’s man. How’ya doin?’. I was like ‘The only time I’m touching you is to throw your smug ass outside and then I’ll be doing a whole lot better’. I didn’t even have to say it out loud, he understood as much from just my expression. He squeaked a bit different after that” he said and Renji scoffed, having no doubt about that. He knew first-hand how scary Ichigo could get when his sisters were involved. Or anyone he wanted to protect at that.

“Ya can be intimidatin’ as fuck, yanno” he said and Ichigo huffed.

“That was the point. Karin calls it my ‘shinigami-face’ because it looks like I’m seconds away from cutting someone down. But like hell I’ll ever let my sisters see my expression like that. I wasn’t even glaring at the guy, I just narrowed my eyes at him and he was already pretty much pissing his pants” he said and Renji snorted. Once   
again, not hard to believe.

“But compared to dad, I was being subtle. Dad just flat out asked if the ring in his nose was like a door-handle, inviting him to knock” he said and Renji’s fingers twitched when the back of his knuckled brushed the back of Ichigo’s hand.

“Som’how, I can see tha’ too” the redhead said, feeling Ichigo’s fingers twitch against his own, the dried blood on their digits stretching their skin uncomfortably. Renji contemplated just stretching out his fingers a little further to lock them with Ichigo’s, just to see what the young shinigami would do. Would he reject the redhead, or would he allow it like last time their hands had touched when it was just the two of them? In his mind, Renji could still see the way Ichigo’s hand had fitted into his, their fingers entwined warmly.

However, before the redhead could make a decision, Ichigo stumbled forward. Renji reacted fast, grabbing the ginger’s hand to pull him back, hoping it would be enough to keep the smaller male on his feet. Ichigo shook his head as if to dispel a dizziness fogging his mind and vision and Renji realized that they really needed help instead of just walking on a leisurely pace.

“Sorry. Looks like I lost a little too much blood” Ichigo confirmed and Renji frowned at him.

“Le’s hurry back ta tha shop. Orihime’ll prob’bly be there and she’ll patch ya up” he said and Ichigo gave a hum before looking over at the redhead from the corner of his eye.

“And then you can eat” he said, meant to be in good humour, but to be honest, Renji’s hunger was waning when he took in the injuries the ginger had gotten. Maybe the location had affected him more than he wanted to admit, Renji didn’t know. At this moment, he didn’t want to ask either. They had just gotten off the subject because Ichigo didn’t want to linger on it, so the older shinigami would not be stupid enough to bring it back up. Just like neither of them were bringing up the pink elephant walking between them.

Renji’s arm was still numb from holding Zangetsu and he was sure Ichigo’s arm still felt warm, maybe not comfortably so. The redhead knew Zabimaru got heated during a fight, literally, as it warmed up his arm from palm up. Just like the redhead wasn’t used to the feeling of holding Zangetsu, Ichigo wasn’t either, which made the effects unfamiliar. It demanded all their attention, overly aware of the reason why they felt the foreign feeling in their sword-arm. Yet neither of them were addressing the topic despite the questions they must both have.

Maybe the reason Renji hadn’t mentioned it yet, was because he couldn’t even figure out what to ask first. Questions were swirling around in his head like a tornado, going too fast for the redhead to get a hold of and think about long enough to find an answer. The older shinigami was grasping at straws at this moment, straws that were stuck in a current that flowed around him. It was annoying but somehow, Renji was weary of actually reaching out. What answers would he come to? It was one thing to admit that he had more than platonic feelings for Ichigo, but it was another completely to research how deep he felt for the ginger.

Sexual attraction, he could deal with. He had slept with both uglier and prettier people without feeling anything. After he had admitted that sexual attraction wasn’t the only thing, Renji found himself wanting contact with the ginger. Just any kind of contact. He wanted Ichigo to smile at him, to reach out to him, to touch him, to lust for him. He wanted the ginger to be as aware of him as the redhead was of the younger shinigami. But any more than that was too much. Any more than that would be love. A feeling a shinigami couldn’t afford to have, especially not in a situation like this where one of them was dead and the other was still alive.

Renji didn’t want to be in love with Ichigo. He couldn’t be. He couldn’t want to wake up next to the ginger in the morning, couldn’t long to feel him sleep next to him. He couldn’t wish for a long life with Ichigo, slowly growing old together. They would grow old, but not together. Not at the same pace. Ichigo would die before Renji did and while it would hurt shit-tons now, if the redhead would be in love with Ichigo, it would be something he wouldn’t be able to recover from. Like was fleeting, something that was felt for a while but began to blur after a decade or two. But love was something entirely different. Love hooked into the heart and held on like a parasite. The longer you let it sit, the more it grew. And by the time it was removed, a gaping wound was left, one that could never heal. But by then, the parasite had already drained everything one had to give. It would have taken what it had been given and more.

“Why did’ya let’im fight with ya?” Renji found himself asking as he turned to his zanpakuto in his inner-world. He found the baboon snake hybrid sitting on a rock below the high branch the redhead sat in, one leg dangling down while the other was folded underneath it, his foot hooked behind his knee. The animal spirit looked up at the redhead before the snake shot out to curl around a lower branch, launching them up to the same thick branch Renji was occupying.

|Are you sure you will be able to handle the answer?

The redhead grimaced at that question, not sure about the answer himself. He knew he had been the one to ask, but part of him didn’t want to know the answer because he already knew what it would be. But he found himself giving a single, curt nod anyway. He knew that the reason he could guess, but didn’t want to think of, couldn’t be the only reason. 

|He’s strong, he defeated us once.

|Ya wanna protect ‘im, but ya can’t do tha’ if ‘es strong’r than ya, so ya push yerself ta grow strong’r.

|Besides, you like him. We don’t have a reason not to like him.

“But then why did Zangetsu allow me ta fight with ‘im?” Renji asked, trying not to look too much into the last statement, but not succeeding anyway. He knew all too well what kind of ‘like’ Zabimaru was getting at.

|How should we kno? Ask ‘im that, idiot.

“I can’t just ask ‘im that! I don’ even wanna bring’it up in tha first place” he exclaimed and the zanpakuto spirit raised a non-existent eyebrow.  
|Why’no?

“Cause it’s too fuckin’ embarrassin’! I might’s well just come out and say I like ‘im!” he said as he shook his head. There was no way Renji would be confessing that to the ginger. He wasn’t going to burden Ichigo with that. It was enough that it distracted Renji, he didn’t need it to distract the ginger as well. Besides, his feelings were his problem, not Ichigo’s.

|Why not just do it? What’s the worst that can happen?

“I can think of a lotta things, mainly losin’ ‘is friendship” the redhead said with a grimace and Zabimaru rolled with their eyes but remained quiet, leaving Renji alone in his thoughts. The redhead wondered vaguely how many decades it would take for him to lose every bit of romantic feeling he had for the ginger, and hoped it would only take a few years. If he was lucky, it was just an infatuation that had grown from lust. But even when he tried to tell himself that, he couldn’t believe it. Everything inside him scoffed at the feeble attempt to return to the safety of denial. It was something Renji was good at, denial. Until it came to Ichigo, it seemed. Then the redhead couldn’t seem to bring himself to deny what he felt, as if he would be denying the young shinigami himself. That was something Renji absolutely couldn’t do. Not after everything the ginger had done for him. So now he was stuck with his feelings, hoping they would pass soon.


	9. Ignite.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New Year :-)  
> Quite early to post this kind of chapter but who cares :p  
> I hope you like it :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer ;; I don't own anything but the story and its OCs and grammar mistakes.

The scent of melting chocolate on the grill penetrated the air, originating from the BBQ in Ichigo’s garden. Whoever had had the bright idea to have a barbeque on the evening of old and new really was going to get Ichigo’s fist in his mouth, and not only the ginger’s. Grimmjow was just as cold, munching off Ichigo’s heat as he huddled up with the younger man underneath the dark purple fleece blanket, sitting on the engawa. Underneath the blankets, the peach pink and grey sweaters paired with light grey and bright blue sweatpants, were not enough to keep the duo sufficiently warm in the cold air. But then again, they weren’t the only ones suffering from the cold.

Across the small garden from them was another duo huddled up underneath a large blanket. Ulquiorra was leaning back in the zero gravity chair with Orihime sitting in between his legs, holding the dark brown blanket tightly closed around them. Their matching green one-pieces covering their clothes were so cute it was cringe-worthy, gag-worthy to some. But the looks on their faces told everyone just how much they cared about that. Then again, if they were any warmer than the rest of them, what did it matter what they looked like.

Tatsuki seemed very much of the same opinion, standing next to Sado as she was responsible for the desserts after dinner Sado had grilled. The black wadded coat she wore reached down to her knees, her nose buried in the high collar while her ears were covered by muffs. Sado next to her looked like he barely needed anything to keep himself warm, wearing nothing but a thick sweater and a bomber jacket. Ishida, occupying the wooden chair closest to the BBQ had clad himself with his pea-coat, hugging his arms tightly around his torso while seeking warmth from the flames with his shoulders drawn up.

In between Ishida and Ichigo were Renji and Rukia, sharing a blanket thought the difference in height was making it somewhat a challenge. But then again, they didn’t look all that cold to Ichigo. Rukia was wearing a coat underneath the blanket and what seemed to be stockings underneath a pair of pale jeans. Renji was doused out in a thick, dark brown knitted sweater that could warm one up just by looking at it, the turtleneck collar loosely wrapped around his tattooed neck. His hair was up in a pony-tail instead of the usual braid, falling over his shoulders towards his pectorals.

“The first one to suggest this next year, will have my foot down his throat” Rukia said, dispelling any suspicion Ichigo had about her being warm.

“Ugh, I can really go for something warm and alcoholic right now. You know, from the Christmas market we went to in Cologne” Grimmjow said with a grumpy grimace as he nudged the ginger’s shoulder with his own.

“Gluhwein” the duo said not even after a beat, breathing a satisfied sigh just by remembering the heat the beverage had brought in the cold evening in Germany.

“I should have brought a bottle of that back. Or at least the recipe” Ichigo said and the bluenette nodded in agreement, pulling the blanket up further.

“Well, it might not be glu-whatever it was, but this might warm you up” Tatsuki said as she raised the plate with freshly made s’mores. She passed it into Rukia’s grabby hands, who picked a sandwich off the tray, holding it out to Ishida before passing it through to Renji. After taking one off, the redhead held out the tray towards the ginger, who accepted it while squeezing the blanket between his knees to keep it wrapped around him however clumsy it was. He passed the plate through to Grimmjow who took one off before handing it over to Orihime. The long-haired ginger took two sandwiches off the plate so Ulquiorra wouldn’t have to release the blanket before handing it back to Tatsuki. When Orihime turned to feed her boyfriend one of the s’more, Grimmjow gagged.

“So gross. Why don’t you two just get fucking married already” he said and Ulquiorra gave the bluenette a dry look.

“Says the actually married couple” he shot back and Ichigo grimaced.

“Hey, don’t bring that up!” Grimmjow said irritated as the ginger next to him send the raven-haired arrancar a suffering look.

“I don’t nearly have enough alcohol in my system to remember that now” he said but Rukia seemed to be interested in the gossip as always, especially when it seemed like there was some black-mail material on the young shinigami. Little shit.

“Remember what?” she asked, looking at Orihime who flustered under the questioning gaze of all the others with them.

“Nothing” Ichigo said though it wasn’t convincing anyone, not even himself. Besides Renji whose glance lingered on him, they were pretty much all ignoring him.

“Ul, don’t” Grimmjow said, though there was a slight plea in his voice that only spurred the raven on, a sadistically amused glint lighting up his eyes. Of all the times for the arrancar to show emotion, it had to be at their fucking expenses.

“Grimmjow and Ichigo were married” the hollow said, dropping a bomb that shocked everyone. There was no need to question whether it was a joke or not because the groan both males in question released was all the confirmation the statement needed. Grimmjow let his head fell sideways against the ginger’s shoulder while Ichigo just let his head hang down, feeling the entire group stare at them. The only reason Ulquiorra and Orihime knew was because the raven had been at Urahara’s the moment they returned and he had told Orihime.

“You should have killed him when you had the chance, little berry” the bluenette said, his blunt words earning a flinch from both Orihime and Tatsuki, one of them having seen her boyfriend perish at Ichigo’s hand before and the other not at all used to hearing people talk about death the way the group around her did. Sometimes, Ichigo forgot that Tatsuki wasn’t used to their conversations yet. He also doubted she would ever get used to it, which was why Grimmjow usually watched what he said, uncharacteristically careful whenever she was around.

“What?!” the group burst out and Ichigo had half a mind to tell them to lower their voices. It was new-year so everyone was either having a party or were at the shrines. No matter how loud they would get, it wasn’t likely they would be bothering anyone.

“We were married for, like, fourteen hours? We were piss drunk after coming from the casinos, rented a car and went to a chapel thing” Grimmjow said, trying to explain the situation but only making it worse. Ichigo dared to look up, meeting Renji’s eyes first, his gaze almost feeling like a sucker-punch. The redhead looked beyond pissed and Ichigo felt the need to lower his gaze back to the ground. Instead, he moved it to the others, seeing different stages of shock painted on their faces.

“Wait, like actually married? With certificate and kiss and all?” Tatsuki asked and Grimmjow looked up with a wry smirk.

“We even bought fucking rings with our winnings from the casino. The little berry’s a surprisingly good kisser” he said and Ichigo’s eyes shot up at the dark sky overhead with a groan.

“Oh, god! Could you please not, asshole?! You were the one to shove your tongue in first” he hissed and Grimmjow send the ginger a smirk that turned smug once he took note of the flush on Ichigo’s face that wasn’t from the cold.

“That, I did. But you weren’t complaining. Besides, you don’t have to act like I robbed you from your first kiss or something. If I recall correctly, the one who got it was that underwear-model in the US and you went home with her” he said and the ginger looked at him with a sort of pleading look, feeling Renji’s reiatsu tremble no matter how much he tried to hide it. Even Ichigo, who was still shit at sensing reiatsu, could feel it as clear as day. He wondered what Rukia must be feeling at the moment, but couldn’t focus on it. He would first need to stop the bluenette before he pissed Renji off even more. Ichigo had no solid idea of why the redhead was angry in the first place, but he knew the he hated it when the older shinigami was pissed at him.

“Cut it, Grimm” he said, only to feel Grimmjow squeeze his knee underneath the blanket.

“I’m just helping you, darling” the arrancar said, his smirk widened as his eyes glanced over ever so shortly at the redhead who was suddenly busy staring at the ground between his feet. Drilling holes in it with his gaze alone was more like it.

“Look at him. I told you he was jealous. If I push him enough, maybe he’ll make a move” he said with a lowered voice and Ichigo glared at the bluenette. It didn’t have much effect, though. But then again, it wasn’t like he had expected much different from Grimmjow. However, there was one card he could play against the arrancar. One he was sure would work.

“Look at Tatsuki” the ginger said just as soft, knowing only Grimmjow could hear him as he glanced over at the raven that looked like she was having trouble deciding whether to laugh or to turn away discouraged. Instantly, the arrancar’s playful mood disappeared and Ichigo thanked whatever gods were out there for the fact that Grimmjow was whipped.

“Mah, it was just another one of our bad ideas from when we were drunk” the bluenette tried to save what he had done, his serious voice gaining Tatsuki and Renji’s attention again, as if they hadn’t been waiting for his every word. But at least now they looked at the arrancar again. Ichigo felt put in the spotlight and not in a good way. The tension was awkward and felt somewhat suffocating to the ginger as Ulquiorra cut in.

“And now you’re divorced men” he said and Ichigo grimaced.

“I should have been a widower” he corrected and Grimmjow gave him a shove.

“Oh come on. You don’t want to kill me, Ichi” he said and Ichigo huffed. 

“I should have. It would have saved me from a lot of embarrassing situations” he said and no matter how much he wanted to, Grimmjow couldn’t talk back to that considering the silver stick in his nipples. And that was only one of those embarrassing situations. Ichigo wondered if now could be counted as one of those situations as well, but was inclined to call it an awkward situation instead of embarrassing. The mood they had had before seemed to have completely died with four of them feeling a strange tenseness while the others were skilled at reading the mood. Well, at least four of the five were. Ulquiorra never said much to begin with.

Ichigo was looking for ways to ease the tension but came up blank, his stomach in tight knots at the reiatsu he could feel next to him, pulsing against the restrain Renji was no doubt putting on it. The redhead wasn’t even looking at him and Ichigo couldn’t help but wonder if maybe Grimmjow was right. Maybe Renji was indeed jealous. The ginger had noticed that the older shinigami always got displeased whenever he saw the two of them interacted, but he had never tried to see it as jealousy in fear of creating hope that had no way of surviving and would only hurt him in the end. But maybe that hope wasn’t as infertile as Ichigo suspected. If Renji really was jealous, it had to be for a reason and that reason was either Grimmjow or Ichigo. Judging by the fact that the redhead’s irritation was almost always directed at Grimmjow, the ginger was inclined to go with himself. 

Of course, the entire thing might also be Ichigo’s wishful thinking. But then again, even that excuse might be the ginger’s denial about Renji’s feelings, not willing to look for the signs that were there in fear of misreading them and getting hurt. Self-preservation came in several shapes and forms, denial being one of them in Ichigo’s case. Not at all surprising since nobody likes to get hurt. Not to mention that wounds on the soul and the heart couldn’t just be healed with a bandage, a little salve or stitches. If that was possible, life would be too easy. And life has never been easy, especially not for Ichigo. He had learned a long time ago to not expect things to go easy for him, why would this be different?

“Ichi, you coming?” Grimmjow asked as he nudged the ginger with his shoulder. Ichigo startled out of his thoughts, looking up at the bluenette in confusion before taking notice of the empty garden. Oh wow, he really had let his guard down, hadn’t he? Damnit.

“Yeah, sure” the ginger said before standing up, reaching his senses out to recognize the familiar reiatsus of their group inside the house. Grimmjow grabbed his wrist to halt him before he could go inside, making the younger man look over his shoulder.

“Hey, I’m sorry. I went a bit too far” the arrancar said, his expression genuinely remorseful. It was such a rare sight, Ichigo had to soak it in for a moment just to be sure to remember it for later.

“It’s not me you should be apologizing to, but Tatsuki. I thought you two were close to getting together” he said and the bluenette turned his gaze down. 

“Yeah, well” he started, clearly uneasy as he reached up his free hand to scratch the back of his neck. Ichigo turned to the hollow, waiting for him to find his words to continue.

“We were, I think. I’m not sure. But she just ignored me when she went inside” Grimmjow said before his gaze flittered to the side of the garden. But apparently the fence wasn’t interesting enough so his eyes flicked back to the engawa to study the wood.

“I don’t know what to say” he added and Ichigo raised an eyebrow.

“How about you start by explaining the fact that you’re straight and that the marriage was a lapse in judgement caused by an overflowing amount of alcohol. It’s not like she doesn’t know this yet, but it’s nice to get it confirmed” he said and sighed soft as the bluenette didn’t look like he wanted to believe the ginger.

“Besides, I don’t think she angry. If she was, you would have known. She’s just as unsure as you are. She’s never dated anyone, remember? She never thought that she had time for it and she’s making time for you by skipping practices. That’s saying something. Have a little more confidence” Ichigo said and Grimmjow looked at him. Judging by the smirk on his face, he was recalling the first time he met Tatsuki. He had come to Ichigo’s language class to pick him up for a spar when Tatsuki had been there as well. He hadn’t suspected to be punched out of the window he had been crouching on. But then again, he really should have seen it coming when he had looked down his nose at the raven and called her a bitch. That was the moment the arrancar had fallen in love, out of a three-story window with the mask on his cheek rattling from the hit. Ichigo found it incredibly cheesy, but he couldn’t deny that it was pretty cute. 

If only both of them wouldn’t come to him with their troubles about the other. Things would be easier and would go much faster if they just talked to each other instead of to Ichigo. 

“You think so?” Grimmjow asked and the ginger looked at him.

“Yeah, I do. And if you happen to do something she doesn’t like, she’ll punch you anyway, so there’s that” he said and the bluenette snorted at the words that rang truer than anything else. With the hollow comforted, the two finally moved inside where the guys were waiting in the living-room down-stairs for the girls to finish changing clothes. Orihime had expressed the desire to wear a kimono for Hatsumode to which Rukia had agreed whole-heartedly. Tatsuki had only gotten dragged into it after Grimmjow had made a bet with her that if she wore a kimono, he would sing in front of the shrine. However, Ichigo’s attention was entirely on the redhead leaning against the wall with his arms crossed in front of his chest even when he tried to hide it.

The ginger couldn’t help glancing at the older shinigami, as if his eyes were drawn towards the stay-away-from-me-atmosphere that was hanging around the redhead. Once, Renji’s eyes rose to meet his by coincidence, remaining connected silently before Ichigo had to look away, feeling too exposed under the intense gaze. He cursed himself for his cowardice, but it had been a natural reaction he hadn’t even been able to stop. He heard the redhead click with his tongue, almost making the ginger flinch. Renji’s reiatsu was oppressive, seemingly slowly attempting to choke the younger shinigami with the pressure it placed on his chest. As Ichigo glanced around, he could tell it was only him, so it was either his imagination or Renji was unconsciously aiming his reiatsu at him only. The young man didn’t know which one would be better.

“We’re ready” Orihime announced as the three girls entered the living-room once more, giving Ichigo a distraction. One that didn’t have too much effect considering the weight of the redhead’s reiatsu still wasn’t moving off his chest. Still, Ichigo kept his eyes on the girls, watching Ulquiorra slide his arm loosely around Orihime’s waist, silently appreciating the way the light-green colour of her kimono complimented her complexion and hair, especially combined with the blue obi secured around her waist. Rukia had gone for a pale pink kimono with a deep purple obi securing it, smirking at Renji as he regarded her with a thoughtful eye. Tatsuki was clearly not at ease in her light-blue kimono with white flower, plucking at the cord that was added to the brown and white obi around her waist. Her eyes rose up to meet Grimmjow’s seeing the flush on his cheeks first which infected her own cheeks.

“We should leave. Maybe we’ll get some warm sake like last year. Or was it two years ago now? I’m confused” Ishida said and Ichigo scoffed at him.

“Go home, Ishida, you’re already drunk” he said, receiving a middle finger in response.

“Fuck off, Kurosaki. We can’t all have your beyond human tolerance, though I’m tempted to call it stubbornness” the raven snapped back as Ichigo moved to the hallway, ushering the people out of the living-room in front of him.

“Don’t be salty because you’re a featherweight, Ishida. Bitterness turns girls off” Grimmjow said and Ichigo huffed out an amused breath.

“Psh, hear the expect talk” he said as he stopped at the entrance hall to grab his thick winter socks to pull them on.

“Like you’re any better” the bluenette shot back as the ginger pushed the bottom of his jogging into the thick brown socks that were bunched up around his ankle, coming just above the rim of his timberlands as he pulled them on, half-heartedly tying the laces before standing up.

“You’re going to take that along?” Rukia asked as she gave the blanket on Ichigo’s shoulders a pointed look. The young shinigami gave a shrug, pulling the warm fabric tighter around his frame, folding it around his fists.

“So what? It’s warm” he said and Tatsuki looked at Rukia as Ichigo closed the door behind him to lock it.

“He came to school like that a few times last winter because he had hadn’t even gone to bed after hunting hollows before having to rush to school. That idiot just picked a blanket up and wore it so he could fall asleep the second his head hit the desk in language class” she said and Ishida scoffed as he pushed up his glasses with his middle finger.

“It’s clear that he hit his head a little too hard on that desk” he said, getting back at the ginger for the jab from before. However, the only answer he received was a roll from the ginger’s eyes as he stepped up next to Sado. He could have flipped Ishida off like the raven had done him, but that would require releasing his blanket and he didn’t feel like doing so. It was as if the blanket was his armour against the pressure of Renji’s reiatsu. A flimsy and highly ineffective armour, but Ichigo’s armour none the less. It was better to keep his thoughts busy with his blanket instead of question why exactly the redhead was so pissed. But then again, with how aware Ichigo always was of the older shinigami’s reiatsu, ignoring it when it rested so heavily on his shoulders was impossible. The ginger managed to do it for an entire twelve minutes before it got too much.

“Could you please stop trying to force me in submission with your reiatsu?” Ichigo hissed as he slowed down to fall in step next to Renji who walked alone behind the group. The redhead flinched as if the ginger had shaken him out of his thoughts. He glanced sideways at the narrow-eyed look the ginger was giving him, answering it with his own. To Ichigo irritation, the reiatsu didn’t let up yet, but it didn’t increase either.

“What’s go you so pissed off anyway” the younger shinigami sneered and Renji looked back in front of him, his scowl deepening. 

“Nuthin’” the redhead said sharply and Ichigo couldn’t help but give the taller man a sardonic look as he scoffed.

“Nothing, my ass. You look ready to slaughter someone” he pointed out and Renji clicked with his tongue.

“I said it’s nuthin’, Ichigo. Go back ta yer husband if ya wanna annoy som’one” the redhead sneered and Ichigo looked in front of him.

“So it’s about that” he said, the confirmation of his guess leading only to more questions inside his head. Renji wasn’t denying it either, his scowl only deepening as he fisted his hands deep in the pockets of his dark jeans.

“We got married in a fucking chapel and passed out in the play garden a little further right after. It was only after we got back home and slept a little more that we noticed the rings and the contract. We immediately got an annulation. It hadn’t even lasted 14 hours. We were shit-faced, Renji. Don’t fucking act like you’ve never done things when you were like that” Ichigo said, feeling somewhat compelled to explain what had happened but peeved about it too. It wasn’t like they were together, so Renji really had no foot to stand on to be this angry about it. If Renji was allowed to be angry about that, what was Ichigo supposed to say when he heard nothing but how good Renji was in bed, but that it was to be expected from a slut who had slept with almost an entire division.

“But I was nev’r married” the redhead pointed out and Ichigo huffed, pulling the blanket tighter around his shoulders

“No, you just slept with enough people to fill an entire barrack” he sneered and Renji huffed.

“Don’ pretend as if yer so innocent, Ichigo. How many people did’ya sleep with aft’r seducin’ them? Wrapped ‘em ‘round yer little finger by rubbin’ yer ass against their dicks or grindin’ yer dick against their ass” he hissed and Ichigo almost gaped at him. Was this about the way he danced? What did that have to do with anything?

“Oh, please. You didn’t seem to mind when my ass was rubbing against your dick, as you so eloquently put it. I wasn’t nearly drunk enough not to feel how much you didn’t mind it” he said but wasn’t done yet.

“And besides, about the people I slept with, you’re not one to talk. They call you the biggest slut in Seireitei and you can’t even deny it because you think so yourself. What gives you the right to judge who I sleep with? Even so, do I really look like the fucking type to sleep around?” Ichigo asked and Renji looked at him.

“Ya don’ look like tha type ta get a drunk marriage either” the redhead pointed out and the younger shinigami almost threw his hands up in the air. He would have, if that hadn’t meant that he would lose the warmth he had accumulated. Not that he wasn’t feeling heated because of his anger. Honestly, where did Renji get the nerve from? Being jealous was one thing, but accusing him from sleeping around like the first best slut when he himself had bedded many, many more. Besides, it wasn’t like Ichigo had slept with the people he had gone home with. He hadn’t been able to even when he had tried. But before he could even throw that at the redhead’s head, Rukia stepped up between them with a frown.

“What’s going on? You two look angry, did something happen?” she asked concerned and Renji looked at her, the anger disappearing to the background in his expression but not in his eyes.

“Nuthin’. We’re fine. Right, Ichigo?” he said and Ichigo gave a hum

“We’re fine. I’m just a bit cranky from the cold” the ginger agreed, not wanting to worry Rukia with whatever was between them. She would feel bad about it, even when she had nothing to do with it. Agreed, she would put on a brave front and call them both idiots, maybe kick their shins while she was at it. But she would be affected by it, trying to figure out what was happening between them. Neither Renji nor Ichigo wanted that, so they would put the subject down. For now.

“That’s because you’re not wearing a coat, fool” Rukia said with a smirk as she stepped in between the two bright-haired males.

“You’re not wearing one either” Ichigo pointed out, opening his arm when the raven tugged on it to be allowed within the comfort of his blanket stove. They weren’t moving much anyway, so Ichigo saw no problem with stepping up behind the tiny shinigami to wrap his arms around her with the blanket.

“I have this furry thing on my shoulders” she said, as if that thing kept her warmer than a sauna. The shiver that travelled through her body as she leaned back into his chest clearly told the opposite, making Ichigo smirk.

“Uhu, yeah, because that thing is so freaking warm, it could melt the entire north-pole” he said amused, though there was a hint of wryness to his tone that Rukia opted to ignore. Ichigo had no doubt that she had heard it but choose to pretend she hadn’t as not to destroy the mood of the others.

“Besides, isn’t your zanpakuto a snow type or something?” the ginger asked and huffed when he felt her elbow dug into his side.

“Ice-type, you fool, or do you want me to freeze you’re your toes off?” she asked and Ichigo shook his head before resting his chin on top of her head.

“No, I’m cool. I know I can live without my toes, but then I’d have to buy new shoes because my old ones would be too big” he said and Rukia clicked with her tongue.

“That’s the first thing you think about? And stop leaning on me!” she said as she swatted at his head, making him straighten up again.

“You’re right. You’re too small, it’s hurting my back” he said, chuckling when she turned around to hit him.

“Renji! You say something to him!” she said but froze when the redhead’s arm landed on top of her head to lean on it.

“Wha’d’ya want me ta say?” he asked as he looked down at the raven. It was quite obvious that he would be getting hit, so Ichigo released the smaller shinigami to give her that freedom. Seeing the two fool around, he decided to leave them alone, figuring they would enjoy each other’s company more. He stepped up between Ishida and Sado again who acknowledged him with a glance before Ichigo asked how Sado’s training was going. It didn’t take long before he and Ishida were deepened into a conversation about their studies, which Sado had no clue about, his brain short-circuiting when he tried to figure out what they were talking about. 

However, the conversation became increasingly distracted and not because of the terms nobody should even have invented or because Renji’s reiatsu that had lowered, but not yet disappeared. It wasn’t a hollow either, for which Ichigo was grateful, but he still didn’t like the way the heavy-weighed man was looking at Tatsuki. Grimmjow had noticed as well, keeping an eye on the man as he licked his lips while his eyes trailed up and down the raven’s form. The man was clearly drunk. Drunk enough not to notice the arrancar as he approached the raven after they had had returned from making their new year’s wishes. Ichigo knew people were stupid when they were drunk, but trying to touch Tatsuki waist was just suicidal. Not only because of the hollow glaring at him, but also because the raven had no issue with putting the man in place herself.

As she moved to do just that from the second she felt his hand on the small off her back, Grimmjow stepped in. The man yelped in pain as the bones of his wrist protested against the grip of the arrancar’s fingers. Finally, the man noticed the bluenette, looking up at him as the man towered over his him by half a head. The arrancar levelled the man a cold look as the group stopped around them, other people almost instantly distracted by the scene that was about to play out.

“You don’t have to do anything. Your kimono will get dirty” the bluenette said to Tatsuki without taking his eyes off the man. The raven next to him looked caught between being grateful and peeved by his interference, as if she couldn’t take care of herself. But then again, Ichigo understood Grimmjow’s worry. Tatsuki might have mad skills in defending herself, that didn’t change the fact that the man weighted almost three times more than she did. Not to mention that the alcohol would have dulled his ability to feel pain. The ginger suspected the grip the arrancar had on the man was practically enough to break his wrist if he tightened it a tiny bit more. But that didn’t seem to register in the man’s intoxicated mind.

“Who the fuck’re you! Get outta my way, boy!” the man slurred and Ichigo raised an eyebrow, pretty sure Grimmjow had lived a lifetime more than the drunk man.

“Hah?” the bluenette breathed roughly as he looked down at the man past his nose, much in the same way he had looked at Ichigo the first time they had met, back when they had still been enemies.

“Yer in tha way! I just wanna getta kno that pretty lady over the’e. She wants’ta getta kno me too” the drunk slurred but Grimmjow’s expression remained unimpressed.

“Since you seem eager to know about life after death, let me tell you about it” the arrancar said, ignoring the sneer on the drunk man’s face and the stench of alcohol radiating from his every breath. The grip he had on the man’s wrist was enough to make sure he had the drunk’s attention, tightening it ever so slightly.

“First, after you die, you’ll roam around like a spirit, lost without finding your way, before you’ll fall to a demi-hollow state. With all the sinful thoughts in your mind, it won’t take long before you become a hollow and you’ll come to Hueco Mundo where I’ll be the welcoming committee” Grimmjow said and the man’s face paled. Probably not because he knew what the arrancar was talking about, but because he could see the same flashes of the bleunette’s mask, a play of his mind under the pressure of Grimmjow’s angry reiatsu. The man didn’t see his life pass in front of him, he saw his future and it didn’t look good. A quick way to get stone cold sober, Ichigo realized.

“After a while of beating you up within an inch of your afterlife, I’ll let you lose to roam that endless desert. When you think you’ve died for a third and fourth time, you’ll be able to come back here to prey on souls because you’ll want nothing else but the sweet essence of human souls to hydrate your parched throat and famished stomach after what seems like decades of starvation. That’s when you’ll meet this guy” Grimmjow said, jerking his head at the ginger standing next to him as the others had formed half a circle around them. The man’s eyes flashed over to Ichigo, who looked at him with a blank face as the hollow continued.

“If you’re lucky, he’ll finish you quickly. If you’re unlucky, he won’t and you’ll wish he would. Either way, it’s hell for you. Those grand doors will open up for you to swallow you down. I’ve never been to hell personally, but this guy has” he said and looked at Ichigo.

“What was it like down there? I think it’s pretty cold down there despite all the talk humans make about it being hot as balls down there” he said and Ichigo gave a dry hum.

“Temperature was the last thing I was thinking about down there. It took everything I had to get through all seven levels without getting ripped apart by the kushanada or getting swallowed up by hell itself” he said and Grimmjow shrugged before turning back to the man who looked paler than the fur covering Tatsuki’s shoulders.

“Oh well, you’ll be able to see it for yourself. I’ll gladly speed up the process if you continue to try and touch my woman. She can’t punch you because she had competitions soon and it would get her disqualified. But I sure as hell can and I won’t stop until I’ve yanked that chain from your chest” the hollow said, his face retracting into a sneer at the last sentence, making the man stumble back. Or at least make an attempt to, unable to get further than a single step because of the grip Grimmjow still had on his hand. Panic flooded the drunk man’s expression as he released a small shriek, turning to scramble away from the second the arrancar released him.

“You overdid it, but thank you” Tatsuki said scolding even when she thanked him as Grimmjow’s glare remained on the man’s back before it turned to her, softening in the centre.

“Hmpf, he deserved it” he said, uncaring that he had just reminded the entire group that though he had mellowed, he was still a hollow.

“Besides, I don’t recall ever becoming your woman” Tatsuki added, choosing not to go in on whether or not the man deserved being threatened like that. Grimmjow huffed, pushing his hands in the pockets of his bright blue sweatpants.

“Why not? Become my woman, I mean?” he asked as he firmly looked in the opposite way. The group stared at him as he drew his shoulders up, Tatsuki’s jaw slack as her cheeks flushed a bright red, almost as red as Grimmjow’s.

“Okay, everyone, move on. Let’s leave these two alone” Ichigo said, having to bite the inside of his cheek not to burst out laughing as he shooed the group towards the stalls, leaving the two blushing messes behind. When they were out of earshot, he could no longer hold it as he burst out laughing. Orihime, Rukia and Ishida were victim of second-hand embarrassment while Renji seemed to be sulking a little less. However, as soon as his eyes met the ginger’s, it was clear that the discussion they had had, had not been pacified yet, even when they had both decided to put it in the back of their minds. Ichigo wondered how long it would take before they would snap at each other again. He had a feeling it might not take as long as he hoped considering they tended to clash because of their stubbornness. 

He could already tell that the next time they exploded at each other, it wouldn’t be solved in a few hours like usual and he doubted fighting it out would help. Ichigo had a guess about the reason, but his denial got in the way before he could really acknowledge it. Still, the hope he held at Renji being jealous because he had feelings for the ginger that went beyond close friendship, had sprouted in his heart, warming up his chest as denial desperately tried to freeze the bud before it could bloom.


	10. Jealous.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentine ^^.  
> Please enjoy :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer :: I don't own anything but the story, the OCs and the grammar mistakes.

“Please accept this!” the girl said embarrassed as she held out the box of chocolates to the young man she had bravely stopped in the middle of the busy college hallway. People stopped to look up, sparing the duo nothing more than a glance before moving on with their lives. Valentine was no longer like in high school where who gave who chocolate was the biggest gossip there was. Ichigo somehow wished it was the same, not for the fact that the gossip remained with you for the rest of your high school career, but for the fact that people cared more about reputations. Girls were much more aware of who their friends liked and tended to give chocolate to the same person in order to fit in. He had seen it happen so often with Ishida and Mizuiro, who would walk out of school carrying bags of chocolate they received from people they had never even met or spoken with. The girls usually stayed away from the unpopular ones in fear of being judged by their friends.

Now, it wasn’t like Ichigo had never received any chocolates during his high school career. There had always been Tatsuki, who never failed to present him with the worst batch she had made the day before. Orihime always had a strange concoction cooked up as well, not always successful. Sado had always been ready with a package of pocky when they walked to school in the morning while he would always find a snickers bar on his desk, which no doubt came from Ishida. There was also the rare chocolate he received from girls every once in a while, but almost all of them were weary of him and his reputation. While his reputation had followed him into college, it appeared like girls had stopped caring about it. As the ginger looked at the girl, he couldn’t help but feel that they had gotten much braver, noticing her hands tremble.

“I don’t accept honmei” Ichigo said and the girl flinched at his words that were brought disinterested, almost lazy. Just from her body language, he could tell that it wasn’t obligatory chocolate she was extending to him and he had never accepted honmei chocolates before. Surely, the girl must be aware of this as well, considering it had already been added to the rumours about him. Some called him heartless because of it while others liked the fact that he didn’t give anyone false hope by accepting feelings from people if he couldn’t return them.

“I-It’s giri” she said, trying to assure him while she didn’t even believe it herself. Disappointment was clear in her voice and Ichigo disliked having to hurt a person’s feelings this way. But he hated it even more to string people along or give them hope. He was painfully aware of how troubling hope was when you knew it had no way of being fulfilled. But he also knew how painful an unrequited love was, begrudgingly relating to the short-haired brunette in front of him. He couldn’t help but feel a twinge of awe at the girl’s courage, remined of his own cowardice. With a soft sigh he hoped the girl hadn’t heard, he reached out for the box.

“If it’s giri, I’ll accept it” he said as she released the box to hand it over.

“Thank you” she said with a smile the hid her eyes before she turned around to walk back to her classroom. Ichigo was supposed to go the same way, but he had exited the classroom for a drink and he wasn’t returning without it. Putting the rectangular box in the back-pocket of his jeans, he continued his trip to the vending machines a bit further in the hallway, wondering where he could get a bag from to put his chocolates in. He wondered how he went from two or three girls giving him chocolates in high school, to having to look for a third bag to put everything in. While he was among the tallest at college and wasn’t exactly bad-looking, he was known to be distant and formal, bordering cold. He knew Kon barely passed acting as him, but people avoided him enough for the mod soul not to have to interact with people too much, besides the ones who knew him personally like Orihime and Tatsuki.

“Another one that’s going to be crying tonight” a voice spoke up behind the ginger as he pressed on the button of the vending machine for a hot choco even though he knew it tasted like piss considering it was made with hot water instead of milk. Still, it was better than whatever it was that they dared to call coffee.

“How many does that make?” Tatsuki asked as Ichigo heard the water heat up inside the machine, refusing to look at the long-haired raven next to him.

“I’m not keeping count” the ginger said, not at all surprised that Tatsuki already knew about it. Honestly, rumours travelled faster in college than they did in high school. It was somewhat terrifying to think about, knowing that rumours and gossip was the only thing that got students through high school.

“Anyway, here. It’ll smooth down the shitty taste of that imitation piss that I don’t understand how you keep downing” Tatsuki said as she held out a package that looked like a chocolate bar. Ichigo looked at it as he reached out to take the brown plastic cup that was now filled with a steaming liquid.

“You tried something different this year?” the ginger guessed as he accepted the package, watching Tatsuki shrug.

“I had left-over chocolate so I decided to try this for a change” she confirmed and Ichigo took a sip from the chocolate flavoured hot water. Wanting to wash down the taste, he unwrapped part of the package to reveal a chocolate bar that looked exactly like the ones in the store. Tatsuki clicked with her tongue at the ginger’s impressed look at he raised an eyebrow at her.

“With a mould, anyone could do it” she said and the young man snapped the first row off the bar, giving a surprised hum as he noticed the caramel that it was stuffed with. As always, the taste was good, nothing overly special but not bad either. Like regular, fuss-free chocolate. The taste had never been wrong, but now at least the visual was up to par as well.

“So, how’re things going with Grimm?” Ichigo asked as he noticed Tatsuki made no move to walk away yet. At his question, the raven looked up before she averted her eyes again, a blush rising to her cheeks.

“They’re… they’re going good. I guess” she said and Ichigo placed his little finger against his upper lip as he chewed his mouth empty before answering.

“You guess?” he asked and Tatsuki pulled her shoulders up in a shrug as she grabbed her wrist behind her back before leaning her shoulders backwards against the wall next to the vending machine.

“Yeah, I don’t know. How do you know whether or not a relationship is going good? We’ve only been together for a month” she said and Ichigo regarded her as if dissecting the expression on her face.

“You’re worried you’re not good enough?” he guessed bluntly, making the raven flinch lightly before receiving a scowl.

“Do you have to put it that way?” she asked sharply and Ichigo shrugged, popping the last square of chocolate into his mouth.

“Do you want me to put it in a different way?” he asked with his hand in front of his mouth, watching the raven avert her gaze down again.

“No, I like that you’re blunt” she said before sighing, plucking at the loose strand of her sweater restlessly.

“We’re taking it slow, keeping it at kissing and nothing more. But I can’t stop thinking that he wants something more. Not that I don’t want to! I mean, have you seen him? I’d be stupid not to want to sleep with him” she said and Ichigo kept his face blank despite the second-hand embarrassment blooming in his chest as he watched Tatsuki’s red face.

“I just… I’m not exactly girly and I don’t have a body like Orihime. I’m afraid he doesn’t want to sleep with me” she said and Ichigo scoffed.

“You shouldn’t worry about that. Grimmjow doesn’t have any standards” he said and Tatsuki frowned at him.

“What do you mean by that?” she asked and Ichigo broke another row from the chocolate bar, liking the taste more than he had expected. Or maybe he was just hungry, which was a possibility as well considering he had skipped dinner the day before to go hollow hunting with Grimmjow.

“I mean that Grimm doesn’t have any standards for you to live up to. He’s a virgin” he disclosed, knowing that the arrancar might possibly kill him for saying so. But it was worth it when Tatsuki’s face suddenly resembled a tomato.

“So, if you want to make a move, go for it. I doubt he’ll reject you. Just pin him down and jump his bone” he added and the raven swatted at his arm, landing a solid hit right on his muscle that he felt to the tips of his finger. It only prompted a snort from his as he moved his foot away from the kick she aimed at his shin.

“Asshole!” she hissed as the ginger snickered, trying not to spill any of the broth inside the flimsy plastic cup he was holding as he avoided Tatsuki’s embarrassed, half-hearted attacks. The raven was forced to stop when the bell rang overhead, sending the students back to their classrooms. With the universal ‘I’m watching you’ sign, Tatsuki separated from the ginger as both of them returned to their classrooms. He welcomed his classes with open arms for the distraction they brought, difficult enough for him to put the cold knot his conversation with Tatsuki had created in his stomach to the back of his mind in order to keep up. But he was aware that distractions were only temporary and as soon as the lessons were over, the cause for the knot once again jumped to the fore-front of his mind. It was hard to ignore his own insecurities screaming at him when he could relate to the worries Tatsuki had voiced. It also didn’t help that he could sense Renji’s reiatsu outside, at the school-gates.

Twisting the silver bezel rose quartz ring around his ring finger in a nervous gesture, Ichigo silently scolded himself for his insecurity. He was usually good at distracting himself from his insecurities, yet when Tatsuki had brought up ‘not being good enough’, Ichigo couldn’t help but think of his own situation. At least Tatsuki and Grimmjow were together, which was not something he saw happening between him and Renji. Even if the redhead was jealous, the ginger doubted it was for the reasons he hoped. He knew thinking about it would only hurt him in the long run, but he just couldn’t help it because really, what reason did Renji have to be jealous?

Knowing he had waited with packing up for a little too long, bordering suspicious, he stood up from his seat with a shake of his head, as if to physically remove the thoughts from his mind. He had no choice but to face the redhead, regardless of all the complicated feelings and questions it conjured up. They were partners in the job they had been appointed and that job still wasn’t over. Not until the last evolved hollow was dealt with before they could cause any trouble. Ichigo could guess that Renji had gone for his rounds and decided to wait for him when he passed the building. However, the second Starbucks cup in his hand as he leaned back against the gate denied that thought.

“Kurosaki-sempai!” a voice called out behind the ginger who reluctantly stopped, having had to do so too much that day. When he looked over his shoulder at the girl running up to him, he confirmed that it was for the same reasons as every other time. When she stopped behind him, she took a second to put her hands on her knees to catch her breath before straightening back up, a bright smile on her lips.

“Here, please take this” she said as she held out the square black box with red ribbon wrapped around it.

“It’s giri, I promise” she said with a wink before Ichigo could even open his mouth. The young man studied the blonde he knew to be in agriculture, having talked with her a few times before over lunch. He could tell by the flirty tone that it wasn’t’ entirely giri, but he still moved his bags to one hand, knowing she was only flirting and not actually harbouring any feelings for him. She had expressed this at a college party, that she wanted him for a one-night stand.

“This doesn’t mean I want to sleep with you” he said as he accepted the box, reminding her of the way he had refused her invitation. She waved it off with a gesture of her hand, her smile unwavering.

“I know, but in case you change your mind, I left my phone number in there” she said before flicking her hair over her shoulder and turning away.

“I’ll see you tomorrow” she said before walking off confidently. Ichigo shook his head slightly, already deciding not to eat from the chocolates he had just received. He wasn’t too sure whether or not she had spiked them. Still, he placed them in one of the paper bags he had gotten from the other students who saw him struggle with the amount of boxes he had received that day. When he turned back to the gate, Renji had angled his face away but was still waiting. Ichigo wondered if the redhead had heard the conversation, but brushed it off before he could worry about that as well. He had enough things to worry about and Renji hearing that someone was interested in sleeping with him was too small to be added to the collection of endless questions in his head. 

“How were the rounds?” Ichigo asked as he stepped up next to the redhead who didn’t even glance his way as he held the plastic cup up.

“Disposed ‘f one more” the older shinigami said curtly as Ichigo accepted the cup, feeling the warmth of the beverage inside of it seep through his fingers almost immediately. It seemed to be the opposite of Renji’s attitude, which had been bi-polar at best for a while. Long enough for Ichigo to expect it, even when he didn’t like it. For some time now, Renji’s mood was as whimsical as the weather. One minute, he would be laughing with Ichigo or Grimmjow, and then the next, he snapped at anyone who came a little too close. At this moment, it seemed like Renji was on the cold side of the spectrum and Ichigo had no choice but to put up with it.

“We’re going back. Kyoraku-sou-taichou called us in for a report” the redhead said as he turned away briskly, starting to walk away and expecting Ichigo to follow. Of course the ginger would, considering they were going the same way, but did that mean that he had be such as arrogant ass about it? Shoving down his irritation, Ichigo fell in step next to the taller male, keeping up with him no matter how large his steps were.

“Another report?” he asked and Renji huffed, his free hand pushed deep into his pocket with a displeased look on his face. Ichigo found that that expression had been there for quite a while now.

“Anoth’r report?! We’ve only report’d back home four times since I was dispatched ‘ere. Usually, I’d hafta report back once’a week” the older shinigami said almost scandalized and Ichigo pulled his head back while drawing his shoulders up slightly.

“Isn’t that a good sigh? That Kyoraku trusts you not to fuck up?” he asked and this seemed to make Renji snap for some reason Ichigo wasn’t aware of, the older shinigami’s reiatsu pressing down on him heavily.

“We can’t just do wha’eva we want ‘cause the sou-taichou trusts us. Ya might just be a substitute, but there’re rules tha’ need’ta be follow’d, Ichigo. When are’ya gonna understand tha’?!” the redhead accused and Ichigo grimaced at him, a cold sting going through his chest at the taller man’s words. Renji had never called him a substitute, ever. The redhead was one of the very few people who saw him as a shinigami, as a fighter worthy of standing beside them. Ichigo didn’t mind being called a substitute shinigami, because he was aware that he was not a full-fledged shinigami yet. But to hear Renji call him that felt somewhat like betrayal, as if the redhead no longer saw him as an equal. After everything they had been through, that hurt and Ichigo needed a second too long to hide it behind his mask.

“You sound just like Byakuya” Ichigo said, watching regret soften the redhead’s narrow eyes as he realized what he had said. The ginger was pretty sure the older shinigami had seen exactly what his words had done to him before he had placed it behind an indifferent mask he had constructed and perfect throughout years of bullying. Heh, so maybe there was something good about being bullied after all, how unexpected.

“Ichi-” Renji tried to reach out but his quiet, remorseful tone was cut off by Ichigo stepping past him and speaking through him.

“My apologies, Abarai-fuku-taichou. I stepped out of line by questioning you” the ginger said detached, keeping his gaze steadily in front of him as he brought the straw of his drink to his lips, hoping the warm beverage would heat up the inside of his chest. Behind him he could hear the redhead curse under his breath but couldn’t bring himself to make a mocking joke out of the shinigami’s tittle like he usually did. Not this time. He wondered why people always lashed out with the intent of hurting other people when they got hurt themselves? Was it to actually inflict pain, or was it just to protect themselves? Ichigo couldn’t tell. He knew that he hated the way Renji waked a full step behind him, a hurt scowl on his face, but he also felt somewhat relieved for the heavy silence between them. At least now the redhead wasn’t saying anything that could hurt him anymore. Did that make it hurting Renji because he had hurt the ginger, or was it verbal self-defence?

Whatever it was, it didn’t take long before Ichigo regretted what he had done, glancing at the redhead’s back as they walked through Seireitei’s maze, having left their bodies and Ichigo’s chocolates behind in the shop. As he walked, the older shinigami’s shoulders were drawn up and tense, his arms stiff at his side. He was clearly uncomfortable and it was Ichigo’s fault. No matter what the ginger tried to tell himself to justify the way he had reacted to the redhead’s statement, he couldn’t help but feel guilty. Renji was supposed to walk tall and confidently with his chin stuck out in pride that bordered cocky, not like a kicked puppy that was weary for the second kick.

Ichigo wanted to apologize, knew he should, but had no idea how to reach out. After all, he had been the one to cut the redhead off when he had tried to. He was the reason that the tension between them had dragged out and now he didn’t know how to break it, forced to stand at the side while Renji voiced their report on their latest hunts that had extended beyond the previously expected 90. It wasn’t exactly surprising any of them considering hollow’s greed and how many there were, more and more falling to that level every day. Hollows craved power almost as much as they craved souls and there was nothing more delectable than hogyoku traces. Somehow, Ichigo felt pity for them, which was reflected in Kyoraku’s sigh as well.

“Thank you for your report, fuku-taichou. For now, there is nothing much we can do but keep hunting. Kurosaki-san, could you visit Las Noches again, see if we can possibly assist there with sealing the traces away?” the wavy-haired brunet as he looked at the ginger who gave a nod.

“I was planning on passing by there soon anyway” he said and the captain commander looked at Renji again.

“Do you think you can still handle the situation or do you feel the need for back-up?” he asked and the redhead shook his head.

“In this current moment, I don’ think t’s necessary. We’ve gott’n us’d ta their attacks and we c’n still handle ‘em” he said and Kyoraku gave a nod before letting a silence fall as he contemplated the information he had received.

“Very well then. If the situation changes, don’t hesitate to call for support. You should probably go see Rukia-chan. She’s been besides herself with worry” he said and Renji looked like he was about to salute, glad to be dismissed.

“Yes’sir” he said, making a bow before turning away. Ichigo moved to do the same when he was stopped by the captain commander’s voice calling his name. Renji paused as well, sending a short glance at the ginger before retreating out of the room.

“Care to join me for a drink? You look like you could use one” the older shinigami said as he held up a white jug of sake, swishing it sideways between his fingers. Ichigo pondered on his options for a few seconds before moving to join the long-haired shinigami at the low table.

“You look tired” Kyoraku pointed out as Ichigo sat down across from him at the table, the zabuton comfortable underneath him as he crossed his legs.

“Yeah, well, being around bi-polar people is tiring” the ginger said with a deep, tired sigh as he watched the captain commander pour two cups.

“Are you talking about Renji?” he asked as he passed one of the cups to the young shinigami across from him who accepted the cup with a grateful nod while answering his guess with a confirming hum.

“That offer for a talk, is it still open?” Ichigo asked with a small, rueful smile. Kyoraku merely raised his jug to give it a meaningful shake.

“That’s why I took out the sake” he said and Ichigo chuckled soft as he looked down at the clear liquid filling his cup. After a few seconds of hesitation, he lifted the cup to his lips to take a sip, as if to gather his courage from the beverage.

“Renji doesn’t strike me as a bi-polar someone” Kyoraku said, effectively bringing them onto the subject. The ginger looked up at him before ruffling up his hair with a tired sigh.

“He’s not, usually. He’s always been upfront and honest about most things. But lately, he’s either scalding hot or ice cold. There’s no in-between, it seems” he said, folding his arms onto the table he was looking at.

“One minute, he’s laughing and joking with us, but then the next, he’d draw Zabimaru on the person approaching him. It’s tiring to try and keep up with his mood-swings” he said and Kyoraku raised an eyebrow.

“Laughing and joking sounds like Renji, though” he pointed out and Ichigo almost wanted to sigh, cutting it back before it could pass his lips.

“Yeah, but not when he’s trying too hard” he said and the brunet tilted his head somewhat curious.

“Do you think he has a reason for it?” he asked and Ichigo shrugged.

“Grimm says it’s jealousy” he said and Kyoraku gave him a small smile.

“Do you think the same?” he asked instead and the ginger regarded him before dragging a hand over his face with a groan. Was he really supposed to talk about his love-life problems with the captain commander of the gotei 13? Was he even allowed to do that?

“Whatever you say will be kept between us. After everything you’ve done for Soul Society, the least I can do to pay you back is have a private conversation to allow you to lose the weight on your heart” Kyoraku said and Ichigo looked up at him before sighing, believing his words. However, giving an answer was impossible while looking in the older man’s eyes, so instead he directed his attention to the table.

“I don’t know. I guess. I just don’t understand what for” the ginger admitted and Kyoraku hummed thoughtfully.

“Jealousy, in my opinion, is one of the most straight-forward feelings” he said and Ichigo looked up in confusion. That was the first time he ever heard someone say that. Apparently, he must have shown it on his face, which prompted a chuckle from the captain commander.

“I never said it was a good feeling, just one of the easier to understand ones. Compared to love and hate, jealousy is uncomplicated. It’s also easier to distinguish than love because you’ll recognize it faster. You can doubt whether or not what you’re feeling is love, while you’ll never mistake it when you feel jealous of something” he explained and Ichigo sat up straighter, leaning back a little as he let the words sink in. Well, damn. When put like that, jealousy did indeed seem easy. But then again, compared to the chaos that was love, everything seemed uncomplicated.

“You think Renji is jealous too?” he asked and Kyoraku sipped from his cup.

“Possibly. Renji is a very passionate person and he feels everything wholeheartedly. He’s very straightforward when it comes to his feelings, especially lust and the likes. I’m sure you have heard of his reputation” he said and Ichigo scoffed.

“Hard not to” he said somewhat bitter yet resigned. There was nothing he could do about that, really.

“Is that what worries you? That he is trying to get in your hakama and you’re worried you might just let him and become one of the people he’s fucked?” Kyoraku asked and Ichigo chocked in his drink, almost spitting it back out. He could feel his cheeks turn bright red as he turned away to quickly swallow the burning liquid before coughing roughly into the back of his hand.

“Am I wrong?” Kyoraku asked, though he looked pretty sure he wasn’t, waiting for Ichigo to gather himself again.

“N-no, you’re not wrong. You just… hit the nail on the head, I guess. It’s the first time it’s been said out loud and it caught me off guard” the ginger said, finding the table infinitely more interesting that the older shinigami’s face.

“I’m just not a person to sleep around. Believe me, I tried, without success. It also seems unlikely that he’d want to sleep with me, you know” he said and Kyoraku hummed thoughtful as he refilled the ginger’s cup before doing the same for his own.

“It doesn’t exactly surprise me and he wouldn’t be the only one either. You are a very attractive young man and there are quite a few shinigami whose eyes remained glued to you whenever you’re passing by. I even know of some who purposely run into you, if just to catch a glimpse of you” he said and Ichigo lowered his head in embarrassment. But the brunet had yet to give the final blow and wasn’t holding back to give it.

“Besides, you must have noticed how Renji looks at you. It’s hard to miss the way he licks his lips when you walk in front of him” the older shinigami said and Ichigo instantly threw his drink back. Yes, he had noticed it. How could he not?

“However, I don’t think it’s just lust Renji feel towards you” Kyoraku said and Ichigo looked at him, somewhat weary of what he was going to say this time while willing his blush to dim.

“He’s very fond of you, in a different way than Rukia-chan is. Anyone can tell that” the captain commander said and the young shinigami frowned slightly.

“Is that why Zabimaru accepted me?” he asked and this time it was Kyoraku’s turn to be confused.

“What do you mean, Zabimaru accepted you?” he asked in return and Ichigo ran his hand through his hair.

“A while back, when we were fighting a couple of hollows, Renji and I got knocked into each other. Because we were in the midst of a fight in a severe disadvantage, we just jumped up, reached out for our swords and went back to fighting. Only, I had taken Zabimaru and he had taken Zangetsu” he said, looking at his sword hand as if he could still feel the heat that had originated from the zanpakuto. The revealing seemed to shock the captain commander into silence as he stared at the ginger.

“You mean to say you fought with Zabimaru and Renji with Zangetsu?” he asked, just to be sure. Ichigo looked up at the brunet’s tone, finally noticing the result of his words.

“Uh, yeah. I released Zabimaru’s shikai and Renji was able to fire a getsuga. One that was a bit overpowered, but that doesn’t surprise me with a wild horse like Zangetsu. Idiot probably took advantage of Renji” he said and then frowned.

“Is that bad?” he asked and Kyoraku blinked, still somewhat in shock.

“It’s not, but it’s extremely rare. In history, this only happened once or twice that was recorded in the forbidden section. It means that the wielders trust the other for the full 100%, which is just stupid, while the zanpakutos see something they accept in the other wielder. Something that they like enough for them to allow the other to wield them. Any idea of what that might be with you and Zangetsu?” he asked, suddenly interested. Ichigo looked down, having heard the reason already but not entirely sure he would be able to say it without blushing. He wasn’t.

“Zangetsu likes Renji’s wildness because I suppress it in myself. But the main reason is because Renji wants to protect me” he said, keeping his gaze averted.

“You are indeed completely disregarding towards your own safety” Kyoraku commented almost amused, causing Ichigo to draw up his shoulders.

“Why do you think Zabimaru accept you?” he asked and the ginger shook his head.

“I don’t know. Between the pure shock of wielding Zabimaru and fighting hollows, I didn’t exactly have the time to ask why they allowed me to wield them” he admitted and Kyoraku hummed.

“Maybe you should ask Renji?” he suggested and Ichigo grimaced as he turned his head. He’d rather die than ask that.

“Are you afraid of finding out the answer? That it could be connected to why Renji is jealous? Are you afraid to find out Renji’s feelings” the older shinigami asked, having caught Ichigo’s expression. The ginger’s face turned somewhat blank as he twisted the empty cup in his hand.

“I am. But it shouldn’t matter. No matter what his feelings or mine are, it doesn’t change the fact that we’re quite literally worlds apart. He’s a soul and I’m somewhat human. Renji is shinigami Lieutenant while I’m not even sure what I am. Am I dead or am I still alive? A bit of both maybe? My chain of fate was cut when I became a shinigami the second time, but I kept my own body that wasn’t formed into a gigai. Considering I hollowfied, it’s impossible for my chain to have reconnected to my body” he said and stopped playing with the cup before he could break it. Kyoraku looked at him, almost apologetical as he reached out to refill the ginger’s cup.

“I’m sorry, I don’t have an answer for you concerning that subject. But you are alive, just like we are. And as long as you are alive, you can love. And while a relationship between a shinigami and a human is treason and a crime of the highest degree, you’re not exactly human, as you’ve said before. So at least there is a good thing in this all” he said and Ichigo huffed ruefully.

“Cheers to that, I guess” he said and Kyoraku chuckled humourlessly. They enjoyed a final cup in silence before Ichigo stood up to excuse himself, saying Renji would probably be waiting to see Rukia chew him out. He was strapping Zangetsu to his hip and back where he had left them at the door when Kyoraku called out to him.

“If possible, could both you and Renji could think about training with each other’s zanpakuto? I’ll inform Renji as well, to see what he thinks. If not, that’s okay. It’s not an order, but a suggestion” the captain commander said and Ichigo regarded him before giving a nod, finishing securing the shoulder-guard across his chest.

“I’ll think about it” he said before taking his leave with a nod of his head that could be mistaken for a bow. As he stepped outside, he took a deep breath to gather himself again, feeling strange after saying his worries out loud and having someone respond to them. He was a little light-headed and he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. Deciding to put it to the back of his mind, he spread out his senses as good as he could, trying to find Renji. To his surprise, it wasn’t difficult to find the redhead. Not because he had improved his ability to pinpoint reiatsu signatures, but because the other shinigami was still that close, as if he had waited for the ginger right outside the first division barracks. Ichigo wasn’t sure why he had, but he would take this as his chance to apologize.

“Ichi-”   
“Ren-”

Seemed like Renji had been thinking the same thing, speaking up at the same time Ichigo did. Looking away from each other, the redhead reached up to scratch the back of his neck while Ichigo attempted to twist the missing ring on his finger, the one that was still on his body but not on his soul. Why was talking at the same time so embarrassing?

“You go first” Renji said and Ichigo regarded him before looking away.

“Yeah, uhm, I’m sorry. From before. I shouldn’t have reacted like that” the ginger said and the redhead blinked at him, as if he was surprised the younger man was apologizing.

“No! I should apologize! I shouldn’t’ve said tha ta begin with” he said and Ichigo looked at him before giving a tight smile.

“Let’s just forget it then?” he suggested and Renji gave a nod as he hummed. Still feeling somewhat guilty and awkward, Ichigo suggested to go look for Rukia and hope that if they found her and not the other way around, their scolding wouldn’t take hours. Renji agreed, though they hadn’t much success. It still took a couple hours before Rukia deemed them sufficiently scolded and then another hour or so before the others were satisfied with talking with them as well. By the time they stepped through the dangai, the tension between Ichigo and Renji still hadn’t been soothed down entirely like the ginger had hoped. In fact, he was beginning to think this tension would stay between them.

It wasn’t a good feeling and Ichigo wanted to return back to the days that their relationship was uncomplicated. When he had no feelings other than friendship for the redhead. When they could laugh and joke, about any and everything. When they could fight and make up in a few minutes, without any lingering feelings left behind. Unlike now, where Ichigo’s feelings prevented him from connecting with Renji the same way as he did before in fear of him finding out while the redhead seemed to be interested in him, which would explain the jealousy he had been hiding rather good. Ichigo hadn’t even noticed the older shinigami had been jealous until Grimmjow had pointed it out and even then, it had taken a while before he could accept that possibility. But would Renji really be jealous only because he was interested in Ichigo’s body? The ginger didn’t know how that sort of thing worked since he couldn’t imagine himself sleeping with someone he had no feelings for.

“I should have warned you not to eat these” Ichigo said, shaking off his conflicting thoughts as he picked up the half-eaten chocolate box, taking it away from the dazed-looking hollow in Urahara’s living-room. Grimmjow mumbled something about feeling strange as the ginger dumped the box into the trashcan, seeing a small card with a number on fall next to the can. Deciding he deserved a chocolate moment to comfort himself from his rather depressing thoughts, he picked out box of chocolate covered cherry truffles and sat down with them, popping one into his mouth.


	11. King.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renji and Ichigo have a falling out.  
> I hope you enjoy...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer ;; I don't own anything but the story, the OCs and the grammar mistakes.

Not for one second did Renji think the tension between him and Ichigo would be smoothed out after their last argument. If anything, it had gotten worse, much worse. It was taking its toll on both of them and the redhead had no doubt that once the tension snapped between them, it would be like volcano eruption. They would clash like a force of nature and Renji had a sinking feeling it would happen sooner rather than later. Yet, part of him couldn’t help but look forward to it. Not because they would be fighting for real, but because he would have Ichigo’s full attention to himself. Maybe not the good kind, but attention none the less. It was somewhat hypocritical considering Renji was the one who ignored the ginger as good as possible.

It was hard for the redhead to completely avoid the younger shinigami considering their situation with the evolved hollows that still wasn’t solved and the fact that Renji was still training Ichigo in kido. But anything besides that, the redhead was quick to run away and avoid the ginger. Not because he didn’t want to spend time with the smaller man, but because he was scared of what he might say. The last thing he wanted to do was piss Ichigo off and he was 100% sure that if he voiced the words laying on the tip of his tongue, he would do exactly that. Hell, the unvoiced thoughts pissed even him off, but because of different reasons. He had never known himself to be this jealous and possessive, however, the carrot-top had to go and prove him wrong. 

Renji was familiar with jealousy, but he had never had possessive feelings, especially not as strong as he felt them towards the ginger. Hell, even Zabimaru felt protective and somewhat possessive over the younger shinigami, which really didn’t help the thoughts circling the redhead’s mind. Renji used to be good at hiding it, but judging by the smirk Grimmjow was constantly sending him whenever they locked gazes, he felt as see-through as a glass house. Honestly, nobody could expect him to appear normal when his feelings threatened to drown him. He might be skilled when it came to one-night stands, but he was still pretty new to this entire romantic-feelings thing. He wasn’t handling the situation nearly as good as he had hoped he would. Part of him wanted to return to the blissful ignorance denial provided, yet the other, louder part of him was too busy screaming for his attention, making it near impossible for him to think of returning to the fake-safety of denial.

It didn’t help that that voice got louder whenever Ichigo wasn’t around him, like in the current situation. Renji was waiting for the ginger to return from his final exam of the year, so they could continue their training. They had agreed to attempt another switch of their zanpakutos to see if the first time was a fluke or if the possibility was real. If that wasn’t enough to put the redhead on edge, overly aware of the fact that he would be handing the ginger a part of his soul, consciously this time, Grimmjow’s smirk would certainly do the trick. The arrancar was sitting across from the redhead at the low table in the living-area behind the shop, resting his cheek in his raised hand, his gaze unnerving the shinigami.

“What?” Renji finally snapped, his voice harsh as he spat the word out. There was only so much of the bluenette’s smirking he could take, especially when he was looking as if he knew something Renji didn’t. The fact that this was a very real possibility only pissed the redhead off even more. 

“Have anything planned yet?” Grimmjow asked and Renji narrowed his eyes.

“Planned fo’ what?” he asked suspicious and the bluenette perked up slightly.

“For spring break, of course. There are no college classes given until the opening’s ceremony when they enter their fourth year. They’ve only got a few weeks to relax as much as they can before they get buried in school work again” Grimmjow explained and Renji frowned. He knew schools had breaks in the human world, but he had never bothered to figure out which one they were and on which days they fell.

“With the work Ichi’s doing with both school work and Soul Society work, he really deserves to kick back a little. Hang out with friends, get drunk, relax. We’re planning to go to flower watching in a group, but after that, I’m taking Tatsuki to the sea and Ul is taking Orihime to the country. What’re you going to do with our berry?” the hollow asked and Renji blinked, falling from the sky. That certainly was the first he heard about it.

“Ichigo would never leave Karakura until these hollows are dealt with” the redhead said before he could even formulate an answer that wouldn’t widen the bluenette’s smirk.

“True, but that doesn’t mean Ichi doesn’t get… pent up” Grimmjow said, the innuendo not lost on the redhead, who fisted his hands on his knees. Oh, how he hated how easily Grimmjow could get to him by bringing up the ginger. Anything else, Renji would be able to handle without getting provoked. But as soon as the arrancar brought up Ichigo, Renji rose to the bait before he could even attempt to stop himself.

“I wonder who’s going to help him wind down this time. Ulquiorra is impossible and I’ve already got my hands full with Tatsuki. I can’t think of anyone who would be able to keep our little berry satisfied. A couple humans tried, but they ended up practically passing out mid-way through. He’s a beast when he lets loose, you know” the bluenette said and Renji clenched his jaw.

“Shut up” he said, his voice deceptively calm compared to his reiatsu that was fluctuating against his limiter. Grimmjow could clearly sense it, a sadistic glint entering his eyes and smile as he continued despite Renji’s warning.

“But then again, I’m pretty sure you can imagine what he’s like, all sweaty and breathing hard, desperately chasing that high he can only get when he allows his carnal desires to take contr-” the arrancar said, cut off by the table in between him and the shinigami cracking in two underneath he redhead’s fist. Renji glared at the hollow with a void expression on his face, tightly controlled despite the murderous glint in his eyes.

“Don’ say anoth’r word” the shinigami said calmly despite the look in his gaze telling the bluenette the opposite, daring him to finish that sentence. Daring him to give the redhead that last push. If he did, Renji might actually kill the hollow without remorse. But then Ichigo would lose a good friend and the redhead was sure the ginger would never forgive him for that. That was the last thing the older shinigami wanted, allowing him to walk away from the situation, standing up to do so.

“I’m gonna get Kurosaki. He’s late fer ‘is trainin’” he said, trying to ignore the sadistic, closed-lipped smile the hollow was giving him. With his hands shoved deep into the pockets of the black skinny jeans Ichigo had helped pick out, the redhead stepped outside the shop, brushing off Urahara and Jinta who waved him off, the latter making sure to remind him of his freeloader status. Renji wondered when that would grow old for the fellow redhead, because for him it had ages ago. It didn’t even irk him anymore. What did irk him was the fact that Ichigo had yet to show up at the shop, forcing the older shinigami to go looking for him.

It wasn’t exactly hard to find the ginger, considering his monstrous reiatsu that was easy to sense even with his limiter. Renji didn’t even need to focus in order to catch the traces of his erratic reiatsu, leading him to a small bar down-town. When he entered the place, his own reiatsu pulled tight inside of him, it wasn’t hard for him to spot the shock of orange hair in the dimmed back of the bar. The ginger was talking with someone who must be a fellow student, holding a glass of beer in his hand and a relaxed, open expression on his pale face. Renji couldn’t help but stare from where he stood at the entrance, taking in the light denim jeans hugging the younger shinigami’s long legs tightly, stuck inside the heavy-looking timberlands. 

On top of the skinny jeans was a loose white shirt with a wide neck, his visible collarbones extra highlighted by the soft strands of orange falling over it. Covering the long sleeved T-shirt was a baby-blue cardigan that didn’t exactly fit the rough exterior Ichigo had cultivated, but perfectly matched not only his skin and hair, but also the soft part of his personality. The leather black wrap choker tied around his throat in a relaxed manner undid every implication of innocence the soft colours might have had. Renji barely saw the rings on Ichigo’s fingers but he knew the ginger was wearing them, could see a thick black band on his middle finger from where he stood at the entrance like an idiot.

While he finally noticed he was blocking the way and annoying the costumers trying to get in and out of the bar, Ichigo had yet to notice him, sipping from his beer as he listened to the unknown young man next to him as he told a story. As Renji stepped aside, moving forward to approach the ginger, he saw a young lady do the same, vaguely recognizing her as the one who had given the shinigami chocolates before, together with her number and an invitation to her bed. The redhead knew he must be looking ridiculous with the way he froze in the middle of the bar, but he couldn’t bring himself to notice anything besides the way the girl smile at the young shinigami as she handed over cue to him, making sure to touch his hand suggestively.

Ichigo returned the smile as he placed his glass down on the table he had been standing next to while accepting the que. As he stepped up to the pool-table to play, Renji’s breathing seemed stuck in his chest, staring as the ginger bended forward, the fabric of his jeans stretching sinfully tight around his ass. The redhead wasn’t the only one to find the view worth watching, catching the girl and the young man Ichigo had previously been talking with staring outright, both at the ginger’s forearms that were visible with the sleeves pushed up and his invitingly stuck-out rear. When the man tilted his head to get a better view of the young shinigami’s ass and the young lady licked her lips, it became too much for Renji, feeling something ugly twist in his stomach.

In no time, he had crossed the bar to the pool-table where Ichigo had jumped under the sudden pressure of the older shinigami’s reiatsu. He turned around, looking up at the redhead as Renji’s fingers curled around his upper-arm. Ichigo looked surprised, both by the taller man’s presence as well as the angered expression on his face.

“Ren-”

“We’re goin’ home” Renji cut in as the ginger tried speaking up, something Ichigo didn’t appreciate. But in this moment, the redhead couldn’t care less about what the ginger appreciated or not. He didn’t appreciate being kept waiting, like Ichigo had done, and he certainly didn’t appreciate the way the two students the ginger had been with had so obviously lusted at the young shinigami. They hadn’t even tried to hide it, for fuck’s sake!

“Aish- Leggo, idiot” Ichigo said, grabbing the redhead’s wrist as the older shinigami’s grip tightened. He gave up when Renji made no move to release the ginger’s bicep even when his grip slackened just enough to allow the slightest of blood-circulation.

“What the fuck is your problem” the smaller male hissed as he glared up at the redhead, clearly pissed. Well, he could join the freaking club. 

“My probl’m’s that I’ve been waitin’ fer ya ta come home, ‘cause yer the one ‘ho ask’d me ta train ya. Ya could’ve at least let me kno tha’ ya weren’t comin’. Then I wouldn’ have had’ta waste my time” the redhead said and Ichigo took a step closer to him to get in his face, not that Renji had any intention of backing down.

“I told you yesterday that training today would be moved to tomorrow and you said you were okay with that, that’d you’d take the time to catch up with your reports. Don’t come complain to me because your stupid ass couldn’t remember that” Ichigo said and Renji narrowed his eyes. He could vaguely remember the ginger saying something like that, but he had been trying to avoid him at that moment so he hadn’t even paid any attention to what he had said.

|Idiot.

“If ya ain’t serious ‘bout this trainin’, ya shouldn’t’ve bother’d startin’ with it” Renji said, ignoring his zanpakuto’s exasperated name-calling. Ichigo looked like he was going to snap back at him when someone behind them cleared their throat, gaining their attention. The bartender stood behind the redhead, his arms crossed in front of his chest and a weary look on his face, clearly intimidated even when he tried not to show it. In any other situation, Renji wouldn’t have blamed the man, aware of how intimidating both he and Ichigo could get. But currently, he was only irritated about the interruption. 

“If you’re going to fight, do it outside” he said, throwing them out with an unsteady voice. In Renji’s distraction, Ichigo managed to rip his arm from the redhead’s grasp with a sneer, turning away to the table his bag was leaning against.

“Sorry, guys. Maybe another time” Ichigo apologized to his companions in a curt tone as he swung his bag onto his shoulder before reaching out for his glass. He tilted his head back, ignoring the careful looks directed at him as he emptied the glass in one go. He turned to the owner to make a small bow with his head only.

“I’m sorry for the inconvenience caused. We’re leaving” he said in a cold tone before giving the redhead a shove in his back. Renji didn’t need to be told twice, making his way to the door in brisk steps, not even needing to look back to know Ichigo was following right behind him, drilling holes into his back with his glare. The redhead could tell the young shinigami was fuming, but then again, he was too. How could he not be after what he had heard from Grimmjow and seen from the ginger’s human friends? He was lucky Ichigo wasn’t talking to him as they walked back to the shop. The redhead was sure that if the ginger talked to him at this moment, he would snap and they would fight, right there in the middle of the street.

When they finally reached the shop, the air between them was crackling with tension as Ichigo dropped his bag next to the table while Renji picked up the letter with Grimmjow’s scribbles telling him he was gone to Hueco Mundo to check if Neliel would take over from him when he went to the sea with Tatsuki. Ichigo quickly scanned the contents of the letter before trashing it, reaching into his bag to retrieve his shinigami badge. Renji didn’t wait to watch how the ginger’s body landed in a heap on the floor with a thud, turning away to make his way to the basement.

As soon as he was downstairs, he popped the gikon into his mouth, feeling his soul separate from the gigai at the same time Ichigo appeared next to him with a flash-step. Both males refused to meet each other’s eyes as they found a space to train in the middle of the huge basement showing signs of the destruction the two had caused in their fights before. Renji was sure Urahara was going to make him pay for that as well and part of him dreaded how high the bill would be after this fight. But that were worries for later, when he was calmer and able to think about things other than the jealous twisting of his stomach and the thirst to have Ichigo’s entire attention solely focussed on him.

God, Renji felt so selfish at that moment, but he couldn’t help it. He wanted Ichigo’s attention for himself alone, was that too much to ask? Well, yeah, it was, even he knew that, but he was allowed to   
hope, right? He surely wasn’t the only one who wanted to be on the receiving end of his crush’s full attention. And currently, he certainly was in that position, feeling a light shiver go down his spine when Ichigo’s reiatsu spiked dangerously only by him drawing his zanpakutos. Then again, it wasn’t like Renji couldn’t meet it with his own, Zabimaru in his hand shifting even without him voicing the command. Their swords trembled in their eagerness to clash, rattling visibly to a trained eye. The heat spreading up his arm was seemingly trying to burn his skin, yet there was a hint of hesitation in his blade as it clashed with Zangetsu wordlessly, the impact of their zanpakuto’s sending a shockwave through the basement that kicked up the dirt around them.

“What’s wrong? Don’t’cha wanna fight?” Renji asked his zanpakuto spirit in his inner-world, noticing how uneasy he was. Just like Renji himself, the baboon-snake hybrid was caught between a rock and a hard place.

|That ain’t it. We wanna fight. But we ain’t sure now’s tha time ta fight ‘im.

|There’s a difference between an all-out fight and just taking out your anger.

Renji could say he didn’t agree, but what was he supposed to do? He was angry, he was jealous, he was confused, he was pent up. It had to go somewhere and this was the best possible way he could think of in the moment.

|Renji, we’ll always be on your side and if you want to fight, we’ll happily fight with you.

|Just try ta rememb’r tha this won’ solve wha’d’ya want it ta solve. Only words can do tha’.

With a grim hum an unable to say anything to deny that, Renji turned back to the fight, feeling a jolt run down his arm as his sword clashed with Zangetsu once more. Ichigo scoffed as he jumped back, landing smoothly despite having both hands full with his zanpakutos.

“You fly off the handle because I’m not taking this seriously, and now you’re the one not taking me seriously. I’m surprised you have the time to slack off when you were accusing me off doing so. At least I wasn’t in the middle of a fight” the ginger said sharply and Renji felt his muscles tense.

“Ya wanna see me get serious? ‘Lright, but rememb’r tha’ yer tha one who ask’d fer it” the redhead said before pushing off in a shunpo right behind the ginger. One that was expected if the small blade over the younger shinigami’s shoulder was anything to go by. However, that was not enough to throw Renji off guard, using his height and weight over the ginger to push him back. Where Ichigo was faster than Renji, the redhead was taller and wider, his swings hitting with a tiny bit more force than the ginger’s. But that tiny bit made a huge difference in a fight like this, fuelled by their emotions. Zabimaru remained silent, allowing Renji to wield them without offering a single sigh of complaint despite that they both knew emotion was a warrior’s biggest weakness, especially when in battle with the one their feelings went out to.

Both shinigami jumped back, landing a sufficient distance away from each other. Renji’s shoulders heaved with his breath, much more exhausted if only because of the fact that his feelings were fuelling his swings, making his sword seem much heavier. His shihakusho was cut open in several places, the skin underneath it bleeding from the cuts that had been delivered. Many would have complained or felt weird about being wounded by their crush, but Renji didn’t. Couldn’t, when he saw the cuts he had landed upon Ichigo’s skin as well. A fight between them without any injuries was impossible and neither of them would ever hold grudges for it. Why would they, when the other was in the same state because of their doing? It would be hypocritical.

“Am I serious enou’h fer ya now?” Renji sneered despite the fact that he was on the losing hand, tempted to use his bankai even when Ichigo didn’t seem to feel the need to. He swung around his swords   
with just as much ease as Renji did, however, there was a hint of madness to the ginger’s attacks that the redhead couldn’t match. Ichigo was fighting on instinct, fuelled by his own feelings and he was dominating the fight even when Renji kept up. The older shinigami’s question as to why Zangetsu called the ginger King was pretty much answered as he felt how the smaller man demanded control of the fight with every swing of his sword. 

“What is your problem today?” he shot a question back and Renji scoffed as he straightened up.

“My problem? We’ve got thi’ shitty situation with ‘ese hollows and yer off seducin’ some petty humans ta blow’ff some steam” the redhead said and Ichigo frowned as he pulled his head back in confusion.

“Haah?! Seducing? When did I ever?” he asked and Renji shifted his weight from one foot onto the other, keeping Zabimaru next to him as he scoffed while narrowing his eyes.

“Don’ try ta hide it, Ichigo. Now tha’ Grimmjow’s taken, yer lookin’ fer new people ta fuck” he accused and Ichigo’s lips parted scandalized as he stared at the redhead.

“Wha?! I never slept with Grimm! What the hell are you talking about?!” he demanded to know and Renji pushed off, his irritation rising when Ichigo continued to play dumb. The ginger startled back but managed to rise his zanpakuto’s up to block Zabimaru going for his arm.

“Stop playin’ dumb, Kurosaki. If ya wanna fuck ‘round, I ain’t gonna stop ya” Renji said and gave the ginger a glance up and down.

“Bendin’ ov’r a table is nice ‘nd all, but if ya really wanna get some’ne in yer pants, try shakin’ yer ass fer them. Yer good a’tha, right?” he said and Ichigo stared at him for half a second, his grip faltering enough for the redhead to push him back. With his anger having the upper-hand, the older shinigami used the opportunity to send the ginger flying into the rock-formation close by. As soon as the young shinigami’s back had impacted with the rock, Renji shunpo’ed over to him, caging him in place with Zabimaru against his throat, his body pressing a little too close against the ginger’s to be considered friendly. But then again, nothing in this fight was friendly.

Ichigo’s breathing hitched as his eyes shot down in an attempt to search for the space between their bodies, pressing back into the wall behind him when he found barely none. In the back of his mind, Renji knew he was pushing it, yet with his ego and his jealousy in front, he couldn’t help but smirk at how self-conscious the ginger was of him. He took the young shinigami’s chin in between his fingers, lifting it up so Ichigo was forced to look him in the eyes. There was a confusing mix of hesitation, confusion and anger in his light-brown eyes. Lust and hurt swirled without the depths of his orbs as well, though Renji had trouble placing them when he was blinded by his own feelings.

“Or maybe I should show ya some tricks, hmm? Teach ya how ta satisfy some’ne in bed. Wouldn’ ya like that, toshishita?” the redhead purred, stumbling back when the ginger pushing him away.

“Who would want those kind of tricks?! Besides, I don’t sleep around like you do!” Ichigo said and Renji scoffed sarcastic as he narrowed his eyes at the ginger who returned to attacking him. Their hits landed hard, but distracted, more invested in their argument than they were in swinging their swords.

“Stop lyin’, Ichigo. Ya get ‘round plenty. But I guess yer regular lay ust got taken” the redhead said and Ichigo gritted his teeth.

“Shut the fuck up! I’m not the slut trying to sleep with every soul in Seireitei” Ichigo snapped, hurt flashing through his eyes even when it went unheard in his voice. Renji was too wrapped up in his own painful feelings to register the fact that he was hurting the young shinigami with every accusation leaving his lips. Part of him wanted to hurt the ginger, if only not to be the only one feeling that way.

“Yea, Imma slut, so what? I’ve slept wi’h more people th’n I can count ‘nd I’ll sleep wi’h ev’n more when I wanna. At least I ain’t ‘fraid ta admit tha truth. Tha fact tha’ ya don’ just goes ta show how much ova child ya really are” he said, raising his voice as he glared at the ginger who glared right back.

“Stop calling me a kid! I haven’t been a kid ever since I picked up a sword!” Ichigo yelled right back at him, matching his volume effortlessly.

“Maybe ya shouldn’t’ve pick’d it up ta begin wi’h!” Renji yelled, his voice bouncing off the rocks around them as they had gotten to a subject neither of them had ever wanted to think about but was impossible to ignore. The tension that had been there just a few seconds before was instantly dispelled with the subject they had gotten on. Ichigo remained silent as Renji continued, unable to stop the words from tumbling form his lips now that they had started to fall, every other feeling making place for the overpowering unease and fear he felt.

“You should’ve neva let Rukia give ya ‘er powers! Ya should’ve just stay’d human when ya lost yer powers tha first time! Ya should’ve stay’d human after ya took down Aizen. Then ya would’ve had a normal life! A life where ya could fuck ‘round ‘s much ‘s ya wanna befo findin’ a good woman ta settle down wi’h wi’hout havin’ ta worry ‘bout hollows. Just bein’ a normal human” Renji said and felt a sudden calmness in Ichigo’s reiatsu. Only then did he realize how much he had fucked up. Ichigo could take accusations of being loose, but he had never taken well to having his strength questioned. Renji knew this like no other and had never once before questioned Ichigo’s strength. 

But lately, after acknowledging his feelings towards the ginger, he was in a constant struggle between wanting the best for the younger shinigami and wanting him for himself. It was a mess and he had no idea how to start solving it. He couldn’t stop thinking about the gap between them, unsure if he wanted to widen it or close it. Widening it would result in him getting hurt, but closing it could kill the ginger off for good, so in the end, Renji would get hurt either way. If that was the end result, Renji would prefer to widen it, knowing Ichigo had a chance of being happy with someone else. However, in trying to widen it, he unintentionally denied Ichigo’s strength, the journey he had taken to cultivate it and that he had sacrificed to keep it. All in order to protect the people around him. Renji knew he should apologize, but before he could, the ginger slapped his hands together in front of him, entwining his fingers together as his reiatsu spiked once more.

“Wall of iron sand, priestly pagoda, glowing ironclad fireflies. Standing upright, silent to the end. Bakudo #75; gochuutekkan” Ichigo said, reciting a kido incantation before bringing his joined fists towards the ground. Renji looked up when a bright light appeared over his head, the pressure weighting heavy on top of him. His eyes widened when five large pillars fell from the sky, knocking him flat on his stomach onto the ground to pin him there. One of the rods landed between his shoulder-blades while the others locked his limbs against the ground. Renji attempted to struggle against it, but was forced to stop when Ichigo spoke up.

“I don’t fucking get what you’re talking about! Even if I hadn’t been a shinigami, I would have been a quincy! With the mixed blood of a quincy and a shinigami that's running through my veins, I would have never had this ‘normal life’ you're talking about. This is normal to me. Seeing ghosts, wielding swords, fighting hollows. That's my life and that's my normality” the ginger said, his voice powerful yet growing softer towards the end. Renji could do little other than listen as the ginger continued, refusing to meet his eyes.

“Except for the time that I lost my powers because of mugetsu, I have always been able to see ghosts. And the time I couldn't, I wasn't myself. There was something missing and I felt like a stranger in my own damned skin” he said, sounding almost fragile as he fisted his trembling hands in an attempt to hide how much his words were hurting himself. Blood dripped from his palms with the force he was digging his nails into the flesh as he squeezed his eyes shut.

“Don't tell me go back to that horrible feeling! Even dying is better and I've done so twice already!” he said before finally looking at the stunned redhead. The anguish Renji saw in the ginger’s eyes would have been enough to kill him on the inside if he would have been the one feeling it.  
“You can accuse me of being loose and seducing people like the first best slut parading the street, I can take that. But don’t ever tell me that being a normal human is better for me. You don’t know what it feels like to have everything you are taken away from you, getting it back before getting it stolen again” he said, one of his eyes bleeding black while a horn grew from the side of his head, yet Renji couldn’t find it in himself to tense up.

“I’d rather die than go through that again” the ginger said softly before chopping off his horn. Renji inhaled sharply as the young shinigami turned around, throwing the horn in front of him before cutting through it with his largest zanpakuto. If he had been any less shocked by Ichigo’s words, he would have been by his ability to open up a garganta, watching the rip open up to allow the shinigami entrance to the desert laying behind it.

“Ichigo! Wait!” Renji called out to the ginger who stepped through the garganta without looking back, not even waiting to see how it closed as he shunpo-ed off.

“Ichigo!” the redhead cried again, a hint of desperation making his voice crack as he watched the garganta close up again. The silence in the basement was deafening as Renji stared at the air, half-expecting the garganta to open up again while the other half declared him a fool to even believe it. He knew Ichigo wasn’t returning. Not after what he had said.

“Fuck” Renji cursed as he let his forehead fall onto the ground, unable to stand up and go after the ginger like he wanted to.

|Congratulations.

“Shut up!” the redhead snapped at his zanpakuto in his inner world, glaring at them. He really didn’t need to be told how much he had fucked up, the picture of Ichigo’s hurt expression burning behind his eyes like it would never leave again. But to his regret, his zanpakuto had no intention of shutting up, rubbing salt into the wound.

|Yanno, when we said words to solve whateva’s between ya two, we didn’ mean these kinda words.

“I kno, okay?! I kno. I shouldn’t’ve said any’o tha’. I just” he said, unable to find the reason why he had said everything. He had been angry and jealous, yes, but that was no excuse to talk to the ginger the way he had, acting as if he was the biggest slut from the two of them. He had been uneasy and scared of the possibility of losing Ichigo, yes, which had been exactly what had pushed the ginger away in the worst possible way. He had no excuses for his behaviour and for the things he had said. But he couldn’t change it now. Apologizing was the least he could do, but he knew that it would never be enough.

His chest felt like it was going to cave in under both the pressure of the large rod on top of his back and the crushing weight of his guilt. He had both unintentionally and intentionally hurt the person he loved, there was no forgiving that. Yet all he wanted to do was ask for it, in the hope it would stop his chest from feeling so empty. He felt sick to his stomach, as if the guilt would actually be able to make him puke. He felt helpless, not even knowing where to begin to fix this. Was he even allowed an attempt to fix it when he was the one who had hurt the ginger more than anyone else had? 

|He’d forgive you, you know.

“I kno. Tha’s tha probl’m. I don’ deserve ta be forgiv’n aft’r wha I said ta him. I should’ve just kept my mouth shut” the redhead said and both the baboon and the snake nodded.

|Yea, ya should’ve. Poor berry might get a panic attack right now ‘cause’f wha’d’ya said.

“I feel like I might get one m’self” the shinigami grumbled into the dirt below him, closing his eyes as he didn’t even try to find a way out of the bakudo. He had tried when going after Ichigo and if he hadn’t been able to get out of it then, he surely wasn’t going to succeed at that moment when he couldn’t help but think that he had deserved this. There were just some things not said, and he had done exactly that.

“Congratulations” a happy voice spoke up, getting Renji to look up at the shop-keeper that was crouching in front of him. Because he often popped up unannounced with his reiatsu completely hidden, the redhead wasn’t even the least bit surprised to see Urahara smiling down at him.

“Looking at the predicament you’ve gotten yourself into, I’d say the student surpassed the master. I knew it was only a matter of time. Maybe I should ask Tessai if he wants to teach Kurosaki-kun a few of the harder kidos. I’m sure he’d love that” the former captain said before humming agreeing to himself as he studied the pillars.

“I thought ya weren’ comin’ back ‘till next week” Renji said, making no move to struggle against the rods pinning him down.

“I wasn’t. Until Kurosaki-kun send me a text, asking if I could come free you because he had done something and he didn’t want to see your face for a little while. I wonder what happened” the ash-blonde man said as he clapped his hands together, almost immediately destroying the pillars and undoing the bakudo. Renji would have been envious of the ease with which the man did it, if he would have the energy to feel anything besides the guilt. The fact that Ichigo had still thought to call Urahara to free him only added to that rock in his stomach.

“I fuck’d up” the redhead admitted as he sat up, rubbing the back of his neck as he crossed his legs.

“I can’t be that bad considering you’re still alive. Nothing an apology can’t fix, I’m sure” Urahara said and Renji sighed deep.

“I doubt tha’. First, I call’d ‘im a slut and then I told ‘im tha’ it would’ve been bett’r if he’d stay’d human. He ain’t gonna forgive me fer tha’. He shouldn’t” he said and Urahara looked at him.

“Give him some time and then apologize. It’s not your decision whether or not you’ll be forgiven, but his and if I know Kurosaki-kun, he’ll forgive you” he said and Renji looked down. that was exactly what he feared. If he couldn’t forgive himself for letting his jealousy get the better of him, why would Ichigo, who had been hurt the most by it? Urahara must have been able to read his doubts off his face, giving the redhead a sympathetic smile.

“Have a bit more confidence in Kurosaki-kun’s feelings for you” he said and Renji finally looked up at him, confusion clouding his expression.

“Ichigo? Feelin’s fer me?” he asked, as if it were foreign words. Urahara looked amused, looking at the redhead like one would look at an idiot. It wasn’t exactly pleasant to be on the receiving end of such a look, but at least it was better than that last look Ichigo had given him.

“You, who has broken so many hearts before, should be able to recognize it when someone has romantic feelings towards you, right? Have you never noticed the way he looks at you or the way he values your opinion more than anyone else’s, especially when it’s about him?” Urahara asked and Renji blinked stupefied, wondering if the man was speaking the truth and unable to stop the hope from growing in his chest.

“Besides, everyone, including Kurosaki-kun, knows how much you suck at kido. Yet you’re the first person he reaches out to for lessons. Rather cute, if you ask me” the former captain said before standing up and leaving the redhead alone with the new information. Was it possible? Had Renji really missed the signals Ichigo had been sending him because of his own jealousy had blinded him?


	12. Love.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confessions, confessions :)  
> I hope you enjoy ^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer ;; I don't own anything but the story, the OCs and the grammar mistakes.

Renji didn’t know it was possible to get used to the guilt messing his insides up and he wondered if he was weird for being able to. His body-language expressed the guilt he felt, but he had gotten used to the rock on the bottom of his stomach. A rock that grew especially heavy when he looked at the ginger’s light grey sweater clad back, falling a little big on his frame even if his shoulders wouldn’t have been slightly hunched. His sleeves covered his hands while the hem of the sweater reached his thighs that were covered by a pair of grey skinny jeans that was ripped at his knees. White sneakers were on his feet that matched the beanie covering his head, his bangs slightly covering his down-casted eyes.

With a soft sigh, Renji averted his eyes from the ginger, ignoring the glance Rukia shot between them as they trailed behind the group that was walking around to find a place to sit down and watch the flowers. Her eyebrows were drawn together in a frown which she then levelled onto the redhead, as if deciding that whatever was between the two male shinigami was entirely his fault. She wasn’t wrong, but the look still put Renji on guard, his shoulders drawing up self-consciously at the accusation in her gaze.

“What?!” he asked defensive as she placed her hands in her Bordeaux-skirt clad hips.

“Whatever is between you two, apologize” she said in a scolding tone that Renji would have linked with a mother. Well, she sometimes took that role on herself, even when it wasn’t necessary. It was something the redhead had already gotten used to, but that didn’t mean he had to like it.

“How come you’re so sure it’s my fault?” he asked with a grimace and Rukia huffed.

“Because Ichigo would have apologized immediately. This looks like it’s been lasting for a while” the raven said and Renji’s grimaced deepened as he averted his eyes. There was no use in trying to talk back and deny it, she knew them too well. Both of them. The redhead clicked with his tongue as he shoved his hands deeper into the pockets of his baggy jeans, unintentionally pushing the waistband lower.

“I kno, ‘kay? I kno. Is just hard ta apologize aft’r wha’I said” Renji grumbled and Rukia narrowed her eyes at him.

“It’ll only get harder the longer you wait, remember?” she said, reminding him of how long he had waited to mend the bond between them. By the time he wanted to try, it had been impossible to do for him on his own and Ichigo had been the one who had pushed him. And Renji had thanked him for that by hurting him in the worst possible way. Great.

“I dunno where ta start. I really fuck’d up this time, Rukia” the redhead admitted, resisting the urge to run his hand through his hair to tug on it. With his high ponytail in the way, he wouldn’t be able to anyway so it would be a useless attempt. Rukia sighed as she pushed her hands inside the pockets of her white pea-coat, raising an eyebrow at him.

“What did you do this time?” she asked in a fond but tired tone, as if they exhausted her. They probably did. But in their defence, it was usually Rukia who stuck her nose into their business and involved herself even when she didn’t need to. Then again, neither Renji nor Ichigo minded despite how they acted like it was unnecessary, because it really was. Sometimes, they really needed Rukia to push them. Just like Renji needed it now. 

“I accused him of sleeping around and then I told him it would have been better if he hadn’t regained his powers” he said and Rukia grimaced. God, it really only got worse the more he said it. 

“Okay, first off, who the hell are you to talk? Secondly, fucking apologize. Get on your fucking knees and beg for forgiveness. He’ll probably forgive you without much resistance, but you deserve to grovel” she said and didn’t Renji know it. That was also part of the reason the redhead had trouble approaching the ginger, because he knew he would be forgiven. Despite what a hard-ass Ichigo pretended to be, the young man couldn’t exactly hold a grudge. At least not when it concerned his friends. He would forgive Renji for hurting him, if only because he didn’t want to lose their friendship. It wouldn’t matter if Renji had been the one to ruin it or if he was still hurting over what had caused them to fight. He would forgive Renji to protect the bond they shared and the older shinigami hated that.

He wanted Ichigo to yell at him like he had during the first part of their fight. He wanted Ichigo to hurt him with the intent of hurting him, not because he was a masochist but because the ginger was allowed to after what had happened. He wanted Ichigo to take his pain out on him instead of bottling it up and discarding it as unimportant compared to their bond. It was important to Renji, very much so. He didn’t want to be forgiven, because in his eyes, he didn’t deserve to be. If he would have been in Ichigo’s shoes, he doubted he would be able to forgive so easily. But that was Ichigo, someone who would shoulder everything thrown at him, who bit through every ounce of pain inflicted on him and still act like nothing had happened and smile as if nothing could ever touch him.

It pissed Renji off how much he had fallen for that guy.

But it pissed him off even more to know that the reason Ichigo was hurting this time was entirely his fault and he had yet to do something about it. As he saw the fake smile on the ginger’s lips as they sat down underneath one of the sakura trees, Renji felt as if a zanpakuto was permanently lodged into his chest, twisting around the gaping wound with every glance he took at the young shinigami. The others noticed there was a forced tilt to his smile but knew better than to ask. It would be a waste of breath to try anyway, since there was no way Ichigo would ever talk about the things he bottled up inside. He had never done so before and it didn’t look like it was going to change any time soon.

Renji hated this. He hadn’t meant for the young shinigami to withdraw like he was doing, not wanting to bother anyone with whatever troubled him. He hadn’t even wanted to hurt the ginger like this. But that didn’t change the fact that he had and now he was drawing blanks on how to fix what he had done. Rukia gave him a pitying look, knowing how awkward he was in these situations but found the opportunity to help them when a tingle ran down the group’s spine as if their mind and senses were connected. They had been sitting there for a couple of hours and Renji had started thinking none would show up. Wishful thinking always had the opposite effect with him.

“Renji, why don’t you go, and take Ichigo with you” Rukia suggested and both males looked at her in surprise. Renji felt somewhat hopeful with the chance the raven had presented him with, glancing over at the ginger who looked like he was going to talk back. Part of Renji would have liked to do the same, uneasy about being alone with the young shinigami, but even if he had wanted to, Rukia still out-ranked him. Ichigo seemed to give up without speaking up, instead giving a soft sigh as he stood up from where he had been seated between Orihime and Grimmjow. That alone was enough for the people around him to know something was seriously wrong.

“Look after my body” the ginger said in a somewhat distance voice as he dug into his pocket for his badge, pressing it against his chest without waiting for confirmation. Renji waited half a heart-beat, doubting whether or not this was a good idea, before pulling out his gikon and popping it into his mouth. Entering and leaving a gigai had become something effortless during the time he had spent in the living world, which was a good thing considering the ginger hadn’t even waited for him. Not that he blamed Ichigo for doing so. He only cursed the fact that the young shinigami was faster than him, leaving him to catch up. When he finally did, it was up in the sky, looking down on the evolved hollow that had shown up close to the centrum of Karakura town that was currently filled with civilians enjoying the early evening watching the trees.

“I’ll take it” Ichigo said, his voice barely audible over the scream of the hollow, which wasn’t even that loud. Renji hated to hear the ginger so tired, but he wasn’t going to say anything. He knew that if he suggested that he’d do it because it sounded like the young shinigami hadn’t slept in days, Ichigo would take offence in it. The last thing Renji wanted was to make it worse than it already was, which was entirely possible. At least the ginger was still tolerating him. Regrettably, that was not enough for Renji. That had never been enough for him. Rukia had given him this opportunity and he wasn’t going to let it go to waste, grabbing the ginger’s arm above his elbow when he wanted to walk away from the location after cutting through the hollow’s mask.

“Ichigo, wait” the redhead said, feeling uneasy when the ginger didn’t even look at him “Please”.

Slowly but surely, the young shinigami responded favourably, turning his body half-way towards the older man. Against Renji’s expectations, the ginger raised his eyes so their gazes met, one remorseful and the other just tired. The older shinigami resisted the urge to suck in a breath, his grip faltering before it tightened again, not wanting the ginger to attempt an escape when he was still gathering the courage to speak the words on the tip of his tongue. The silence was deafening between them as Renji once again questioned if he really deserved to be forgiven.

“If you’re not going to say anything, I’m going back” Ichigo said as he attempting to turn away again when Renji said nothing. A jolt of cold fear ran down the redhead’s spine, allowing the words to tumble off his lips.

“I’m sorry” he said quick, barely even counting as an apology. Yet it stopped Ichigo in his tracks, which was all that counted in Renji’s eyes. The ginger’s hesitation encouraged the redhead into continuing, hoping the young shinigami would hear him out, at the very least. He didn’t have to forgive him, just hear his apology.

“I said things ta ya tha’ I shouldn’t’ve said ‘nd I really regret it. An’ I kno tha’ apologizing ain’t nearly ‘nough, but I just had’ta do it, ev’n if it’s only fer self-satisfaction” Renji said and Ichigo doubted for a second before turning to give the redhead a smile.

“It’s fine. I’ve already forgotten about it” he said and Renji had to hold himself back from slapping the young man. He couldn’t prevent himself from tightening his grip on the ginger’s arm though.

“Cut the crap, Ichigo. I kno ya. Ya can’t just forget ‘bout somethin’ like this an’ ye‘ll neva be able ta. An’ that’s all my fault an’ I hate m’self fo’ it, ‘kay? Just like ye’ll continue ta rememb’r this, I’ll neva forgive m’self fo’ bein’ tha one ta hurt ya. Ya can do anythin’ ya want ta me, but don’t lie ta me” Renji said before pulling back his temper. What kind of shitty person was he to get angry when he was supposed to apologize. He looked down with a deep sigh that was aimed at himself and not at the ginger.

“Ya can scream a’me, kick me, hit me, cut me, whateva. Just, don’t lie ta me. I kno I hurt ya an’ seein’ ya hide everythin’ I did behin’ a smile ain’t hurtin’ only ya or me, but every’ne ‘round ya. Every’ne can tell somethin’s wrong with ya, an’ tha’s my fault, so I’m tryna fix it” the older shinigami said and looked back up at the ginger to find him looking, waiting, listening. It was unnerving to say the least, yet he pushed on.

“I kno it’s somethin’ tha’ can’t be fixed with just apologizin’ an’ I don’ need ta be forgiv’n. I don’ wanna be forgiv’n, eith’r. I just want’d ya ta kno tha’ I regret sayin’ wha I said an’ tha’ I hate m’self fer wha’I did” he said and hated himself even more for feeling lighter now that he had been able to apologize even though part of him didn’t want to be forgiven.

“Why?” Ichigo finally spoke up, though Renji sort of wished he hadn’t. The tone of his voice was enough to make it seem as if his heart was cracking inside his chest. The ginger swallowed as he turned his gaze away before trying again.

“Then, why? Why did you say all those things?” he asked and Renji licked his lips before swallowing as he fought to answer that question. His grip slackened enough for his hand to slide down the ginger’s black clad arm, finding his hand in a soft barely felt touch. He knew he should let go, that it was too intimate, yet he had the feeling that if he did, the young shinigami would turn away and he’d never again have this chance.

“I was… I was jealous. It ain’t an excuse, but it’s tha truth” he said, earning a confused look from the smaller male.

“Jealous? Why?” he asked and Renji glanced up at him before averting his eyes again, sighing deeply. His stomach was twisting uncomfortably, but he knew Ichigo deserved an explanation.

“’Cause I” he paused, licking his lips. “Grimmjow told me he us’d ta have sex with ya an’ I got angry.”

“He told me about that and apologized for it” Ichigo said, confusing the redhead enough to make him meet his eyes.

“Apologiz’d fo’ what?” he asked and Ichigo turned to his attention to the playground he knew to be close by. He didn’t need to speak up for the older shinigami to understand him, giving the long fingers held loosely in his hand a soft squeeze. Without glancing back, the ginger started making his way to the playground with Renji on his heels, close enough so their contact didn’t have to be broken. The taller man was forced to let go when they took a seat on the swings, yet he knew Ichigo wouldn’t run away this time.

“Grimmjow and I never had sex” the ginger said, returning back to their conversation as he gripped the chains at his side.

“When he realized he stepped out of line by insinuating it, he apologized” he added and Renji shifted so he was sitting sideways on the swing, looking at the younger   
shinigami who was facing forward.

“He insinuat’d it a lot. Seemed pretty up fo’ it as well” he pointed out, feeling the jealousy once again stir in his gut only by remembering everything Grimmjow had said about the ginger who was currently looking down at where his waraji-clad feet were digging holes in the ground beneath them. Renji pushed his feelings away as much as he possibly could, not wanting them to take over and repeat the mistake that had lead them to this situation.

“We didn’t do anything but kiss once” he said and the redhead looked away.

“Tha’ ain’t wha’he implied. He was able ta give a rather clear description ‘f wha’ya look like naked” he said and Ichigo rolled with his eyes in exasperation.

“We’re men, Renji. After training, we wash up together. We’re bound to get an eye-full sooner or later, whether we want to or not. And certain unfortunate accidents do happen. Grimmjow once entered through my window when I was getting off and he thought it would put us even if he pulled his pants down too. Does it make you feel better, knowing that?” he asked and Renji grimaced.

“No’ really, no” he admitted even when it was an understatement. Ichigo shook his head slightly with a sigh as he looked down again.

“Look, whatever Grimm implied, it was only to rile you up. Nothing happened between us. I’m still a virgin” the ginger admitted, making the redhead sigh.

“Ichigo, I asked ya no’ta lie” he said and the younger man gave him a sideway look.

“I’m not lying” he said before leaning back, pulling on the chains to prevent himself from falling to the ground as he looked up at the darkening sky.

“Not for lack of trying, though. I had more than a few invinations, but it never worked” he said and Renji couldn’t even blink. How the hell was that possible? Ichigo was freaking hot, enough to make straight shinigami question their sexuality. Renji had heard it happen and while he hadn’t been entirely sure of his own sexuality before, being around Ichigo had taken away any ounce of doubt he had had. 

“Why no’? ‘Re they crazy?!” he asked shocked and Ichigo turned to look at him. The shock must have been amusing for the ginger to suddenly give a grim smile.

“It wasn’t them, it was me. I couldn’t do it” he said before looking back up at the sky.

“I tried a total of five times, both female and male. Two of them, I walked away from before my pants was off, leaving without a word. The three others, I spend the whole night talking, either with coffee or ice-cream, depending on the conversation. So really, you calling me a slut is laughable” he said and Renji stared at him.

“Why? Weren’t they good ‘nough?” he asked, still trying to wrap his head around the fact that the young shinigami was still a virgin.

“Something like that, yeah” Ichigo admitted, suddenly looking tense as a silence fell. Renji kept his mouth shut, seeing the ginger was doubting whether to continue that statement or not, his grip on the chains so tight, his knuckles turned white as if the skin was threatening to rip.

“It was impossible because they weren’t the person I have feelings for” the ginger finally added, bringing everything inside Renji to a halt. He licked his lips, swallowing the nerves that threatened to drown him, feeling as if a bucket of ice-water had been dumped over his head.

“Oh” he responded mindlessly “Ya have some’ne ya like? Cool.”

Ichigo hummed in answered, keeping his gaze down as Renji was unable to tear his eyes away from the entrance of the playground. Not that he was seeing it to begin with. All he could think about was the confession Ichigo just made, wondering what he was currently feeling and what he should be feeling. If Urahara had read the signs wrong or whether or not his own hope had let him see things that weren’t there. Maybe he had tricked himself into believing that there might be a chance Ichigo had feeling towards-

“It’s you” the ginger said, once more bringing Renji’s thoughts to an abrupt stop. Blinking, the redhead’s head shot over to the younger man, wondering if he had imagined Ichigo’s response. Judging by the blush on the young shinigami’s face, he wasn’t.

“Eh?” he breathed, his mind still struggling to catch up to the possibility. Ichigo glanced at the redhead’s gobsmacked yet blank expression before averting his face.

“Don’t act like you didn’t already know” he said and Renji leaned forward.

“No, no, no, no, no. Ho’ should I’ve known?” he asked scandalized and confused, making Ichigo glance at him again before drawing his shoulders up a little.

“Grimm and Rukia told me I was as see-through as glass” he admitted and Renji blinked before his breath left him in a rush, slumping back to lean against the chain behind him. It wasn’t nearly as stable as it could have been, but it didn’t even register in the redhead’s mind. Ichigo liked him? Him?

“They were the ones who told me you were jealous, since I wouldn’t have noticed it on my own. Once I knew, I had a hunch about the reason, but I wasn’t sure because I was afraid it was just my own feelings misreading signs” Ichigo said and Renji could relate to that so much it was almost painful. Ichigo liked him?

“But in the end, it doesn’t matter. Not my feelings, not yours” the ginger said coldly, his words feeling like a sucker-punch right in Renji’s gut.

“Wha? Why wouldn’t it matt’r?” the redhead asked before he could stop himself and Ichigo looked at him, a painful smile on his lips.

“Come on, Renji. You’re not stupid. You must have thought about it too. We literally live in different worlds. You live in Seireitei and I don’t even know where I belong. Hell, I don’t even know whether I’m still alive or not. Whether we have feelings towards each other or if it’s only me, doesn’t change that fact” he said and Renji almost threw his hands up in exasperation. This wasn’t the moment for that, even he knew that.

“Yer right, I’ve thought ‘bout it. A lot. And there’s one thing I kno fer sure, an’ that’s that yer alive. Yer alive, jus’ like I am an’ like Rukia is, an’ like Grimmjow is, an’ like Orihime is” he said and leaned forward again, reaching out to grab the chain of the ginger’s swing.

“We dunno what’ll happen ta us eith’r when we die, an’ yet we live. We laugh, we fight, we drink” he said, pausing to make sure he had Ichigo’s attention “We love.”   
The young shinigami’s head lifted, meeting Renji’s gaze with wide light brown eyes. His breathing hitched while the redhead’s seemed to be stuck in his chest that felt painfully tight. Yet, the older shinigami continued. He couldn’t stop even if he wanted to. Not at this point. Not anymore.

“Who kno’s what tha’ furute’ll bring. It’s ahead ‘f us, an’ the only thing I can predict is tha fact tha’ we’ll die. What we do in tha time befo’ tha’ is up ta us an’ us alone” he said and shook his head.

“I let Rukia go once an’ regretted it. If it wasn’t fer ya, I would still be regrettin’ it. I tried lettin’ ya go too, but I couldn’t. I learn’d my lesson, Ichigo. I ain’t gonna let anythin’ go anymo’, knowin’ I’d regret it. Life’s too short ta live in regret, ev’n fer a shinigami” the redhead said and took a deep breath before continuing.

“I want this, Ichigo. I want ya. An’ if ya want me too, forget ‘bout wha’can happ’n next week ‘r in years. Just think ‘f now an’ tomorrow” he said and leaned forward to rest his head against the chain of the swing the ginger was occupying.

“We can take it slow, ‘r somethin’. Whateva ya want. Just don’ ask me ta forget ‘bout it. I tried, bu’ it’s impossible. I’m” the redhead said, swallowing thickly. Ichigo was still listening in silence, allowing the older shinigami to continue even when he was struggling to put it in words.

“I don’ do feelin’s, yanno. Neva have befo’. I didn’ wanna accept that I had feelin’s fer ya in tha first place ‘cause I want’d ya to live a normal life. Tha’s why I said tha’ ‘bout stayin’ human. Bu’ I was wrong with sayin’ tha’. Hell, I don’ even want that. It was hard, knowin’ ya wouldn’t be able ta see me anymo’. It felt wrong. Just thinkin’ ‘bout ya not bein’ able ta see me anymo’, hurts” he admitted, feeling as if he had to say all this. That it was something Ichigo had to hear and had to know. In any other situation, Renji would have never gone this far, but the moment called for it and the redhead couldn’t do anything but respond to it, hoping the ginger would understand.

“Bu’ part ‘f me was scared, ‘cause the idea of losin’ ya made me realize my feelin’s, which I swore notta have” the older shinigami said and startled when he felt a chilly hand settle over his, drawing his attention up.

“I understand” Ichigo said, an understanding look in his eyes as he regarded the redhead with a somewhat soft expression even when his brows were slightly furrowed.

“I’ve been through the same process, you know. Not wanting to have feelings but unable to just turn them off. Then being aware that you have them, only to deny them because you aren’t used to what they do to you” he said and sighed soft.

“Fuck, look at us being all sappy, talking about our feelings. Didn’t we agree that we would never do this again?” he mumbled before reaching his other hand up to ruffle through his hair, his bangs falling into his eyes.

“Anyway, it’s no use to beat ourselves up over this. You said things in the heat of the moment and I said things in the heat of the moment. We’ll continue to do the same in the future, because that’s just who we are. All this shit could have been avoided if we’d just been honest. But you’re right, we don’t know what the future’ll bring for either of us, so” he said, pausing to take a somewhat shaky breath before looking Renji in the eye. Something fluttered in the redhead’s chest in anticipation, reminding himself to continue breathing as he waited.

“Taking it slow doesn’t sound too bad. I’d like that” the young shinigami said and Renji nodded.

“Yeah, sure. We can do tha’. No problem” he said, earning a nod from the smaller male. He was glad Zabimaru was keeping silent, because really, what was he acting so coolly for when he had been so emotional and sappy just five seconds before? There was no denying the sweatiness of his palms or the near erratic beating of his heart. He could feel every happy nervous twist of his stomach as his mind still struggled to put everything in place. Without any real conscious thought, their hands shifted so their fingers could entwine, the chain between their palms. Renji only noticed how chapped his lips were when his tongue ran over them, his eyes shifting down to the ginger’s lips on their own accord.

“So, this goin’ slow, does it include kissin’, or is tha’ too soon?” Renji asked, his voice sounded far-off to his own ears.

“It’s fine” Ichigo answered, almost instantly after the question had left the redhead’s mouth. A weight seemed to fall off the older shinigami’s shoulders with the sigh he released.

“Good” he said as he used his grip on the chain to pull the ginger’s swing closer while leaning forward. Ichigo met him half-way, their lips pressing together almost fearlessly, every ounce of doubt there could have been drowned out by their longing to connect. Renji felt a jolt run down his spine as the ginger’s lips moved against his, hungry and needy. His free hand reached up to the young shinigami’s neck, brushing his hair back before settling in his nape. Ichigo responded beautifully, tilted his head in the opposite direction as Renji pressed closer for more.

The redhead didn’t even have to ask for permission for Ichigo to part his lips enough for the older shinigami’s tongue to slip past them. Their tongues tangled, brushing against each other hungrily as the ginger’s hand landed on the redhead’s knee, sliding a little up his thigh to rest there, supporting his weight as he lost himself in the kiss. A small noise vibrated through his throat, barely audible but enough to drive Renji wild, hardening in his hakama. However, he didn’t feel the need to take it further, not yet at least.

In this moment, just making out was enough for him. Their kiss didn’t’ lack anything in passion, but to both of them, it was mainly about connecting, not about sleeping together like Renji’s usually purpose for kissing was. No, this time, he enjoyed every second of it, craving the kiss itself instead of what came after it. Every stroke of their tongues or capture of their lips made his entire body tingle, greedy for more. He wanted everything the ginger gave him. He wanted every soft sound, even wet smack of their lips, every slide of their tongues. He wanted the heat of the young shinigami’s hand on his thigh and the hot temperature of the ginger’s nape in his palm.

Renji was painfully aware that it was more than he could ever ask for, but he couldn’t help but want it. Long for it like a stray-dog longed for food. He was no different, in a way. It only took one taste of the ginger for the redhead to hunger for more as if he was starving and would never really be satiated. He didn’t know how long they had been making out for, but he didn’t even care about breathing at that moment. Who needed air when he could have Ichigo’s lips on his own?

A sudden scream startled them back to reality, their head shooting over to the source of the sound, instantly on guard. They saw a young woman holding her hands in front of her mouth, staring at them in terror. Renji frowned, disappointed at getting interrupted, until it downed on him. Right. Not everyone in Karakuro could actually see them. The woman likely just saw two empty swings pulled towards each other in the middle of the night, like some kind of horror scene. It was no surprise when the woman turned on her heels and dashed off like the devil was chasing her.

Renji wanted to laugh, but even the snort was stuck in his throat when he looked at Ichigo. It was clear that the ginger had come to the same conclusion as the redhead, but that wasn’t what made the older shinigami stare stunned. Ichigo post make-out looked even better than his imagination could have predicted. Half-dazed eyes looked up at the taller male on top of flushed cheeks. His lips looked glossy and kiss-bruised, slightly parted to help regulate his fast breathing, sending a twinge of lust through the redhead that ended in his groin that twitched in interest.

Hey, he might not want to take it further than kissing for the moment, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t aroused.

“Ya good?” the redhead asked after clearing his throat and Ichigo nodded.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” he asked and Renji raised an eyebrow.

“Ya look fucked” he said, flinching when Ichigo’s hand landed on his thigh with a loud, resounding slap.

“Just because you’re a little better than I expected doesn’t mean you can be so smug about it” the ginger hissed and Renji couldn’t help but chuckle, leaning forward again to recapture his lips in a drawn out peck, relieved the younger shinigami allowed it.

“Let’s go back, befo’ they think we kill’d each other” he suggested when he pulled back and Ichigo hummed.

“Give me a sec” he requested, giving Renji the stink-eye when he noticed the smirk on the redhead’s face. But honestly, the older shinigami understood. It was unreal, what just had happened. It felt like a dream, to be cliché, but it as the truth. Renji half-suspected this whole thing to be something his mind conjured up after getting knocked out by the hollow they were supposed to be fighting, forgetting entirely about the fact that Ichigo had been the one to take him down.

“So, this is really happening?” he heard himself ask and Ichigo looked up. A small, slightly uneasy smile curled his lips.

“If you want it to” he said and Renji scoffed, tightening his grip on Ichigo’s hand that was wrapped around the chain.

“I’d be an idiot notta want it” he said and Ichigo’s smile widened ever so slightly.

“Then it’s happening” he said and Renji nodded for lack of other response he could currently think of. He blinked once, twice before directing his attention to the ground below his feet, smiling at it like some kind of creep. Finally, his mind was starting to catch up to the situation, even when it still seemed somewhat unreal.

“Yanno, if we’re doin’ this, I’m gonna warn ya, I get possessive. It’s the first time I eva get possessive an’ I’m no’ sure how possessive I can get” the redhead warned and Ichigo hummed.

“That’s cool. I don’t plan on cheating. And if you get too possessive, I’ll be sure to smack you around a bit to calm you down” he said and Renji smiled at him, even when he received a stern eye. At this point, he didn’t think the smile was going off his face.

“But if I catch you cheating, I’ll probably cut off your dick” he said and the redhead hummed.

“I’ll ev’n let ya do it. But I don’ plan on cheatin’. Why would I, when I got ya?” he asked and Ichigo averted his eyes in a bashful move that made Renji want to push him down and continue their make-out session. But he knew that they needed to get back to the others who were waiting for them. However, there was one question that remained.

“So, do we tell ‘m or do ya wanna hide it fer a while?” Renji asked and Ichigo looked back up at him before shrugging.

“I don’t know. I figured we’d just do what feels right and if they find out, they find out” he said and Renji nodded, finding himself comfortable with that suggestion. It wasn’t announcing that they were dating, but they weren’t denying it either. They were taking it slow and if someone figured it out, it wouldn’t make a difference. Renji was a noob at this entire dating thing, so he really liked the idea of not being under the pressure of announcing their relationship status when they themselves were still getting used to it. Hell, Renji was still struggling to accept the fact that his feelings were answered.

He knew he shouldn’t be this happy about it, considering how he had hurt the ginger. He shouldn’t be forgiven just because their feelings proved to be requited, he had done too much harm for that. There was no way Ichigo was just going to forgive him for that, let alone forget the words he had said. Yet, here he was, feeling elated because of the ginger’s confession and hoping that that was exactly what would happen. He wanted them to move past what he had said, but at the same time, he would hate for that to happen. He had a lot of grovelling to do before they would be able to forget about it and he was prepared to do so. Them taking it slow would give him the time to make it up to the young shinigami.

“We should probably go back” Ichigo said, making a second attempt at leaving the playground by standing up, releasing the redhead’s hand and stepping away from the swing. Renji hummed in agreement as he rose from his swing as well, glancing around nervously as a question laid on the tip of his tongue. God, he felt so awkward in this situation, it was unreal. Here he was, Seireitei’s biggest player, too shy to ask for another kiss.

|For fuck’s sake, Renji. Grow a pair, grab him and stick your tongue down his throat!

|He won’ refuse, yanno.

“That’s not the point!” the shinigami hissed at his zanpakuto spirit in his inner world, but couldn’t deny their words. It wasn’t like him to doubt his decisions or actions, but he wasn’t just sticking his tongue down Ichigo’s throat either. Asking permission was only logical in this situation, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t reach out to grab the ginger’s wrist, pulling him into his chest. Ichigo looked up at him as he went willingly, allowing Renji’s arm to curl around his lower back without the slightest resistance even when he tensed up slightly. The older shinigami recognized it as shyness when the ginger made no move to push him away.

“One more?” Renji asked, having no doubt that the smaller male understood his suggestion. Instead of answering, Ichigo leaned in, his nose brushing against the redhead’s as his hand found the back of Renji’s neck. Their half-lidded eyes remained locked before they closed in favour of their lips locking. As the older shinigami curled both his arms around the ginger’s waist, Ichigo’s arm wrapped around his shoulders, his other hand resting on the redhead’s bicep. Their bodies remained pressed together even when their lips finally separated, both shinigami just looking at each other in silence.

“I could get used to this” Ichigo said, earning a snort from the redhead.

“I’ll do it oft’n ‘nough ta make sure ya do” he assured and Ichigo smiled.

“You better” he agreed before leaning in again, as if he couldn’t get enough to the older male. Renji understood the feeling painfully well.


	13. More.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of smut, so I hope all of you are above the legal age ;p

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer ;; I don't own anything but the story, the OCs and the grammar mistakes.

Things had changed, a lot. But Ichigo wasn’t opposed to the change. He wasn’t going to lie and say that every change came easy, because it didn’t. Little, fleeting touches like their hands brushing or their gazes locking together were all easy to deal with. Yet, every time Renji would take his hand, he would startle, almost enough to pull his hand away. When the redhead would pull him into his chest when they were alone, he would tense up, swallowing back the words laying on the tip of his tongue, threatening to tumble off and question Renji about what he was doing. And then, when they kissed, Ichigo would first freeze up before wondering if it was a dream, because god knew he had had a lot of those.

Of course, this wasn’t because he disliked what Renji did, it was merely the fact that after attempting to deny his feelings and after trying to downplay them, even ignore them, believing them to be useless and unwanted, Renji responded to them. He had admitted that he felt the same and he was acting upon his feelings that demanded him to be with the ginger in any way possible. He was very careful about boundaries, always asking if it was okay. Whenever he took his hand or pulled him into a hug, his eyes would look down on the younger man in unease, unsure if he was okay with it. Whenever he would kiss the ginger, he would ask if he was allowed to. Ichigo would always smile and give him the go ahead. Slowly but surely, he had gotten used to the closer contact that was between them, accepting it as reality. 

With Ichigo’s acceptance visible in his body-language, Renji got more confidence as well, knowing his actions were allowed and even wanted. Ichigo could tell the redhead was still beating himself up over the fight they had had and it would be a lie to say the ginger had forgotten about it. But then again, he was aware of how easily he forgave when it came to his friends. Ichigo knew Renji didn’t want him to lose his powers and that he couldn’t have known about the depression he had been in when he had lost them. Ichigo never talked about that period in his life because it scared him and he was afraid that people would see him as weak, the same way he had seen himself.

Ichigo was a fighter in both heart and soul, no matter how much he tried to deny and supress it. When he had given up his powers for soul society, he had thought he had known what he had done. But when reality settled in and he watched Rukia disappear, he had felt empty. He hadn’t been able to see anything, sense anything, hear anything. It had been painful and he had felt disconnected from himself. He had been terrified and alone because no-one would tell him anything. On nights, it got particularly hard. He expected his badge to go off at any time, like he had gotten used to. Every little noise woke him right up and made him reach for the wooden thing. The pain he had felt when nothing happened, had seemed to rip his heart out of his chest.

He would drop the badge before staring up at his ceiling, wondering if he was really alone. If maybe, someone was with him, even when he couldn’t sense them. He had entertained those thoughts only briefly, because he knew that would mean they would have seen him at his weakest, would have seen him shed the tears he hid behind a mask during the day. They would have seen him in a way he never wanted anyone to see him. However, deep down, he had longed not to be alone. He had wanted someone to be around him, to comfort him even when he wasn’t aware of it.

But if he had to be honest, he was also grateful for how he had lost his powers. It had humbled him, taught him how to appreciate what he had been given and to value what he had. He would never take his powers or his friends for granted ever again. His period without them had scarred him so badly, it could almost be called a trauma. A very well hidden one, but one that would sometimes keep him up at night, urging him into his soul form if only to confirm that he had moved past that powerless period.

Muscled arms wrapped around his waist, pulling him back to reality and his back into a hard chest. With a curious hum, the young shinigami looked up at the redhead behind him. Renji regarded him with a questioning look, his hands resting on the ginger’s hips and burning through his shihakusho. His hair spilling over his shoulder and brushing the ginger’s almost begging Ichigo to undo the ponytail and run his hands through the strands. 

“Yer makin’ a face. What’re ya thinkin’ ‘bout?” the redhead asked and Ichigo shrugged.

“Nothing important” he said as he crossed his arms to rest on top of Renji’s. The redhead didn’t look like he bought the ginger’s attempt at hiding his thoughts, but he allowed the younger shinigami his privacy. Grateful, Ichigo leaned back into Renji’s chest, waiting for Grimmjow to finally get down to the basement. The ginger had agreed with the hollow on a fight, mostly because Zangetsu had been nagging him constantly, brought to the point of begging. He had gotten too used to fighting the evolved hollows and he wanted to go all-out again. Ichigo had agreed because if he was honest with himself, all this fighting without being able to let go was getting him on edge as well. Besides, it wasn’t like Grimmjow would ever refuse a spar.

When they sensed the hollow approach the basement, Renji gave the ginger’s hip a soft squeeze before stepping away. It wasn’t as if they were trying to hide it, but mainly because they weren’t exactly comfortable with PDA beyond a certain level. Grimmjow smirked at them for it, a teasing glint in his eyes as he stepped up to them.

“Don’t stop sucking face on my account” the arrancar said and Ichigo rolled with his eyes as he reached into his pocket where he had put Kon’s pill. Grimmjow had noticed the shift in their relationship the second they had re-joined the group during hanami, even before Rukia had, and he never let an opportunity to tease them pass by him. He hadn’t learned from his mistakes and Ichigo doubted he ever would. But then again, that was Grimmjow and he was already used to it.

“Just get out of your body and open a garganta, Grimm” the ginger said before tossing the pill in his mouth, feeling his body separate from his soul. The process had gotten faster over the years, something Ichigo wasn’t sure was usual or not. Urahara told him not to worry about it, but it wasn’t something that the ginger couldn’t not notice.

“You can open one too, right? Why do I have to do it?” Grimmjow asked and Ichigo shrugged as he watched the arrancar get out of his gigai, the empty shell falling dead on the ground like a bag off potatoes.

“Because I don’t feel like doing it” he said simple and Grimmjow rolled with his eyes. Ichigo turned to Kon as the arrancar took out his katana.

“If you seduce anyone, I’ll give you to Yuzu in her sewing class” he threatened and Kon saluted in Ichigo’s body.

“Got it, sir” he said though the young shinigami didn’t buy a single syllable of it. He would give the lion plush to Yuzu on Thursday, when her sewing group had their Lolita day. With a shake of his head, the ginger turned to the garganta Grimmjow opened, preparing to step through it.

“I’ll wait ‘ere fer ya” Renji said and Ichigo frowned at him.

“You’re not coming?” he asked and the older shinigami blinked confused.

“Ta Hueco Mundo?” he asked and Grimmjow glanced over his shoulder.

“You don’t need to if you don’t want to, but we need a timer or we’ll continue fighting for a few days” he said and Renji looked at Ichigo who merely regarded him, waiting for the redhead to either get out of his body or refuse. The older shinigami didn’t need any more prompting, quick to retrieve his gikon to pop the pill in his mouth. Ichigo turned away to step through the garganta behind Grimmjow as Renji followed after them, casting a glance back at where Kon draped his arm over the gikon occupying the redhead’s gigai.

“I don’t trust that smile” the older shinigami said as he watched the gate close. Ichigo looked back to see Kon waving at them with a smile on his face, giving the redhead a pitying look with hinted amusement.

“You shouldn’t either” he said and Renji grimaced at him, looking like he wanted to ask something but then deciding he didn’t want to anymore. It was probably better that way because not even Ichigo knew what Kon would do. He just knew it would piss him off enough to give the mod soul to his sister.

“So, where’re we goin’?” Renji asked as he looked around the monochrome desert instead, following after the two who knew their way. Or at least somewhat.

“Widow’s weep” the duo said unison, having agreed upon the location before. Renji frowned in confusion, clearly having forgotten that there were actual locations within Hueco Mundo. Still, he followed diligently, knowing he’d get lost if he lost sight of the two souls who actually had idea of where they were going.

“How long are we going for this time?” Ichigo asked and Grimmjow glanced at him before shrugging.

“I’ve got a date with Tatsuki tomorrow, so we need to finish before that” he said and Ichigo hummed as he looked up at the dark sky.

“So, three hours? Four, at most” he suggested and Grimmjow nodded.

“Sounds good. Then we can go see if those two need help afterwards” he said and Ichigo scoffed.

“They’ll only chase you away like last time” he said and Grimmjow grimaced but didn’t deny it. It was rather known that the bluenette tended to destroy the seals the two female arrancar placed, even if it was by accident. Last time Grimmjow had thought to help, he had broken the seal Neliel and Halibel had worked on for hours, just by getting close to it. In that moment, both women had looked like they were one thought away from killing the bluenette, so Ichigo had stepped in, hit the arrancar over the head and had proceeded to drag him away. He had a feeling both Neliel and Halibel would skewer Grimmjow just for thinking about lending them a hand again.  
Soon enough, dark grey peaks started to loom up in front of them, a large cluster of rocks one would easily be able to get lost in. There was no wind in Hueco Mundo, but the cries that bounced off the spikes made one believe there was. The pointed pillars grew larger and larger the closer they got, seeming to reach the sky when they stood at the foot of one of the pillars. Ichigo glanced at Renji who stared at the peaks with something akin to a mix awe and disgust.

“Tha’s fuckin’ creepy” he commented and the ginger snorted, patting the taller shinigami on his shoulder. He had thought the exact same thing when he first stumbled upon the place and he thought it even now.

“Why don’t you take a seat where you can find one and call it quits in 3 hours” he suggested and Renji scoffed, whacking the back of his head for ordering him around. He still followed the suggestion though, pushing off towards the ledge he saw in the middle of one of the peaks. When the ginger turned back to his opponent, he saw that Grimmjow had already drawn, waiting impatiently for Ichigo to do the same. The ginger couldn’t help but smirk as his fingers curled around the handles of his zanpakutos, one hot like a blazing fire and the other the ice that tried to cool it down. Usually, it was more successful, but that was when Ichigo himself wasn’t as eager to fight as Zangetsu, the harsh tingles shooting up his arm only egging him on further.

Grimmjow, as always, was just as pumped up, so it wasn’t really a surprise when their warm-up was shortened considerably compared to the somewhat calm way they usually started. But then again, what they considered calm probably wasn’t what other people imagined it to be. After all, if they were really calm in normal standards, it would have taken longer before they gave up on warming up. As if on some invisible sign, both fighters released their full powers as they jumped away from each other. Grimmjow landed in his feline form, his tail whipping around behind him as he dug his claws into the sand to stop himself from going any further back. Ichigo’s feet did the same, a horn growing from the side of his head, a thick red-line running down the side of his face, straight through his black turned eye.

The two shared a grin, both just as feral, before they pushed off again. The first crack appeared in the cast around Ichigo’s zanpakuto even before they clashed, unable to hold back all of the ginger’s erratic reiatsu. The young shinigami counter in his head with each clash they made. 5%. 10%. 15%. 20%. 25%. With every percent he added, a new crack appeared on the cast, threatening to break away. With every percent that was added, his grin widened, his anticipation making his blood boil. Maybe he was more of a battle-idiot than he tried to convince himself of, because when he felt Grimmjow charge a large cero, he decided not to counter it, instead letting his zanpakuto take the hit, speeding up the process of the cast breaking regardless of the fact that he was pushed back.

As the cast shattered, the chain jingled on the end of the hilt, goosebumps breaking out on his skin from the sound. He lifted the sword over his head, holding the large danger with both hands as he charged a getsuga, seeing Grimmjow curse as he jumped back. Apparently, he had forgotten the cast around Ichigo’s sword was a physical limiter on his powers that was released once it shattered. With the cast around his sword, the maximum he could use of his powers was 50, but with it off, he could choose how much he put in it. Judging by the cut in the ground of Hueco Mundo that grew wider the further deeper it went into Widow’s weep, he’d put in a fair amount. Grimmjow looked at the damage done to the desert next to his feet before directing his attention back to the ginger.

Instead of complaining, the arrancar started laughing, Ichigo following not even half a second later with a laugh that sounded entirely too much like his hollow’s. Tilting his head back, the ginger laughed full out, feeling the self-imposed chains fall from his limbs. In his distraction, Grimmjow, pushed off towards him in a flash. Ichigo abruptly stopped laughing as he raised his sword automatically despite having let his guard down, his grin remaining on his lips as his zanpakuto was knocked out of his hands. It mattered not to him, reaching out to grab the chain and pushing his reiatsu into it. Grimmjow gulped and ducked his head as Ichigo pulled on the chain, sending Zangetsu in a wide arch towards him. The blade barely passed over the bluenette’s head before the gran rey cero he had mixed into the getsuga took out the entire row of peaks on their side. Instead of this action making Grimmjow calm down and think that maybe, they were taking this too far, he only got more eager to fight.

Grimmjow had been insane from the beginning, but Ichigo was starting to question his own sanity.

The two were so into their fight, they never even heard Renji when he called out for them. It was only when he jumped in between them that they were able to stop. Barely, considering Zangetsu was planted in the sand right next to the redhead’s foot, a few tips of red hair fluttering to the ground, while Grimmjow’s claw was touching the shinigami’s sleeve where he had been able to stop his upwards slash that had been meant to take out Ichigo’s side regardless of the fact that he would have lost his other arm from shoulder down in the progress. Renji seemed a little at loss for words when two wide pairs of eyes stared at him, bloodied chests heaving with their raging breaths.

“Four ‘ours passed. I tried callin’ out but ya weren’t stoppin’” the older shinigami managed to say and it took a few seconds before his words were registered in Ichigo’s mind as something other than tones. His stance didn’t relax even as he released one hand off Zangetsu’s hilt to straighten up.

“Oh” was the only intelligent response he found, his hands trembling from pure, unadulterated adrenaline, making it impossible for him to feel any of his injuries. Half-way through the fight, he had decided his blut vene costed too much attention he preferred to focus on his attacks. The rush of the fight was enough to make him numb to the cuts he received, which were quite a lot when he looked down at himself, seeing half of his shihakusho ripped to shreds. Yeah, maybe they had overdone it a little.

“A lil’?!” Renji exclaimed, half amused – half mortified, as they walked back to the ginger’s house after passing by Orihime to get their injuries healed. Ichigo responded with a roll of his eyes as he dug into his pocket for his key when the clinic came in view. Honestly, by now, the redhead should be used to him getting injured.

“Ya two tore down half ‘f tha area” the older shinigami added before the smaller man could even reply, making the ginger averted his head, unable to argue with what he knew to be the truth. Okay, so there had been collateral damage, but what had he been expecting? Grimmjow had never been one to care for the damage they did to the area they fought in and it wasn’t like Ichigo could be bothered to care for his surroundings during a fight either. Besides, he knew Renji was perfectly capable of the same amount of destruction so he had no foot to stand on and scold them for being tearing up their surroundings.

“It’s been a while since I went all out. I let it get to my head a bit” he grumbled, still feeling the need to explain himself. He felt guilty, not because he had destroyed the area, but because he had let go of the harsh limitations he had placed on himself. And above all, he had let Renji see him out of control.

“I could tell” Renji said as he waited until Ichigo had unlocked the front-door of his house. The ginger breathed in deeply, his mind searching for a way to explain himself even when he knew he didn’t need to. Renji was just as much of a fighter as he was, he would understand. But because Ichigo really disliked to having himself in the hand, he felt the need to think of excuses. The arms that wrapped around his waist as he pulled off his shoes brought those thoughts to an abrupt halt even before he could form a complete sentence.

“’S been a while since I saw tha’ look on yer face” Renji said as he lowered his head so his mouth was closer to the ginger’s ear, his breathing brushing down the side of Ichigo’s neck.

“What look?” the younger male asked confused, ignoring the way his breathing had hitched as goose-flesh broke out on his skin where the redhead’s steady breathing was landing.

“Rememb’r tha first time we fought? When Kuchiki-Taichou ‘nd I came ta retrieve Rukia on false ord’rs?” the older shinigami asked and Ichigo almost scoffed. He would have, if he wasn’t so focussed on the redhead behind him.

“Yeah. How could I forget?” he asked and Renji hummed, sounding too deep to be amused as his nose brushed the ginger’s cheeks.

“Tha’ time, when ya start’d fightin’ me fer real, ya had this smile on yer face. It was cocky ‘nd blood-thirsty ‘nough ta grant ya a priority ticket ta th’ eleventh” he said and pressed his lips against the younger man’s cheek before dragging them softly towards his ear.

“It was pretty hot” he said and Ichigo couldn’t even begin to deny the way his breathing hitched, so sure that the redhead had heard it considering the hand on his hips tightened its grip momentarily before it released enough to allow Ichigo to turn around. Ichigo’s hand landed on the redhead’s grip, his gaze first finding the smirk on Renji’s lips before they rose to meet his smug-looking eyes. Obviously, he had heard Ichigo’s reaction, but the ginger wasn’t going to let the redhead believe he had that much effect on him. He had, though.

“Wow, didn’t take you for a masochist, getting excited when you were getting beaten up” he said and Renji barely suppressed a grimace as his arms wound around the ginger’s waist, pulling their bodies together.

“I was shocked, ‘kay? The’e suddn’ly was this foetus with this shit high reiatsu an’ big-ass sword. Took me ‘ff guard” he said and Ichigo licked his lips in to hide his amusement as he nodded his head with a hum.

“Uhu, sure. Whatever lets you sleep at night, Ren” he said, attempting to assure but failing to do so because of the tone in his voice that spoke of a withheld chuckle. Renji clicked with his tongue but was unable to his own smile.

“Ya lil’” he said as his hands shifted in a quick move to the back of Ichigo’s thighs to boost him up. If the ginger had known the older shinigami a little less, he would have yelped at that. He couldn’t deny being a bit surprised, but then again, it wasn’t entirely unexpected for Renji to do something like that. Automatically, Ichigo’s legs wrapped around the redhead’s waist, his arms coming around the inked neck to keep his balance, not that it was necessary with the taller man’s hand on the middle of his back, keeping their bodies together.

Ichigo easily responded when Renji connected their lips, making his way into the house. The ginger didn’t need to look to know where the redhead was going, but it was somewhat of a surprise that the older shinigami didn’t need to either. But then again, the redhead had spent enough time in the Kurosaki residence to be able to make his way upstairs to the ginger’s bedroom with his eyes closed. When his back landed against his door, his hand reached back to find the knob, pushing it down and allowing the redhead to enter his room with sure steps. It wasn’t the first time Renji was in his bedroom after they had gotten together, spending quite some time there to make out. The redhead had really taken to it and Ichigo would be lying if he said he wasn’t looking forward to it constantly. Renji never tried to take it any further than making out on his bed with carefully roaming hands, excusing himself to the bathroom whenever it got too much for him.

Ichigo was grateful that the redhead was being careful about this whole going slow thing, but he was a guy too. Just because he wasn’t too sure about going all the way yet, didn’t mean that he didn’t want to do anything. He got aroused like any other person with blood streaming through their veins, especially when he was making out with his boyfriend. He wasn’t asexual, just careful not to make any rushed decision. That didn’t mean he didn’t want Renji at all and the redhead was blind if he didn’t notice that.

The young shinigami exhaled somewhat shaky through his nose as their tongues met, brushing against each other as they drew closer together. Renji’s hands were on his hip and between his shoulder blades as the ginger was laying half on top of him, just to make it more comfortable for both of them. His own hands were resting in the nape of the redhead’s neck and his hip, his thumb following the line of his hipbone above his waistband. Renji’s hands on his body felt as if they were trying to burn through the fabric of his clothes, scorching his skin as if Ichigo’s body wasn’t already feeling hot, a fire rolling through his lower abdomen.

Every wet smack of their lips heightened the temperature of the blood streaming through his veins, settling mostly in his lower regions, leaving his fingers and toes to tingle as if they weren’t getting enough circulation. He had already given up on his head, spinning with lack of oxygen that he figured he didn’t really need anymore. Not when Renji’s lips were on hungrily on his and his hands finally started to move. Ichigo shivered against the redhead’s body when his hand trailed down his spine, a soft noise escaping through his nose because his mouth was too occupied, his lower lip captured by the older man’s teeth softly nipping at it. The ginger arched his back, pushing his chest into the redhead’s while moving his leg up over the taller shinigami’s when his hand travelled to the skinny jeans clad thigh.

Renji’s fingers spread wide before gripping down on the muscled yet somewhat pliant flesh underneath his palm, pushing his tongue back into the ginger’s mouth somewhat more forcefully. He pulled on the limb while twisting his body towards the younger man, growling in the back of his throat as Ichigo’s tongue danced with his, effortlessly keeping up with the redhead. A small noise resounded in the back of Ichigo’s throat when Renji hiked his thigh up to his hip, rolling them forward into the ginger’s pelvis. The slide of their hardened groined made them pull apart to inhale a rough breath, marking the point where Renji would start pulling away, afraid to take it too far. Ichigo didn’t want him to and he wasn’t going to let him either.

The lingering adrenaline of his previous fight made the young shinigami bolder than he usually was, his hand that had been on the redhead’s nape sliding further to curl his arm around broad shoulders, pulling the taller man with him as he rolled onto his back. The surprised noise escaping the redhead changed into a groan when Ichigo hooked his calf around the older shinigami’s lower back and rolled up his hips. He gained a response almost immediately, the grip on his thigh tightening as the lips on his own pressed down harder, hips grinding down harshly. With a breathy sound that bordered on being a moan, Ichigo rolled his hips upwards to meet the downward roll of Renji’s pelvis, the grinding of their arousals sending jolts up his spine. His hand that had been resting on the redhead’s hip slid up to his side before going to the middle of his back, feeling the muscles shift under his palm with every move before Renji seemed to regain some part of his rational mind, pulling away from the ginger’s lips.

“Ichigo” he said, the name falling off his lips in a low-voiced plea, yet Ichigo shook his head, his eyes opening half-way to look at the redhead, taking in the furrow in between tattooed eyebrows.

“It’s fine. I want it, just not all the way yet” the ginger admitted and Renji wetted his already moist lips as his dark eyes took in the younger man’s expression, as if to detect for lies or hints that he was forcing himself. When he found none, he dove down again, reconnecting their lips with enough force to bruise. His grip on Ichigo’s thigh tightened as his fingers dug into the flesh, pushing his hips down into the ginger’s before rolling them up in a dragged-out motion that earned a soft grunt from the younger man. Ichigo finally gave in to something he had been wanting to do, lowering his hands to the redhead’s hips to slip them bellow the shirt he wore, touching the scarred skin underneath. He felt a shiver run down the older man’s spine as his fingers mapped out the lines of his back, pushing the shirt upwards with his wrists.

Renji sat back on his heels, breaking almost every contact between them, much to Ichigo’s disappointment, something that disappeared when he watched the redhead reach over his head for the collar of his shirt. The ginger swallowed thickly, the temperature in the room raising another few degrees as Renji pulled his shirt over his head, as if it was hot enough in the room already. Ichigo’s eyes roamed down the inked skin placed on display, taking in every shift of the redhead’s muscles as he dropped the shirt carelessly. Large calloused hands reached for the ginger’s shirt, pushing the hem up to bare his chest as well. Ichigo leaned forward, helping the redhead with removing the garment so they were equal, cold air doing nothing to cool him down, growing even hotter as he watched the older shinigami stare, taking in every inch of slightly sweat-damp skin stretched over honed muscles in the same way Ichigo did.

The redhead studied him in silence for a while, observing the ginger’s heaving chest, the faint lines that were left by small insignificant cuts, the not-so-faint scars that had remained when he had been too stubborn to get healed. Ichigo’s leg twitched around the redhead’s lower back when he watched Renji’s eyes trail down to his cut abs, the bright-coloured yet thin treasure trail leading down to the waistband of his boxer-shorts but getting distracted by the black lines following the curve of his hipbones to disappear underneath the stretch-band of his underwear. Ichigo breathed in deeply as Renji reached out to touch the tattoo, tracing the henna inspired lines as they graced his skin, originating from his lower back. The ginger could see the question in the older shinigami’s eyes, knowing he wanted to ask him to turn around to study the main piece, but the erection he saw straining the front of Ichigo’s skinny jeans was more important at the moment.

The younger shinigami chocked on a surprised moan when Renji’s hand settled on top of his manhood, palming him through the fabric of his jeans. Arching his back off the bed slightly, he tilted his head back, baring his neck without breaking eye-contact with the redhead. His breathing was stuck in his throat as Renji placed his hand next to his head, leaning down to reconnect their lips with renewed hunger as he replaced his hand with his groin. Ichigo wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s shoulders, reaching up to remove the slightly damp red headband, discarding it together with the pin and tie holding the thick ponytail, letting the red locks cascade down the older shinigami’s back, allowing his fingers to run through them as Renji grinded his hips down in an attempt to distract him. Ichigo couldn’t deny that it was successful, his own hips pushing up to meet the sensual yet harsh roll of the redhead’s pelvis. Yet it wasn’t enough.

“More” he found himself breathing out the plea against the older shinigami’s lips, prompting the man to reach down between their bodies with a light growl. Ichigo felt his pants being unbuttoned more than he heard it, his head tilting back as Renji lowered his lips to his neck, pulling his hair over his shoulder so it wouldn’t cover the ginger’s face as he mouthed at the skin, sucking it into his mouth hard enough to leave a mark. Not wanting to be the only one on the receiving end of pleasure, the young shinigami followed Renji’s hand down, reaching for the closing of his pants. The redhead’s fingers twitched but he didn’t stop the smaller man from undoing his pants in the same way Renji had done. It was then that doubt surfaced in the ginger, his hand hovering over the redhead’s clothed manhood without knowing what to do, hating how his fingers trembled.

“’S okay” Renji said in a low voice against the ginger’s neck before raising his head to look at the younger man, taking his hand in his. Ichigo was just about to open his mouth, tell the redhead that he honestly wanted this, that he wasn’t pushing himself and that he didn’t need to be patronized, when the redhead guided his hand in the gap of between his zipper. The ginger’s breathing hitched at the heat that touched his palm, his eyes shooting down between their bodies to look at where his hand was pressed against Renji’s erection with only a thin border of fabric in between. He looked back up at the redhead, seeing the man nod in encouragement. Exhaling a shaky breath, Ichigo curled his fingers around the hard cock, moving his hand upwards in the same way he would do with himself.

“A lil’ hard’r. Ya won’ hurt me” Renji assured and the ginger licked his lips, his throat suddenly as dry as a desert as he followed the redhead’s instructions, earning a hitched breath from the older shinigami.

“Yea, jus’ like tha’” the redhead encouraged in a breathy voice, feeding Ichigo’s self-confidence into speeding up the tugs of his hand. The ginger’s thighs jumped when he felt Renji’s hand slip past the waistband of his pants unafraid, long fingers curling around the base of his cock in a way that had his breathing falter around a moan. He had been in this position before, where another person touched his manhood, but it still felt incredibly foreign. Hot, with just the right amount of grip, making his head tilt back and his lips part as the redhead’s hand started moving his fist up and down. His breathing picked up, falling in synch with the movements of Renji’s hand, hitching with ever flick of his wrist. It took a few seconds before he was brave enough to do the same, feeling the soft skin wrapped around the hard rod burn in his palm as he curled his fingers around the base of Renji’s cock, red curly hairs tickling the back of his digits.

Ichigo’s inexperience became obvious the further his mind was drowned in the pleasure he received, unable to keep up with returning the favour to Renji as his legs trembled, his hand faltering on the redhead’s arousal. However, the older shinigami had a clever way of solving this issue, bringing their erections together before wrapping his fingers around the both of them. The sensation of the redhead’s cock against his own in a firm grip had Ichigo’s back arch of the mattress slightly, reaching up to connect their lips despite the lack of air he was already suffering from. He moaned into the redhead’s mouth as the man started to move his hand, fisting their erections with a desperation that was mirrored in the way his tongue moved against the ginger’s before parting.

“’R Ya close?” Renji asked breathy and Ichigo couldn’t do anything other than nod to admit he was, even if it was quick. He couldn’t help the fact that he had no real experience with this, yet Renji didn’t seem to mind even in the slightest, resting his forehead against the ginger’s, slightly slippery with perspiration.

“Me too. God, ya drive me crazy” he admitted before connecting their lips again, his words earning a moan from the ginger, his grip tightening as his hips started to thrust into his fist. The sensation of their cocks sliding together, wet with pre-cum that had escaped, and the fist flying over their lengths, was enough for the practically-virgin to be brought to the edge.

“Re-Renji, I’m gonna cum” he said, his breathing hitching around his boyfriend’s name, his words earning a hum as the redhead lowered his lips to his ear.

“Come fer me, Ichi. I gotcha” he said and the sound of his breathy voice, low with lust so close to his ear was Ichigo’s undoing, chocking on a moan as his body convulsed soon enough for him to feel embarrassed, but he didn’t. Not when Renji hummed in appreciation, continuing to move his hand to both milk the younger man out and bring himself to completion. Ichigo shivered, rolling his hips through his orgasm as he breathed Renji’s name, finally reaching down to assist the older man. The redhead removed his hand to let the younger shinigami take over, the movement of his hand more confident and firm now that he had reached his climax and just wanted Renji to feel the same. The redhead wrapped his arm around the ginger’s shoulders, holding him close as he hummed, tightening his grip before climaxing with a grunt and a jolt of his body.

With the redhead’s weight pressing him down into the matrass in a way he didn’t hate, Ichigo regained his breathing and his senses, both in that order. He stared up at the ceiling without really seeing it, the arm that wasn’t trapped in between their bodies, resting in their mixed fluids, was wrapped loosely around the redhead’s back, enjoying their closeness as he felt Renji’s heart beat against his chest, slowly calming down.

“I expected you to talk more” Ichigo suddenly said and Renji snorted before lifting his head.

“Usually, I do. But I figur’d it’s scare ya off” he said but then smirked as he leaned down to brush his nose against the ginger’s, temping him with a featherlight touch of his lips.

“’Pparently, I forg’t ya get off ‘n my voice” he said and Ichigo glanced away. He should have never told him that, even if he was drunk. He should have known it would have gone to the older shinigami’s head. Renji’s finger settled underneath the younger man’s chin, moving it back so he could press their lips together languidly. Their kiss was interrupted by the redhead’s phone ringing in the pocket of his pants, alerting them about the presence of a hollow.

“Oh for god’s sake, when is it going to stop?” Ichigo complained as he let his head fall back with an exasperated sigh. Renji shared the sentiment, judging by the grimace on his face as he lifted his weight off the ginger’s smaller body.

“Soon, hop’fully. Neliel came by when ya were fightin’ Grimmjow ta say they seal’d up tha last traces” he said, the revelation making the ginger blink in confusion and mild shock. He hadn’t even noticed. He was jarred out of his thoughts by Renji slapping his thigh, reminding them they had a job to do and that they could cuddle when they finished. Ichigo didn’t say it out loud, but he was keeping the older shinigami to that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next update might take a few days because of a serious case of writer's block, but don't worry, I will ginish the story in the next two or three chapters.  
> Thank you for your understanding :)


	14. Next.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little late, but hopefully good enough for you to enjoy reading ^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer ;; I don't own anything but the story, the OCs and the grammar mistakes.

Whatever he had expected about, this wasn’t it. He had expected it to hurt, maybe. He had expected it to either go slow or fast. He had expected it to happen during a fight at the very least. Not because he had been hit by a car in a hit-and-run. In a grim way, it as amusing. The substitute shinigami who had been one of the biggest threats during the thousand year blood war, died not because of a huge fight but because one asshole or the other had decided it was a good idea to get behind the wheel of his car after drinking a few too many glasses.

The ginger looked at where his body lay on the sidewalk, covering a young teenager who had been out late with the group huddled shocked against the wall of the building, still outside in what was likely to be an act of rebellion against their parents. It took all but three counts after the car’s tail-lights had disappeared around the corner for the teenagers to start screaming. Two of them moved to pull their friend from underneath the ginger’s bleeding body while another pulled out her phone to call an ambulance. The girl Ichigo had managed to save was staring up at the dark evening sky, neat catatonic with shock. Ichigo was pleased to see she had only gotten a few scratches, all the blood on her clothes belonging to him.

He assessed his own injuries, taking in the skin that had been torn off half of his face, probably stuck to the grill of the car that had hit him. His arm was bend in an unnatural angle, his bone sticking out through his skin at his elbow. He as sure there was a whole list of internal damage, including broken ribs, a punctured lung and a bleeding in his brain. When of the teenagers felt at his body’s neck, he called out in a panic that he could no longer feel any pulse, not exactly a surprise to Ichigo. The sound of his phone drew the ginger’s attention away from the accident, reaching into his sleeve to take out the denreishinki, flipping it open to put it against his ear.

“Hello”

~ Kurosaki-san, your reiatsu disappeared entirely all of a sudden before it released completely. Did you break your badge again? ~

“Aa, that’s possible. I just died” the ginger said, pulling back the reiatsu he had unconsciously released, looking down on his own body. He hadn’t thought that to happen, but then again, it did make sense. The badge had acted as a suppressant for his reiatsu, a limiter so to say. But the badge had been designed and created for a substitute shinigami, not for a full-fledged one like Ichigo appeared to be, judging by the fact that he was wearing his shihakusho and not the standard white soul garb or his own clothing. He didn’t know whether it was because the badge had been broken or because he had died, but either way, it had stopped working. It would explain why he could sense the others rushing to his locations.

Renji, Grimmjow and Ulquiorra were first, no doubt haven gotten out of their gigai once they had sensed the full force of Ichigo’s reiatsu, believing there to be some serious trouble if it required the streets of Karakura to be flooded with all of his reiatsu. Well, he guessed dying did count as serious trouble. Or at least enough to shock the trio upon arrival, shutting them up even before they had said anything.

“You died” Ulquiorra said, stating the obvious as he looked up from the ginger’s body that one who had occupied that shell a few minutes before.

“Yeah, it looks like that, right” the young shinigami said as he placed his hands on his hips.

“My badge broke so it stopped acting as a limiter. I would suggest turning everyone away before they see this” he said before turning away himself. The trio didn’t need to be explained that Ichigo didn’t want the others to see him like that, even if it was only his body.

“What do we tell them?” Grimmjow asked and Ichigo regarded him before deciding.

“Tell them to meet up at Urahara’s shop. I’ll explain it to them later” he said, hoping that by then he would have one because he had no idea what was supposed to happen right now. He was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that his own body rejected him when he tried to enter it.

“Can’t Orihime heal ya?” Renji asked as he was unable to tear his eyes away from the ginger’s dead body.

“I got a call from the guys of the communication division, saying my reiatsu disappeared entirely for a moment and I’ve been dead before. Orihime can reverse injuries, not a stopped heart” he said before looking at his boyfriend.

“Besides, even if she managed to get my heart to work again, she would be too exhausted to deal with the fact that my body is braindead. And then I’m not talking about my punctured lung and my internal bleedings” he said and saw the redhead hide away his feelings behind a professional mask with every word that left his lips. He looked around, everywhere but at the ginger, seeing that Grimmjow and Ulquiorra had already left, leaving them alone. His jaw remained firmly clenched as Ichigo sighed before stepping up to him. As soon as he was close enough, Renji’s arms closed around him like a vice, almost suffocating him against a chest that resembled a wall. But Ichigo couldn’t complain, not when he buried his face in the redhead’s shoulder, clutching at the older shinigami’s shihakusho that covered his back. 

Ichigo wasn’t sure what he was supposed to feel at this moment, so he choose to feel numb, not even attempting to figure out what he should be feeling. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do now either, so he settled for answering the desperate kiss Renji forced onto him, both of his large hands cupping his cheeks as if he would disappear if he opened his eyes or pulled away. But he eventually did, resting his forehead against the ginger’s with a pained expression, his brows furrow.

“Ya have no idea wha’ it’s like ta see ya lying the’e” Renji breathed, his finger shaking and his palm sweaty yet cold, as if Ichigo needed any more proof of how much this had affected him. Ichigo closed his eyes, reaching up to press his lips against the older shinigami’s.

“Sorry. You shouldn’t have seen this” he said and Renji shook his head even when he said nothing to deny or confirm it, as if he himself wasn’t sure whether it was good or not for him to have seen it. His head rose when the siren of the ambulance resounded, the blue lights lighting up the street. Renji pulled Ichigo to the side to let the ambulance nurses pass, not willing to separate from the ginger as they watched the nurses kneel down next to the corpse and the girl covered in blood.

“Ah, hell. It’s Ichigo, Kurosaki Isshin’s son” the ambulance nurse cursed as he reached out to touch the body’s neck, clicking with his tongue when he felt no pulse.

“What? Seriously? Wasn’t he in med school to take over from his old man” the other nurse said as she turned to look at her partner in mild shock, watching him nod in confirmation.

“Somehow, it doesn’t surprise me that he… died protecting someone. He was that kind of guy” he said and Renji huffed as he looked at the ginger in his arms.

“Yea, I duno if I wanna hit ya fer tha’ ‘r not” he said and Ichigo looked up at him.

“I didn’t have time to think. I saw the car come and it veered dangerously. I just jumped in and blacked out. Before I knew it, I was looking down on myself. Hit-and-run from a drunk driver. At least the girl has only got a few scratches” he said and Renji shook his head at him.

“You and your stupid hero complex” he said but Ichigo didn’t take it as a scolding and certainly not as an insult.

“Let’s go. The others will be waiting and after dad gets this message, he’ll be there with Yuzu and Karin too” he said instead, stepping out of the redhead’s embrace and taking his hand to drag him away from the scene. It felt weird to leave his body behind, even when he had done so countless times before. There was just a certain finality to it, knowing it was now an empty shell, not even accepting his soul anymore. Lately, opposite to how easy he could get out his body, entering it again had been getting more difficult each time. Almost as if his soul had been destroying his body by forcing his amount of reiatsu into it and the car accident just was the final drop, his body sustaining too much damage to deal with his reiatsu again and rejecting him completely.

As expected, the entire group was already at Urahara’s shop, sitting uneasily at the round table that had gotten too small to seat them all. Ichigo was surprised to see Isshin and his sisters there already, but then again, it shouldn’t have. Isshin should have been able to sense how his reiatsu had changed and had been able to put two and two together. It seemed that Karin had as well, too sharp in moments like that. For some reason, Tatsuki, Mizuiro and Keigo were there as well, as if they had been called. Ichigo was still not used to seeing the human group look at him in his shinigami form even when he knew they were aware of everything. Renji squeezed his elbow in a form of support as the group looked expectant at him, Yuzu narrowing her eyes as if she was trying to focus on the same spot everyone was staring at.

“So, I died” Ichigo said, bringing the news like he was ripping off a bandage. Orihime gasped while the humans’ eyes widened in shock. Isshin closed his eyes as Urahara tilted his hat down over his eyes. Ishida pushed his glasses up while Chad merely regarded the ginger. Grimmjow and Ulquiorra remained stone faced, much colder about the whole dying thing because they were hollows. Ichigo could appreciate their realistic outlook on this, yet all his attention went to his younger sisters, seeing Yuzu look confused at the reactions that had happened to something she hadn’t heard and how Karin had turned her entire body away. At the first shake of her shoulders, Ichigo finally felt his heart break. He had crossed the room with a flash-step, instantly at her side.

“Hey, hey, hey” he said, wrapping his arms around the raven as she kept her head angled down.

“No need to cry. It’s okay. It’ll be okay, I promise” he said and Karin sniffed before turning around, wrapping her arms around her brother no matter how ridiculous it looked to Yuzu who could only see her brother’s faint outline. Ichigo placed his chin on the top of her head, swaying her from side to side in an attempt to comfort her. He glanced back at the table where he saw Grimmjow rub Tatsuki’s back, the judoka wiping below her eyes with the back of her hand. Orihime wasn’t doing much better and it confused the hell out of Yuzu who looked up at Isshin for an explanation. The man just gave her a smile that was unable to hide his own pain as he placed his hand on her shoulder, giving it a squeeze. Just from that, the blonde seemed to figure out what was happening. He expression went from confused to disbelieving in a split second before she shook her in denial, tears welling up in her wide eyes. Isshin seemed to break inside as he pulled his daughter into his chest while Urahara turned to Ichigo.

“How did it happen?” he asked and Ichigo refused to look back, not wanting the others to see his own moist eyes, his chest feeling like it was being torn apart as he heard his sisters cry.

“A hit-and-run with a drunk driver. That idiot was going to collide with a group of teenagers and I jumping in to cover one of the girls. The car must have hit me in the face because I was missing half of it, so dad, I’m going to need you to go and identify me. I don’t want Karin or Yuzu to see it” the ginger said hoping that holding Karin’s ear in his chest and covering the other with his hand would have been somewhat enough to muffle his voice. He was fine with her knowin what had happened but he didn’t want her to know what kind of state his body had been in. His father however, needed a warning before being called to the hospital to identify his body and there was no time to take him apart to do so considering he would be called very soon, once his body had been brought to the hospital and he had been pronounced dead.

“Did you see the driver’s plate?” Ishida asked and Ichigo looked back at him, reciting what he remembered.

“It’s the only car that has blood on it” Grimmjow said, only to be smacked in the chest by Tatsuki, earning a glare for his language that wasn’t even as blunt as the ginger had expected. The bluenette could have said that it was the only car with half a face in the grill. That would have been much worse but no less Grimmjow.

“Kurosaki-kun, you’ll have to leave soon” Urahara said carefully, his eyes shooting towards Yuzu who pressed further into her father’s chest. Karin tightened her grip on his shihakusho, almost as if to forcibly prevent him from removing himself. Ichigo gave the top of her head a troubled smile before practically dragging her over to where Yuzu was.

“I won’t leave entirely, you know” he said as he touched Yuzu’s upper back to get her attention. Isshin and Ichigo shared a look as the blonde immediately perked up, turning to hug him as she went by the faint outline she could see of him.

“I’m afraid that’s not up to you to decide” Urahara said and Ichigo scoffed as he held his two sisters against him.

“Then I’m afraid they’ll have to send the entire force Soul Society has to stop me” he said, sending a look back at the shop-owner that left no room for argument. He would take on every shinigami in Soul Society if that was what it took to keep tabs on his family to make sure they were okay.

“Look, I’m aware that I won’t be able to be here daily. I doubt Kyoraku-san will let me roam around freely like that. But that doesn’t mean that I’ll stay away from them” he said before turning to his sisters.

“I’ll come by as often as I can, I promise” he said before tightening his grip, a tell-tale sign that he was going to let go. Karin let go first, Yuzu after squeezing as hard as she could, sobbing all the while. He turned to look over his shoulder, seeing Tatsuki, Orihime and Keigo stare it him, expecting something yet not daring to ask. Ichigo sighed before turning towards the table.

“Okay, come on. Bring it in” he said defeated as he spread his arms, having them full before he had even finished his sentence. He might act like he was doing them a favour, but the opposite was proven in the way he tightened his grip on them. The sound of Renji’s denreishinki ringing loudly in the sleeve of his shihakusho had most people in the room tense up. Nobody needed to be told why he was being contacted.

“Ichi” the older shinigami said, a trouble tone in his voice. Ichigo took a shaky breath, knowing it was time to go. Everyone had to go to Soul Society when they died and he was no exception. If anything, in his case, it was even more so. He wasn’t just any other soul, he was a substitute shinigami who knew enough about Soul Society to know he needed to be placed in a squad ASAP. He had a pretty good guess he’d be put in the eleventh. Or maybe anywhere but with those battle-idiots, to prevent Seireitei from being destroyed. There was not enough money in this universe and the next one to pay for all the reconstruction Ichigo in the eleventh would require.  
Bit to know in what squad he would be put in, he first needed to say goodbye to his life on earth. Something that was rather hard to do when his sisters were clinging to him again, refusing to let go.

“I promise to come by as soon as I can, as often as I can” Ichigo promised, looking at his father for help. The man pushed off from the wall he had been leaning against, prying the tins from their older brother with a carefully blank expression. The ginger barely managed to smile before turning away from them.

“Let’s go, before they decide to send someone to see what’s taking so long” he said as he looked at the redheaded shinigami who looked like he wanted to say something that would allow the ginger to take a little more time. But that was not what Ichigo wanted. He wasn’t sure he would be able to go if he stayed any longer, listening to his sisters crying. Renji bit down on his tongue as he averted his eyes, respecting the limit of what the ginger could take.

“I’ll open a gate” Urahara said in a solemn tone, earning a nod from the young shinigami. He was unsurprised as the group followed them to the basement, unwilling not to see him off. Renji stood next to the ginger, his hand twitching as if he wanted to reach out to do something, anything, to give the younger male even a hint of comfort. Not that anything would comfort Ichigo in this situation, but he did appreciate the attempt even when Renji knew better than to make a move. Ichigo’s fingers trembled as he watched the gate open, held open by Tessai and Urahara who looked at the ginger expectantly yet with a hint of sadness, if it could even be called that when Ichigo didn’t acknowledge it.

“See ya, guys” the young shinigami said, hoping his tone was light enough to fool everyone, before he stepped through the portal without taking even a breath to steel himself, let alone take a last glance over his shoulder. He knew that if he did, he would end up returning to his family in order to stop both their hearts as well as his own from cracking. His lower lip trembled along with his hands, making him press his lips against each other to stiffen it, keeping his gaze on the butterfly leading the way. Once they were sure the gate was closed behind them, Renji reached out to touch his arm, bringing him to a halt.

“Ya okay?” the redhead asked in a carefully soft voice, proof of how out of depth he was. Not that Ichigo was any better, finally taking that much needed deep breath, though it sounded a lot shakier than he had hoped.

“No” he found himself saying honestly, not even turning his gaze to his boyfriend, keeping it trained on the butterfly as if it would prevent him from breaking.

“I just don’t want to think about it. Not yet” he added and Renji clicked with his tongue before pulling the ginger closer. Despite the younger man’s resistance, the taller shinigami wasn’t having any of it, leaving Ichigo unable to do anything but cling to him. The ginger buried his face in the redhead’s shoulder, his fists clenched in the black fabric covering his boyfriend’s back as he bit down on his lip, so hard he was drawing blood. He didn’t want to cry. He wasn’t going to cry. This wasn’t goodbye. He had no intention of never going back to see his family and if anyone had a problem with that, they could say it straight to his face and hope they would survive it. Ichigo had no doubt about that.

He just hadn’t expected to take his own death this hard. Not when it had already happened twice before. But then again, it was impossible for a person to get used to dying, and he was no different. Both times, he had been brought back to life. But he was no cat, and his lives had been used up. However, he wasn’t dead yet. He was for the world, but not for him, and not for his family. He just wouldn’t be around as often and Yuzu would have trouble seeing him. Maybe, after a while, both his sisters would stop being able to see or sense him all together, but that was just something he would need to get used to. That was for everyone the same, including him. Stubbornness wasn’t going to be able to turn back the clock to before he had jumped in to save the teenaged girl. And even if it turned back, he doubted he would just stand at the side. 

That just wasn’t him, and it would never be. He was not someone to stop and overthink his actions. He would just need to the same now. Mourning his own death wasn’t going to change anything and it certainly wasn’t going to get him back with his family and friends. The only thing that would be able to do that was getting a place in the ranks and getting assigned to Karakura. He doubted he would be assigned there considering his connections with the place and the people who lived there, but if they really wanted to stop him from seeing his family, they would need to come with the likes of Ywach to stop him. 

And even then.

“I’m good” Ichigo said into the redhead’s shoulder and it wasn’t a lie. He raised his head and moved back, the redhead’s hands falling to his waist and remaining there to prevent the ginger from pulling away any further as they regarded each other. Renji’s gaze searched the young shinigami’s expression for traces of a lie or even fake bravery, still unsure even when he found none.

“Ya sure?” he asked and Ichigo nodded.

“Nothing will change if I keep moping around. I’ll be better, but for now, I’m good. As long as I don’t sit still” he said and Renji remained silent for a few seconds before sighing softly. He would give the ginger the benefit of the doubt, nodding his head to acknowledge his statement. Carefully, as if he was afraid for rejection, he leaned down to press his lips against the ginger’s, relaxing only when the smaller male pressed back into the touch. His bottom lip as capture in between the redhead’s before it was released, only for the connection to be chased again. A few more kisses followed before Renji pulled back, resting his forehead against the ginger’s before pulling back entirely.

“Le’s go” he said as he turned toward the end of the dangai, keeping his gaze on the younger shinigami. Ichigo gave a hum, stepping up next to the taller male as his fingers unconsciously found both his zanpakuto’s, drawing comfort from touching the blades, feeling their energy vibrate underneath his fingertips. There was no turning back anymore, but he didn’t want to either. Besides, the only open gate the dangai had was the one in Seireitei, the other long closed off. 

Renji went in front, passing through the gates into Seireitei first, the younger man following behind him after a second of doubt. It felt different, somehow. He had passed through the gates often enough to be used to the change of air, yet knowing that he passed through them for good, that he wouldn’t be going back to the life he had known, made everything different. Unfamiliar, almost, if it hadn’t been for the familiar faces of the shinigami he had befriended standing in half a circle around the gate. Their carefully blank faces made it a solemn welcome, but it felt comforting none the less, bringing a smile to Ichigo’s face, no matter how small it was.  
Rukia was the first one to move, bridging the distance between them before anyone could say something. Her arms wrapped around the ginger’s waist, burying her nose between his pecs. Ichigo released a breath he hadn’t known he had been holding as he returned her embrace, resting his chin on top of her head.

“You’ll be fine” she said into his chest, not caring about the fact that she might be breaking a few protocols with this display of friendly affection.

“I know” the ginger answered honestly, genuinely believing that he would indeed be fine. Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow. Maybe it would require more than a few drinks over the coming weeks, but he would be fine, eventually. He refused to believe anything else.

“Kurosaki-kun” Kyoraku called out carefully, making Rukia and Ichigo separate to turn to him.

“We have prepared a room for you to stay in and recover before we decide which divi-”

“No” the ginger said, cutting off whatever the older shinigami had been about to say without remorse. He could guess what the suggestion would have been and no matter how much he appreciated the sentiment, the last thing he wanted to do was nothing.

“I don’t want to sit still. Just put me in a division and let me work. The sooner I get used to it” the sooner I’ll feel comfortable. The sooner I’ll forget about the human life I’ve left behind. The sooner I’ll feel at home. The message didn’t need to be voiced aloud to be conveyed.

“See? I told you he’d be like this” Kenpachi said, his arms crossed in front of his chest, a displeased expression on his scarred face.

“Just give him his badge instead of all this crap” he added, making Ichigo frown. Badge? What the hell was he talking about?

“What? you didn’t think you’d be made a simple officer, right?” the barbaric shinigami captain asked, sounding somewhat sarcastic as he regarded the younger shinigami. Ichigo recognized the look as the one he always gave Keigo when the other was being stupid again. The ginger never realized how unsettling it was to be on the receiving end of that same look.

“Why not?” he asked, the look he was receiving making him go on the defence.

“He’s right, Kurosaki-kun” Kyoraku spoke up, getting the ginger’s attention in an attempt to prevent the two battle-idiots with the power to destroy Seireitei from clashing.

“Your powers are too vast to pass as a regular officer” the so-taicho added before Shinji cut in with a lazy expression that seemed to be the face he was born with.

“That’s why we’re all here, to acknowledge the appointing of the 13th Lieutenant” he said and Ichigo scanned the familiar faces of the captains and their Lieutenants, watching him and awaiting his reaction. Ichigo doubted it was the reaction they had expected.

“No” he said, startling the shinigami that had gathered. Or at least a few of them.

“No?” Soi-fon parroted confused but with the sharp edge to her voice they were used to from her.

“Why would I get a position like that without doing anything?” Ichigo replied as he stubbornly crossed his arms in front of his chest. His statement earned a roll of Rukia, Renji and Ikkaku’s eyes while Kensei shook his head with a scoff.

“You’re so obstinate about the stupidest things” he said, earning an agreeing nod from the two shinigami closest to the ginger. Ichigo scoffed as he cocked his hip, shifting his weight onto one foot.

“So what? The only reason I’m even getting the position is because no-one else can take Rukia’s abuse” he pointed out and said raven gave a perfect example of the mentioned abuse by smacking the ginger’s arm, hard. Ichigo hissed as he rubbed his attacked arm under Rukia’s glare and a few chuckles, returning the raven’s sharp look with one of his own.

“Why don’t we just do a test?” Kira spoke up before Rukia and Ichigo could start bickering, looking somewhat hesitantly under the attention he drew to himself. He raised a hand to scratch the back of his neck, but stopped mid-way, moving both his hands behind his back.

“If all the captains or Lieutenants test him, Kurosaki-kun will have no choice but to accept the position, right?” he suggested before sending a look at the shinigami in question. Ichigo regarded him, thinking about it. But before he could agree or refuse, Kenpachi’s face split up with a grin. One that was all too familiar and had the ginger’s muscles tense in preparation.

“I’ll test his battle-skills” the raven said as he stepped forward all too eagerly. Ichigo’s fingers started to tingle, shifting his gaze from the 11th captain to the 6th captain as he too stepped forward.

“I’ll test his proficiency in Kido” Byakuya said with closed eyes, his position rigid like the stick up his ass. But that was not something Ichigo would say out loud. He didn’t want to be chased around by Senbonzakura at this moment.

“I’ll take his Hakuda test” Kensei he said, a mop of green popping out from behind him with a grin.

“I’ll help!” Mashiro added and Ichigo was already trying to figure out a way how to survive whatever this test was. At this point, he suspected all of them just wanted to see him suffer. Kenpachi was always up for a fight, whether he had a reason or not. Byakuya was likely still holding a grudge against the ginger for one, defeating him and two, always calling him by his name. Kensei had good intentions, probably, while Mashiro was a dim-witted sadist. It actually shouldn’t surprise Ichigo in the least that these were the ones to step forward.

“Kurosaki-kun, do you agree to take the test?” Kyoraku asked and Ichigo looked at the older shinigami before sighing soft.

“I doubt Kenpachi will allow me to refuse if it means he won’t get to fight me all out without getting charged for the repairs” he said and the man in question snickered, producing his zanpakuto seemingly out of nowhere. Maybe the stick up Byakuya’s ass was the sheath and he stored it there? But once again, another thing Ichigo wasn’t going to voice. He didn’t need to fuel the royal’s grudge any more than he already had. He was supposed to be living in the same universe with the man, not to mention he would like to see his boyfriend without getting attacked on sight by the redhead’s superior.

“Very well. We’ll have a qualifying test to see if you are fitting of the position of 13th Lieutenant. If you manage to satisfy the captains testing you, you will be granted the position. If you don’t manage to win their favour, you will be given a seat in one of the squads” Kyoraku said and Ichigo looked at him with a furrow between his brows.

“You know, I can just throw every test considering I refused once, right?” he pointed out, but the reaction was instantly.

“You won’t” was voiced by every shinigami gathered around him with a certainty that didn’t leave any space for denial or argument.

“As if you’d ever purposely lose” Rukia said amused as she looked up at him from the corner of her eyes in a way only she could do, getting under the ginger’s skin without even trying.

“Have ya met ya?” Renji asked with a scoff and the youngest shinigami looked up at his boyfriend, parting his mouth to say something, only to snap it back closed, finding not a single argument to deny his competitiveness. Yeah, he wasn’t throwing any match. Just the idea of it had his lips press together in a thin line in displeasure, everything inside him protesting against it.

“So, when is this test?” Ichigo asked and felt a tingle run down his spine. His head whipped to the side, his hands automatically closing around Zangetsu’s hilt over his shoulder to draw him, holding back the chipped blade going for his head in a down-ward slash, as if trying to cleave him cleanly through the middle.

“Now” Kenpachi said, as if that even needed to be said. Ichigo clicked with his tongue, but was glad he hadn’t been caught off guard. He wrapped his other hand around the old man’s hilt, drawing him with a swipe at the captain’s abdomen, cutting through the fabric of his both his haori and his shihakusho, before jumping back to put space between them. Of course, considering he was fighting Kenpachi, putting space between them to assess the battle was impossible for not even half a second later, the older shinigami was back into Ichigo’s personal space, all wide-grinned and zanpakuto crying out for battle.

It didn’t take long before Ichigo’s temper got the best of him, two completely different temperatures in his arms. But then again, it wasn’t exactly unexpected considering the ginger was just as eager to fight as Kenpachi was, despite that he didn’t show it on his face. About 3/4th into the fight that could have lasted for hours on end, Byakuya interrupted the fight by firing a byakurai at the ginger. Ichigo’s feet skidded over the ground as Kenpachi send the Royal a disgusted look as if he was seconds away from cutting his fellow captain up. He probably was, knowing the head of the 11th.

“Remember that we are having a test at this moment. You can play around later” Byakuya said, regardless of the killing intent that was focussed on him for getting in Kenpachi’s way. Before either of the two shinigami could say something, Byakuya fired another kido at the ginger, making him jump back, putting his zanpakuto’s back in place to have his hands free to engage the 6th captain in a kido show-down. Ichigo found himself grateful for the raven to have cut in so early in the fight, leaving him barely winded and with enough energy to counter the man.

In the back of his mind, he made a note to thank Tessai for the spartan training he had given him in Kido before he had died, allowing him to match Byakuya who was unashamed to use harder spells. Ichigo called up the Danku barrier against Byakuya’s soren sokatsui, not pausing a single second to retaliate with a raikoho, leaving behind the incantation which he had been using up until now. Using the opportunity a startled Byakuya presented, Ichigo continued, following up with a rukujokoro. Like he expected, the captain recovered fast, dodging the kido, exactly like Ichigo predicted.

“Bakudo # Hyapporankan” the ginger casted, producing a pastel purple bar in his hands, throwing it at the wide-eyed raven from so close he wouldn’t have any time to dodge as the bars multiplied. The chill running down the young shinigami’s spine made him produce another bar, holding it over his back to connect with Mashiro’s shin to stop the kick she sent at his head. His gaze met the greenette’s almost owlishly innocent eyes before he turned the rod around, stabbing it though her shoulder. His attention shifted to the white-haired captain coming towards him from the front.

Moving his torso down, he dodged the strike Kensei sent towards his chest while simultaneously bringing his foot up to kick Mashiro in the stomach. Kensei remained unimpressed, bringing his elbow down while lifting his knee, hitting Ichigo’s biceps that protected his skull from being crushed. The 9th captain still hadn’t learned how to hold back while Mashiro had on her mask before she even realized it. Ichigo’s body responded to the threat of both hand-to-hand combatants, thanking his fights with Grimmjow that had made him unexpected agile and flexible, bending in spine-cracking angles to avoid hits that would kill him if they made contact.

It took longer than Ichigo had expected for him to be sprawled out on the ground of Seireitei, his limbs spread eagle as he struggled to catch his breath. Two familiar figures hovered over him, both smiling at him as if he wasn’t on the edge of passing out. Facing four insanely strong people one after the other was bordering suicidal, but it did grant him the badge Rukia dropped onto his chest. Ichigo couldn’t help but scoff out an amused breath, closing his eyes as he shook his head.


	15. Outcome.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter and I decided to end it with smut, but it's been a while since I wrote anything sexual, so please bear with me :)  
> I hope you enjoy! ^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer ;; I still don't own anything but the story, the OCs and the grammar mistakes. :)

Ichigo didn’t go to his own funeral. Whether it was because he didn’t want to or because he was just too swamped with paperwork, Renji was unsure. He had asked the ginger if he wanted to go, but the young shinigami had brushed it off distractedly. The redhead had gone alone, feeling like he had to do it, for both himself and Ichigo. His presence hadn’t raised any eyebrows, though most of them had asked where Ichigo was. Renji had explained that the ginger was still busy getting worked into his position as Lieutenant of the 13th division but had promised that he would visit as soon as he could.

The ceremony had been simple and not even as sad as the redhead had expected. But then again, that made sense considering everyone of importance that was presence knew Ichigo was still very much alive, only no longer around them. They knew he would come to visit, thus they weren’t exactly crying or sad. Just melanchonic.

Renji returned to Seireitei soon after the ceremony, his head reeling from all the stories he had been told, that he was supposed to relay to the ginger. There were two letters in his hand, both belonging to the young shinigami’s sisters that Isshin had given him to give to Ichigo. All to remind the young Lieutenant that he wasn’t forgotten. It was a fond gesture the redhead was sure his boyfriend would be able to appreciate once he could stop working for a second.

He paused in his tracks, sensing a familiar reiatsu in his private quarters in the 6th barracks. It was suppressed, but never completely. It was practically impossible to completely hide a reiatsu that powerful, even with a limiter. But Renji had to admit the ginger was doing better already, compared to the first few days in which he tended to forget that he was supposed to conceal his reiatsu himself. Renji knew Rukia was thinking of buying the ginger a reiatsu suppressor like Kenpachi’s eyepatch, but wanted to let him try for a little while longer on his own.

“Ya escap’d fr’m tha desk, huh” Renji said as he opened the door to his quarters, finding his boyfriend sitting at the low wooden table in his living area. He raised an eyebrow at the bandages that were lying on the table, waiting to be wrapped around the bleeding cuts decorating Ichigo’s torso, his tops left hanging around his waist, baring his upper body.

“Escaped Kenpachi is more like it” Ichigo corrected as Renji closed the door behind him, walking further into his living quarters.

“He fin’lly had ‘nough ‘f waitin’?” he asked and Ichigo scoffed, finishing up wrapping his fore-arm.

“More like Kyoraku ordered me to help him get his bankai under control” he said before biting down on one corner of the end of the bandage, ripping it in two in order to knot it.

“Ikkaku and Yumichika didn’t look that much better, so my pride isn’t even dented. Honestly, that man is nuts” he said and Renji reached out to pick up a second roll, sitting down behind his boyfriend. His eyes trailed down the ink decorating the ginger’s lower back, but tore his eyes away, having more pressing matters at hand.

“Ya only notic’d now?” he asked, inspecting the cut on the shoulder-blade in front of him, contemplating whether to send him to the fourth to get stitches, which it actually needed considering how deep it was, or to just wrap it up. Knowing Ichigo, it was the second option. Maybe he should start keeping the needed material to stitch up a wound in his first aid kit?

“Nah, not really” Ichigo said, lifting his arms to allow the redhead to move the bandage around his chest and shoulder.

“What’re those?” the ginger asked after a short silence, his gaze locked on the two envelopes. Renji tucked in the end of the bandage, making sure it wouldn’t move any time soon before following his line of gaze.

“They’re lett’rs fer ya. From Karin an’ Yuzu” he said and Ichigo tensed slightly before reaching out for the envelops. He leaned back into the redhead’s chest as he opened the first one, remaining silent as his eyes scanned the contents slowly, taking in every letter with the uttermost importance. A smile started curling up the corner of his lips, relaxing into Renji’s chest. The older shinigami stomped down his curiosity as he wrapped his arms loosely around the ginger’s waist, resting his chin on top of the orange mop of hair, waiting patiently until the younger male finished reading both letters.

“Oh jeezes, dad started attacking Karin to wake her up” Ichigo said, his laugh audible in his voice as he shook his head fondly. Renji looked down, or at least attempted to, tilting his head toward the ginger, watching him fold up the letters and put them back into their envelopes.

“Ar’ya okay?” the redhead asked and Ichigo huffed, somewhat put off even when he remained lacks in his boyfriend’s arms.

“You know, everyone’s asking me that. They don’t even have to say it out loud. I can tell from just the way they look at me” he said and Renji looked away, aware of the way he looked at the younger shinigami. He just never thought Ichigo would notice, let alone for others to look at him like that. As if he was a fragile crystal glass that balanced dangerously on the edge of the table, threatening to tip over and shatter into thousand irreparable pieces on the ground.

“I’m better now than I was before” Ichigo admitted, playing with the corner of the knotted bandage, already irritated by the fabric around his wound.

“Work keeps my head busy, but it’s not like I refuse to accept what happens by distracting myself with work. It was like that at first, yeah, but I can’t control my thoughts right before I fall asleep. I have accepted the fact that I’m dead, but I’m not really, am I? I’m just not living on earth, but in Seireitei” he said and Renji pulled the ginger’s hand away from his bandage.

“I might not be around my family anymore, but I can still go when they’re in danger. It’s the same as if I would have moved out of the house to a different district” Ichigo said and shrugged.

“Or at least something like that” he said before looking up at the redhead.

“I’m fine, really. Stop worrying about me. It gets on my nerves” he said and Renji scoffed amused. He should have known the ginger would react like this to people worrying over him. But then again, there was part of him that couldn’t just stop worrying. It wasn’t like there was a switch he could just flip, even if he wanted to. He knew how important his family was to Ichigo and they weren’t the only ones who had lost something. Just like they had lost the ginger, the young shinigami had lost them as well. Some people tended to forget that, especially because the ginger didn’t show anything about what he was feeling. But those who knew how much his family meant to Ichigo, were the ones who couldn’t help but worry over him.

Renji’s thoughts were brought to a halt by the touch of lips against his own, dragging him out of his reverie. Of course, the redhead wasn’t going to leave his boyfriend hanging, responding to the kiss by pressing back into the ginger’s lips, his arms tightening around his muscled but surprisingly slim waist. The press of lips turned into a few languid pecks before they parted, looking at each other with different emotions. Renji’s worrying eyes were locked with Ichigo’s fond, but slightly irked orbs as he raised his hand to push on the furrow between inked brows.

“Stop worrying. I’m fine. Trust me” he said and Renji regarded him before sighing with his eyes closed.

“It doesn’t ‘ave an on ‘nd off switch, Ichi” he said while tightening his arms around the smaller male. A silence followed after his statement, making him open his eyes curiously as to why Ichigo wasn’t reacting. He had expected to see the ginger’s irked face, not a thoughtfully, yet somewhat shy expression on his face. Renji wondered if the mood had switched only for him, or if Ichigo was feeling the same thing.

“What if I distracted you?” he asked and Renji’s fingers twitched, wondering if he got the innuendo wrong or if he was reading too much into the younger man’s suggestion. Renji wasn’t used to not getting around and he was getting deprived despite his best efforts to have enough with what his boyfriend was comfortable with. Maybe his mind was catching up with him, reading too much into everything that could be taken remotely sexual. He knew Ichigo wasn’t as sexually oriented as he was, therefor he was holding back, not wanting to scare the ginger off. They hadn’t done anything but kissing and cuddling after that time they had gotten off together. And while it was nice and all, Renji wanted more. He wanted everything, but not if it scared Ichigo off.

Once again, Renji’s thoughts were slowed by lips pressing against his own. Automatically, his arms tightened around the ginger’s waist as he responded. His lips captured the younger man’s lower lip, tilting his head slightly to get a better angle. The moulding of their lips was languid, unrushed but with a nervous edge to it on Ichigo’s side. Renji had an inkling as to why the ginger could be nervous but desperately tried to supress it. It happened quite often that he got too into it and was stuck with a tête a tête with his hand. He never wanted to show Ichigo how disappointed he was whenever he was forced to go to a separate room to deal with himself, but it was getting harder and harder.

He still wanted to go slow and do this whole thing on Ichigo’s tempo, but his self-control as severely tested every time he merely saw the ginger. However, the way Ichigo’s lips moved against his, could hardly be called slow anymore. Renji loosened his grip as the younger shinigami moved to sit on his knees, turning around in his hold to face him. The redhead’s heart was beating in his ears as calloused, slender fingers landed in the nape of his neck, his breathing stuttering when Ichigo’s weight settled into his lap. Renji’s hand landed on the ginger’s hips on muscle memory more than anything, but the young shinigami didn’t seem to mind.

Renji started getting somewhat light-headed, his self-controlling slipping more and more with every stroke of the ginger’s tongue, every soft noise travelling from mouth to mouth where they were connected. Ichigo’s hands in the back of his neck inched upwards, his fingers finding the black stick and hair-tie securing his ponytail, removing it so the red locks cascaded down the redhead’s back. Renji felt the same fingers move through the strands, his breathing hitching as slim digits got stuck in a few knots, accidentally tugging hard enough to send a chill down the redhead’s spine. The older shinigami doubted it was accidental when Ichigo fisted his hands, giving a deliberate tug on the strands that was a little harder, earning a soft groan from the taller male.

Renji’s fingers twitched on the ginger’s hips before boldly moving them upwards, high enough so he could touch the younger shinigami’s skin directly. Ichigo’s stomach hollowed at the initial contact before his back arched into the touch, effectively rolling his hips down into the redhead’s pelvis. Something dangerously carnal rose its head inside the older shinigami as he felt the younger man’s growing arousal grind down into his own, but he pushed it away in fear of going too fast. However, he deemed it okay to continue a little longer, to wait and see how far the ginger was willing to take this.

His hands roamed up Ichigo’s chest as their tongues continued to tangle together. If he would have is free, he would have clicked with it at the bandages that were wrapped around the ginger’s torso, preventing direct skin to skin contact. But that didn’t stop him for long, his thumbs effortlessly finding the smaller male’s nipples through the fabric. Ichigo’s breathing hitched against the redhead’s lips, separating them and allowing the older shinigami the opportunity to trail his wet lips down to the lightly suntanned skin of the ginger’s neck.

Ichigo’s hands remained in the red locks between his fingers as Renji’s lips attached themselves to his neck, his breathing slightly laboured as the redhead prepped the skin with kisses. A jolt ran through the ginger’s body as Renji pressed his tongue against the skin before sucking hard. The jolt transformed into a soft groan when his thumbs flicked the erected nubs underneath the bandages covering them. The older shinigami continued to suck until his tongue hurt, giving a last nip at the skin before pulled away with a pop to regard his masterpiece. Slightly hazy brown eyes looked at him as he stared smugly at the dark purple circle contrasting with the ginger’s skin. Without stopping his thumbs from teasing the younger man’s chest, he attached his lips to the slender neck in front of him once more.

The ginger’s inhaled shakily as the redhead nipped at his throat before brushing his lips down to his protruding collarbones, placing another mark but one that less intense, yet no less obvious. Ichigo’s breathing hitched as Renji’s tongue dipped into his suprasternal notch, swirling around before nipping lightly at the end of the ginger’s collarbone. The redhead’s hands finally moved, shifting to the younger shinigami’s arched back to support him as he lowered his lips even further. The new angle brought their groins closer together and allowed the redhead to lavish attention to the ginger’s chest.

He started with the uncovered part of the younger man’s chest, the skin between his collarbones and part of his pectorals. His half-lidded narrow eyes watched mark after mark bloom on the smaller male’s skin, each one a stroke to the possessive side of his ego. The fact that Ichigo wasn’t stopping him only encouraged him, feeding on the small noises that slipped past the younger man’s guard. He nipped at the skin right above the bandage when the ginger tugged on his head, making the older shinigami move his attention up to his face. A deep, lustful longing made his chest feel tight as he took in the ginger’s flushed cheeks and slightly sweater brows, his chest heaving a little as he regarded the redhead. Only, the look in his eyes made the older man pause. He didn’t look scared, but not comfortable either.

“How much hickeys are you going to place, idiot?” Ichigo asked, his voice somewhat shaky, hidden so well, it could be blamed on his sped-up breathing. Renji looked down to the marked skin and tilted his head, deciding to test the ginger a little.

“I waz thinkin’ f’ a couple more” he admitted and moved his hands again, trusting the younger shinigami to hold himself steady with his arms around the redhead’s shoulders as his hands travelled to the ginger’s chest again.

“’Ere” he said as he circled his thumb around the smaller male’s nipples, earning a jolt so soft he could have imagined it. But looking at Ichigo’s expression, he hadn’t. Holding eye-contact, Renji moved his hands again, shifting them towards bared hips.

“’Ere” he repeated, his voice a little deeper as his thumbs circled the inside of the ginger’s hipbones, right above the folded fabric where his shihakusho was bunched up, regardless of the ink that was already there. Ichigo’s hips bucked up into the touch as if tickle-ish, biting down on his lip as Renji smirked. He had already found out about that particular spot, but he had mostly stayed away from it in order not to make the ginger uncomfortable. That was anything but what he saw on the younger man’s face. Ichigo swallowed thickly as Renji’s hands roamed a little lower, feeling up his thighs. The redhead squeezed the firm muscle underneath his palms as he   
moved back up from knee to groin, stopping right before his thumb could get close enough to the ginger’s manhood to touch it.

“An ‘ere” Renji said after a moment of silence, letting the anticipation build before he circled his thumbs as he spoke, barely brushing the bulge tenting inside the younger shinigami’s hakama. The soft whine was cut off in the back of Ichigo’s throat, but the smaller male couldn’t stop his thighs from twitching in response.

“But ya seem scar’d, so I won’ do’it” the redhead said and a look of disappointment flashed across the ginger’s face before he averted his head.

“’M not scared” he denied but Renji shook his head despite how his hands remained on Ichigo’s upper thighs, not having any intention of moving yet.

“Yer sca’d, Ichi. Imma bit mo’e observ’nt than tha’” he said and the younger shinigami bit down on his lips.

“So what if I’m scared? It’s my first time, idiot. It feels like I’m some fucking teenager accidentally clicking on a porn-site for the first time. Just because I’m nervous doesn’t mean that I don’t want it” he said, sounding both defensive and embarrassed before looking somewhat dejected.

“Unless you don’t want to” he said “I mean, I know I’m not like the others you’ve slept with and I doubt I can live up to them-”  
The ginger’s sentence was cut off before he could even finish it, his back forced onto the tatami behind him as lips crashed onto his. Renji didn’t feel like listening to whatever bullshit the younger man was about to say, feeling irked about how he had compared himself to the redhead’s past lays. Ichigo mumbled surprised and slightly irked into the kiss but the redhead wasn’t letting up yet. Not until the ginger dislodged his lips to gasp when Renji grinded his hips down, sliding their erections together.

“Who cares if ya ain’t got any experience? Why woul’ I compare som’one I love wi’ som’one I didn’?” the older shinigami asked as he looked at the man below him, feeling trembling fingers dig into his biceps.

“B’sides, I ain’t gonna fuck ya. I’m gonna make love to ya. The emotions an’ reasons b’hind it ‘re completely diff’rent” he added and Ichigo bit down on his moist lower lip that was already somewhat swollen from its previous rough treatment. Renji leaned down next to the ginger’s ear, the grip on his biceps tightened in anticipation.

“Stop bitin’ yer lip, Ichi. Drives me so fuckin’ insane” he warned, his voice low and thick with arousal, the words ghosting over the shell of Ichigo’s ear. Reji revelled in the reaction his statement caused, feeling the younger male shiver underneath him with another soft whine that he would never admit to but made the older shinigami smug none the less.

“God, ya rea’y do love my voice, don’cha?” he asked while purposely sliding his lips across the shell of the ginger’s ear, hearing and feeling the younger man’s breathing hitch. Ichigo reacted so beautifully to his voice alone and the redhead couldn’t help but wonder how much he would react to his touches. The images were so vivid in his head he could almost feel the sensations and being in the position they were in wasn’t helping either. He dug his fingers into the tatami on each side next to the ginger’s head, his brows furrowing as his cock twitched inside the contains of his hakama in response to his imagination.

“Please, Ichi, if ya don’ wan’ t’is, push me awa’ now, b’fore I lose my mind” he warned, his voice sounding half-way desperate at this point. His self-control was dangerously low and the younger shinigami’s scent in his nose wasn’t helping either. Instead of pushing him away, Ichigo’s legs wrapped around the redhead’s waist, like they usually did when they were roughing around for fun. Only, this time the intentions were much different.

“’S okay. I want it. I want you, Renji” Ichigo said and Renji cursed into his ear, rolling his hips down almost forcefully. Ichigo’s spine arched from the tatami with a grunt, his hips canting to drag out the friction. Their lips crashed together again as they quickly found a rhythm, grinding their erections together. Part of Renji wanted to take it slow and sweet, but another part, a larger part, was afraid of the ginger saying stop. Not because of the rejection, but because he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to stop himself. He knew something like that was grade-A asshole behaviour, but he couldn’t help it. He wanted Ichigo just that badly and hearing the ginger give him the go ahead only made stopping that much harder.

It was like putting a plate with steaming bbq ribs in front of a starving street-dog and expecting it to listen when you tell it not to eat.

But Ichigo wasn’t telling him to stop, not even when nimble fingers undid the knot of his hakama. In fact, the ginger answered the action by sliding his hands underneath the collar of Renji’s top, pushing it off his shoulders. Renji removed the garment arm before arm, parting from the kiss only to return his lips to Ichigo’s neck. The ginger tilted his head back to give him more space. An unconscious reaction, most likely, but one that had the redhead growl in the back of his throat. In his eagerness to shed his clothes, his hand got stuck in his sleeve, leading to him just ripping the garment to get rid of it faster, not caring how bad the damage was.

Ichigo’s hands moved to the knot of Renji’s hakama, albeit shaky, to parrot what the redhead did by removing the last pieces of their clothing, leaving them completely bare to each other except for their loincloths. But considering the state they were, it wasn’t hard for them to remove those last bits as well. Renji sat back on his heels in between the ginger’s legs, appreciating the view before him without any shame. He couldn’t get enough, trying to burn the image into his mind as his eyes scanned his boyfriend, starting from half-lidded eyes above flushed cheeks. Ichigo’s tongue darted out to wet his already moist and kiss-bruised lips and Renji couldn’t help but linger onto the action before his eyes moved lower.

He took in the marks that painted the ginger’s skin, the bandages already askew and they hadn’t really started yet. But it only gave Renji more skin to mark, nipples peeking out awkwardly from between the bandages that had been stretched around lean but firm pecs. The redhead followed the line of the ginger’s torso down to his abs, licking his lips as the hills that formed his abdominal muscles, hard and eye-catching despite his rather slim waist. As his eyes scanned lower, he couldn’t help that the curtain matched the drapes, seeing a smooth cock rest on top of a cushion of bright orange curls, slightly damp from the pre-cum pearling at the tip as it twitched under Renji’s attention.

As his eyes lowered to the leg that went on for miles, tightly wrapped around his waist, his fingers tingled to touch the thin black lines that decorated the ginger’s skin. A band was inked around his shaped thighs, coiled all around the limb in a perfectly symmetric design on each thigh, matching what Renji had seen only a handful of times on the ginger’s lower back. Ichigo shifted underneath him, drawing Renji’s attention back up to see him cover his face with both arms.

“Stop staring” the younger shinigami mumbled almost incoherently into his own arm, a blush reaching down to his collarbones. Renji felt the intense urge to bite down, and because the ginger couldn’t see him, he gave into that urge. Ichigo yelped in surprise, allowing the older male to remove his arms and pin his wrists down against the tatami next to his head.

“None’f tha’, Ichigo. I wanna see yer face, I wanna kno’ wha’ I’m doin’ ta ya an’ I wan’cha ta see wha’cha do ta me. Ho’much lookin’ at ya und’rneath’ me turns me on” he said and Ichigo bit his lips again, unconsciously no doubt. Almost shyly, Ichigo’s eyes rose to meet him, a mix of arousal and nervousness swirling in his half-hidden orbs. Satisfied with the attention he got, he pecked the ginger on the lips before deepening the kiss shortly. Ichigo chased after him when they parted but Renji had different plans. He moved down the ginger’s chest, pausing at his nipples to tease them while his free hand found the younger shinigami’s erection, fingers wrapping confidently around the hard shaft.

Ichigo breathing in deeply with a noise that could be called a moan, regardless of what he said, as Renji’s hand started pumping up and down slowly. His thighs twitched with every flick of the redhead’s wrist that matched the nip he gave the nipple his lips were covering. Wetting his fingers with the pre-cum dribbling from the head of Ichigo’s cock, Renji moved his head lower once more as he did the same with his hand. Ichigo tensed up when he felt the redhead’s fingers touch the skin between his testicles and his arsehole. Renji’s eyes shot up to check his expression, seeing it pinched up but not stopping him. Renji decided to push it, kissing the weak-spot he had located before, making the ginger jolt with a gasp, the action causing his slightly damp fingers to caress the tight rim of muscles.

Like promised, Renji sucked on the skin he had just teased, marking it with another hickey he had told the ginger he wanted to place, feeling the younger man gradually relax underneath him. Or at least as much as was possible to do considering the current situation they were in with Renji on his stomach between the ginger’s legs. Ichigo’s hands lowered to the taller man’s head, fingers weaving back into the long locks that caressed his skin, clutching onto them in anticipation as the redhead continued to move his head lower, nosing at the orange curls.

“Renji!” Ichigo gasped as the older shinigami’s lips wrapped around the tip of his cock, his finger finally breaching past the rim of muscles. Hearing the ginger call his name like that was music to the redhead’s ears, but that didn’t mean that he missed how easily his fingers slid deep into the younger male’s hole. He let go of the ginger’s cock again, earning a disappointed look.

“Ya took tha’ quick’r than I thought ya woul’” Renji said and Ichigo glanced away but didn’t avert his face as he seemed embarrassed by the statement. He released a hum that might have passed as a whine when Renji wiggled his finger around, reminding him he was waiting for a reaction.

“I did it myself. How do you think Grimmjow found me that one time?” Ichigo mumbled and the redhead’s inked eyebrow twitched.

“Oh, so ya still have tha’ ability ta think ‘bout oth’r men when I’m knuckle-deep in yer ass? Maybe one’s not ‘nough fer ya?” he suggested in a tight voice that just dripped with possessive jealousy, his eyes trained on the ginger as he pulled his hand back. Ichigo looked like he was caught between soothing the redhead’s jealousy and stopping him from removing his finger, his head and shoulders both coming off the tatami below. Renji smirked smug at the moan Ichigo released as two digits were thrust up his ass, his head falling back.

“W-ait, R-renji” Ichigo stuttered, his voice a higher pitch thanks to his winded breath as he attempted to stop the redhead to apologize for bringing up Grimmjow, but Renji wasn’t letting him. Agreed, he loathed hearing the ginger talk about other men, but seeing how he was reacting to his ministrations, soothed him a bit.

“I ain’t waitin’. Ya can still talk, so it must still no’ be ‘nough fer ya” he said before ducking his head back down. Ichigo gave a soft cry as Renji wrapped his lips around the glistening head of the ginger’s cock again, swirling his tongue around the tip inside his mouth to lap up the salty pre-cum. Ichigo’s thighs jerked harshly as the redhead ate up inch by inch of his cock, until the tip hit the back of his throat. The younger shinigami’s lips were parted to take in air, letting it out as soft sounds as his head was tilted back to bare his throat. The marks Renji had placed before were high-lighted by the perspiration sliding down the ginger’s skin, glistening in the light of the undergoing sun that shone through the window of Renji’s living quarters.

Renji continued to bob his head up and down, now moving three fingers in and out of the ginger’s thigh canal, curling the digits to find the younger man’s prostate, hearing a cry when he struck gold. Ichigo’s hand shook where they were buried inside the redhead’s hair, tangled with the strands as his thighs trembled, twitching every time Renji’s mouth slid down on his cock. His brows were furrowed and the walls around the redhead’s fingers twitched uncontrolled, all signs of what Renji knew what was to come, no matter how much Ichigo tried to hold back. Renji was impressed he had held out this long, if he had to be honest.

“R-Ren! St-oh-p! I’m gonna… Ren! I’m-” the ginger tried to stop his boyfriend when he was teetering dangerously on the edge of climaxing, but Renji wasn’t stopping. If anything, he was doubting between swallowing or not, ignoring how the ginger was tugging on his hair to get him to stop pleasuring him. Renji’s decision was made when Ichigo whined, his body curling up in anticipation as his toes curled. With a last call of the redhead’s name in a final effort to get him to stop, the young shinigami blew his load. His body seized up as jets of his seed landed inside Renji’s mouth. A shaky moan left his lips as Renji accumulated most of the sperm inside his mouth, sitting back on his heels only when he was sure the ginger was finished.

Ichigo was panting exhaustedly, his limbs laying limp in his post orgasmic daze. Yet his gaze remained focussed on the redhead, his flush darkening when he watched how Renji spat out the white fluid into his hand, watching it drip down between his fingers and down his fore-arm to his elbow. Renji found himself not entirely opposed against the salty taste on his tongue, mischievously wanting to tease his boyfriend a little more by lifting his hand and catching the deviant trail of sperm at his elbow. Ichigo shivered as he bit his lip, watching the action without being able to avert his eyes.

“Wanna continue?” Renji asked and the ginger nodded, a little more eager than he would ever admit. The older shinigami responded with a curt nod, anticipation coiling in his gut as he lowered his hand to his own cock, hissing in delight at the contact, spreading the warm fluid over the length of it. Ichigo’s breathing hitched as he watched the redhead lather himself, hoping that it would be enough to help him penetrate the ginger’s hole because he didn’t have the patience to go to the bedroom to get the oil. As if on instinct, the ginger’s lips spread as wide as they could go, knees hitting the tatami in a horizontal line as he reached down between his legs.

Renji held his breath as he lined up, staring at the rim of muscles that twitched against the tip of his cock, as if kissing it. A shiver ran down his spine as he pushed forward, reminding himself to go slow so the ginger could adjust, especially because there wasn’t as much lubrication as he had wanted to use for their first time. But Ichigo didn’t seem to mind all that much, his head thrown back with closed eyes and a furrowed brow, his breath passing his lips in forced deep breaths, as if he too was reminding himself to continue breathing. A low sound left him as Renji almost bottomed out, his head moving forward to rest his chin against his chest as his walls squeezed around the redhead’s cock, making him thrust in the last bit. Ichigo gasped out at the last rushed inches and Renji gritted his teeth.

“Sorry” he apologized but Ichigo shook his head, wrapping his arms around the redhead’s neck.

“’S okay. Felt good” he mumbled, his embarrassment seemingly forgotten in the sensations he was feeling. Renji was startled by his response, wondering if he was speaking the truth. But judging from how quick he seemed to adjust to the redhead’s cock inside of him, he was speaking the truth. The older shinigami couldn’t stop the shiver from running down his spine at this realization.

“Ya love cock inside ‘f ya, don’cha?” he asked, aroused beyond control and just as smug. Ichigo bit his lips as he shifted his legs to wrap around the redhead’s lower back, the action coaxing a grunt from the older shinigami in reaction to the walls that squeezed around his cock. He almost blew his load then and there.

“Just shut up and move” the ginger muttered and Renji didn’t need to be told twice despite that he wanted to continue teasing his boyfriend for his unexpected hunger for being filled. Lowering his head slightly, Renji put most of his weight on his hands next to the ginger’s head, pulling his hips as slow as he was capable of in that moment. He reversed the movement, sliding back in with little strain, in both the penetration and his own movement that was shaky as he tried not to ram into his younger boyfriend.

“Fuck, ya feel so good ‘round me, Ichi. So fuckin’ good, fittin’ snugly ‘round my cock an’ suckin’ me in like ya can’ get ‘nough” Renji breathed harshly as he pushed and pulled his hips slowly, getting used to the tempo he directed. But he doubted he would ever get over how Ichigo felt around him. How it felt to be buried inside him. Not just for the sensation, but also for the emotions it brought with it.

“I can’ get ‘nough ‘f ya either. Shit, ya drive me so crazy, it’s all I c’n do from slammin’ inta ya an’ just mess ya up until ya can’ walk tomorro’” he breathed so roughly, it could be mistaken for grunting. Ichigo wrapped his arms around the redhead’s neck, his forehead resting against the redhead’s damp collarbone.

“’S fine. I can… take it. Renji… just… faster… harder… let go” the ginger said and the older shinigami did just that. Ichigo cried out when Renji’s pelvis slapped against his ass as he rammed inside. Moans continued to fall from the ginger’s parted lips uncontrollably as the redhead continued to drag his hips back before pistoling inside from tip to base in one harsh motion. Ichigo clawed at his back, breaking the skin with his nails, but Renji couldn’t care less as his fingers dug into the thigh against his hip with bruising force. The skills that the redhead was known for seemed lost as his climax downed upon him faster than he could stop.

“Ichi! Fuck- I’m cummin’” he warned, feeling the tunnel around his cock twitch and throb in tandem with what must be the ginger’s heartbeat. Embarrassingly fast after he had uttered the words, Renji found his orgasm draw out of him, enthralled by the way Ichigo had called out his name, so breathy and so shaky, it had sounded like a desperate whine. Renji grunted as his cock throbbed inside of Ichigo’s ass, pupping out whatever was in his testicles. A drawn-out groan signalled the end of his climax as he moved to sit back on his heels, looking down at the place they were connected. Before he could fully appreciate how Ichigo’s hole swallowed him up, he took notice of the still hard erection Ichigo was sporting. The ginger jolted when Renji pulled his hips back slowly, watching the tip fall down from the rim of muscles that tried to clamp down on empty air.

“Come on, Ichi. Turn ‘round an’ get on yer knees” Renji said, managing to do so without making it sound like an order. He had a feeling Ichigo wouldn’t like it, no matter how high his orgasms made him. The ginger seemed to doubt a second before rolling over onto his stomach, pushing up to his elbows and knees tiredly. Renji wished he hadn’t asked, but at the same time, he thanked whatever god was out there for the view that had him harden again before he could even wither. He groaned at the sight of seeing his own sperm dribbling from the ginger’s reddened hole, watching it continue to twitch as if it wanted more, humming high-pitched when Renji’s fingers started playing with it, slipping inside a single digit before trailing it around the rim. But that wasn’t everything.

The bands around the ginger’s thighs weren’t just bands, but connected to the tattoo that graced the younger shinigami’s lower back. Seeing the entire piece on display showed that it was designed to be a garter belt connected to thigh garters, styled like a henna chandelier that fell over the ginger’s butt-cheeks, all the way down to the back of his knees. Renji couldn’t even bring himself to look in Ichigo’s eyes until the hand reaching back shook him out of his staring. His watched how Ichigo’s finger hooked into the hole that must still be tender, spreading it open and simultaneously allowing more of Renji’s sperm to slip from the rim trailing down to his balls in a display that was sinfully arousing. Almost as arousing as Ichigo’s flushed face as he watched him with hunger.

“Are you continuing or what?” he asked with more confidence than a few minutes ago, but the last thing Renji was going to was call him out on it. He moved to kneel behind the ginger, lining up his cock once again before sliding inside his boyfriend’s sensitive tunnel, his eyes glued to the entrancing black pearl chains that accentuated the younger shinigami’s well-shaped ass. Ichigo moaned breathily as he lowered his head to rest on top of his arms that were folded before him, his spine arching, drawing the redhead’s attention to the tattoo that almost reached the middle of the ginger’s back.

Renji couldn’t help but curse and grab a hold of the globes in front of him, groping them before moulding them in his hands as he started moving. This time, he was determined to give his boyfriend another climax before he came, watching his pelvis slap against the ginger’s butt-cheeks and how the younger man’s sensitive hole swallow up his cock effortlessly each time he plunged in. Before he could stop himself, Renji’s hand landed on the smaller man’s ass-cheek, earning a surprised gasp. However, before he could apologize or stop, Ichigo pushed back onto him. Still, Renji decided not to do anything more until he had explicit approval. Instead, he placed a hand before the ginger’s shoulders, caging in his arched body, reaching underneath Ichigo to wrap his fingers around the younger man’s weeping cock. However, it was still the redhead who ended up finishing first, despite Ichigo following soon after.

Renji panted as he rested his forehead on the ginger’s nape, the scent of blood invading his nose and making him crash down from his orgasmic height sooner than he had wanted to. As he raised his head, he immediately caught sight of the red-dyed bandage that covered the ginger’s shoulder, reminding him of the cut he had gotten from fighting Kenpachi. Renji felt himself start to panic a little while Ichigo seemed on the verge of passing out. Renji wasn’t sure if it was because he was sated, or because of blood-loss.

“Fuck! Shit, Ichi! Com’on, stay ‘wake, Ichigo” Renji said as he removed his quickly limping cock from the ginger’s spent hole with a wet suction. Ichigo mumbled something as his legs seemed to give out on him, rolling over onto his side and completely ignoring the fact that Renji was still sitting between his legs, trying to get him on his stomach so he could check the wound. Being fucked into the tatami couldn’t have done much good and Renji didn’t want to have worsened the injury just because he couldn’t control himself. Ichigo swatted at him, clearly annoyed at the redhead’s panic.

“Shut up, Ren. I’m fine. Just tired” he said, yawning as if to accentuate his words. Renji was caught between looking after the wound and looking after his tired boyfriend before he decided to do both at the same time. 

“’Kay, lemme getcha ta bed” he said before moving to pick the ginger up. He wasn’t exactly surprised by how exhausted the young shinigami was. Sex was exhausting, not to mention that he had been swamped with paperwork he had to catch up on from during the time the 13th hadn’t had anyone to fill in the position of Lieutenant. Renji himself felt pretty exhausted as well, but decided that taking care of his boyfriend took priority. Only after the younger shinigami had been cleaned up, both his ass and his wounds, Renji laid down on his futon next to him, gathering the smaller male into his arms before giving into sleep, moving the blanket to cover them from waist down.

Tomorrow, he would send Ichigo to the 4th, to make sure they hadn’t aggravated the wound with their actions, because while Renji didn’t regret it, he still worried that he had done something wrong. But that was something he could apologize for tomorrow. There were tons of things he could to tomorrow, because they had a tomorrow. And a day after that, and the one after that. They might not have forever, but they had tomorrow. They would have it for the longest time until they no longer had each other. As long as they had tomorrow, everything would work out for them, and in case it didn’t, they would still have the day after that, for however long the universe wanted them to have each other.

God, if Ichigo could hear him think so sappy, he’d never hear the end of it. But what could he say? Ichigo had him so whipped and he didn’t even mind. Not if it would be like this for the rest of their lives, whoever long them might last. 

Come what may.

Except for Rukia trying to cut off his cock for getting her Lieutenant in the 4th because he couldn’t keep it in his hakama.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you liked it! :D

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


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